Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

Bids adieu; leaves mess on table

July 8, 2009

the-end-of-the-road

This is the scene where the heroes stumble off stage right.  Which is… your.. left?

Anyway.

As some of you may have known, we’ve been contemplating a sort of blogging-career-direction decision (if there is such a thing) over the last few months. Some of us have wanted to hone our focus a little more, while others of us prefer to hang up the ol blogging boxing gloves altogther.

About a month ago, we got an offer to move over and cover college sports for a new network called Bloguin.  As professional bloggers, if you will (that phrase is quite funny when one reads it in print) we’d get an opportunity to become more involved in the sporting arenas we care about the most.  And it sounded fun.

Some of us are choosing to retire, while others are looking forward to the new obstacles and spectacles that lay ahead.

All of us, however, want to say thank you for the past 2 1/2 years on APIAS.  All the pickem scrambles, road trips, prognostications, cursing of our favorite teams, cursing in general, making fun of local and national media, and trading jabs with friends and foes alike in the comments.   If I had to guess, I’d say this site won’t go completely dead–after all, I’ll need somewhere to curse the Tigers bullpen–but at least for the foreseeable future, those of us moving on will be focused on the venture at hand.

It’s been a hell of a ride.  If we pissed you off along the way, you probably deserved it.  Sorry anyway.  It was all in fun.

If you want to come along for the shiny new ride, it can be found at Stadium Drives.

If I may, I’ll leave you with two small bits of wisdom:  “Make sure your bed is always made,” and “Keep Billy Gillispie away from your women.”

Peace, I’m outta here!

-TGC, 2SL, Smooth, and Eday
The APIAS Crew

*tear

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Brazil Beats USA in Soccer… Of Course They Do

June 18, 2009

Surprising no one in the entire world, Brazil beat the USA 3-0 in the Confederations Cup today. The USA had exactly zero shots on goal, while the Brazilians had eight (8!). Two guys who go by only one name scored for the winners. I think I have figured out the problem.

Hmm… a bunch of tiny looking guys, no? What if they looked like this..?

Can you imagine how could LeBron, Kobe and Chris Paul would be on a soccer field? Tayshaun Prince would be the best goalie since… um, I don’t know of any great goalies in soccer history. But, he’d be pretty damn good. I would almost guarantee last year’s Olympic Champion “Redeem Team” could give a better effort than the current USA Soccer “team.” Hell, we might even let Coach K coach them, if they could actually get a shot on goal.

Champions League Ends With a Bang

May 27, 2009

owIt was a match up that even non-soccer fans have heard about.  The Champions League finished up with Barcelona against Manchester United.  Two absolute titans of world soccer battled it out to the finish with Barcelona coming out on top 2-0.  Follow the jump for APIAS expert analysis of the match.

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O.J. Got Paid? Naw!

May 13, 2009

benbenChalk this up, alongside the Manny-busted-for-steroids debacle, for this week’s biggest surprise in sports.  Reports are out that a “confidant” of Mayo’s was given “a grand” by USC coach Tim Floyd to get Mayo to attend USC.  There’s already been a lot of talk about Mayo’s crew receiving large sums of cash from BDA sports firm during his pre-NBA years and now this?  Well color me surprised.

I have to take issue with a few things in this story up front.  First off, the payment was “a grand.”  Let’s look at this situation.  If USC wanted SmoothRon to come teach classes on how to Superman Ho’s an envelope with 10 Benjies wouldn’t do the trick.  And let’s be real honest, Smooth can Superman with the best of them.  He was actually a back up dancer in that video (2 years ago?).  All joking aside, if I’m getting paid to get my one-and-done buddy to come to your school we’re talking 5 figures friend.  I told Coach Cal it’d be at least that to get my boy Wall to UK but he’s playing things close to the vest right now.  Just waiting to hear back from Haith now…

Second on my list of red flags in this story is that Floyd himself made the payoff.  Now I’ve never met Tim Floyd.  His IQ may be on the level of Al Davis but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt here and say he’s a slightly intelligent man.  Given that, it’s hard to believe he would actually hand a man $1,000 in an envelope for “delivering Mayo” to him.  Unless USC runs a really weird system Floyd should have serveral assistant coaches and GA’s to handle shit like that.  I may be naive here but why would he take that chance?

Don’t get me wrong here.  There’s obviously been a lot of money thrown around in this whole business and there are a lot of questions about who got paid and where that dough came from.  But at this point are we to believe that a thousand bones really contributed to a kid of that talent level going to a sunny school in Southern California, where the ladies are reputed to be blonde and gorgeous, the weather is perfect, and you can hang with the stars every night?  I’m just not buying it, no matter how many scorned posse members want to come forward with their stories.

Out-Duked by Ronald on a Tuesday

April 21, 2009

Usually when we find and share stories around here, they are somehow sports related.  For instance, the story from ESPN.com today about Elijah Dukes (yes that one) getting $500 from a local Washington-area Little League for an appearance in which he signed a few autographs, watched a parade, and jetted. 

Not interesting?  Okay, well he ended up being late to the game, was fined $500 and suspended by manager Manny Acta. 

Still not interesting?  Well, the Little League he was visiting PAID HIS FINE FOR HIM! 

They held a fundraiser.  Of course they did.  After all, Dukes is only making $415,500 this year (ESPN).  What a guy.  Makes me wonder how a guy like that could ever threatened his wife and kids, or impregnate a 17-year old on his grandmother’s couch and throw a Gatorade bottle at her. 

As good as that story is today, I actually have one to top it.  Follow along after the jump for the headline of the week.

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Afternoon Wake Up Call: Rain Out Edition

April 20, 2009

wakeupWhen you’re baseball team plays in a small market on the West Coast you get a little fired up to watch them in prime time, HD coverage on ESPN.  It was not to be tonight as the Yanks-A’s game was postponed.  Boo the rain people.  Boo it!  Okay, the sports world goes on so we’ll tone it down a bit.

The state of Kentucky continues to watch the basketball recruting process closer than people watched the birth of a baby panda on the interwebs.  John Wall is living it up.  One day he’s going to UK, now he’s talking to Billy D, and the NBA still beckons.  He might even end up in Europe.  All I know is that this guy knows how to market the John Wall brand.  I love it.  I’ve pretty much stopped keeping up with it from day-to-day because the information changes on a daily basis, but it will be fun to see where he ends up.  UK fans are also closely following the recruitment of the Henry brothers.  They’re almost as much as an enigma as everyone knows they’re down to KU and UK but that changes constantly.  Will they visit Lexington?  Who’s knows at this point, but they’ll eventually be somewhere and that will be another fun signing for one of those universities.

Baseball is being played in a few places and a few of the web site’s teams are still going strong.  The Tigers are still first in a close Central.  The Reds aren’t playing too bad.  The A’s are in a bit of a lull offensively but the bats will wake up.  Hopefully the pitching holds out.

Golf has slowed a bit after the Masters but the Pudge Cup kicks off this week.  We might drop an update for you from time to time and let you know who’s playing adequately.  Let’s be honest, none of the guys in this league are shooting 70’s, but it’ll be fun.

The NBA playoffs are in full swing.  The Mavs and Spurs are fighting it out again tonight and I expect TGC’s boys down in Dallas to get the better of their Texas breathren before it’s over.  Duncan is hobbling and Sir-Flops-A-Lot is out for the Spurs as well.  Not looking good to pick up #5 this year for my boys in Silver and Black.  I just hope Lebron gets it from Kobe in the Finals.  I haven’t liked that guy since he stole J.R. Rider’s dunk in the Slam Dunk Contest at All-Star weekend.  Yes, the alleged rape, his general attitude, and everything else that comes with disliking Kobe does not bother me as much as him stealing the East Bay Funk Dunk to win a dunk contest.  I’ve never pretended to be sane or fair folks.  It’s just the way I am.

Our favorite thing today will be Tiger Woods 2008 on the Playstation.  TGC is fervently trying to play his way up to face off against the virtual eDayStat.  Who needs to pay 60 bones for a new game when you can play last year’s golf game for next to nothing?  The only standing rule is no one plays with Vijay Singh.  It’s get ugly if I had to tackle someone in the middle of a round.  Have a few drinks, enjoy some playoff basketball, and if you can find some baseball on TV then bless you.  Enjoy the night folks.

UK Rolls Out Red Carpet, Welcomes Coach Cal

April 1, 2009
Wednesday Morning Press Conference (Lexington, KY)

Wednesday Morning Press Conference (Lexington, KY)

Afternoon Wake Up Call: It’s Almost Over

March 31, 2009

wakeupKentucky basketball has been everywhere recently.  From the WWL to UK message boards and fan sites, the Interwebs have been abuzz with UK’s men’s basketball coaching search.  It all kicked off Friday afternoon when Billy Gillispie was officially shown the door by UK.  Since then the server for about every UK blog, fan site, and even many actual news outlets have been shitting all over themselves.

The big question remains: who will replace Gillispie at the helm?  Most reports have John Calipari of New Jersey Nets fame.  In fact, the ever-reliable Wikipedia already has him as the head coach (as of the time of this post).  ESPN still has Coach Cal as undecided so we’ll go with that today.

One thing that is absolutely true is that Cats fans are salivating at the idea of having Calipari on the sidelines next year.  A potential first ten of Wall, Meeks, Miller, Orton, Patterson, Hood, Harris, Stevenson, Galloway, and Cousins would make any fan smile.  That appears to be a strong possibility if Lee Todd and Mitch Barnhardt do indeed tap Calipari for the head man job.

There’s not much to say about this that hasn’t been discussed but let’s think for a moment what would occur if Calipari does get the job.  First, the UK-UL rivalry would ratchet up another notch as the old Memphis-UL rivalry was pretty heated when they were CUSA opponents (they’re even in a commercial together).  A second rivalry is the UK-UT showdown.  Bruce and John had turned the Memphis and Tennessee face-offs into serious games.  Just two years ago the teams were ranked #1 and #2 in the nation and playing on ESPN.  There appears to be no love loss between these two men either.  So UK’s main rivalries could be getting another shot in the arm with the addition of Calipari.

In other news (yes, there is other sports news) baseball kicks off in less than a week.  This particular blogger could not be more excited.  In fact, the old MLB.tv account will be paid up tonight to avoid any last second rush on Monday.  Can’t miss the A’s (and Tigers) first games now can we?

On the A’s front, young pitching is the name of the game.  It appears that all 5 members of the opening day starting rotation will be 25-years-old or younger.  That sure as Hell makes a guy feel old when his entire starting staff is younger than he is!  The off season acquisitions of some big name position players should give the youngsters some time to settle in, and even if they don’t there is a stable full of arms down in Sacramento just waiting for their opportunity.

The Tigers want to show everyone that 2008 was an anomaly.  With one of the best lineups in baseball again this year, and a heatly Sheffield, the Tigers will look to score in bunches again.  Offseason acquisitions of Jackson and Lyon will help push the pitching over the hump as well.  Don’t sleep on the Tigs in the AL Central this year as that race will be hotly contested again in 2009.

The Final Four also kicks off this weekend.  Give me UNC to hold off Jay Wright and his band of midgets.  Then give me Roy Boy to take down the sleigh dogs.  Just a hunch.

Our favorite thing today is going to be Pizza Hut.  This is only because it is about to be my dinner and absolutely no other reason.

That’s all for today folks.  Go out and enjoy the weather before the rain gets here.

NOTE:  While typing this ESPN has reported Calipari will take the UK job and Sheffield was released by the Tigers.  The sports world has gone nuts in the last 15 minutes.

Tuesday Afternoon Sponsor Shout-out: Urine Gone

March 17, 2009

peebgoneWe like to think we give the Interwebs quite a bit from time to time.  Laughter, insight, and a little bit of jackassery (we even have a category for it!) now and then.  What we don’t do enough of is thank the people that bring you APIAS.  That’s all going to change.

Today, we’d like to thank Urine Gone.  This wonderful little product has cleaned up many a Pudge stain (and a few of the writers around here as well).  Seriously, you can’t be around to monitor your cat, dog, or drunk friend all the time can you?  Of course not.  It even says on the label that it’s for pet or people stains.  You can’t beat that.  Remember, for those times when someone (or something) just can’t hold it, reach for Urine Gone!  You’ll be glad you did.

UT Hoops: They’re serious this time

March 12, 2009

wayne_chism_ernie1

Just as I was starting to wonder what the premier men’s basketball team in my home state was up to the night before their ’09 SEC Tourney debut, the all-knowing folks at Raycom Sports showed me.

The team is, as they should be, scouting the ‘Bama-Vandy game.

But are they representing my beloved alma mater with class and respect?  Of course.

Only Wayne Chism would know where to buy a Sesame Street “Ernie” hat.   Though, I’m still not sure if that’s better or worse than the yarmulke headband.

Oh dear.  Glad to see they’re taking it seriously this year.

Feel free to open up your weekend schedules, Vol fans.

Again.

Not pictured, Josh Tabb with 2 cell phones hanging from his left wrist and Bobby Maze in 4 gold chains and a do-rag. I’m serious.