Sandwich Pick’em Scramble: Week 1 – Awayyy we goop!

Welcome, welcome.  It is that time again!  And I for one could not be more excited.  The leaves are falling off the trees.  We’re skipping out of work earlier, and kickoff is a few mere hours away.  I can almost smell the Burgoo, I can almost taste the Jack and Pepto, and I can almost feel the orange courduroy on my legs.  It’s football time.

We’ve expanded this year from 10 to 14 participants (including one still MIA), and in doing so I have knowingly created hell for myself, and still don’t know why.  The old organizing bloggers to herding cats analogy didn’t take too long to manifest, as 8 of the 14 participants missed the initial deadline… IN THE FIRST WEEK!  What have I done?

At any rate, let’s move on to take a quick look at this year’s enhanced panel.  Returning for the Awayers:

The always lovely Tennessee-girl-gone-west, Holly from EDSBS and Snarkastic.  Glad to hear that living in LA for the past few years hasn’t erased the beautiful East Tennessee accent.

The premiere Texas Footblogger, Peter Bean from Burnt Orange Nation.   I still respect this man as much as any blogger around for taking the opportunity we’ve all wished for at one time or another and calling Paul Finebaum a motherfucker live on the air of a sports show.  Was that a sports show?

Contributor to damn near every sports publication around–including ESPN.com, Storming The Floor, and Chicago Sports Weekly–Eric Angevine (Extra P)–the only Kansas football fan living outside the state. 

Noted Kentucky Sports author and radio personality, Matt Jones of Kentucky Sports Radio and Louisville’s ESPN Radio show, Sports Night.  I still say Matt should have Kige on his show one day.

The leading man at the leading Georgia Bulldog site, dawgsports.com, T. Kyle King.  Since 2006, TKK has been runner up twice for best SEC blog in the CFB Awards, which is actually much better than the actual Dawgs have done in the SEC East over the same time frame… so that’s er… good, right?

The reigning title-holder of “Orlando’s Funniest Blogger”, actual journalist, and the self proclaimed man-about-town and all-around manimal, Burnsy–a UCF grad and fan.

Burnsy’s Cohort from pseudo-politico blog Red, White, and Dude, Benjamin Spanklin will be joining us this year as well.  Benny claims Arizona as his football team.  I guess that says something.

Meet the 2008 Homers after the jump.

Name, Rank, Team, Quote:

Eday – Returning Champ – Kentucky 
“Have you ever been so drunk you never thought you’d be sober again?”

2SL – Coach – Tennessee 
“Here’s a strategy that will get you some wins: Have better players”

BobWicket – Steamrollee – UK/Clemson
“Some people crave abuse I guess.”

Smoothron – King of the Riff Raff – Meeeschigan
“They are giving money away today!”

TheGoldfishCowboy– King of the Cave – Tennessee
“Sometimes I’m drunk, sometimes I’m not.”

Bru – Actual Journalist (newby) – Florida 
“Anyone see where I puy my jorts?”

TheW – Restaurateur (newby) – Kentucky 
“Mine is a Yosemite Sam sticker.”

Okay, enough with the intros, you guys can mix and mingle in the comments.

AWAYERS

HOMERS

This week’s best from the Aristocracy:

Since we know nothing about any of these teams yet, I’m going to pick based on “players I forgot even went to this school. -xp

NC St. @ South Carolina
Bill Cowher vs. Sterling Sharpe. Cowher can still move his neck, jut his chin, and spit every syllable. Advantage Wolfpack. -xp
Is this the year South Carolina becomes the boom bitches they were born to be?  It is not, but it’s still enough to beat the ‘pack. p/s Columbia,  you may have heard, is the Hellmouth – holly
Here’s this week’s Burnsy NCAAF trivia question: Which smooth, muscular, hetero lust magnet of a college running back opened the 2007 Div. 1A season with an 81-yard touchdown run from scrimmage against NC State?
South Carolina – However, I will refrain from witty banter.  I still consider this an exhibition game.  Football starts Saturday. -BW
South Carolina wins, because SEC players are better, probably as a result of being paid more by boosters, which helps recruiting. Plus, NC State is still an emotional wreck following the Julius Hodge shooting 5 years ago. – bru
I interviewed Spurrier at a charity golf tournament once. He stiffed the caddie on a good tip, so the caddie pissed in his golf bag.  – spanklin
The Ol’ Ball Coach can really run.  This is going to be a damned massacre. – sr
Does Julius Hodge still play at NC State? No?  Okay, gimmee the Gamecocks then. -eday

Vanderbilt @ Miami (OH)
I wonder if we’ll get any Wally Szczerbiak comments? – tgc
Is it ironic that M-OH plays in a conference that shouldn’t exist and is playing a team that should be in the MAC? – spanklin
Corey Chavous vs. Ron Zook. ZOOOK! The Redhawks crap intensity and get the big early-season W. -xp
Miami (OH) – See comment 1.  -BW
I’m torn here. On the one hand, Vandy is an SEC team (see above). On the other hand, most of their players can read and don’t have illegitimate children, so they’re only pseudo-SEC.  I’ll go with Miami, as Wally Szczerbiak has a huge game. – bru
You know you are a fifth tier SEC school when you go on the road to play Wally Sczerbiak – jones
Big Ben’s not walkin’ through thatdoor.  But Vandy still lost a serious boat load of smart kids to the NFL and graduation last year. – eday
I just saw this morning that Vandy named a quarterback. And Fred Durst and Ice Cube made a movie about her. – burnsy
Solely because the kids who play at Vandy are geniuses and the ones at Miami (OH or FL) are functioning retards. – sr

Wake @ Baylor
 Brian Piccolo vs. Mike Singletary. Singletary Scares the living shit out of me, but Piccolo has Caan, Billy Dee, and the Kansas Comet in his corner. Wake wins.-xp
The ACC blows, but c’mon it’s Baylor.Guy Morris still coaching down there? – eday
Wake – See comment 1.  -BW
I’m bearish (that’s the bad one, right?) on Wake this year for no discernible reason.  I was going to use this next sentence to segue via bears to Baylor, until I remembered I don’t write for [BLOG REDACTED]. – holly
Why would they go to Baylor?  Shouldn’t Baylor be going to Wake?  Oh, I forgot that Jim Grobe is the smartest coach alive… which is why he’s still coaching at Wake Forest. – sr
Don’t sleep on Wake Forest. Riley Skinner is a quality QB, and Alphonso Smith is one of the best cover corners in college football. Jim Grobe has his troops ready for this one, and Wake wins on the road. – bru
True story: I met a girl from Baylor on Spring Break one year in the Bahamas. She had the biggest furburg I’ve ever laid eyes on. It was gross so I had to finish fast. – burnsy

Oregon St. @ Stanford
 Esera Tuaolo vs. Tank Williams. Gay Samoan or Gun Nut? I guess I could wear a vest. Call this one for Stanford.-xp
Something tells me it could be a long year for the Cardinal.   – sr
Much as I would love to see a repeat 2007, Season Of The Opposite Day, I would really like this first week to go smoothly just to get every loudmouth in a headset/with column inches to fill to shut up about THE NEXT APPALACHIAN STATE.   Lie down, Stanford.  For all of us. – holly
For some reason, I like the Beavers. Call it instinct. – bru
Oregon St. , as they win the game with the flying V. – W
Speaking of awful beavers… see what I did there? You didn’t? I hope you die. – burnsy

Temple @ Army
This could quite possibly be the worst Division 1 football game in the history of mankind.  And if you don’t pick Army, you’re pickin’ against ‘merica. – eday
Temple – Although I am not sure how Temple will handle be a favorite for the first time this decade.  I couldn’t let that one slide. -BW
Either way, Muslims will be pissed at the result. (That’s a thinking man’s joke, which I guess is a waste since Burnsy told me you’re all Tennessee guys) – spanklin
Watching this game narrowly edged out trying to lick my own balls as something to do Friday night. – burnsy
This is the one with the mascot that looks like Darth Vader, right? – holly
Is this really a game? Considering Temple football hasn’t won a game in my lifetime, I’ll have to go with Army, who wins a nailbiter 3-2. In other news, my grass will grow that day. – bru
Dan Klecko vs. Harvey Jablonsky. Oh, I thought that said Heywood Jablowme. Never mind – Temple wins in a cakewalk. -xp
Really?  We are picking this game?  Really? – jones
Really?  Is there going to be a, “ZING!!” comment from TGC after this one? – sr

Alabama @ Clemson
Derrick Thomas vs. Brian Dawkins. Sheeit. Like a Kansas City boy like me could ever forget DT was a ‘Bama man. I’m joining the Cult of Saban on this one. Roll Tide!  -xp
Clemson is where 5 star prospects go to lose and blonde college girls go to baby trap 5 star prospects after “another disappointing loss.”  I still hate Alabama. – 2sl
SEC > ACC.  Plus, Tommy Bowden can’t win a big game unless he’s playing Florida St and his dad lets him win. – sr
CLEMSON, although Saban will win a legal battle against the school when Saban sues Howard’s Rock for rubbing his niece. – W
Yes Nick Saban lost to Louisiana Monroe, but Tommy Bowden is known as the “stupid” Bowden, which is hard to accomplish….advantage Saban – jones
I heard Ron Zook is paid in 2-for-1 Beefaroni coupons. – spanklin
CLEMSOOOOOOOOOOOOON   -BW
 
Illinois @ Missouri
Jeff George vs. Kellen Winslow. I’m giving this one to Kellen Winslow despite his role in creating Kellen Winslow, Jr. -xp
I’m a Florida fan, so that should tell you how I feel about Ron Zook’s coaching abilities. He certainly can recruit, I won’t argue that, but with no Rashard Mendhall around, the Illini won’t be nearly as good. Mizzou is a BCS title threat, and they’ll win this going away. I will be tuned in to this one to see Tigers WR Jeremy Maclin, who is flat out sick. – bru
Without Chief Illiniwek the Fightin’…(what the fuck do we call them now?  oh, right)…the Fightin’ Pipe Smokers will fall. – eday
This is about the closest thing I’ll have to St. Louis beating Chicago this year. Sad Burnsy. Sad, sad Burnsy with a mousetrap on his dick.
I’ve picked Missouri to absolutely fucking suck, so I could really use them to lose, plus if I gambled, I would bet the Illini on the moneyline. – sr

Kentucky @ Louisville
 A great game to catch if you’re hankering to get away from Jews for a day. – spanklin
Kentucky – I hope. -BW
Mildcats over Prettybirds. – holly
Just because all the rest of you bastards will pick UK.  Who the hell is going to score for UK?? – sr
George Blanda vs. Mark Clayton. Blanda played for-damn-ever. But Clayton & Duper were part of my formative years. Lou-uh-vul. -xp
Head over heart here….the Bail Bondsmen in Louisville are all UK fans and make a Saturday night raid – jones
Yes, I understand I’m a homer, but Cobb will take over QB duties and Ron English couldn’t coach against a running Quarterback if it was Lorenzen back there trying to run the option again.  – eday
Hunter “Can”well leads the Cards to victory….BOO! Worse joke of the opening weekend.- 2sl
When these schools are scheduling their early games, do they think, “Let’s plan these games early so Burnsy can get his incest jokes out of the way, and then we can go back to fucking our sisters”?
After a thrilling game last year, here’s a matchup that will appeal to exactly nobody outside of the state. Both teams have new QB’s, new WRs, and fairly low expectations. Louisville’s defense would have ranked last in my flag football league last year, but new coordinator Ron English should help. Hunter Cantwell is a solid QB, but who does he throw to? UK wins this one with good defense (I can’t believe I just said that), and a run-heavy offense to control the clock. In a related note, Derrick Caracter was just kicked off the Louisville football team. – bru

Colorado St. @ Colorado
Fratty Dan Hawkins starts things well, then goes and parties at the Pike house, brah. – sr
Joey Porter vs. Rae Carruth. Rae Carruth is a murderer. Joey Porter just hasn’t found the right victim yet. Advantage Carruth. For now. -xp
The Rams have way too many depressed Hillary voters on their rosters – jones
Who doesn’t like a green Rams helmet?- eday
Colorado and Colorado State are following the Kentucky/Louisville football rivalry by playing in week one.  Is there some sort of rule about mediocre programs playing their other mediocre rival in week one? – 2SL
 I am obligated by marriage to pull for Colorado and Maryland at all times, in exchange for my hetero lifemate’s allegiance to Texas and WFV.  FEAR THE MAJESTIC BUFFALO! – holly

Tennessee @ UCLA
Tennessee – Crompton will make the most of the first game in his home state.  West Side !  (That one’s for you TGC) -BW
Tennessee, as much as I hate to admit it. Can we get the color orange retracted from the color wheel? – W
Fat Phil!  Rick Neuheisel!  Overeaters Anonymous meeting will be held in the visitor’s locker room after the game.  GamAnon will be in home team’s. – sr
Travis Henry vs. Tommy Maddox. Maddox is the world’s only XFL MVP. But Travis is the NFL’s most fertile man. One thing’s for sure, both of them hate Trojans. Gimme…. the Vols. -xp
Worst Monday night game ever…..in the race between an ugly, fat coach and a handsome, gambling coach, football as in life, makes Ugly win – jones
UCLA over Tennessee – Gonna happen every week that UCF’s powerhouse games against South Carolina St. aren’t featured on these pick ’ems. (I’m well aware what’s coming next weekend.) – burnsy
My inner Gator will hate me for this, but the Vols win this one fairly easily. Tennessee has a stable of good backs, solid receivers, and a stingy defense with arguably the best safeties anywhere in the country. Jonathan Crompton is a new starter at QB, but he has some experience, and enough talent around him to take the pressure off him. Plus, they’re still smarting from the Cal game last year, and they’re anxious to enact revenge on the Pac 10. UCLA has…well…not much. In the time it took me to write that, they just lost another QB to injury. Rick Neuheisel may get the Bruins back among the Pac 10 elite, but it won’t be this year. – bru
The Great Pumpkin and the boys will again show West Coast hippies everywhere what it really means to play football in the South. – eday
Tennessee over UCLA – On the field and in quality of women. That’s mainly because Tennessee women are hot, have sexy accents and have the brain function of a person who wears Crocs. – spanklin
Everybody scan the Rose Bowl crowd shots for me Monday night.  I’ll be the one they’re not taking alive.  oh, god. (UT) – holly

(The answer to Burnsy’s NCAAF Trivia Question: Why Kevin “24K” Smith, of course!)