Archive for the ‘Straight Outta Crompton’ Category

FWP: New Year, Same Sh… Stuff

January 2, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Happy New Year, APIAS enthusiasts!  2009 has arrived; and not much has really changed.  I usually put some sort of build-up for the week in this spot, but things are going to be just a touch different.  I had totally intended to write a “Smoothron’s Top 10 Moments that Had to do With Sports that I was a Part of,” post, but that never happened.  And by part of, I mean watched… or saw or… whatever.  Well, really quick, here’s a short list:

  • USA Basketball Team Gold Medal Game: Bru and I were more excited about this game than anything else that happened all year.  I made the trek to NKY so we could watch together.  Lots of beers, one hell of a game, some drunken tears shed after the game and seeing the sun rise.  One hell of a night.
  • First Saturday of Keeneland Spring Meet -> Final Four Games:  The whole APIAS crew was around for this one.  We had the craziest tailgate of all time, won some cash at the track and later that night there might have been some basketball games on television.  TGC, 2SL and I also participated in the greatest session of texting about a girl in the same room ever.  1984 UK Basketball sweatshirt is all I need to say.
  • Music City Bowl: Technically, this was the last day of 2007, but it was a LONG day of drinking which led to 2008.  APIAS friend, Boski, and I made the trip to Nashville and met up with some people.  We got $10 tickets from a homeless couple and never made the 4 mile trek up to our seats.  After the game, all my friends bailed on me while I paid $40 to go into a shitty bar.  The things I will do for college girls in hot pants… ahh, memories.
  • First Saturday of College Football: There was a 9AM breakfast for the ages, which only could have been better if someone had made some damn eggs!  There was so much hope back then for all our teams.  Maybe RichRod would have Michigan ready.  Maybe Crompton was the answer for the Vols.  Maybe Mike Hartline could pick up where Woodson left off.  No, no and no.  Anyways, there was a ton of beer consumed that first Saturday.  The kitchen at APIAS headquarters looked like a damn war-zone afterwards.
  • BobWicket’s Bachelor Party: There was an NCAA Football 09 tournament, a golf outing, a cornhole tournament and 14 guys in their mid-twenties screaming at the television when Michael Phelps won his eighth (8TH!) gold medal.  Add that to the 3,000 beers drank and the “Roast of BobWicket,” and this was an all-time weekend. 

Enough of the looking back, it’s the first FWP of 2009!  Let’s roll!

  • BCS or no BCS, the Song Girls are #1.
    BCS or no BCS, the Song Girls are #1.

    USC will deserve to be playing Florida next Thursday.

     

      They were REALLY impressive last night against Penn State.  The Trojans were dominant on both sides of the ball, even after Joe McKnight got hurt and was out for the better part of the game.  All the bitching will never stop until there’s some sort of playoff, but USC and Florida are the two best teams in the country and should be playing instead of Oklahoma.  Also, Song Girls.

  • The Celtics will make a terrible decision.  Boston is supposedly looking into signing Stephon Marbury.  How is this possible?  Why would they want to do that?  This guy has killed every locker room he’s ever been in, and now the best team in the league wants to sign him?  He’s going to back up Rajon Rondo… and not bitch about it?  Don’t they already have Sam Cassell to bitch about not playing?  And, don’t give me the, “Their locker room is too strong to be broken, kind of like the Patriots with Randy Moss,” argument.  Doc Rivers couldn’t wash Bill Belichick’s half sweater.
  • Mid-major football programs will be humiliated.  First, Boise State lost their bid for a perfect run.  Now, Alabama will lay the wood to Utah.  I watched Utah play a few times this year and they definitely don’t have SEC speed.  I expect Julio Jones to not be tackled tonight.  Also, I watched Utah only beat Michigan by two points.  Michigan wasn’t very good this year, hell, Toledo beat them by more than two.  If this game isn’t within 4 TDs, I vote no non-BCS conference team can play in BCS games any longer.  Agreed?  Thanks.
  • With Anna around, Kris was a little better.
    Hooray, Anna!

    Derek Lowe will wake up and sign with the Mets.

     

      Hello, Derek?  It’s me, Smoothron.  I’d like to remind you that no one is really interested in you except for the Mets right now.  Also, our country is in a serious recession and the $12 million bucks they are offering is ridiculous for our economy.  Take the deal!  Seriously, the Mets need you.  If not, New York may have to go with Kris Benson again.  Or, on second thought, if he brings wife Anna with him, that might not be so bad.

  • All four road teams will not win this weekend in the NFL.  First of all, two rookie QBs aren’t winning on the road in the playoffs.  So, the Cardinals and Dolphins are winners already.  Secondly, Tarvaris Jackson is not winning a playoff game in the NFL no matter where they play it.  The Eagles are winners.  Lastly, Peyton Manning isn’t losing.  You want to know why?  Because I took him first overall in my postseason fantasy league.  If you know me and my hatred of Manning, this is a big deal.  The Colts are winners.  Two road teams win, two don’t.  Bet on those.
  • Tennessee will sneak out of Phog Fieldhouse with a win.  It won’t be pretty, but Bruce and the boys will not lay another egg like they did a few weeks ago on a Saturday afternoon on ESPN.  Kansas is down, but not terrible and will provide some trouble for UT, but they’ll be tough down the stretch and get a W.  Life will be good, and TGC will be drunk.  Everybody wins.
  • My new girlfriend, Kaley, will be cheering for the Cats.
    Kaley loves the Cats.

    Billy Gillispie will beat the Cards, then sleep with your girlfriend.

     

      It’s time for the biggest rivalry the Cats have.  No offense to Florida or recently Tennessee, but Louisville is the biggest rival for UK.  It will definitely not be easy for the Cats, now that the Cards are coming off an embarrassing home loss to UNLV.  It’s never good to have to play a Pitino team after a bad loss.  Practices after losses like that were staples when he was at UK.  I still think UL was overrated to start the year (by the experts and myself) and they don’t play as a team.  Edgar Sosa absolutely kills any offensive flow they have and will probably end up making Ricky P. bald.  Cats get five-point win in the Ville.  I hate the Ville and I think that’s a sentiment held by all of APIAS.  Oh yeah, after the game, Billy G. will be ready to go.  Hide your special lady!

There you have it.  First one of 2009 and it felt a lot like 2008 and 2007.  Did we even do this in 2007?  Go out and continue celebrating the new year.  The Cats play football in about 2.5 hours and I have a half of a keg left to drink.  Cheers!

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Sandwich Pick’em Scramble: Week 1 – Awayyy we goop!

August 28, 2008

Welcome, welcome.  It is that time again!  And I for one could not be more excited.  The leaves are falling off the trees.  We’re skipping out of work earlier, and kickoff is a few mere hours away.  I can almost smell the Burgoo, I can almost taste the Jack and Pepto, and I can almost feel the orange courduroy on my legs.  It’s football time.

We’ve expanded this year from 10 to 14 participants (including one still MIA), and in doing so I have knowingly created hell for myself, and still don’t know why.  The old organizing bloggers to herding cats analogy didn’t take too long to manifest, as 8 of the 14 participants missed the initial deadline… IN THE FIRST WEEK!  What have I done?

At any rate, let’s move on to take a quick look at this year’s enhanced panel.  Returning for the Awayers:

The always lovely Tennessee-girl-gone-west, Holly from EDSBS and Snarkastic.  Glad to hear that living in LA for the past few years hasn’t erased the beautiful East Tennessee accent.

The premiere Texas Footblogger, Peter Bean from Burnt Orange Nation.   I still respect this man as much as any blogger around for taking the opportunity we’ve all wished for at one time or another and calling Paul Finebaum a motherfucker live on the air of a sports show.  Was that a sports show?

Contributor to damn near every sports publication around–including ESPN.com, Storming The Floor, and Chicago Sports Weekly–Eric Angevine (Extra P)–the only Kansas football fan living outside the state. 

Noted Kentucky Sports author and radio personality, Matt Jones of Kentucky Sports Radio and Louisville’s ESPN Radio show, Sports Night.  I still say Matt should have Kige on his show one day.

The leading man at the leading Georgia Bulldog site, dawgsports.com, T. Kyle King.  Since 2006, TKK has been runner up twice for best SEC blog in the CFB Awards, which is actually much better than the actual Dawgs have done in the SEC East over the same time frame… so that’s er… good, right?

The reigning title-holder of “Orlando’s Funniest Blogger”, actual journalist, and the self proclaimed man-about-town and all-around manimal, Burnsy–a UCF grad and fan.

Burnsy’s Cohort from pseudo-politico blog Red, White, and Dude, Benjamin Spanklin will be joining us this year as well.  Benny claims Arizona as his football team.  I guess that says something.

Meet the 2008 Homers after the jump.

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Paging The General: 12 Days

August 20, 2008

As we enter the home stretch of Summer into the open arms of early fall (or.. well… more Summer in LA, as it were) we must keep our eye on the ball, our mind focused on the Clawfense, and… our Latte’s hot and strong?

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Paging The General: 52 Days

July 11, 2008

The Dog Days of summer are upon us, the All-Star Break is next week, and somewhere in West Knoxville a man and his boat just parted ways for the mid-summer cleaning.  One day soon they will be reunited and will charge forth across Ft. Loudon Lake towards the shiny beacon on the north coast of “The River”.  And that day he will join his companions… in the 2008 Vol Navy.

52 days til Manifest Destiny on the West Coast, a new suit for Wu, and all my rowdy friends coming over.

“Volunteer Football 2008 – Straight Outta Cromtpon”