Archive for the ‘Beer’ Category

FWP: Sunglasses at Night Edition

June 19, 2009

fwpFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It’s 8AM, I’ve been at work for two hours and I am ready to go home. Hopefully, a little FWP will help pass the time until noon or whenever I deem a good time to head home. One place I will not be heading is to Louisville for “Downs After Dark” tonight. Yes, Churchill Downs, home of the most famous horse race in the entire world, will try out night racing for the first time tonight. My guess is that it will be a racing success and a social disaster. From a racing standpoint, it’s an absolute no-brainer. We’re in a terrible economy, where discretionary income is lessened every day. For many people, that means they won’t be able to go out to drink and gamble like they might once have. Well, when you put horse racing on a Friday evening, people can use their dinner money for drinking and gambling (much like I do everyday). Crowds will be absolutely killer and Churchill has already jacked up their admission prices to ensure they make every last dime they possibly can. Also, let’s not forget that you cannot watch Churchill on television live… anywhere, not on TVG or HRTV or even HGTV. So, the hardcore gamblers (the ones with jobs at least) will finally be able to actually see the races they are betting on. That is the part with this that I am totally on board, a homerun. Now, to the part that is going to suck: the people that are going to be there. One thing that Churchill Downs prides itself on (except for the Derby, of course) is their crowd is mostly people who are there for the races. It’s not like a Keeneland crowd where people go for drinking, socializing and to show off their new dress (Bru). Well, now it is going to be “the place to be seen.” I would say there will be a lot of dudes wearing their sunglasses at night (video below). Granted, Churchill doesn’t care who shows up as long as they get their $10 from each person through the turnstile, but that’s not a scene I want to be a part of. If Douchebag-Facebook-Status-Updates are any indication of the types of losers that are going to be there, I’ll be fine sitting on the couch with Blevs and Turner doing my gambling from 76 miles away. Lastly, Nick Nicholson better not be getting any ideas.

No choice but to move on, let’s do this.

  • elinwoodsTiger Woods will dominate the US Open. Bru and I went double-or-nothing on our car bet from last year. If you’re new, Bru and I bet last year on the number of majors that Tiger would win. The O/U was 1.5. He took the over and lost, I took the under and won his car. I decided to let him double down. As TGC pointed out in the early spring, “Bru, in about 10 years, you might be opening Smoothron’s Ford dealership.” Fine by me. Also, we all love Elin, Tiger’s sexy, Swedish, nanny wife. Well, done Tiger… as if you didn’t have enough going well in your life.
  • The NHL Playoffs will continue being irrelevant. Um, excuse, someone is telling me something. What’s that? They’re actually over? Oh, I would have thought someone would have said something about that. In all seriousness, I watched the last ten minutes of Game 7 last Friday night. Hockey just doesn’t do it for me. The only hockey story of note this year was that one guy calling Elisha Cuthbert his sloppy seconds. That made hockey important for about six hours.
  • Jodie Meeks will pray and pray and then pray some more. On Monday, Jodie crushed Big Blue Nation by not returning to UK and opting to keep his name in the draft. I really wish the best for Meeks, he was a bright spot on a very rough 2008-09 season, but this is a bad decision. After Meeks’ breakout performance against Tennessee (did you see that game, TGC?), defenses keyed on him. He struggled many times to get shots off against mediocre SEC defenses. I think he could have gotten quite a bit better under Calipari this year, especially his ball handling, but he’s gone. Now, Jodie will just have to hope and wait that some team will draft him in the first round where he will be guaranteed a contract. If not, he might want to brush up on his Arabic.
  • oliviawildeYear One will usurp The Hangover and become the #1 movie in America. Have you heard of Year One? It’s the movie that was advertised every f*#%ing commercial break during the NBA Finals. Michael Cera is one of the funniest people on the planet, but even I got a little sick of his “I’m awkward and don’t know what to say about sports” schtick at some point. The producers and studio must be praying this movie opens well or many heads will roll. The best part of the movie has to be that it features the uber-hot Olivia Wilde. Oh, Olivia, look how far you’ve come since you were playing hot, bi-curious Alex on The OC.
  • Bruce Pearl will prepare for an odd appearance in the coming week. NBA TV has hired Pearl as a Draft Analyst for the week. I don’t mean to rip on Tennessee too much this morning, but in what world does this make sense? Does Pearl, the basketball coach at UT, give NBA TV a big draw? More Vol fans would watch if Lane Kiffin were giving his analysis than Pearl. Thankfully, Bruce tweeted to let us know that he will be wearing a shirt.
  • Donte’ Stallworth will just be chilling in the clink. I’m not positive if clink is still used to describe prison, but it makes me seem like I have street cred. You would think, with all the media there is these days, that someone would compare the Mike Vick case to the Stallworth case. You know, because the two are so very similar. Either way, this really sucks for everyone involved. What? Stallworth went to Tennessee? Oh man, TGC is going to beat me.
  • lakergirlsThe second worst NBA Champs of the decade will keep celebrating. Yes, 2009 Lakers, you just beat out the ’06 Heat to NOT be the worst Champs of the 2000’s. How bad was that Heat team? DWade, Shaq and a bunch of clowns. Antoine Walker and Gary Payton got valuable minutes for that team. In reality, the teams are very similiar. They each have a superstar guard (Wade/Bryant), an aging PG (Payton/Fisher), a great big man (O’Neal/Gasol), an athletic swing man who can defend (Posey/Ariza) and an enigmatic pothead (Walker/Odom). I will give the Lakers the benefit of the doubt because I don’t think Dwyane Wade would shoot 573,829 free throws again. Hopefully, Garnett will return to form and LeBron will get some help next year so we can get away from non-memorable champions.

Hey, it’s almost 9:30 and I haven’t done anything at work so I better pretend to work for thirty minutes or so. Get by a pool, play some golf, hug your dad, help W move and drink one for me. Weekend!

Memorial Day Weekend; Bull Durham style

May 23, 2009

Ah yes, a long weekend filled with baseball, beer, hotdogs, and racing.  The Tigers are on a winning streak and Tony Stewart is feelin’ the flow in Charlotte. Let’s have some fun goddamit.

And don’t forget to let a stranger drive you around (and sing Biz Markie) if you have a few too many cold beverages.

Oh yeah, it wouldn’t be the same unless I left you with a weekend-song-stuck-in-head. Here you go, you magnificent bastards! Wear those bad-boys all weekend.

FWP: ’09 Memorial Day Weekend Edition

May 22, 2009

fwpFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It’s about 10AM on Friday morning as I begin to write this. Yes, I am at work. Yes, I am on the clock. No, I don’t care that I am stealing money. There, I’m glad we got that cleared up. I’d like to clear something else up as well. It is very fun to talk about recruiting rankings, especially now that UK is being talked about as having one of the great recruiting classes of all time, but they don’t a damn thing. The Fab Five from Michigan is hailed as the greatest recruiting class ever; how many NCAA Titles did they win? Zero. Isn’t that what it’s all about? The Fab Five were awesome and they revolutionized basketball, but they never won a title so why do we consider them so great? Let’s look at 2004, another great time for Kentucky recruiting. Tubby Smith (who is lambasted for his “poor” recruiting) landed the top class in the country according to Rivals.com‘s rankings. That class never got past the Elite Eight (which they did as freshmen) and was filled with turmoil the years they were there. Randolph Morris played the Hokey-Pokey (one foot in…one foot out) with the NBA before finally bolting for good and Rajon Rondo was percieved as selfish during his two years in Lexington. The two guys who made it all four years at UK, Joe Crawford and Ramel Bradley, were forced to play with lackluster talent after their classmates left for the league and struggled mightily their senior year with new coach Billy Gillispie after Smith left for Minnesota. I’m not trying to be a buzzkill and I think UK’s class this year is totally different, mainly because their won’t be a huge talent dropoff in next year’s recruiting class, but let’s keep our expectations tempered UK fans. Enough with the ranting, let’s do this…

  • jillnuggetsThe Lakers will lose two games in Denver. LA is in big, big trouble. They struggled with a Houston team that didn’t have its stars and have been outplayed the first two games against Denver. I know I’m not the first person to say to say this, but their point guard play is awful. Derek Fisher is a shell of the guy who was there earlier this decade. He is absolutely killing them right now. And, somehow, the Nuggets are outplaying them in every facet of the game. Where did the Nuggets come from? I have no idea, but I feel like they’re here to stay… at least for this year.
  • The Mets will get humiliated in Boston. The Mets cannot score runs anymore. Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado both get hurt and the runs stop going on the board; it’s not a coincedence. Now, they have to go play an AL team that puts up runs in its sleep. I’m sure Santana will be a stud tonight, but expect the Red Sox to put up about 746 runs on Saturday and Sunday. Things were great when the Mets went 16-4 over a 20 game stretch, things could get really ugly soon.
  • People will talk about hockey? I have this sneaking suspiscion that ESPN will soon be airing hockey again. They have led SportsCenter with it in the last couple weeks, on the same night as good NBA Playoff games. The WWL is slowly trying to drum up interest again in a bad product. Hockey sucks and Southerners don’t care about it. Please, spare us all.
  • laylakiffinLane Kiffin will commit a minor NCAA infraction. I can’t say exactly what it will be this time. Will it be an inappropriate tweet? Will he call out another SEC coach? Will he Superman some ho? Who knows? The only thing I know is that my UT friends are hoping his bark is like his bite… or just that the Vols win some football games this fall. Sidenote: his wife is still smoking hot.
  • Jake Peavy will not want to come to your city. Think about if you are Jake Peavy. You are 28 years old, you are a millionaire and you live in San Diego. You are living the dream about as well as anyone can live the dream. Why in the hell would you want to move to Chicago, especially if you have to play for crazy ass Ozzie Guillen? You would stay in San Diego unless some team came with a hell of a deal and was definitely going to contend for the World Series.
  • LeBron will tell his teammates to stop standing around. What the heck happened the other night? The Cavs were clicking for the first half, kicking absolute ass in the first half; the next thing you know, the Magic have chipped away at the lead and end up winning. Their offense was stagnant at best for the entire second half, though. It was awful, and LeBron looked pretty frustrated. I would hope that Mike Brown, who is an inept thief the NBA’s Coach of the Year, would be able to get things figured out. The Cavs win the next two games… easily.
  • The Indy 500 will run. Is there a less relevant sport in the USA right now than Indy racing? Hell, I would watch hockey over this crap. But, it will be all over your TV on Sunday afternoon. Enjoy!
  • calipariJohn Calipari will come to your BBQ, shake hands, kiss babies and still not sleep with your girlfriend. This guy is almost invincible and he’s yet to coach a game. He convinced the #1 PG/player in the country to come to UK after he’d already gotten the #3 PG to come (yeah, I know I’m going against my rant above), he sends out about 15 tweets a day to his 75,000+ followers and seems to be a genuine guy. All this comes before he coaches a game. Wait until he finds out what happens when he loses to Gardner-Webb.

Yes! Weekend! Long weekend! Pools opening! Go have the greatest weekend and always remember to be better.

FWP: I’ve Missed You All

May 15, 2009

fwpFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

I guess it’s been a while since I did one of these bad boys (that’s what she said). I think I did FWP last in March, the month before April – the month that Keeneland is open. Keeneland was absolutely insane, 30,000+ people were there the last two Saturdays which makes the place almost not that fun. Of course, saying Keeneland isn’t fun would be like saying a date with Smoothron isn’t fun; and if I had been on a date in the last six months, I’m sure the nice, young, cougar would tell you I’m huge… I mean great. There has been a lot of stuff going on in the last month or so that we need to catch up on. The baseball season has gotten in full swing, a certain basketball coach has begun tweeting the day away, the NBA Playoffs are as good as they’ve been in my lifetime, the NHL Playoffs are trying to be relevant but can’t and we’re in the middle of the Triple Crown. To mark my return, this could be the longest FWP of all time. Fasten your safety belts, ladies. Yep…

  • vanessabryantKobe Bryant will come out with an epic performance in Game 7. After last night’s stinkbomb, isn’t another thrashing in the cards for the Lakers? The Rockets can’t play well two games in a row, no matter how much we all want to see a team that has lost Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming beat the best team in the Western Conference. Also, can you imagine how pissed the NBA would be if Houston played Denver in the Conference Finals? Goodbye ratings! Oh well, Lakers win big. Vanessa Bryant approves almost as much as we approve of her… and her forgiving heart.
  • TGC and EDay will come to fisticuffs. Oakland and Detroit only play twice during the regular season and the MLB chose the weekend that EDay and TGC would be out of town with big internet questions. MLBTV may not be in the cards for one of the biggest weekends of the season for my two compadres and that makes me said… until I remember they’re playing 72 holes of golf this weekend. Then, I want to vomit.
  • Kasey Kahne will win the All-Star NASCAR dealio Saturday night. I opened up the NASCAR website and he was the first person I saw. I have no reason to believe he will do anything well this weekend, mainly because NASCAR has regressed more than any sport in these tough economic times. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I haven’t heard anything about car racing this spring. Come on, rednecks, show your support and give NASCAR some more cash! Also, I don’t think Kahne has a hot significant other, no picture.
  • MariaVerchenovaaria Verchenova will begin her reign to rule the world. How to rule the world in three easy steps: 1) Be born attractive. 2) Be good enough at golf to move the hell out of Russia. 3) Date Smoothron. Check, check and… almost check. Apparently, everyone just found out about Maria and we should expect nothing less than the Kournikova/Sharapova/Williams Sisters  treatment. You’ll probably all be sick of her soon enough, as Mrs. Smoothron and I grow old together.
  • The Celtics will win their second Game 7 of the 2009 Playoffs. It’s absolutely remarkable that the Celtics will end up playing 28 games in two rounds in two years of playoffs. I’m almost sure that last sentence made sense too. The Magic are just losers, plain and simple. No player on that team has ever won anything memorable in their entire career. Hell, their coach won an NBA Title and then was run off by his players. Good effort, Orlando, now go back to being irrelevant. Please.
  • Brett Favre, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez and Michael Phelps. I don’t have anything to say here, but I bet you every dollar I have ever made you hear at least two of these names this weekend.
  • The New York Mets will not give Johan Santana any run support. The guy has lost two games this year. He has given up zero (0) (that looks like a boob, haha) earned runs in those two losses. You’ve got to be kidding me. I understand batters seeing their starting pitcher throwing darts and not going their hardest, but my gosh, the guy has lost two games and done nothing wrong! Be better, hitters.
  • JT will win Survivor. What? No one watches this show anymore? Well, it still sucks me in every f*#&ing time. This season was actually pretty good, oh who am I kidding, no one cares.
  • Friesan Fire will win the Preakness. He may have run 18th (out of 19) in the Derby, but this is still a champion horse. My buddy, Ludt, wouldn’t run him if it weren’t a real possibility that he could win. That’s at least what I will tell myself when I’m with all the other scum bastards at the Drive-Thru Betting line tomorrow.
  • ukcheerleaderJohn Calipari will tweet you, but not sleep with your girlfriend. Wow, I didn’t think I’d say that last part about a UK Basketball coach so soon. But, Calipari has come to Lexington and absolutely taken over the city and state. He’s on Twitter giving people motivation, he’s recruiting the #1 class in America, he’s getting Patrick Patterson to come back to school and he’s trying to take over China. He’s a hell of a guy in my book. It also helps me feel better that if I ever date again, the coach of my favorite basketball team won’t try and rail my special lady.

Enjoy your weekend, people. Whether you’re playing golf, coaching basketball or killing your liver… make it the best it can be. Sorry, all of Calipari’s motivational tweets must have gotten into me there.

FWP: I’ll Take A Crack At This

May 1, 2009

fwpFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Well it’s been about a month since the last FWP.  Keeneland has come and gone, baseball has started, and the Pudge Cup is off to a rousing start (unless you shot over 110 the first two weeks).  It’s about time we looked into the magic ball and gave you fine folks some visions.  Pudge will assist on this one.

hueThe Derby will come and go and no animals will be harmed during the filming. That’s right, no horses are going down this year.  With all the bad press following horse racing the last couple of years by the animal activist people expect trainers and event staff to play it safe this year.  No horses will be running with a bum leg and I don’t think the jockeys will push as hard.  Then again, who am I to predict that, it’s Derby time and all Hell is likely to break loose.  If you venture into that wretched mess this weekend enjoy the scenery and take your umbrella.

The A’s will be back near .500 at the end of the weekend. Hey, it’s just a hunch but I think they’ll take at least two from the Mariners on the road.  Dana Eveland will take his bearded self in tonight and throw a good game to start off the series.  After that, it’ll be a war but the division leading Mariners are due to flub one up.  Plus the A’s need some good news some time this week.

Ricky Hatton will own a small Phillipino in the ring. We don’t blog about boxing nearly as much as we wish we could on this site but this is the biggest fight of the year.  Pacquiao has been good in the past but he just doesn’t seem as hungry as he was in the past.  Hatton will throw with anyone and I’m predicting Hatton will lay the lumber on Mah-Mah-Manny on Saturday.

The Celtics will win game 7 in 4 overtimes at home. Are you serious with this series?  I stop by TGC’s last night after softball thinking I can watch 7 minutes of basketball and go home.  Wrong!  This series has seen about 93 overtimes in 6 games and game 7 shouldn’t disappoint.  Give me the Celtics in the Garden in a big game 7 any day.  That is unless Salmons goes off again.  In that case give me the Celts in 6 overtimes.

billyglastBilly Gillispie will hang around Lexington long after his time is over and still attempt to sleep with your girlfriend. Rumors of Billy sightings are almost more rampant than when he was initially hired around Lexington right now.  People see him at Two Keys for God’s sake!  Where next Billy?  Perhaps you’ll stop in at McArthy’s for a Guiness?  Maybe a little trip to the Tin Roof?  The man may be on stage at the Penguin this weekend, who knows?  All you do know is that Coach Cal better keep his daughter far away from this man.

That’s all this week folks.  SmoothRon is gearing up for Keeneland tomorrow for Derby, TGC is on the road to K-Town for a celebration, and 2SL is celebrating life as usual.  You should do the same and have a fantastic Derby weekend.

APIAS Road Trip: Detroit Holy Shit

April 29, 2009
That's why its antihero comes in a convenient cup

That's why its antihero comes in a convenient cup

Well, we’re back. Barely. Somewhere between Detroit and Toledo the brakes on the ‘Rango decided to… what’s the word here… FALL OFF THE FUCKING CAR! So that was awesome. A trip that took us right at 5 hours (and one big air high five to Big Butter Jesus) to get there returned at approximately 7.5 hours. But hey, you guys don’t care about the rolling death trap we charted through three storms and endless Dayton traffic anyway.

You’re sitting there thinking, wrap it up, TGC, where’s the recap… where’re the pictures?  Okay okay.  I’m getting to that.

First let me ramble a little bit about the Greektown Casino.  This story ends with it being my fault for continuing to open my wallet up and pull money out, but before that, let’s go over the details.

(more…)

FWP: The enormously long trumpet thing edition

April 3, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

That special time of the year is finally upon us.  It is opening day at Keeneland.  A week ago I promised you an in-depth preview from resident horse racing/tailgating guru Smoothron.  Of course, he’s already at the track this morning, and when I followed up via text message I received this in return: “It got deleted somehow.  I don’t have the heart/sobriety to start over.”

It was 10:32am.

Last call for bets!

Last call for bets!

For the rest of us trapped in offices and cubes today, we’ll be venturing out tomorrow, dressed to the nines, to experience the short dresses, magnificent beasts, overpriced Bud Light, warm cups of Burgoo, betting lines with TSH and Santa, and “Meet Me At The Clock.”

By the way, what is that really long trumpet thingy called anyway?

On to the predictions!

Keeneland will see its first TGC-Break-Even day since 2006.  For those of you unfamiliar, that means winning enough on the ponies to cover beer, burgoo, and lost wager costs.  It is a seldom accomplished feat, but not unprecedented.  I’m feeling good about it this year!

John Calipari will referee an intrasquad game. As many of you know, Kentucky hired Coach Cal away from Memphis this week, and as his first order of post-double-press conference action, he–of course–held practice.  According to sources inside my local thirst quenching establishment, he’s committed to having spots for any senior that wishes to return.  No, that does not include you Josh Harrellson.

Sorry Eday, Kotsay (s wife) is in Boston.

Sorry Eday, Kotsay ('s wife) is in Boston.

The Tigers, Mets, A’s, Cubs, and Reds will all win their Opening Day games.  Yes! You are God Damn Right.  Baseball season is here!  We made it!  The long boring month of February between Football and Baseball is over.  March Madness is wrapping up.  Clear out a spot for me on the patio!  It’s baseball time! 

Smooth will ask me if I put up a picture of a hot chick.  Yes.

Nate Robertson will run out of tissues.  The same Nate Robertson who tallied a 6.35 ERA (highest in the bigs for starters pitching over 162 innings) last year.  The same who gave up 5 runs in 3 innings last week.  The same who is making a guaranteed $17 million.  The same who lost his job as a starter (finally!) and is now crying that he needs to go somewhere else to be appreciated (I’m thinking Toledo).  Grow a sack Nate.  Or learn how to pitch.  Either way, STFU.

Well, it’s almost noon here on the East Coast.  The sun is starting to peek through the clouds.  The first post call (with the trumpet thing) is due in about an hour.  And I’m sure somewhere Smoothron is shuffling little squares of white paper in between brews and hourly shots of moonshine.

I’ll see you there tomorrow morning at 9am.

I can’t wait.

FWP: What My Cousin’s Friend’s Brother’s Nephew Heard Edition

March 27, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Sorry about last week.  I’m sure you didn’t miss me.  You were probably at your favorite sports bar just like I was all Friday long.  I would loved to have pulled the laptop (labtop) out at BW’s and write this, but our waitress was smoking hot and I felt I would have ruined my chance if I’d done that (I didn’t get her number).  Anyway, we’re knee deep in the NCAA Tournament and if you live in Central KY, you couldn’t care less about the games.  There is a soap opera going on with your favorite basketball team and you need to know what’s going on.  Thankfully, this may all be coming to an end.  I doubt this will stretch out too much longer.  I would say Billy G will be gone by the end of today (Friday).  While we’re here, let me weigh in on this mess real quick.  First off, Gillispie deserves another year at least.  The product on the court hasn’t been good enough and he’s made an ass out of himself and the program, but people are given second, third and fourth chances all the time.  But, I am also glad that my favorite team doesn’t stand for mediocrity.  A first-round exit from the NCAA Tournament and an NIT bid are not good enough for UK Basketball.  0-2 against Louisville isn’t good enough.  2-2 against Florida isn’t good enough.  2-2 against Vanderbilt isn’t good enough.  3-1 against Tennessee isn’t good enough… okay, maybe that is, but I had to get the shot in.  The bottom line is, UK has tradition and the administration wants things to be better.  You can lose, but if you are a great guy you might keep your job.  You can win and be an asshole and possibly keep your job.  You cannot lose and be a social enigma.

Mercifully, the good Lord has provided us with sports to take our minds off of this disaster.  Twelve NCAA teams will become four, Tiger is playing good golf right before the Masters, baseball spring training hits the home stretch and NASCAR is at Martinsville.  I’m at work, pretending to work… let’s see how long this can be.

  • You will develop a Pavlovian response to the sound of your phone vibrating on your desk.  Okay, maybe that one is just me.  Seriously, today is one of those days where you can never get too many, “You heard anything yet?” texts.  I am more the fan of the fake text.  If you send something like, “BREAKING NEWS: Gillispie out!  Adolph Rupp to coach next season,” you can usually get a rile out of people.  Plus, the Baron appreciates your thoughts on a day like this.
  • louisville-girlLouisville will walk to the Final Four.  How can they be stopped?  T-Will, Edgar (and the guy who paints his hair on everyday), Samardo and Earl see a title in their future.  Ricky Pitino is the best coach in the country and will out-wit both Russ Pennell and Bill Self.  It’s time to start thinking about a party on 4th Street.  Oh, sorry, there’s always a party on 4th Street.
  • New York Mets fans will hate the World Baseball Classic.  Seriously, Oliver Perez?  Get better.  You got way too much money this offseason to start pussing out now.
  • Missouri will press UCONN into a loss and admitting recruiting violations.  No coach in the country can make himself more money next year than Mike Anderson of Mizzou.  Premier jobs are open and the further he goes, the more cheddar he can rake in.  Georgia?  He doesn’t need your Georgia job.  He can start thinking about Arizona with a win in Phoenix over the Huskies.  UConn is finally distracted by the recruiting violation allegations and Hasheem Thabeet looks too slow in the 40 minutes of Hell.
  • whitneyportDenny Hamlin will win the NASCAR race.  He’s won at Martinsville a lot in the past (at least that’s what NASCAR.com told me).  Normally, I would pick a driver who has some hot girl associated with them.  A quick Google search didn’t lend that to me with Hamlin.  In that case, I’ll put up a picture of a smoking hot celebrity I’ve been thinking about lately.  Hmm… how about you, Whitney Port?  Sure, your reality show made me want to take a baseball bat to my nuts, but you are still smoking hot.  Denny Hamlin, do better with the ladies.
  • Villanova will beat Pittsburgh for the second time this year.  Levance Fields isn’t healthy enough to stay with ‘Nova’s guards.  DeJuan Blair looks like he’s just getting tired and Sam Young isn’t elevating like he once did.  Jay Wright’s team is playing really well as of late.  They absolutely locked Duke up last night and looked very efficient on offense.  Villanova marches on.
  • TIGER! TIGER! TIGER!!!   I would not want to be  a professional golfer right now.  The best golfer in the world has been back for a month or so and is just getting really good.  Hmm… that’s odd, the first major of the year is a couple weeks away.  Tiger has always known he would be getting very good around this point.  There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that he can win the Masters in two weeks.  You heard it here first… or some other time after first.
  • Gonzaga will get to their first Final Four.  It’s time for the Zags.  The build up has happened for too long.  Ten years ago, they were on the cusp of the Final Four, and this is the year they get there.  Mark Few is poised to upset UNC again and will sneak past Syracuse in the Elite Eight.  Congrats to Spokane, WA; success couldn’t happen to a more irrelevant place.
  • kygirlsBilly Gillispie will get fired, then sleep with your girlfriend one last time.  Honestly, I’m feeling a tinge of sadness.   A little over a year ago, FWP started with a recurring joke about BCG railing your girlfriend.  Somehow, it stuck the whole time.  I really hope Gillispie nothing but the best.  He’s a hell of a basketball coach and was put in a very tough situation.  I think if either UK or Gillispie had known what they were getting into, they would have politely declined.  But, sometimes you have to be a man and take what’s handed to you.  Gillispie will find work soon, and probably very good and wealthy work.  Godspeed, Coach… but, on your way out of town, leave some blonde girls for us.

Yeah, weekend!  Be safe, watch sports and get ready for that extra $13 a week Obama is giving you!

UPDATE!  This was found on WKYT.com briefly.  It it now no longer there.  Take it for what you will.

coach-cal

Cinderella Will Miss the Ball

March 23, 2009

Random thoughts from the first weekend of the NCAA Tournament…

  • TP_262134_CASS_acc11_12Not sure where you stand on this, but I love the fact that all #1, #2 and #3 teams have made it to the round of 16.  The media loves to hype “Cinderella stories,” I like watching good basketball teams play.  Honestly, would you want to watch LSU or UNC play Gonzaga?  Unless you live in Baton Rouge, you say UNC.  UNC is better and more fun to watch. 
  • I’m really glad that Jim Calhoun is okay after his one-night stay in the hospital.  But, is anyone really surprised that a guy, who is rumored to be a guy who likes to have a vodka tonic or ten, was put in the hospital for dehydration?  Come on, Coach, you have to keep a Gatorade by your bed when you pass out… I mean go to sleep.
  • BobWicket sent me two texts on Thursday.  One was, “Vision. Roy boy goes down.”  Of course, he was talking about UNC’s Roy Williams.  Of course, Roy Boy and UNC won by about 40.  The second was, “I’ll bet a thousand Calhoun does not win today.”  Even though Jim Calhoun wasn’t there for the Huskies’ game, he is credited for the win.  I’ll take that $1000 whenever.
  • My favorite big man in the country, Brian Williams, took a charge on Friday against Oklahoma State.  It was the third charge he had taken in the last four games.  He is 6’10” and weighs about 275 lbs.  If he keeps that kind of Charge Per Game ratio next year, he’ll be like a black Shane Battier.
  • asucheerleaderArizona State may have only made it to the second round of The Dance, but if you saw their cheerleaders you know that every male at ASU wins every day when they go to class.
  • There was a 90 minute stretch on Friday afternoon where there was no game on at all.  Sixteen games were played on Friday and not one was played from 5:30-7PM.  If I hadn’t already drank 58 beers by that point, I would have been more upset.
  • If you wake up on Friday evening in your bed, with a mattress on top of you (and slept that way for a while), you’ve had one hell of a day so far.  If you still find a way to go out afterwards, you are a man amongst boys.
  • Ty Lawson’s toe looked okay in the 2nd half of the UNC/LSU game on Saturday.  Also, the SEC was as bad as most pundits said it was.
  • For any of you all who don’t live in Kentucky, you don’t know the magic of the Sweet 16 (KY’s basketball state tournament, in which there are no classes).  2SL, BobWicket and I all went down to Rupp on Saturday morning for the semifinals.  None of the four schools that played on Saturday morning come from “big schools” and it was still a magical event.  15,000 people were in Rupp watching kids play their asses off all for the chance to win THE state championship.  If there were six state championships awarded, it wouldn’t be as special.  By the way, Covington Holmes won it all on Saturday night in a double overtime thriller against Louisville Central in the best championship game played in the last five years.
  • Duke, amazingly, still gets the benefit of the doubt on 50-50 calls.  Scheyer looked to be out of bounds when he threw that crazy behind-the-back pass.  Then, the loose ball foul call was just inane.  Granted, if UT had rebounded the basketball, they would have had a shot to tie it, but they got hosed nonetheless.
  • In the past two seasons, Western Kentucky has 3 wins in the NCAA Tournament.  UK has 0.
  • Pitt giving up 49 points in the first half to Oklahoma State yesterday was about as likely to happen as TGC remembering anything after 8PM on Friday night.
  • For anyone that cares, Bru is leading the APIAS Bracket Challenge.  BobW is third, yours truly is 6th and TGC is 7th… of 7.
  • katymixon1Finally, the funniest show on TV, Eastbound & Down had its season finale last night.  First off, it sucked that the season was only six episodes.  Hopefully, HBO was just trying to see if the show caught on before they put a lot of resources into the show.  Everyone I know who has watched it has loved it, so hopefully they’ll have a full slate of shows next time around.  My main point has to do with the opening scene in last night’s finale.  Those were absolutely not Katy Mixon’s boobies.  As sexy as she is and as glorious as those boobies were, there was a reason they didn’t show a face with the boobies.  But, let me repeat again.  Katy Mixon is sexy and those boobies (whoever’s they were) were fantastic.

Tuesday Afternoon Sponsor Shout-out: Urine Gone

March 17, 2009

peebgoneWe like to think we give the Interwebs quite a bit from time to time.  Laughter, insight, and a little bit of jackassery (we even have a category for it!) now and then.  What we don’t do enough of is thank the people that bring you APIAS.  That’s all going to change.

Today, we’d like to thank Urine Gone.  This wonderful little product has cleaned up many a Pudge stain (and a few of the writers around here as well).  Seriously, you can’t be around to monitor your cat, dog, or drunk friend all the time can you?  Of course not.  It even says on the label that it’s for pet or people stains.  You can’t beat that.  Remember, for those times when someone (or something) just can’t hold it, reach for Urine Gone!  You’ll be glad you did.