APIAS Pickem Scramble Week 2: The Bobby Johnson Invasion WILL be televised!


Stop the presses!  Could Bobby Johnson be this year’s Sly Croom?  The next man to be donned with Genius status by the one and only BobWicket of the Nobel Foundation*?  Or is owning Steve Spurrier really anything to tout these days?  Discuss.

So last night’s Vandy/SC got us all geeked for this week’s amazing matchups right?!?  Okay no.  The continued pwnage of Steve Inferior aside, not a whole lot good going on this week.  Can Urban break the UM curse?  How will Tebow fare in the rain?  Is Harbaugh’s undefeated record a fluke?  That’s about all the worthwhile headlines I can think of.  And way too many questions to start off a post with.  So… er… sorry?

Last week the swiss-cheese Tennessee Prevent made Burnsy (8) out to be a prophet.  Which I think we’re all in agreement is not a good thing.  KSR’s Jones (whom I’ve yet to here from this week) also notched a first place finish.  Rounding out the Awayers were Holly with 7 and a gutsy UK pick and a sad sad email dap to yours truly on Tuesday, Bean and Spanky (6) didn’t fare as well as predicted–you went with Bowden? Zook?–and the late arriving TKK’s picks (who apparently is playing hooky with Matty) garnering a generous 5.

The Awayers take the early lead 46-41, thanks to the APIAS expert gambler/bona fide newspaperman going a combined 10-20 (I’m talking to you Smooth and Bru).  Last year’s champ Eday (6) is rewarded for his homerism, but dewarded for betting against the Hawkinses.  Last week’s home team champs (COUGH) me and W could only muster up 7 winners, while BobWicket, Clemson, and Temple also notched a 6.

In other news, if you don’t get your picks in by the deadline, I’m putting whatever helmets I think will kick your ass into gear in your column.  Bladdaaaww!

On to this weeks games!




The week’s best from the Aristocracy:

In honor of SAT tests everywhere (reads blank is to blank as blank is to blank) – 2SL – Ed. Yes thank you for making that clear, not sure if we all would have gotten it otherwise.

Georgia Tech @ Boston College
The leaders of the ACCs Atlantic and Coastal divisions square off in week two! Wicked Ahhsome. Bostonians make guys in yellow jackets pahk the cahh. Eagles. – xp
PDQ over ASAP, GPS over PMS, QWERTY over LMNOP – ben
But since it’s the ACC I’m betting they both find a way to lose. – burnsy
BC needed 3 turnovers to beat Kent St. last week.  This does not impress me. – eday
The other guy used to coach Navy. – BW
Team:  GT. Rationale: You ever just scream “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!” on  a crowded sidewalk? – holly
It early in the season, not time for Boston Collegeto choke yet. I don’t think I can name a single player for either team. – bru
Beano Cook always says to pick the home team, and while he may be old, senile and half-retarted; he picks football games a hell of a lot better than I seem to. – SR

Brigham Young @ Washington
If anyone ever tells you mormons don’t put out. I assure you. They are full of shit. – tgc
Seriously had no idea Ty Willingham still gets a paycheck. – ben
Tyrone can’t stop nation’s longest winning streak, or having losing seasons. – BW
The Huskies only have five obvious pacific islanders on their roster, which seems a tad low. They, do, however, have a guy whose last name is White-Frisbee. Brigham Young is drowning in Samoans. Advantage, BYU. – xp
Mormons over our first president. – eday
BYU.  Mormon jokes are boring, however warranted. – holly
Ty Willingham:Good Coach = Chris Beniot:Good Father – 2SL
Mormons scare the shit out of me. – SR

Air Force @ Wyoming
This might honestly be the first time I’ve ever thought about the state of Wyoming in my lifetime. Where is it even located? What language do they speak there? What’s the currency? I have to go with them here, just because it sounds like such a magical place. – bru
Cowboys over Falcons.  Just like it would be in the NFL.  Just like it would be back on the farm. – SR
Air Force over Wyoming – Also, Air Supply over Kansas. – burnsy
AF.  Buy American. – holly
Wyoming- worst state in the union, worst color scheme in the history of sports. – W
Wyoming:Football Standards = South Florida:Admission Standards – 2SL

Oregon State @ Penn State (beware of beaver jokes)
A nittany beaver?  what would that look like? – tgc
After careful analysis, there is no way I could possibly care about this game less.  Maybe JoePa will trip over something.  Penn State. – holly
And it’s been a while since I’ve been in an O State. – ben
Sadly, Paterno’s been over beaver for years. – burnsy
Do not fuck with the white-out. Plus, Joe Pa needs to keep pace with Bowden. Nittany Lions pound the beavers. And win a football game, too. -xp
Provided they haven’t suspended their entire team before the game, the Lions win it. But when did Penn State turn into the mid 90’s Miami Hurricanes? I guess there isn’t much to do in Pennsylvaniabut smoke weed, but still.  Hide it a little better guys – okay? – bru
The Ducks have no chance.  – BW
State can smoke as much weed as they want, they’ll still find themselves all over some Beavers. – eday
Oregon State:Beaver = Washington State:Cougar – 2SL
Have we moved on past the Beaver/Duck confusion yet?  I’d hate to see you guys in the bedroom if not. – SR

West Virginia @ East Carolina
Pat White is good.  Also, he is not white. – BW
I was all set to make an “all ‘eers” joke, until I remembered I still don’t write for [BLOG REDACTED].  WFV. – holly
Why not? If ECU could handle a machine like UCF last year then the Fightin’ Macho Man Randy Savages can handle anyone. – burnsy
ECU beat a rebuilding Va Tech team last week. West Virginia won’t overlook them. Plus, Pat White is kind of good, in the same sense that Blake Livelyis kind of hot. – bru
East Fuckin’ Carolina isn’t this year’s South Florida. – eday
If Tyrod Taylor plays, they may just have a shot. – W

California @ Washington State
I think Cal is better, but you never, ever bet against a Cougar. Plus, there’s always the guys at College Gameday flying a Washington State flag – I like their effort. – bru
 Nothing for this one because I’m late for lunch and Tatum Bell has my haha all locked up. – burnsy
This non-Wildcat Pac 10 love is an abomination. – ben
I never like to pick against Cougars in any circumstance, ever.  Cougars… mmm… Cougars…. Wait, where am I?  Uh, no, I had to go get a roll of quarters for work. – SR
I’ll bet Smooth is picking the Wazzou COUGARS. – W
The Cougs of my youth prided themselves on defensive toughness. This year’s version let T. Boone Pickens’ wind-powered Cowboys lay 39 on them last week. This one goes to the Golden Bears. – xp

South Florida @ UCF
South Florida.  Because they’re playing Central Florida. – holly
Technically, there are no winners in this game, as Burnsy will end up sunburned, dehydrated, and all puked out no matter which way the game ends up. However, I’ll wish the lad joy before he croaks – grant this one to UCF. – xp
Rick Pitino voice, “Kevin Smith is not walking through that door!” – SR
Does the South Florida logo look stupid to anyone else? Plus, kind of like the Memphis Grizzlies, how many bulls are there in South Florida? Is that the first animal you think of when you picture Miami– a bull? Maybe a flamingo or something like that. – bru
Only because my Knights have wasted too much time looking up sex hotline numbers. – burnsy
Although quarterbacks with mohawks are tools. – ben
Gimmee the moderately Southern Floridians over the Fightin’ Burnsies. – eday

Minnesota @ Bowling Green
Bowling Green, congratulations on beating a bad Pittsburgh team.  You will now get the pleasure of falling back to reality and losing to a worse Minnesota team. – SR
I like the old helmets. – BW
Minnesota football is a bad situation. I mean really bad. Like, Stephen Jackson with a loaded gun bad. Like, Chris Henry at a redneck bar bad. Like, Smoothron  hitting the first race at Keenelandand then making ridiculously large bets the rest of the day bad. – bru
Unless Tubby coaches the Gophers fall on their face. – eday
Minnesota.  Bowling Green produces painfully unfunny bloggers. – holly (Ed. You’ll find at least 4 guys around these parts to agree with you)

Miami (Fla.) @ Florida
Miami (Fla):Criminals = Florida State: Felons – 2SL
Tebow better keep an eye on his white girls. – ben
Tim Tebow is good.  Also, he is not human. – BW
Has the balance of criminality shifted? I haven’t the time or inclination to figure it out. But my gut says that Tha U still has the thug edge, and they will win this game, or shank a muthafucka tryin’ – xp
Florida.  I miss Good Miami.  Good Miami was good television.  – holly
Tebow is good.  Miami’s defense may be too.  Robots >> humans. – eday
Please – like I would pick against my Gators. Percy is back, a night gameat The Swamp, a week for Urban to get the O-line in shape…the canes are Gator bait. – bru (Ed. I think some of your homergoo leaked on me when pasting this comment… *shivers*)

Stanford @ Arizona State
Stanford!  Big win last weekend.  The best advice I have for you all is to cushion yourselves for the harsh fall back to reality. – SR
Man, I totally forgot Jim Harbaugh in our Monday draft of college head coaches you’d take with you to a back alley brawl.  Damn. – tgc
I have a friend who lives near ASU. They have hot girls on their campus. I don’t know anyone who lives near Stanford. Therefore, I’ve never seen hot girls there. This one is easy. – bru (Ed. Well, Michelle Wie “goes to Stanford”)
If the stadium should happen to burn down during the game, I was with you guys. – ben
Mark my words, it’s the year of the Harbaugh. But only if he grows a sweet mustache. – burnsy
AZ State, as long as Rudy Carpenter remains upright and breathing. – holly
Again, I know nothing about this West Coast college football.  The 49ers suck and Palo Alto is much closer to San Francisco than Tempe.  The 49ers suck, so some of that has to wear off.  Give me the Sun Devils, even though I have no clue how a Devil decides to be affiliated with the Sun. – xp

And finally:
BYU:Monogomy = AWAYERS:Winning

*No not that one, the other one.  The one at the beach.

21 Responses to “APIAS Pickem Scramble Week 2: The Bobby Johnson Invasion WILL be televised!”

  1. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    I’m not sure if smooth’s joke is about the quarters or about the work?

  2. smoothron Says:

    2SL is excited about the SATs? What, is his girlfriend taking them this weekend or something?

    Also, dude… you’ve been recycling the same Chris Benoit joke for like a year.

  3. Holly Says:

    Why is the sidebar full of zeroes? DOCUMENT THIS BEFORE I START LOSING AGAIN.

  4. cp22bru Says:

    Can’t believe no one else picked the Cougars…

  5. Burnsy Says:

    The ‘polater is going to regret that UCF pick. Also, 2SL, if we ever meet, I owe you a prostitute for that admissions crack.

  6. The W Says:

    The Chris Benoit thing isn’t funny yet. There’s still 22 more years.

  7. Holly Says:

    I just realized I reused my BEEEEEES joke at EDSBS. You’d think something that farfetched would stick in my mind.

  8. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Does BLOG REDACTED start with an L?

  9. Holly Says:

    Last week it started with a B, this week’s starts with an H. After which that joke has run its course, because there are really only three blogs that make me wish we could burn down parts of the internet, and the other one’s NFL.

  10. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Jones’ Picks below… I updated the scoreboard… no I’m not altering the graphics…
    Penn State
    West Virginia
    S. Florida
    Bowling Green
    Arizona State

  11. Holly Says:

    Man, I totally forgot Jim Harbaugh in our Monday draft of college head coaches you’d take with you to a back alley brawl. Damn.


  12. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Yes, that actually took place… I think the draft went like this:

    Randy Shannon
    Pat Hill
    Mark Mangino
    Sly Croom
    Pete Carroll
    Dave Wannstedt

    (we later realized we omitted Greg Schiano, and of course Harbaugh)

  13. smoothron Says:

    I think my team of Shannon (obvious), Mangino (he takes a punch like he eats pancakes) and Carroll (dude is jacked up!) wins that rumble.

  14. Extra P Says:

    Mangino (my captain) would totally belly-bump his opponent and then stomp on his nuts. It’s about will to win, not fitness.

  15. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Week 2 Results:

    9 – Holly
    8 – Jones, eDay, 2SL
    7 – TGC, Burnsy, Bean, smooth, W
    6 – ERIC!!, Wicket
    5 – Bru, Benny
    0 – TKK

    Any good ideas on what I should do about TKK’s 0 affecting the Awayers team total are welcome.. Not opposed to a mid-season replacement if anyone has a recommendation

  16. smoothron Says:

    My vote is for Sir Richard.

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    Why Obama lies about educational reforms??
    You can still buy your college papers here. Low Prices, Custom written for you. Custom Writing Service

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  21. acai Says:

    Final week it started with a B, this week’s begins with an H. Following which that joke has run its course, since you’ll find genuinely only three blogs that make me wish we could burn down elements with the internet, as well as the other one’s NFL.

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