TAGMAT!: Let’s At Least Learn Something

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TAGMAT (They are giving money away today!) is a weekly column done every week by APIAS.net’s resident gambling addict, Smoothron.  This site in no way advocates gambling, especially excessively.  Smoothron’s degenerate friend, who will refer to as Casino Bobby also gives you his picks for the week.  If we can tell you anything, bet against both of them and you should be able to retire within the first month of the season.

Ahh, the tale of two weeks.  Casino Bobby gives you three winners and one outright loser.  I give you one winner and three outright losers.  If you’re actually investing in these picks, I hold nothing against you when you bet against me.  It actually makes a lot of sense at this point.  I thought perhaps after a nine-month sabbatical I could have at least won one week, alas it wasn’t to be.  The SEC goes 10-2 overall on the weekend, and somehow I pick the two losers of the weekend.  Unreal.

Well, as a good friend acquaintance of mine likes to say, “Back in the game!!!”  Am I going to let a poor Week 1 showing stop me?  Of course not.  The world is full of analogies filled with people bouncing back after a poor start.  I am not going to take the time to look them up right now, but you get the idea.  If anything, there has to be a lesson taken from a poor start.  The lesson, as always, is to NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES bet on Sly Croom.  I should have known better, but that’s a Week 1 mistake and one that I will not make again.  Now that we’ve all learned something, let’s jump along to the picks.

Casino Bobby’s Picks (3-1 last week, 3-1 on the year)

Northwestern (-6) vs. Duke
As expected, I usually stay away from betting games on the smart kids. This one however looks like a sure thing. Duke’s intramural football team still plays D-1 opponents, but Bobby Hurley’s not walking through that door. I’m also undefeated this season betting any team called the “Wildcats,” and any team that has purple in their Uni’s. Northwestern by 10.
WVU (-8) vs. ECU
I believe West Virginia plans on beating the absolute hell out of people just based on spite after the Rodriquez fiasco in the off season. This one should be no different, and dont let the fact the ECU snuck out a win against a pathetic VaTech team with no offense influence where you put your money with this one… Stick with the coal mines, WVU by 14.
Tulane (+30) vs. Alabama
They successfully ducked a freaking hurricane last week, i think covering 30 points against Bama should be an easy task. I’m still not sold on Saban cronies early on. Freshman looked great but they still have a lot of mistakes to put on the field. As for John parker Wilson, I think we’ll see shades of last year as he takes a step backwards. The SI cover jinx is in effect here, and Bama sneaks out of Bryant Denny Stadium with a 25 point cushion.
Thats all for this week, and once again Casino Bobby advises you to bet it all!

Smoothron’s Picks (1-3 last week, 1-3 on the year)

West Virginia (-8) @ East Carolina

Look, I know ECU beat Virginia Tech last weekend, but let’s look closer at that.  Virginia Tech was highly overrated and didn’t even start the best quarterback on their 85 man roster.  Secondly, ECU had everything going for them: they blocked a punt, had ESPN at their stadium for the first time probably ever and they were playing a terrible offense under the guiding of Sean Glennon.  Pat White isn’t the next Tom Brady by any stretch but he is a good college QB and can actually direct an offense.  West Virginia wins by at least two touchdowns and does whatever they want on offense.  East Carolina goes back to wherever the hell that is.

Miami @ Florida (UNDER 51 1/2)

Am I really discounting Urban Meyer, Tim Tebow and Percy Harvin?  Not exactly.  Follow along with me for a minute… Hurricane Hanna is currently over the Bahamas and should hit Florida sometime around Friday.  It will put a deluge on the Swamp in Gainesville and may even keep rain going all the way through gametime Saturday night.  Do I think Miami’s Hurricanes can stop the Gators?  No.  But, the Hurricanes and Hurricane Hanna can!  Ooooh, did you see what I did there?  It’s punny.  Florida scores in the low thirties and everyone knows that Miami can’t score against the SEC (much like 2SL).  Also, if I’m living living on the Atlantic coast of Florida, all I can think is, “Oh shit.”

Central Michigan @ Georgia (-24)

Mark Richt tried to be a nice guy.  He gave so many interviews this offseason, you would have thought he was dating Lindsay Lohan.  He was even nice to Georgia Southern on Saturday, hell they even scored three times.  Well, look where that got Richt and the Bulldogs; sitting behind USC in the polls.  What a joke… but it’s time for the ‘Dogs to get some style points back.  Georgia will hold nothing back on either side of the ball and will absolutely drill the shit out of the Chippewas. 

Southern Mississippi @ Auburn (-17 1/2)

Wow, there are not many good games this weekend.  Along the same lines as Georgia, Auburn put up a very respectable effort last weekend that was overshadowed by their big brother, the University of Alabama.  This is typical of how Auburn is treated, and like any good little brother they will now attempt to get back in the spotlight.  This could be an ass beating of epic proportions for the Golden Eagles.  The biggest fear for Southern Mississippi officials is that pictures will surface of basketball coach, Larry Eustachy, partying with Auburn sorostitutes after the game.

I promise I will do better than last week, or at least the same… I’m just hoping it’s not worse.

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16 Responses to “TAGMAT!: Let’s At Least Learn Something”

  1. Casino Bobby Says:

    eat crap and die, Vegas. We got 7 winners on the big board.

  2. BobWicket Says:

    Sly Croom is a genius.

  3. smoothron Says:

    Bite your tongue, Bob

  4. Burnsy Says:

    Let me slide in the money pick of the century — USF opened as a 14 point favorite over UCF. I think it’s at 15 now because 60,000 people in Orlando just mortgaged their lives to bet on the Bulls handling that with ease.

  5. cp22bru Says:

    No picks on the UK-Norfolk State game? A real degenerate gambler would have said made a pick in that one…

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