Sandwich Pickem Scramble – Week 9

Week 8 Recap:  We’ll steer clear of recapping those alma maters who failed to win, or show up, last week, and instead trumpet the ascension of Extra P’s Kansas Jayhawks who are an astounding 7-0, and well on their way to a Big XII North championship and entry into the National Title discussion.  Further winners are Michigan in their renewed efforts for a conference title and the possibility of upsetting the #1 team in the land, ending years of Tressel-induced frustrations.

Smoothron was the man of the week, knocking home 9 picks out of 10 (missing only Mizzou over Texas Tech), yet somehow going 0-3 in HIS GAMBLING COLUMN!  Better luck this week Smooth.  Matt J continues to dominate with another solid 7, along with Eday and 2SL.  Extra P, Burnsy, Peter Bean, and yours truly brought home 6, with our fair heroine back up at even money.  BobWicket, 5, fell off juuust a scotche, (skotche? scoche? scone?). 

On to week T9’s Picks. 

Oh, also, here’s a cute girl lighting a fart on fire. 

More at [CRTP] should you dare.

AWAYERS

HOMERS

This week’s best from the Aristocracy (my favorites italicized, not that you fucking asked):

#2 Boston College at #8 Virginia Tech
I predict a sloppy night in which VaTech looks dominant for most of the game, but then surrenders the lead in the last 2 minutes due to shockingly bad special teams and a porous prevent defense – tgc
#2 Cannot win. – bobwicket
Virginia Tech will “stick it in, stick it in, stick it in” and continue the carnage in the top two spots. – xp
Massholes everywhere continue to march across the Earth like modern day Huns, except retarded and really despised. – burnsy
Matt Ryan and the boys have been getting a lot of pub, ha, who am I kidding, everyone has been waiting for this so that BC can get exactly what they deserve… an ass beating by that thing on Frank Beamer’s face. – smoothron
Hokies win by a goiter – matt j

#12 USC at #5 Oregon
BEAVERS!!! – bw
@bw: hahahahahah – tgc
I like USC.  Because Mark Sanchez has turned the world on with his smile.  He might just make it after all. – xp
Who woulda thunk that Pete Carroll’s 16 running back by committee system wouldn’t work? – burnsy
All the Trojans have to do is play poorly for a few weeks, and everyone starts writing them off.  Don’t count them out just because Petey Carroll went to the Playboy Mansion a little more than expected in September.  USC is going to be ready the rest of the year. – sr
A boatracing would thrill me. Especially if it knocked USC out of the Top 25 – eday
Ducks sack the quarterback multiple times….making a Dirty Sanchez – mj
USC Trojans “come” to Eugene in a long rubber costume. – 2sl

#10 South Florida at #23 Connecticut
UCONN remembers that it is UConn – mj
Bull much larger than dog. – eday
I’m feeling Groth-e.  USF – xp
@xp: Boo – tgc
See also: DeVry’s admission standards over USF, Mississippi’s literacy rate over USF, Cast of Designing Women over USF. – burnsy
Big East Football sucks.  I’m setting the O/U on UConn “fair-catch-punt” jokes made by the Aristocracy at 2.5.  I’ll take the over (that means bet the under). – sr

#11 Florida at #18 Georgia
Florida – And this will be my pick for each Florida game to follow.- bw
Not sure how long Teblow can hold up with all of the running.  I think maybe Georgia makes him cry again this week. – xp
I’d bet Urban Meyer’s daughter’s hymen on it. – burnsy
I just want to be Tim Tebow for one Saturday night after the Gators get a big win. – sr
The robot runs loose. – eday

Nebraska at #19 Texas
Texas will hogtie Callahan and give him a red-hot branding iron to the tuckus – just to remember them by. – xp
I’d bet Tom Osborne’s great-great-great-great-great grandaughter’s hymen on it. – burnsy
Hey, it’s that school known as Nebraska getting their ass kicked again!  Remember when they fired Frank Solich after going 9-3?  Good call! – sr
Longhorns by a bunch, barring a Tom Osborne intervention. – bw
Calhoun changes into invisible man costume after Texas game and is never seen at Nebraska again. – 2sl

Clemson at Maryland
Clemson gets the win because Big Ralph is focusing on trick or treating. – 2sl
Battle of two programs no one in America cares about – mj
I refuse to pick this game.  Not that you fucking asked, but Kansas will roll into College Station and silence the twelfth man.  “Franchione, you magnificent bastard!!  I read your newsletter!!!”  Substitute Kansas over A&M for this pick. – xp
Woody Dantzler fucked up my order at Hardees the other day. Yet he remains the most successful Clemson graduate to date. – burnsy
Terrible ACC football.  Clemson looked really promising against Florida State that first week, if only we had known how much FSU really blows. – sr

#16 South Carolina at Tennessee
Please insert Phillip Fulmer big orange pumpkin joke now. – 2sl
UT is undefeated at home this year.  SC didn’t score a TD last week against Vandy.  I’m not even going to make my obligatory Fat Phil joke this week because I think TGC is slowly plotting my demise. – sr
Fuck solidarity, I’m going with the Ballsack Coach in this one. – xp
Phil Fulmer’s man titties droop a little lower as the unemployment line nears. – burnsy
The General rumbles again.  Pumpkin Power will be strong this week leading to All Hallows Eve – eday

#1 Ohio State at #25 Penn State
Jim Tressel dresses up as a door to door Jehovah Witness for halloween (tie included) – 2sl
I will gladly sacrifice this pick just to get these chauches out of the driver’s sheet. – bw
Hmmm, undeserved #1, meet underachieving former powerhouse.  You been whited-out. – xp
This is my Austin Scott “Bend ‘Em Over” Pick of the Week! – burnsy
There is just nothing I want more than an 11-0 OSU team in Ann Arbor on November 17th. – sr
Joe Pa celebrates finally beating Woody Hayes before being reminded of his death – mj

#21 California at #4 Arizona State
I think ASU will win this, just so we can have the all-day Sunday laugh-fest at the idea of them being #1 in the polls. – xp
I’d like to change the name of this game to simply “Burnsy’s Viagra.” – burnsy
Tedford should be good enough not to lose three in a row.  Since this game sucks, think about this, who would win in a 40 yard dash:  Percy Harvin or DeSean Jackson? – sr
DeSean Jackson dresses up as the guy Arizona State can’t tackle. – 2sl

UCF at Southern Miss
Seriously is this a joke?  You cant be serious. – mj
Who the Hell plays CFB on a Sunday? – eday
UCF – But who ever really knows in these directional/locational battles? – bw
UCF, because they want Burnsy to blog about them using nice words for once. – xp
ESPN accidentally put our logo in USF’s place last week before the Bulls choked away their No. 2 ranking. It was no accident. – burnsy
I just think Larry Eustachy deserves this win.  Plus, I want to party with him afterwards. – sr