Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category

FWP: The Moral Dilemma Edition

June 12, 2009

fwpFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Well, it has been a few weeks. Last time we met was before Memorial Day weekend. Lots of things have happened since then. I went to Block Island, Rhode Island (which is about as modern as its website) for my cousin’s wedding. My cousin is an Irish-Jew and he married a Jamaican girl. They were both in the minority fraternity/sorority in college. Let’s just say the single, white females were NOT out in full force. And, of course the hottest one there caused me to have a major moral dilemma. But, I’m from Kentucky… and we’re not blood related… so, whatever. Then, last weekend, Bru’s sister got married at Keeneland. Yeah, you can guess what that was like. The great thing was the reception was in the same room that my friend, Regis, and I once went to the 2003 Taste of the Bluegrass. It was $75/plate and by “went to,” I mean we snuck in. Oh well, we had a great time. (Smoothron note: I had this great opening typed up until the internet crapped out on me. I don’t have the effort to re-write. Let me say again, she is NOT blood related.) Let’s do this…

  • amymickelsonPhil Mickelson will play golf and that is awesome. Look, I know I usually (try to) be funny or whatever on here. But, Mickelson is playing golf during a time when his family is going through a terrible time. We’re all praying that Amy Mickelson gets better soon and keeps being a cougar for many years to come.
  • Yankee fans and Met fans will brawl all weekend. Both teams just lost big series to their biggest division rivals. The Yankees haven’t beaten the Red Sox all year. The Mets are starting to look like the ’08 A’s with all the guys they’re putting on the DL. The Yankees new stadium is giving up more HRs than a 2SL prom date. Met fans are born angry. The economy is bad. El Nino is back. Yeah, it’s going to be a sight to see in NY this weekend. I almost wish I would have gone, but… nah.
  • Pete Carroll will be invincible. One coach has a former player that is accused of receiving over $300k while playing college athletics. Another coach gives a guy a thousand bucks. Who would you think would be let go (Yeah, I’m sure he “resigned”) first? Well, Tim Floyd lost his job this week and Pete Carroll will continue to be the face of USC. Good job, Tim Floyd! I would like to announce my candidacy for the next Head Coach at USC. I will not cheat, I will let Carroll be the BMOC and will lose 30 40 lbs. for the USC coeds.
  • carrieprejeanCarrie Prejean will not have much to do. Oh, poor Carrie. She lost her Miss California crown this week, now what the hell is she supposed to do? I could think of a few things I would love to do with her. Anyways, let me ask one question. If you are gay (not that there’s anything wrong with it), do you really want Perez Hilton championing any cause you have? Seriously? That guy? Whatever, I will marry the former Miss California tomorrow.
  • Phish will rock at Bonnaroo. Yes, I love Phish. I really wanted to go to Bonnaroo, but there’s just something about not showering for four days that I can’t handle. I also really like my cell phone, my TV, my computer and my bed. I almost wish I would have gone, but… nah. (Also, don’t know if you like Phish or not, but this clip below is sick. Flat out nasty!)

  • The Nationwide Series will run in Kentucky. One would think that NASCAR and the Commonwealth of Kentucky would be a match made in heaven. Sadly, it isn’t so. I have a possible idea for why that is. Because I live in KY and haven’t heard anything about the race until today! Granted, I’m not the biggest NASCAR fan in the world, but you would think people would be abuzz talking about a race less than 90 minutes from my house. Nope, but everyone can sure tell you the two guys who are off the UK Basketball team as of yesterday (Matt Pilgrim and Kevin Galloway).
  • lakergirlThe Lakers won’t win the NBA Title. These predictions are just for the weekend, remember? Yes, the Magic will get one more win (even without Mickael Pietrus, the dirty Frenchy) on Sunday night. That will allow more money for ABC and the NBA and also allow the Lakers to celebrate their title in LA. We will then get to hear all the Kobe-lovers talk about how great he is. And he is great, but he’s still not (and never will be) Jordan. Let’s not forget, Kobe doesn’t have the signature shot in his career like MJ has about 15. Seriously, try and think of the greatest Kobe shot ever. Um… yeah. Now, think of the greatest MJ shot. Over Russell in ’98? Over Ehlo in ’89? Hell, you could even throw in the one from the ’82 NCAA Title game. Chew on that, Kobe-lovers.

There you go. I have been stealing money all day at work, so I better do something for the last hour or so that I’m here (yes, it’s 12:30PM as I type this). And, please remember, be better! (And, yes, I do realize that the ladies today are all blondes. I don’t discriminate. Especially to you… because, you know… we ARE NOT blood related. Thanks.)

Afternoon Wake Up Call: Rain Out Edition

April 20, 2009

wakeupWhen you’re baseball team plays in a small market on the West Coast you get a little fired up to watch them in prime time, HD coverage on ESPN.  It was not to be tonight as the Yanks-A’s game was postponed.  Boo the rain people.  Boo it!  Okay, the sports world goes on so we’ll tone it down a bit.

The state of Kentucky continues to watch the basketball recruting process closer than people watched the birth of a baby panda on the interwebs.  John Wall is living it up.  One day he’s going to UK, now he’s talking to Billy D, and the NBA still beckons.  He might even end up in Europe.  All I know is that this guy knows how to market the John Wall brand.  I love it.  I’ve pretty much stopped keeping up with it from day-to-day because the information changes on a daily basis, but it will be fun to see where he ends up.  UK fans are also closely following the recruitment of the Henry brothers.  They’re almost as much as an enigma as everyone knows they’re down to KU and UK but that changes constantly.  Will they visit Lexington?  Who’s knows at this point, but they’ll eventually be somewhere and that will be another fun signing for one of those universities.

Baseball is being played in a few places and a few of the web site’s teams are still going strong.  The Tigers are still first in a close Central.  The Reds aren’t playing too bad.  The A’s are in a bit of a lull offensively but the bats will wake up.  Hopefully the pitching holds out.

Golf has slowed a bit after the Masters but the Pudge Cup kicks off this week.  We might drop an update for you from time to time and let you know who’s playing adequately.  Let’s be honest, none of the guys in this league are shooting 70’s, but it’ll be fun.

The NBA playoffs are in full swing.  The Mavs and Spurs are fighting it out again tonight and I expect TGC’s boys down in Dallas to get the better of their Texas breathren before it’s over.  Duncan is hobbling and Sir-Flops-A-Lot is out for the Spurs as well.  Not looking good to pick up #5 this year for my boys in Silver and Black.  I just hope Lebron gets it from Kobe in the Finals.  I haven’t liked that guy since he stole J.R. Rider’s dunk in the Slam Dunk Contest at All-Star weekend.  Yes, the alleged rape, his general attitude, and everything else that comes with disliking Kobe does not bother me as much as him stealing the East Bay Funk Dunk to win a dunk contest.  I’ve never pretended to be sane or fair folks.  It’s just the way I am.

Our favorite thing today will be Tiger Woods 2008 on the Playstation.  TGC is fervently trying to play his way up to face off against the virtual eDayStat.  Who needs to pay 60 bones for a new game when you can play last year’s golf game for next to nothing?  The only standing rule is no one plays with Vijay Singh.  It’s get ugly if I had to tackle someone in the middle of a round.  Have a few drinks, enjoy some playoff basketball, and if you can find some baseball on TV then bless you.  Enjoy the night folks.

FWP: What a Super Weekend

January 30, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

The Super Bowl is Sunday, what else can I say?  Well, actually, can I even say that?  Apparently, NBC and its advertisers are the only people who can actually use the words, “Super Bowl.”  That is one of the single dumbest things ever.  As if when ABC advertises its Wipeout Bowl: Cheerleaders vs. Couch Potatoes to come on, “…after the big game on Sunday night,” no one will know what the hell they’re talking about.  Oh, you mean they’re NOT talking about the North Carolina State at Virginia Tech women’s college basketball game on Sunday afternoon (FoxSportsSouth)?  Seriously?  That isn’t the big game they’re talking about?  Even dumber than that may be that churches supposedly aren’t allowed to advertise, “Super Bowl Parties.”  You don’t have to like church to know that’s idiotic.  The “big game” isn’t the only thing going on this weekend, though.  UK hosts South Carolina, Tennessee hosts GameDay and Florida, the most unlikely trend in America takes over and there are hot women to ogle.  Sweet.  Yep…

  • utgirlsVol fans will need directions to Thompson-Boling Arena.  When most Knoxvillians (Knoxvillites?) heard GameDay was coming to town, they figured the football Vols were so important that ESPN would send them down just to be there.  Sadly, they were mistaken and are now left to have to wake up early to go inside (and have to sneak Jack in).  All the hoopla aside, the Vols desperately need a win.  They’ve lost two in a row at home and four out of their last five there.  I remember a trip to the Winch last year when the Gators came to K-town and got their ass run.  Hopefully, the same will happen again (for TGC’s health’s sake).  Vols 84 Gators 73.
  • The Snuggie will take over the world.  Are you people fucking serious?  The fucking Snuggie?  That thing has sold 4 MILLION products?  This must be a damn joke.  Hmm… a warm thing with sleeves?  Ever try a sweater?  Or putting on a robe backwards?  Who in the hell wants to look like a druid while sitting around watching TV?  I am absolutely stunned.  I have nothing else to say, ever, about the fucking Snuggie.
  • The APIAS headquarters might not be covered in ice.  Ice and snow really suck, unless you’re in school and you get out because there is so much.  Sadly, your APIAS contributors are all past their schooling prime… except of course for 2SL.  Everyone’s favorite student teacher has done nothing all week.  Congratulations.
  • The Cardinals will win the Super Bowl.  There is no stopping Kurt Warner and Jesus.  Let’s look at this analytically; Florida won the first championship of the year.  Who is their media darling?  Tim Tebow, who loves Jesus.  Who is the Cardinals’ media darling?  Kurt Warner, who loves Jesus.  Take the Cardinals on the moneyline and make yourself a lot of money.  Just don’t forget to give 10% of your winnings to JC.
  • ariellekebbelThe temptation of The Uninvited will not be strong enough to get you to set down your beer.  Can I be honest?  I have no clue anything about this movie, except for one thing.  Arielle Kebbel (the future Mrs. Smoothron) stars in it.  The Uninvited is not good enough to watch at the theaters, but if Arielle’s other films are any indication, it will be great for a Sunday afternoon.  I don’t like to admit this too often, but John Tucker Must Die is strangely re-watchable.  Arielle Kebbel is sexy, look at the picture, then let’s move on.
  • UConn will be the next team to claim the #1 spot in college hoops.  A game against Providence is the only thing standing between the Huskies and the top spot in all the land.  Of course, they go to Louisville on Monday and will probably give the ranking back up, but it will be fun for the four hours they have it. 
  • Johan Santana will get a little more ready for Spring Training.  Baseball is almost here.  The nights of a patio full of guys, laptops (labtops) on their… laps, beers in their hands, watching their favorite baseball team on MLB.tv (using the same username) and enjoying life are almost upon us.  I can’t wait.
  • Something will seem like a good idea, it won’t be.  Sometimes, I get upset when I drink.  It might be a sporting event gone awry, running out of beer or an ex-girlfriend which makes me irate; but it happens.  Often, I like to release this anger, and my old phone (The Tank 2005-2008 R.I.P.) took the brunt of my ire.  Sadly, I got a new phone which probably won’t do so well if I throw it across the living room.  Last weekend, a jump-kick to my recliner seemed like the best idea at 1AM.  One broken elbow (is that even possible??) later… Whoops.
  • cocksrockhahaBilly Gillispie will make fun of your hat, then sleep with your girlfriend.  Remember when those white hats were really in style for frat boys?  Did they go out of frat style?  The “cool” ones were from Oregon State (Beavers), Fordham (FU) and South Carolina (Cocks).  I had none.  The Cocks come to Lexington tomorrow for their annual beatdown in KY.  Darrin Horn (Tates Creek alum) will not enjoy his first trip as a Cock to Rupp.  The Cats are coming off a terrible effort against Ole Miss the other night and are looking to take some aggression out by beating the Cocks handily.  Watch out after the game, as always, for BCG.  He’s especially ready to rail your girlfriend after a loss.  Who the hell would leave Columbia, SC anyway?  Go to the Horseshoe, play your guitar and smoke a bowl… not that I’ve ever done that.

It could be one long weekend if you plan on drinking tonight (you know, because it’s Friday), all day tomorrow (Cats @ 3PM, Vols @ 9PM) and Super Sunday (Super Sunday).  Enjoy it all!

FWP: All Is Quiet In The World

July 25, 2008

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Well, it’s 9:37 on the Friday night and no FWP yet?  Something must be wrong.  No SmoothRon this week, no TGC, so I’ll take a shot at this thing.  Everyone hold on tight ’cause it could get ugly.

Oakland will continue the death spiral.  So the boys are 7-12 in July.  That’s not good friends.  3-7 in the last 10 is even worse and now there’s a four game set at home against Texas and we all know how good the A’s are in 4 game sets.  Not very.  The glass-half-full guys would say a four gamer against Tejas at home is a good way to turn things around.  Personally, I just see us getting outhit in at least 2 of 4 if not more.  Good times, they keep a rollin’!

Jeff Gordon will kiss the bricks.  Yeah, it’s not really going out on a limb to guess Gordon will win.  He won the inagural Brickyard and he’s won 4 total.  Really, I’m just a Junior fan who hopes the FWP curse on Nascar drivers will hold up.

Another college football player in the state of Kenutcky will have legal problems.  The University of Louisville’s current problems are well published around the Internets but now news out of Lexington says Curtis Pulley is having problems of his own.  Guess Mike Hartline just became the leader for the position, no matter what Rich is saying at the SEC circus.

You will be so bored that you’ll actually watch soccer.  True story, TGC, 2SL, and I were shootin’ pool last night and there was so little sports action on TV that we watched a significant portion of the MLS All-Stars versus West Ham.  The soccer wasn’t bad and it was nice to see the MLS show that they can play with the 10th best team in English soccer.  Oh yeah David, it’s soccer here.  Get used to it you limey bastard.  Football is played by oversized men in pads and helmets who slap each other on the butt and reach into one another’s groin to receive the ball.  Soccer is so gay isn’t it?

College football continues to approach.  With the recent release of NCAA ’09 everyone is getting hyped for the coming season.  EDSBS has the count down at 34 days folks.  That’s barely over a month.  Prepare thyselves.

Billy Gillispie has already taken your girlfriend to Vegas and is currently sleeping with her.  Billy Boy has been out in Vegas checking out the AAU tournament scene.  Lots of good stuff going on out there as B.C.G. continues to scour the globe for talent.

Well that’s it for this week sports fans.  Short but simple and both are largely due to my deficiencies.  Sincerest of apologies.  Now get out there and have a few drinks and enjoy some baseball.  That’s about all you get this weekend!

What Has Transpired and What Is Yet To Come

July 14, 2008

With the All-Star this week every baseball publication and journalist will dazzle you with their “first-half recap” or their votes for MVP and Cy Young winner up to this point.  There will talk of batting averages, strike-outs and RBIs.  Of course, we here at APIAS.net always like to take a different look at things.  After a little more than half of the 2008 baseball season gone APIAS.net will take a look back at the last few months and reflect on what what has transpired and what is yet to come.

Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens

What has transpired– Both Bonds and Clemens have been the main figures in a substance abuse scandal that has shaken baseball.  Both men took different paths on their way to infamy.  Bonds took that huge melon of his and hid it away, popping up rarely when a team (any team) went looking for a left handed power bat.  Clemens, on the other hand, went to court to defend his “honor” and did that ever backfire (is backfire even the right word to use for this situation?).  What began as a steroid, look at my wife’s boobs party has escalated into an attack on the character of Clemens.  His character has gone from heralded hero to a cross between Alex Rodriquez and a guy you see on “To Catch A Predator.”  Side Note: Mindy McCreadyreally?  Don’t get me wrong back then I would have gotten with her, but I’m not Roger Clemens.  Couldn’t he have at least picked country star LeAnn Rimes, at least she can sing.

What is yet to come – This whole thing is far from over.  If you’ve ever seen any of those bad teen movies or TV shows where the characters try to sweep all their problems under the rug and hope they magically go away, well Major League Baseball has gone straight Marissa from The OC on us.  Hoping for an unforgettable baseball season to wipe away the Barry and Roger ordeal.  No matter what happens on the field, this is far from over and just like the teen dramas, it will get much worse before it gets any better.

More after the jump… (more…)

NBA Playoff Banter: May 8

May 8, 2008

We wanted to be able to bring something about the NBA Playoffs to the site, however, there’s only one of us who regularly gets to (chooses to) watch most games.  That’s why I enlisted my good friend Jason Brubaker.  He’s a really good writer and you should check him out over at CHN.  We’ve been debating sports for over a decade, and now we’re taking our arguments public for you to enjoy.  We really hope you enjoy our banter about guys who are bigger, stronger, faster, richer and better at basketball than us.  If not, Brubaker made me do it.

Brubaker:  I hate to boast, but I did see last night’s Lakers game coming. I don’t know how else to say it, but they’re just playing se well right now – it’s fantastic basketball to watch. Kobe is always going to be Kobe, capable of scoring whenever he wants, but the supporting cast has been great, providing the perfect balance to Kobe’s heroics. Vladamir Radmanovic, Pau Gasol, Sasha Vujacic, Lamar Odom….the list just keeps going. With so many weapons on the floor, Utah is being forced to try to cover Kobe one-on-one, which is playing with fire. Coming into the series, Utah needed superhuman efforts from Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer to have a shot, and they’re just not getting it right now. Mehmer Okur, who played great against Houston (13 ppg, 12 rpg), is being nullified by Odom, who matches up well on the perimeter with him. Okur usually proves to be a matchup nightmare for some teams, because of his combination of size and shooting, but Odom has made him work hard for his points in the first two games.

Even more NBA talk, a Rodney Stuckey reference and hopefully some pictures after the jump… (more…)

David Harrison Gets High, Can then Stick Foot in Mouth

January 25, 2008

awholelottaugly.jpgUnless you follow the NBA pretty actively, you may not know who David Harrison is.  His 13 minutes and 4.4 points a game aren’t exactly jumping off the page to impress anyone.  Actually, if you have a guilty pleasure of bad reality television, you may have seen Harrison as MJ’s buddy on The Real World: Philadelphia.  He was pretty hammered, and the two “friends” had a classic drunken conversation that made about as much sense as any episode of John From Cincinnati.  Well, Harrison has moved on from bad reality stunts, and moved on to hitting the bong on a more-than-regular basis.  After failing his third (THIRD!) mandatory drug test from the NBA, the Association was left no choice but to suspend Harrison for five games.  Let’s keep in mind, these are rules set by the league a long time ago, and I have a sense Harrison knew about these rules before he came to the NBA.  However, that didn’t stop him from dropping this gem,

“I don’t understand how they have a right to look into our lives on any level besides performance-enhancing drugs.  It’s not a rule made by government and it’s not a rule made by God; it’s made by an organization (the NBA). I guess they feel it will benefit that organization.”
Spoken like a true weed-head!  Why is it that whenever athletes get caught doing drugs, they always feel the need to bring God in the conversation?  And, to think… the NBA actually feels it would benefit them to not have their athletes smoking chronic.  The nerve!  Dave, I hate to beat a dead horse, but you were aware of this rule before you came in the league.  Perhaps a league in Amsterdam might suit you better?

Vol Hostesses taking Senior weekend off

November 15, 2007

 strangehappyending.jpg

Hell yeah that’s strange.  These are the kind of things I always thought were just a given.  Poor guys having to hope for a happy ending on Senior Day!?!  No wonder we’re losing games.

Fellas, good luck at Platinum after the game looking for tai…. What?  They tore down Platinum?  Holy shit.  How can a player be expected to run for 220 and punch a teammate in the face later that night with no happy-ending-giving Vol Hostesses and no Platinum?

Well hell.  Now I’m worried about Vandy and the Cats.

“Rocky Top You’ll Always Be..Suspended Indefinitely To Me”

September 27, 2007

UT Hoops 

Not that it’s time to completely give up on the University of Tennessee Football season, but it sure doesn’t hurt to look forward to basketball season.  Wow, who would have thought in east Tennessee, the previous statement would ever be relevant.  Alas, it is.  As the football season unravels, Vol fans are grabbing hold of the expectations surrounding men’s basketball.  Yeah, expectations around men’s basketball not women’s.  Well, we all know the women will be outstanding as usual; but, expectations are swirling around a guys’ team that many are picking to win the SEC in the ’07-’08 season.

Of course it wouldn’t be Tennessee athletics without the most famous phrase of late, “suspended for violating team rules.”  Oh yeah, a phrase uttered weekly by big Phil Fulmer has leaked over to Tennessee basketball.

Tennessee forward Duke Crews, who started 18 games as a freshman last season, has been suspended indefinitely for violating team rules.

“Duke is a very intelligent student-athlete but has made some poor decisions,” coach Bruce Pearl said Wednesday in a release. “It is in his, as well as the team’s, best interest that he is suspended at this time.”

More violations after the jump. (more…)

Facebook – The NCAA is so Proud

August 29, 2007

You gotta love facebook.  So much information on just about anyone in college these days.  Want to know if that hot girl in your history class has a boyfriend, facebook her.  Post your favorite movies, books and tv shows on your facebook.  Secretly communicate to somone thru your quotes section how you feel about them.  Steal patrick-patterson-hd.jpgquotes from famous poets so everyone thinks you are intelligent.  Of course get as many pictures of yourself as you can on facebook and get as many friends as you can so everyone thinks your important.

Facebook is so popular even big time Division I athletes have their own facebook pages.  What next great UK player loves his facebook?

Find out after the jump. (Here is a hint, his picture is right up there) (more…)