Archive for the ‘Oops’ Category

Not Available at U-Idaho

June 16, 2009
callme

Booster money well spent.

Okay, so this is fun for hours.  I’ve already sent the call to everyone on the crew, so now I feel comfortable publishing it for your harassment/usage.

Thanks Holly!

Update: after you do it you’re gonna wanna see these, EDSBS.

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Silver Screen Debuts; “Himself”

June 15, 2009

You may already be aware that there is a movie coming out this fall based on the Michael Lewis book The Blind Side.  What you may not know is that the movie will be featuring three SEC coaches playing themselves.

Tennessee’s Phil Fulmer, Ole Miss’ Ed Orgeron, and LSU’s Nick Saban (not one still affiliated with his previous school) will don the logos and colors of Universities Past for their big screen debuts.

Check out Hey Jenny Slater (via Holly) for a great rundown of wish-list actors, were the SEC head men not already spoken for in the film.

In my version, Saban is played by Gargamel

gargamel

Orgeron is played by Mr. Bean

 

and Fulmer is portrayed by Janet Reno.

You know you’d watch it.

APIAS Road Trip: Detroit Holy Shit

April 29, 2009
That's why its antihero comes in a convenient cup

That's why its antihero comes in a convenient cup

Well, we’re back. Barely. Somewhere between Detroit and Toledo the brakes on the ‘Rango decided to… what’s the word here… FALL OFF THE FUCKING CAR! So that was awesome. A trip that took us right at 5 hours (and one big air high five to Big Butter Jesus) to get there returned at approximately 7.5 hours. But hey, you guys don’t care about the rolling death trap we charted through three storms and endless Dayton traffic anyway.

You’re sitting there thinking, wrap it up, TGC, where’s the recap… where’re the pictures?  Okay okay.  I’m getting to that.

First let me ramble a little bit about the Greektown Casino.  This story ends with it being my fault for continuing to open my wallet up and pull money out, but before that, let’s go over the details.

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Out-Duked by Ronald on a Tuesday

April 21, 2009

Usually when we find and share stories around here, they are somehow sports related.  For instance, the story from ESPN.com today about Elijah Dukes (yes that one) getting $500 from a local Washington-area Little League for an appearance in which he signed a few autographs, watched a parade, and jetted. 

Not interesting?  Okay, well he ended up being late to the game, was fined $500 and suspended by manager Manny Acta. 

Still not interesting?  Well, the Little League he was visiting PAID HIS FINE FOR HIM! 

They held a fundraiser.  Of course they did.  After all, Dukes is only making $415,500 this year (ESPN).  What a guy.  Makes me wonder how a guy like that could ever threatened his wife and kids, or impregnate a 17-year old on his grandmother’s couch and throw a Gatorade bottle at her. 

As good as that story is today, I actually have one to top it.  Follow along after the jump for the headline of the week.

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Tuesday Afternoon Sponsor Shout-out: Urine Gone

March 17, 2009

peebgoneWe like to think we give the Interwebs quite a bit from time to time.  Laughter, insight, and a little bit of jackassery (we even have a category for it!) now and then.  What we don’t do enough of is thank the people that bring you APIAS.  That’s all going to change.

Today, we’d like to thank Urine Gone.  This wonderful little product has cleaned up many a Pudge stain (and a few of the writers around here as well).  Seriously, you can’t be around to monitor your cat, dog, or drunk friend all the time can you?  Of course not.  It even says on the label that it’s for pet or people stains.  You can’t beat that.  Remember, for those times when someone (or something) just can’t hold it, reach for Urine Gone!  You’ll be glad you did.

¡Adios Dominicanos!

March 11, 2009
Short one cheater and one moron. (Getty Images)

Short one cheater and one moron. (Getty Images)

Thank you Rod Delmonico.  I guess this guy can still coach a little.  Will someone forward this to Mike Hamilton?

USA! USA! Venezuela! USA!

…what?

Transfer Raises Questions

March 4, 2009

The number one all purpose running back in the country, David Oku, has changed schools.  No, he has not changed colleges, that decision is still undecided, he has changed high schools.  This news is not breaking, it happened a few weeks ago, along with the rumor that the reason for his relocation was due to his high sperm count and lack of protection.

Nebraska SignThe rumor mill has been turning out Internet article after article about Oku.  Oku allegedly knocked up his ‘girlfriend’ while on a recruiting visit to Nebraska and this has prompted his move from Oklahoma to Nebraska.  Those in Oku’s camp say its strictly for academic reasons.  As usual, we here at APIAS.net have some questions/thoughts/comments on the subject….

  • The term ‘girlfriend’ must be a loose affiliation here because no 18 year old brings their girlfriend with them on a recruiting visit.  Obviously they met while Oku was on his recruiting visit to Nebraska.  Nothing says I love you, lets have a baby like a recruiting visit weekend hook-up.
  • If I was Oku I would be having a paternity test done, ASAP.  Let’s be honest, he wasn’t the first running back on the Nebraska campus for a recruiting visit this year. 
  • Oku transferred schools because his new high school in Lincoln, Nebraska offers classes his former high school does not.  Exactly, I am sure the first thing on Oku’s mind for next year is getting college credit for Calculus, French and Biology.  We here at APIAS.net appreciate his determination to ‘score’ in the classroom.
  • If you are going to knock some random girl up on a recruiting visit, at least do it somewhere fun, like Miami, Florida or LSU.  Lincoln, Nebraska is just so boring.
  • Does Oku’s girlfriend attend the University of Nebraska?  Perhaps she works for the football team….CONSPIRACY!  Someone alert Lane Kiffin.
  • If the pregnancy is true, can Tennessee start recruiting this child before birth?
  • To the girlfriend of Oku –  For rent, nice 3 bedroom condo in West Knoxville $0 a month,  University of Tennessee scholarship worth up to $30,000 a year (yes, I know tuition is much cheaper than that but you get the idea here) and a brand new Lexus SUV (car seat included).

Well, there you have it…the Oku saga continues and so does our distasteful, bad and crude blogging.

John Wall Can’t Catch a Break

March 3, 2009

Rivals.com has John Wall as its #1 player in America.  Many would have assumed he was a lock for the McDonald’s All-American game, but since he’s a fifth year senior, he is ineligible (although, he will be playing in the Jordan Brand Classic).  He was also going for a third straight state championship in the state of North Carolina, then this happened.

Yes, that is John Wall’s Word of God Christian Academy getting absolutely hosed by the refs, in the state championship game nonetheless.  Something tells me that ref will be getting scratched by WOGCA next year.  Don’t worry about it though, John; in 15 months you’ll be rich enough to start a Word of John Wall Academy.

Helicopter pilot’s indavertant wicked googly halts play

February 24, 2009

Let this be a lesson to all schools and pro teams with a large “H” as your sports logo.  Don’t paint it on the middle of the field, lest ye be visited by large flying machines.

A cricket match in Mumbai, India was halted suddenly when a helicopter pilot mistook the team’s logo painted in the corner of the field for a landing area and fires outside the stadium as smoke signals.   The players scattered and the pilot, none the wiser, went ahead and landed the chopper on the pitch.

Play was stopped for a half-hour while the mess was settled, and the private helicopter was relocated.

The “H” stands for the name of the Himachal Pradesh team.

“It landed suddenly. No one knew what was happening,” the competing Punjab team manager told the paper after his side won the interrupted game. “There was chaos. Everyone ran for cover.”

Good thing it didn’t happen at a Colombian soccer match.  That thing would have been shot out of the sky by an RPG and raked for parts and supplies miles before it got to the pitch.

Then again, that’s pretty much a normal day for Team Afghanistan.

[Reuters]

California Pederast Arrested

February 4, 2009

calif_2slThe only thing this has to do with sports is that a college softball team was practicing.  The only thing that this has to do with this web site is that 2SL will be doing 18 months in a Southern California pen.

Via Deadspin

            “While retrieving books from her car parked next to his, she saw him in the driver’s seat, committing the lewd act with his shorts down.”