Archive for the ‘Kiffin Lane’ Category

Paging The General; 80 days

June 9, 2009

In honor of secondary recruiting violations becoming national news, I would like to remind you that it is only

80days

until the pom-pons fall from the Glocker Haslam Bridge , the  checkerboard flowers are planted outside the UC, and the official inaugration of the new First Orange Family.

FWP: ’09 Memorial Day Weekend Edition

May 22, 2009

fwpFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It’s about 10AM on Friday morning as I begin to write this. Yes, I am at work. Yes, I am on the clock. No, I don’t care that I am stealing money. There, I’m glad we got that cleared up. I’d like to clear something else up as well. It is very fun to talk about recruiting rankings, especially now that UK is being talked about as having one of the great recruiting classes of all time, but they don’t a damn thing. The Fab Five from Michigan is hailed as the greatest recruiting class ever; how many NCAA Titles did they win? Zero. Isn’t that what it’s all about? The Fab Five were awesome and they revolutionized basketball, but they never won a title so why do we consider them so great? Let’s look at 2004, another great time for Kentucky recruiting. Tubby Smith (who is lambasted for his “poor” recruiting) landed the top class in the country according to Rivals.com‘s rankings. That class never got past the Elite Eight (which they did as freshmen) and was filled with turmoil the years they were there. Randolph Morris played the Hokey-Pokey (one foot in…one foot out) with the NBA before finally bolting for good and Rajon Rondo was percieved as selfish during his two years in Lexington. The two guys who made it all four years at UK, Joe Crawford and Ramel Bradley, were forced to play with lackluster talent after their classmates left for the league and struggled mightily their senior year with new coach Billy Gillispie after Smith left for Minnesota. I’m not trying to be a buzzkill and I think UK’s class this year is totally different, mainly because their won’t be a huge talent dropoff in next year’s recruiting class, but let’s keep our expectations tempered UK fans. Enough with the ranting, let’s do this…

  • jillnuggetsThe Lakers will lose two games in Denver. LA is in big, big trouble. They struggled with a Houston team that didn’t have its stars and have been outplayed the first two games against Denver. I know I’m not the first person to say to say this, but their point guard play is awful. Derek Fisher is a shell of the guy who was there earlier this decade. He is absolutely killing them right now. And, somehow, the Nuggets are outplaying them in every facet of the game. Where did the Nuggets come from? I have no idea, but I feel like they’re here to stay… at least for this year.
  • The Mets will get humiliated in Boston. The Mets cannot score runs anymore. Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado both get hurt and the runs stop going on the board; it’s not a coincedence. Now, they have to go play an AL team that puts up runs in its sleep. I’m sure Santana will be a stud tonight, but expect the Red Sox to put up about 746 runs on Saturday and Sunday. Things were great when the Mets went 16-4 over a 20 game stretch, things could get really ugly soon.
  • People will talk about hockey? I have this sneaking suspiscion that ESPN will soon be airing hockey again. They have led SportsCenter with it in the last couple weeks, on the same night as good NBA Playoff games. The WWL is slowly trying to drum up interest again in a bad product. Hockey sucks and Southerners don’t care about it. Please, spare us all.
  • laylakiffinLane Kiffin will commit a minor NCAA infraction. I can’t say exactly what it will be this time. Will it be an inappropriate tweet? Will he call out another SEC coach? Will he Superman some ho? Who knows? The only thing I know is that my UT friends are hoping his bark is like his bite… or just that the Vols win some football games this fall. Sidenote: his wife is still smoking hot.
  • Jake Peavy will not want to come to your city. Think about if you are Jake Peavy. You are 28 years old, you are a millionaire and you live in San Diego. You are living the dream about as well as anyone can live the dream. Why in the hell would you want to move to Chicago, especially if you have to play for crazy ass Ozzie Guillen? You would stay in San Diego unless some team came with a hell of a deal and was definitely going to contend for the World Series.
  • LeBron will tell his teammates to stop standing around. What the heck happened the other night? The Cavs were clicking for the first half, kicking absolute ass in the first half; the next thing you know, the Magic have chipped away at the lead and end up winning. Their offense was stagnant at best for the entire second half, though. It was awful, and LeBron looked pretty frustrated. I would hope that Mike Brown, who is an inept thief the NBA’s Coach of the Year, would be able to get things figured out. The Cavs win the next two games… easily.
  • The Indy 500 will run. Is there a less relevant sport in the USA right now than Indy racing? Hell, I would watch hockey over this crap. But, it will be all over your TV on Sunday afternoon. Enjoy!
  • calipariJohn Calipari will come to your BBQ, shake hands, kiss babies and still not sleep with your girlfriend. This guy is almost invincible and he’s yet to coach a game. He convinced the #1 PG/player in the country to come to UK after he’d already gotten the #3 PG to come (yeah, I know I’m going against my rant above), he sends out about 15 tweets a day to his 75,000+ followers and seems to be a genuine guy. All this comes before he coaches a game. Wait until he finds out what happens when he loses to Gardner-Webb.

Yes! Weekend! Long weekend! Pools opening! Go have the greatest weekend and always remember to be better.

Aftenoon Wake Up Call: From My Mini

March 10, 2009

wakeupAfternoon Wake Up Call is our way of recapping the day’s action.  This is for all the assholes (college kids) who get to sleep all day or for folks like us that are stuck at work all day and need some updates.  It likely won’t be daily (until Spring weather permits back porch posting on a daily basis), but someone will bring you the day’s recap in a way only APIAS can.

March has officially kicked off.  The 75 team conference tournament in the Big East has kicked off and 0-18 (in conference) Depaul has already started off by knocking off Cincinnati.  They’re the early Cinderalla team this spring.

Kentucky basketball continues to amaze as rumors of BCG asking Meeks not to shoot have flown around until Clyde himself said he wanted Meeks to shoot away.  Mitch continues to say nothing happened in his conversation with Patterson’s mom and today President Todd said they’ll evaluate the coach situation at the end of the week.  (Coverage of all of this is ongoing over at KSR).

Meeks was named District Player of Year but not SEC POY as Marcus Thornton down at LSU took home the honors.  Their coach also took COY honors.  Not bad choices as LSU dominated league play this year.

On the college recruting front Lance Kiffin continues to amaze.  He recently told a recruit if he went to South Carolia he’d end up pumping gas for the rest of his life.  I tend to agree with Kiffin here.  How much is a degree at South Carolina worth these days?  I’d say about three fiddy.  Or about how much a gallon of gas will be back up to in 4 years when that kid gradua…ahahaha.  Sorry, almost got that out.  We all know football players at SC aren’t graduating.

Wrapping it up today, expect some APIAS road trip coverage this spring as TGC and FuzzyBuzz are taking an April trip to Comerica for Yanks-Tigers.  Come May I myself will be accompanying TGC for A’s and Tigers in the friendly confines of the Tigers stadium.  Good times will be had by all and perfect pours will flow like wine.

Also, starting today we’ll be debuting a new part of this segment called favorite thing of the day.  Today we’ll go with the device supplying you this post, my new Dell Mini9.  If you haven’t looked into getting an ultraportable laptop yet you should.  Dell’s offering is nice and ASUS and others have nice alternatives as well.  Check them out and pick one up for less than 3 Benjamins.

Thanks for tuning in today and keep an eye out for Italy in the WBC.  They could make some noise.

Transfer Raises Questions

March 4, 2009

The number one all purpose running back in the country, David Oku, has changed schools.  No, he has not changed colleges, that decision is still undecided, he has changed high schools.  This news is not breaking, it happened a few weeks ago, along with the rumor that the reason for his relocation was due to his high sperm count and lack of protection.

Nebraska SignThe rumor mill has been turning out Internet article after article about Oku.  Oku allegedly knocked up his ‘girlfriend’ while on a recruiting visit to Nebraska and this has prompted his move from Oklahoma to Nebraska.  Those in Oku’s camp say its strictly for academic reasons.  As usual, we here at APIAS.net have some questions/thoughts/comments on the subject….

  • The term ‘girlfriend’ must be a loose affiliation here because no 18 year old brings their girlfriend with them on a recruiting visit.  Obviously they met while Oku was on his recruiting visit to Nebraska.  Nothing says I love you, lets have a baby like a recruiting visit weekend hook-up.
  • If I was Oku I would be having a paternity test done, ASAP.  Let’s be honest, he wasn’t the first running back on the Nebraska campus for a recruiting visit this year. 
  • Oku transferred schools because his new high school in Lincoln, Nebraska offers classes his former high school does not.  Exactly, I am sure the first thing on Oku’s mind for next year is getting college credit for Calculus, French and Biology.  We here at APIAS.net appreciate his determination to ‘score’ in the classroom.
  • If you are going to knock some random girl up on a recruiting visit, at least do it somewhere fun, like Miami, Florida or LSU.  Lincoln, Nebraska is just so boring.
  • Does Oku’s girlfriend attend the University of Nebraska?  Perhaps she works for the football team….CONSPIRACY!  Someone alert Lane Kiffin.
  • If the pregnancy is true, can Tennessee start recruiting this child before birth?
  • To the girlfriend of Oku –  For rent, nice 3 bedroom condo in West Knoxville $0 a month,  University of Tennessee scholarship worth up to $30,000 a year (yes, I know tuition is much cheaper than that but you get the idea here) and a brand new Lexus SUV (car seat included).

Well, there you have it…the Oku saga continues and so does our distasteful, bad and crude blogging.

FWP: No Football, No UK… More Beer

February 6, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Hmm… last weekend was… interesting.  The Cats didn’t show up at home against the Cocks (in what is starting to look like a trend), the Vols dismantled the Gators and the refs won the Super Bowl.  Seriously, the NFL puts on the biggest game of the season and can’t give us good refs?  A game of that magnitude decided by people who are obviously incompetent is a damn joke and a slap in the face to viewers.  And I guess it is possible that I’m a little upset that I don’t live in Tucson and didn’t get to see the porno during the boring zebra show.  The game showed so many black stripes I thought it was being played in the damn Safari Jungle.  I keep trying to think of other ways to rip the Super Bowl, but I’ve kind of lost them all and it was five days ago so it’s not exactly relevant.  There is stuff going on this weekend, even without a real football game or even a UK basketball game.  College hoops is in full swing, baseball will inch closer, the Celtics will put up 200 in New York and it’s Pro Bowl weekend!!! 

  • auburngirlsBrian Williams will once again lead the Vols to victory.  Can my favorite big man in the country not get some pub from the national media?  The dude’s only been playing hoops for a couple years and is developing into a hell of a player.  Plus, he gives America hope… at least more than Barack Obama does.  The game won’t be pretty, mainly because it’s being played in Auburn and Auburn follows the SEC West rule: All teams’ gyms’ lights must be set to dim.  The Tigers keep it close for a while, but can’t match Big Beezy or the rest of the Vols’ athleticism.  Vols 76 Tigers 68.
  • Rich Rodriguez will hope and pray that his freshmen will be ready to contribute in seven months.  Will Campbell and Tate Forcier are both already on campus and are the two most needed contributors from Rivals #7 class.  Campbell is a 5-star DL and is a physical specimen.  Forcier is a dual-threat QB who expects to compete for the starting job.  Can we all hope and pray these guys are ready?  I mean, who really wants to see the Buckeyes win again?
  • The Celtics will absolutely crush the Knicks tonight.  The C’s got screwed by the refs last night, KG’s last foul was an abomination.  So now, the defending champs are going into the arena that has given us two of the best performances of the year in back-to-back games… and not by Knick players.  In case you don’t watch the NBA, NY isn’t exactly known for its defensive prowess so this could get ugly quickly.  Boston wins by 30+.
  • aishwarya-rai-bachchan-may-17-3The Pink Panther 2 will come out, not be as good as the cartoon.  Can we stop making old-school cartoons into movies?  When was this ever a success?  The Flintstones, Scooby Doo, yeah… exactly.  Steve Martin used to be a funny guy.  We’re talking about the guy who was in The Jerk!  The guy was classic on SNL and now he’s doing this.  As TGC always says, “The economy’s rough on everybody.”  If you do for some reason go see this “film,” check out Aishwarya Rai.  The former Miss World is also in the movie and also to the right.  Look at the pretty girl, now keep reading.
  • The World Baseball Classic will inch closer, making all of us desperate for baseball.  If you haven’t already, a nice way to pass the time at work is to check out all the rosters for the WBC.  There are a lot of questions that come out of the rosters.  How is Japan so good with so few MLBers?  How is Venezuela so damn stacked?  Can the Dominican Republic be stopped?  Could I actually make Australia’s roster?  Answers to come soon.
  • Lane Kiffin will NOT make a trip to Gainesville.  I’ve got a thin line to walk here, seeing as Vol homers and a Gator homer all write for the site.  Is Kiffin making any friends by spouting off like that?  No, not with other SEC coaches, but he is getting the alumni and Vol fans excited about football again after a very long year.  The only thing I would advise is to not make up recruiting violations… also, don’t be upset when Tebow is throwing TD passes late in the 4th quarter of an 84-3 game.
  • hawaiiangirlBilly Gillispie will take a weekend off, fly out to Hawaii to watch the Pro Bowl and then sleep with your girlfriend.  Why does UK have a random Saturday off in the middle of conference play?  Maybe a three game losing streak was planned by BCG to get a week full of practice before a HUGE game against Florida.  The game against the Gators could be what gets the Cats in the tournament, or keeps them out.  Yikes.  On the other hand, its the Pro Bowl on Sunday night!  Woohoo!  If you like NFL players going half speed, not tackling and wanting to be at the beach… this game is totally for you!  It’s going to be the swan song for Hawaii and this event.  I’m not sure what the 500 fans who attend every year will do without this.  Surely, they can find some hot Hawaiian chicks to hang out with.

If that’s not enough entertainment for you this weekend, surely you can take bong hits with Michael Phelps!  Oh Snap!  WEEKEND!

Nu’Keese Richardson testing dual-school waters

February 4, 2009

In the slightly-creepy all-day infatuation of following and hassling 17 year old kids over their choice of higher education — according to Rivals.com this afternoon — Nu’Keese Richardson became, apparently, the first high school player to commit to 2 different schools on signing day.  The fact that he will be attending and playing for both SEC East division rivals Florida and Tennessee makes the soup a little stewier for the early season contest.

 nukeese_2_school

Some preliminary questions that come to mind:

Will he be required to use 2 years of eligibility per year?  And would that make him NFL eligible by week 6 of 2010?

Which school’s academic criteria must he follow?

If he receives a degree from UF will that dimish the stature of the same from UT?

Can he play for both teams in the annual matchup?

Upon getting arrested in Las Vegas/Knoxville/Tijuana/Jacksonville does he call Urban or Lane?

This should get interesting…

UPDATE: Apparently Nu’Keese settled on a school after all, as Rivals has taken down the Florida commitment.  Oh well, would have been interesting…

Kiffin Commentary; week four

December 22, 2008

In this installment following the first days of new Volunteer head coach Lane Kiffin, there is plenty of excitement, more commitments… and of course a few more jabs at Ol’ Stevie Carolina.

On the heels of naming Tampa Bay D-Coordinator Monte Kiffin to the same post at UT, many expected that some of the country’s defensive talent would start lining up to play for him.  Few of us thought that would start happening before Pops Kiffin moved to Knoxville.  Well, it has.  Sarasota D-Tacke Arthur Jeffery has committed to UT over South Florida.

It was between USF and Tennessee, but when I heard that Kiffin was going to run the defense it flipped them ahead,” Jeffery told media representatives when announcing his choice. The decision is non-binding, but Jeffery says UT is who he will sign with on Feb. 4.  “It’s solid as a rock… Coach Kiffin was the key for me. There is something he brings to the table that makes his players play better and I want to find out what it is.”

Kiffin wasted little time taking another inside jab at the ol’ ball coach, bringing up (what seemed to me to be unprovoked) Spurrier’s comment on the recruitment test… again… before the UT Hoops game Saturday.  Kiffin mentioned that he’d scored a 39/40 and wondered aloud what Coach Spurrier had scored himself.  Spurrier took the bait yesterday.

“I have always passed it,” the South Carolina coach said Sunday. “I know he’s smarter than me. There’s no question about that. I barely graduated from college. I know I’m not the smartest guy out there. No big deal.”

This is going to get fun!

In that same discussion, he made a few comments regarding returning players that sound on one hand, quite genuine, and on the other, like a national recruiting broadcast for ’09 seniors.

 “We don’t have a depth chart. We don’t know anything about these guys is the way we’re going into it. We’re watching film to evaluate just to understand their athletic ability but not to evaluate them on what they were doing in the scheme. This spring is going to be huge for these guys. They’re going to get a great evaluation period through spring ball and the spring scrimmage. And then after that in the fall we’ve got to push these incoming guys, these great freshmen, right to the front and see who can stay up there and be championship players for us.”

This week in Kiffin Cover 2 watch.  Still not good.  41 points, 370 yards, River was 31-41.  Let’s hope that’s due to his impending departure and not a sign of his impending coaching ability.

Til next week.  Happy Volidays! (boo)

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