Archive for the ‘Guns’ Category

Out-Duked by Ronald on a Tuesday

April 21, 2009

Usually when we find and share stories around here, they are somehow sports related.  For instance, the story from ESPN.com today about Elijah Dukes (yes that one) getting $500 from a local Washington-area Little League for an appearance in which he signed a few autographs, watched a parade, and jetted. 

Not interesting?  Okay, well he ended up being late to the game, was fined $500 and suspended by manager Manny Acta. 

Still not interesting?  Well, the Little League he was visiting PAID HIS FINE FOR HIM! 

They held a fundraiser.  Of course they did.  After all, Dukes is only making $415,500 this year (ESPN).  What a guy.  Makes me wonder how a guy like that could ever threatened his wife and kids, or impregnate a 17-year old on his grandmother’s couch and throw a Gatorade bottle at her. 

As good as that story is today, I actually have one to top it.  Follow along after the jump for the headline of the week.

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February sports have gone ’round the bend

February 25, 2009

 

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Found this on The Golf Channel just now.  Are we really struggling for sports news this bad?  Geez.

Is Opening Day here yet?

Screw it, I’m going to hit the links.

Tiger under knife, Smoothron now with 2 cars!

June 18, 2008

Breaking News out of the PGA Tour today.  Tiger will be missing the remainder of 2008 to undergo another knee surgery.

 As mentioned several times before, a certain wager was going to cost one of two prominent bloggers a car.

[4-11-08, FWP with Smoothron]  …because I may have a wager against APIAS.net friend, Brubaker, on if Tiger will win two or more Majors this year. 

 So Bru, hope collegehoops.net is paying well this summer.  As for a salesperson to assist you in finding your new ride, I recommend Megan from Courtesy on Wheels.

More on this story as smooth wakes up to get the news…

[Fox News]

Vol Hostesses taking Senior weekend off

November 15, 2007

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Hell yeah that’s strange.  These are the kind of things I always thought were just a given.  Poor guys having to hope for a happy ending on Senior Day!?!  No wonder we’re losing games.

Fellas, good luck at Platinum after the game looking for tai…. What?  They tore down Platinum?  Holy shit.  How can a player be expected to run for 220 and punch a teammate in the face later that night with no happy-ending-giving Vol Hostesses and no Platinum?

Well hell.  Now I’m worried about Vandy and the Cats.

It does have a marketable ring to it…

September 5, 2007

At this point, we’re not willing to take the opportunity to poke fun at anything involving the recent VaTech tradgedy.

However, if you are so inclined, The guys at Strike Zones and End Zones have an interesting idea for this weekend’s LSU/VT game: The Tragedy Bowl

Hell, if ESPN can exploit it… might as well enjoy a good FEMA zinger.

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Thanks to The Extrapolater for the tip.

TWIRS: Gettin’ Your Guns Off

August 22, 2007

shootingtehguns.jpgThis Week In Random Sports (TWIRS) is a  column that runs occasionally on some Wednesdays.  Pretty much whenever eDay feels the need to bore sports fans with sports he finds either interesting, stupid, humorous, or just when he has nothing to say and wants to show hot pictures of athletes.

Okay, so technically the University of Kentucky is in the Great American Rifle Conference (GARC for those not in the know) in team rifle competition.  But in the spirit of SEC Week on APIAS we can’t consider any team affiliated with UK as anything but a Southeastern Conference team.

So grab your 12-gauge, a case of beer, and a couple of moon pies and please, please do not say PULL! after the jump.

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College Fight Reveals Life Long Questions About Shotguns and Dairy Queens

July 10, 2007

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Missouri basketball player Kalen Grimes was arrested this weekend for “striking a man in the face with the butt of a shotgun.”  Here’s how the event unfolded…

The incident happened early Saturday and began when Grimes’ cousin, Ryan Fisher, and another man got into an argument over a woman at a Jack in the Box restaurant, Karabas said. The skirmish spilled over onto a Dairy Queen parking lot nearby.

Upside Down Blizzards…Amazing

Fisher called Grimes to inform him of the upcoming fight.  Grimes and his shotgun drove to the restaurant.  Upon arrival Grimes used the butt of his shotgun to give the opponent a cut to the forehead.  Meanwhile…

Grimes’ brother, Michael, was struck in the head with a lug wrench. Police said no one was seriously hurt.

Grimes left the scene but was arrested minutes later by local police.  Missouri Coach Mike Anderson has suspended the player indefinetly.  I understand this story is pretty common place in college sports today but I think there are some serious questions within this incident that must be addressed:

  • How do two restaurants make a profit within such a close proximity to each other?
  • Shotgun vs.  Lug wrench.  Is that really a fair fight?
  • Did Barry Bonds use steroids?
  • Was the woman a cashier at Jack in the Box or the Blizzard girl at Dairy Queen?
  • Doesn’t Grimes know he has to shoot someone with the shotgun to make front page news?
  • If a man gets hit with a lug wrench and he isn’t a college athlete, does anyone care?
  • What booster bought the car Grimes showed up in?
  • Is the sirloin burger at the Jack in the Box worth fighting for?
  • Is the designated hitter bad for baseball?
  • How do the Dairy Queen people hold the blizzard upside down without the ice cream falling out?

No one is expected to have all the answers to such tough questions.  Perhaps one day we will find the answers to such questions.  Then as a society we can eliminate shotgun butts to the head and make the Dairy Queen parking lot safe for the entire family again.

God Bless Our Readers

July 6, 2007

From time to time, we come across information about how you lovely folks stumble across our site, sometimes linked over, sometimes word of mouth, email, etc…  One of the things we are privy to here is a list of what, for instance, readers have Google-searched and then moseyed on over to APIAS.net.

Today, this list took the cake, guns, drunk babes, handcuffs, and coke.  Take a gander at what your fellow readers are seeking on the internets.

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A fight search, three different drunk searches, an old man search, a VHS search, a munchkin search, and of course, PLAYING SPORTS WHILE ON COKE!

There’s a special prize for you, homey.  I know you’re out there.  I hear ya.

God Bless Ya.

Quincy Wilson Will Not Be Left Out

June 19, 2007

makinmommaproud.jpgBengals running back Quincy Wilson (yeah, I didn’t know he was on the team either) was arrested over the weekend for “failing to disperse” after a wedding party in West Fuckin Virginia.  “Failing to Disperse.”  Translated: “Walk”

 Wilson was taken downtown and booked for not picking a direction and walking.  To be fair to Quincy, at least he wasn’t wearing a Quincy Wilson  jersey.

The WV Times has the report:

Lt. Hank Dial with the Huntington Police Department said the group refused to follow police commands to disperse around 3 a.m. Sunday outside a bar….

…Police were trying to break up the crowd out of safety concerns, he said, after shots were fired about a half hour earlier one block from the bar.

What kind of world is it where a Cincinnati Bengal can’t roam the streets of West F’n Virginia shooting guns off into the air and refusing to go home (or just away) at 3am.

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Wilson is the 10th Bengal arrested in the last 14 months… making them one man short of being able to take on Paul Crewe’s Crew (APIAS prefers Burt Reynolds to Sandler in this particular situation).