Archive for the ‘Senility’ Category

Out-Duked by Ronald on a Tuesday

April 21, 2009

Usually when we find and share stories around here, they are somehow sports related.  For instance, the story from today about Elijah Dukes (yes that one) getting $500 from a local Washington-area Little League for an appearance in which he signed a few autographs, watched a parade, and jetted. 

Not interesting?  Okay, well he ended up being late to the game, was fined $500 and suspended by manager Manny Acta. 

Still not interesting?  Well, the Little League he was visiting PAID HIS FINE FOR HIM! 

They held a fundraiser.  Of course they did.  After all, Dukes is only making $415,500 this year (ESPN).  What a guy.  Makes me wonder how a guy like that could ever threatened his wife and kids, or impregnate a 17-year old on his grandmother’s couch and throw a Gatorade bottle at her. 

As good as that story is today, I actually have one to top it.  Follow along after the jump for the headline of the week.


Tuesday Afternoon Sponsor Shout-out: Urine Gone

March 17, 2009

peebgoneWe like to think we give the Interwebs quite a bit from time to time.  Laughter, insight, and a little bit of jackassery (we even have a category for it!) now and then.  What we don’t do enough of is thank the people that bring you APIAS.  That’s all going to change.

Today, we’d like to thank Urine Gone.  This wonderful little product has cleaned up many a Pudge stain (and a few of the writers around here as well).  Seriously, you can’t be around to monitor your cat, dog, or drunk friend all the time can you?  Of course not.  It even says on the label that it’s for pet or people stains.  You can’t beat that.  Remember, for those times when someone (or something) just can’t hold it, reach for Urine Gone!  You’ll be glad you did.

Geriatric hoopster ruled ineligible

February 20, 2009
Photo credit: News-Sentinel

Photo credit: News-Sentinel

An NJCAA school in East Tennessee must forfeit its last game due to the use of an ineligible player.  I’m not sure which is more troubling, that a JuCo has eligibility rules, or that the player in question is 73 years old.

Ken Mink has been on the Roane State Community College team for just this one season, but his career spans over a half-century when he was kicked off the Lees Junior College team in 1956 for (allegedly) shaving-creaming the coach’s office.

The latest bout of controversy is due to a failing grade in Spanish and the attempt to make up the credits at online Strayer University.  But alas, his exploits were revealed, and thus endeth his dream of trading sweat with young African-American males everyday at 3pm.

Just goes to show you, once a trouble-maker, always a trouble-maker.

By the way, did anyone know JuCo’s had academic review boards? 

Learn something every day.

[Knoxville News-Sentinel]

Dennis Ray Boyd would like 15 minutes of your time

February 17, 2009
Boyd keeping in shape with his training partner.

Boyd keeping in shape with his training partner.

If any of you are as big a baseball fan as I am, that name started spinning wheels in your head, and in a few moments, you realized who it is.  The Oil Can.   While Oil Can Boyd would be an interesting focus for a “Whatever happened to that guy?” column, he’s about to make it unneccessary.

The Can is shopping his 49 year old arm around to all MLB teams this spring training. 

Yes, the man who once uttered “That’s what they get for building a park on the ocean,” after having a game postponed at a foggy Cleveland Municipal Stadium, is looking for a new deal.

He’s claiming Satchel Paige as motivation for this endeavor.  I’m betting boredom and senility are somewhere in the top 5 though.

“I wasn’t on the field, started gaining weight. All of a sudden, my arm has healed. The arm strength is there and it’s there consistently. The more I throw, the better it feels.”

If there’s a GM out there willing to take a flier on this, and there may well be, I’m betting his name rhymes with Silly Dean.

Got any more room on the DL?

Oh dear.