Archive for the ‘Pearl’ Category

FWP: Sunglasses at Night Edition

June 19, 2009

fwpFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It’s 8AM, I’ve been at work for two hours and I am ready to go home. Hopefully, a little FWP will help pass the time until noon or whenever I deem a good time to head home. One place I will not be heading is to Louisville for “Downs After Dark” tonight. Yes, Churchill Downs, home of the most famous horse race in the entire world, will try out night racing for the first time tonight. My guess is that it will be a racing success and a social disaster. From a racing standpoint, it’s an absolute no-brainer. We’re in a terrible economy, where discretionary income is lessened every day. For many people, that means they won’t be able to go out to drink and gamble like they might once have. Well, when you put horse racing on a Friday evening, people can use their dinner money for drinking and gambling (much like I do everyday). Crowds will be absolutely killer and Churchill has already jacked up their admission prices to ensure they make every last dime they possibly can. Also, let’s not forget that you cannot watch Churchill on television live… anywhere, not on TVG or HRTV or even HGTV. So, the hardcore gamblers (the ones with jobs at least) will finally be able to actually see the races they are betting on. That is the part with this that I am totally on board, a homerun. Now, to the part that is going to suck: the people that are going to be there. One thing that Churchill Downs prides itself on (except for the Derby, of course) is their crowd is mostly people who are there for the races. It’s not like a Keeneland crowd where people go for drinking, socializing and to show off their new dress (Bru). Well, now it is going to be “the place to be seen.” I would say there will be a lot of dudes wearing their sunglasses at night (video below). Granted, Churchill doesn’t care who shows up as long as they get their $10 from each person through the turnstile, but that’s not a scene I want to be a part of. If Douchebag-Facebook-Status-Updates are any indication of the types of losers that are going to be there, I’ll be fine sitting on the couch with Blevs and Turner doing my gambling from 76 miles away. Lastly, Nick Nicholson better not be getting any ideas.

No choice but to move on, let’s do this.

  • elinwoodsTiger Woods will dominate the US Open. Bru and I went double-or-nothing on our car bet from last year. If you’re new, Bru and I bet last year on the number of majors that Tiger would win. The O/U was 1.5. He took the over and lost, I took the under and won his car. I decided to let him double down. As TGC pointed out in the early spring, “Bru, in about 10 years, you might be opening Smoothron’s Ford dealership.” Fine by me. Also, we all love Elin, Tiger’s sexy, Swedish, nanny wife. Well, done Tiger… as if you didn’t have enough going well in your life.
  • The NHL Playoffs will continue being irrelevant. Um, excuse, someone is telling me something. What’s that? They’re actually over? Oh, I would have thought someone would have said something about that. In all seriousness, I watched the last ten minutes of Game 7 last Friday night. Hockey just doesn’t do it for me. The only hockey story of note this year was that one guy calling Elisha Cuthbert his sloppy seconds. That made hockey important for about six hours.
  • Jodie Meeks will pray and pray and then pray some more. On Monday, Jodie crushed Big Blue Nation by not returning to UK and opting to keep his name in the draft. I really wish the best for Meeks, he was a bright spot on a very rough 2008-09 season, but this is a bad decision. After Meeks’ breakout performance against Tennessee (did you see that game, TGC?), defenses keyed on him. He struggled many times to get shots off against mediocre SEC defenses. I think he could have gotten quite a bit better under Calipari this year, especially his ball handling, but he’s gone. Now, Jodie will just have to hope and wait that some team will draft him in the first round where he will be guaranteed a contract. If not, he might want to brush up on his Arabic.
  • oliviawildeYear One will usurp The Hangover and become the #1 movie in America. Have you heard of Year One? It’s the movie that was advertised every f*#%ing commercial break during the NBA Finals. Michael Cera is one of the funniest people on the planet, but even I got a little sick of his “I’m awkward and don’t know what to say about sports” schtick at some point. The producers and studio must be praying this movie opens well or many heads will roll. The best part of the movie has to be that it features the uber-hot Olivia Wilde. Oh, Olivia, look how far you’ve come since you were playing hot, bi-curious Alex on The OC.
  • Bruce Pearl will prepare for an odd appearance in the coming week. NBA TV has hired Pearl as a Draft Analyst for the week. I don’t mean to rip on Tennessee too much this morning, but in what world does this make sense? Does Pearl, the basketball coach at UT, give NBA TV a big draw? More Vol fans would watch if Lane Kiffin were giving his analysis than Pearl. Thankfully, Bruce tweeted to let us know that he will be wearing a shirt.
  • Donte’ Stallworth will just be chilling in the clink. I’m not positive if clink is still used to describe prison, but it makes me seem like I have street cred. You would think, with all the media there is these days, that someone would compare the Mike Vick case to the Stallworth case. You know, because the two are so very similar. Either way, this really sucks for everyone involved. What? Stallworth went to Tennessee? Oh man, TGC is going to beat me.
  • lakergirlsThe second worst NBA Champs of the decade will keep celebrating. Yes, 2009 Lakers, you just beat out the ’06 Heat to NOT be the worst Champs of the 2000’s. How bad was that Heat team? DWade, Shaq and a bunch of clowns. Antoine Walker and Gary Payton got valuable minutes for that team. In reality, the teams are very similiar. They each have a superstar guard (Wade/Bryant), an aging PG (Payton/Fisher), a great big man (O’Neal/Gasol), an athletic swing man who can defend (Posey/Ariza) and an enigmatic pothead (Walker/Odom). I will give the Lakers the benefit of the doubt because I don’t think Dwyane Wade would shoot 573,829 free throws again. Hopefully, Garnett will return to form and LeBron will get some help next year so we can get away from non-memorable champions.

Hey, it’s almost 9:30 and I haven’t done anything at work so I better pretend to work for thirty minutes or so. Get by a pool, play some golf, hug your dad, help W move and drink one for me. Weekend!

Pearl’s Announcement via Youtube

May 7, 2009

Holly found video of the announcement earler.  I particularly enjoy the profanity and the “gates” joke, thought I’m not sure Miss Miller did.

I need someone more Biblically inclined to explain whether the officials joke is a Jew joke or a blind joke.

Bruce Pearl engaged to Tennessee woman

May 4, 2009
Pearl and Miller (center) at the Knoxville Symphony league in June of last year. (

Pearl and Miller (center) at the Knoxville Symphony league in June of last year. (

The news today out of the Big Orange Caravan stop in Sevierville, TN is that UT’s BP is engaged to the local Brandy Miller.  Speaking on the news and last month’s speculation regarding the Memphis coaching vacancy, Pearl noted, “If you think I’m leaving that for Memphis, you’re crazy.” (emphasis assumed)

I found the photo above from June 2008 here.

You’ll all recall that after his 2007 divorce, his ex-wife Kim setup a beauty salon in Knoxville called Alimony’s (video here).  And business is good.

No word yet on whether Miss Miller will be opening a business called… yeah, I’m not gonna make that joke.  Best wishes to BP and Miller.  The sweetest setup in Knoxville just got a new resident and the quest for the Elite Eight can continue.



[Tennessean] [KnoxMag]

Thanks to Smooth for the heads up on the story.

Think about it… it makes sense

April 2, 2009
Get used to this--and the gutter--vol fans

Get used to this--and the gutter--vol fans

Take a big step with me here.  Let’s make plenty of assumptions.  Let’s assume Bruce Pearl isn’t as loyal as he’d want the Big Orange to think and just evaluate the purported offer on the table.  Let’s assume he got his audience with Memphis higher-ups and the FedEx CEO.  Let’s assume somewhere in East Memphis is a nice country club.  You still with me?

WMC in Memphis is reporting U-Mem has offered BP a $21 Million dollar, 7-year deal. 

How could he not take it?

You get to take a step down in competition.  The SEC East sure as hell didn’t get any easier with the 2 highest-paid coaches in the game currently planning for the ’09-’10 tourney. 

Memphis just won about 145 straight conference games, en route to consecutive top 2 seeds (read, a much easier path to a Final Four).  And as my bud Smooth points out, Memphis is a basketball school.  While UT is toiling in the land of never-been-past-the-sweet-16, Memphis just played for a National Championship 2 seasons ago.

And that was far from their first taste of success.  The Tigers have banners for 3 Final Four appearances and 2 National Runners-up.

Hell, if not for having to live in or around Memphis, even I’d take that job, and I hate Tiger Blue.

So it’s settled then.  Pearl to Memphis.

Now who’s his replacement on Rocky Top?  Usually, I’d let 2SL take this one, but it’s my alma mater, and I want to take a first guess.  Follow me to freedom.


Afternoon Wake Up Call: It’s Almost Over

March 31, 2009

wakeupKentucky basketball has been everywhere recently.  From the WWL to UK message boards and fan sites, the Interwebs have been abuzz with UK’s men’s basketball coaching search.  It all kicked off Friday afternoon when Billy Gillispie was officially shown the door by UK.  Since then the server for about every UK blog, fan site, and even many actual news outlets have been shitting all over themselves.

The big question remains: who will replace Gillispie at the helm?  Most reports have John Calipari of New Jersey Nets fame.  In fact, the ever-reliable Wikipedia already has him as the head coach (as of the time of this post).  ESPN still has Coach Cal as undecided so we’ll go with that today.

One thing that is absolutely true is that Cats fans are salivating at the idea of having Calipari on the sidelines next year.  A potential first ten of Wall, Meeks, Miller, Orton, Patterson, Hood, Harris, Stevenson, Galloway, and Cousins would make any fan smile.  That appears to be a strong possibility if Lee Todd and Mitch Barnhardt do indeed tap Calipari for the head man job.

There’s not much to say about this that hasn’t been discussed but let’s think for a moment what would occur if Calipari does get the job.  First, the UK-UL rivalry would ratchet up another notch as the old Memphis-UL rivalry was pretty heated when they were CUSA opponents (they’re even in a commercial together).  A second rivalry is the UK-UT showdown.  Bruce and John had turned the Memphis and Tennessee face-offs into serious games.  Just two years ago the teams were ranked #1 and #2 in the nation and playing on ESPN.  There appears to be no love loss between these two men either.  So UK’s main rivalries could be getting another shot in the arm with the addition of Calipari.

In other news (yes, there is other sports news) baseball kicks off in less than a week.  This particular blogger could not be more excited.  In fact, the old account will be paid up tonight to avoid any last second rush on Monday.  Can’t miss the A’s (and Tigers) first games now can we?

On the A’s front, young pitching is the name of the game.  It appears that all 5 members of the opening day starting rotation will be 25-years-old or younger.  That sure as Hell makes a guy feel old when his entire starting staff is younger than he is!  The off season acquisitions of some big name position players should give the youngsters some time to settle in, and even if they don’t there is a stable full of arms down in Sacramento just waiting for their opportunity.

The Tigers want to show everyone that 2008 was an anomaly.  With one of the best lineups in baseball again this year, and a heatly Sheffield, the Tigers will look to score in bunches again.  Offseason acquisitions of Jackson and Lyon will help push the pitching over the hump as well.  Don’t sleep on the Tigs in the AL Central this year as that race will be hotly contested again in 2009.

The Final Four also kicks off this weekend.  Give me UNC to hold off Jay Wright and his band of midgets.  Then give me Roy Boy to take down the sleigh dogs.  Just a hunch.

Our favorite thing today is going to be Pizza Hut.  This is only because it is about to be my dinner and absolutely no other reason.

That’s all for today folks.  Go out and enjoy the weather before the rain gets here.

NOTE:  While typing this ESPN has reported Calipari will take the UK job and Sheffield was released by the Tigers.  The sports world has gone nuts in the last 15 minutes.

FWP: Never to be Seen in Tampa Again Edition

March 13, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Hooray!  It’s Conference Tournament Championship weekend!  The Big Six Conferences will all crown their champions by 6PM on Sunday and then Seth Davis will be able to rip apart every team in the NCAA Tournament except for Duke (he’s sure they’re going to make a big run this year).  I like to look at this weekend as just a warmup for next.  Hell, I worked yesterday and am writing this from work right now.  If you think I’m going to work next Thursday or Friday, you must be as drunk as I’m going to be in about six hours.  Thank Mitch for the interweb, though, as I was able to listen to the Cats take down the Rebels yesterday.  Hopefully, I’ll be out of this place soon enough and can stop getting paid to blog (unintentionally).  This is a great weekend for all those who like to talk shit about things that don’t really matter.  Sure, Kansas, Oklahoma, Connecticut and Pittsburgh all got knocked out of their conference tournaments before ever winning a game.  Does that hold any weight at all?  Aren’t all of those teams still going to the Dance?  Even with those losses, it wouldn’t be a shock to see any of them in the Final Four.  Conference tournaments for BCS schools are all about money and are superfluous at best.  Is it fun to watch some good games?  Sure!  Can you tell me who won the 2006 Big XII Tourney (without checking out Wiki)?  I didn’t think so.  Watch the games, but don’t get your hopes up or down because of how well your team plays.

While this may be a basketball-heavy weekend, Round 2 of the WBC gets going, Tiger is golfing again and we all gear up for the only day of the year where drinking green beer would be encouraged.  Yep…

  • osugirls1Oklahoma State will win the Big XII Tournament; Lexington, KY will explode.  It’s no secret that UK fans are less than pleased with Coach Billy Gillispie right now.  The crazed fanbase is ready to hire anyone with UK ties (Pat Riley’s name has been mentioned which is just inane).  What do you know?  Travis Ford coaches the Oklahoma State Cowboys who just beat a top 10 team!  If you don’t think coaching for a job in Lexington is motivating enough for Ford, you were never at Redmon’s on Thursday nights when Ford coached at Eastern Kentucky.
  • Wake Forest will win the ACC Tournament.  They are definitely the most athletic team in the conference with Ty Lawson out for UNC.  Duke is obviously a bunch of whiny bitches who don’t have the cajones to play well three days in a row.  Lawson’s injury will be too much for UNC to overcome (have you seen Larry Drew II play PG for them…yikes!) and Roy-Boy will not want to get anyone hurt already knowing he has a #1 seed locked up.
  • The Netherlands will fall back to reality when it comes to baseball.  Look, it was a hell of a run.  No one not named Fjord thought they could beat the Domincans (twice!) to make it from Pool D to Pool 2 (See what they did there?  Lettered Pools to Numbered Pools.  Nice.), but the run ends at Pool 2.  The USA and Venezuela emerge from the almighty Pool 2 to take on Japan and Korea in Pool Triangle… or something like that.
  • asugirlsNo one will know the Pac-10 Tournament is actually going on, but Arizona State will win anyway.  How bad is basketball out West this year?  The Pac-10 has two teams in the top 15 and they both suck.  They just happened to have beaten all the really bad teams out West to move up the rankings.  Ugh, moving on.
  • Few will be awake to see Wisconsin win the Big 10 Tournament.  Oh, sorry, I just woke back up.  I accidentally turned on the Michigan St./Minnesota game.  The game clock read 3:35 left to play and the score was 27-26, so I guess it was the 2nd half.  Bo Ryan is the best coach in the conference and will find a way to get his team into the Dance.  Raise your hand if you like defense!  Actually, put both hands up, it’s better for your defensive stance.
  • Tiger Woods!!! Wooooo!!!!  The sound of schoolgirls yelping was actually that of golf executives when they heard El Tigre would be playing this weekend.  Sadly, he’s tied for 40th right now and I’m pretty sure that doesn’t put him in the final pairing on Sunday.  Bru still owes me his car.
  • Villanova will beat West Virginia in the Big East Championship game.  Louisville is over-hyped and Syracuse will be dead tonight so both will lose.  Jay Wright is a hell of a coach, Bob Huggins is a hell of a drinker; Wright wins on Saturday night because Huggins will be thirsty.  Real quick tangent, just because a basketball game is long does not mean it is great.  If a baseball game goes 20 innings, do people call it the greatest game ever?  No, because you usually see pitchers that are terrible and would never play in any other circumstance.  Thus, in a basketball game, you see players making plays they would never make because they are exhausted and have no energy.  They are not playing at a high level and the quality of the game goes down.  UK/Duke is still the greatest game ever played and Syracuse/UConn might crack the top 15.  Tangent… out!
  • lsugirlLSU will win the SEC Tournament and then Billy Gillispie will sleep with your girlfriend.  Look, everyone knows every team in the SEC has flaws.  Kentucky is inconsistent.  Florida doesn’t have consistent inside play.  Tennessee’s guards couldn’t guard me.  LSU lost twice last week.  South Carolina has Devan Downey and… I can’t think of anyone else on their team.  Mississippi State is coached by Rick Stansbury.  Auburn is coached by Jeff Lebo.  Alabama’s coach is afraid to yell at the refs because his mommy might get mad.  LSU won more games all year, so hell, I’ll take them to win it.  Also, ladies, watch out, this could be BCG’s last SEC Tourney.  He’ll be looking to go out with a bang!  Get it, “bang?”

Okay, I’m at work at UK/LSU is about to start.  I better start getting sick in a hurry so I can get the hell out of here.  Have a fabulous weekend you beautiful bastards.

SEC Regular Season Wraps Up, Do We Have Prophets?

March 8, 2009

9091shaqlsuBack around Halloween we made some bold predictions on the outcome of the SEC basketball season.  Let’s check in with how everyone is doing thus far.

The first question up for grabs in the pre-SEC predictions was player of the year.  The question posed was can your respective star (Patterson or Smith) win POY in the SEC.  TGC didn’t like Smith’s chances but didn’t pick a clear favorite, 2SL went with Nick Calathes or Jody Meeks, SmoothRon liked Pat’s chances but also liked Calathes, and BobWicket was all over Meeks for POY.  How has it turned out?  Well Meeks leads the league in scoring at 24.7 a game but some poor performances as of late could knock him out of POY standing.  Calathes has played well but some other players have outperformed on a consistant basis (but don’t count him out).  Marcus Thornton down at LSU has played well and helped his team to win the SEC regular season (plus he runs a great chain of convenience stores).  Patterson is fourth in the league in scoring, third in rebounding, and fourth in blocked shots.  He would be a solid pick.  Someone that wasn’t mentioned by the panel is Devan Downey.  With 20+ points, four and a half assists, and 3 steals per game Downey did a lot with a little at South Carolina this year.  He could be a dark horse for POY when it is decided.

The next query to the panel was who will take pressure off the main guy at your school.  2SL missed by a mile in picking Woolridge out of UT.  Although his flow skills are tight, Ronaldo didn’t contribute like 2SL expected this year.  SmoothRon went with the trio of Galloway, Liggins, and Miller for UK (along with transfer Harrelson).  KG, Liggins, and Darius all saw time for UK and for the most part all contributed, but Liggins has been seen less and less as the year goes on.  Miller probably has done the most for them as late by putting the ball in the basket on a more consistent basis.  TGC went with Scotty Hopson and when he’s played well UT has played well so that’s a pretty good pick.  BobWicket went with Meeks as his primary but his pick of Harrelson didn’t work out as much as UK fans had hoped after watching the Blue-White scrimmage.  Also, it’s incredible that SmoothRon didn’t pick Big B for UT.

2SL thought Bruce would change things up and become more defensively minded this year and TGC looked for Chism to extend the defense allowing driving lanes for the guards and forwards this year.  Both of these were right on cue as the UT team has played better half court defense this year, although the press hasn’t been as effective as years past.  Also, TGC’s outlook on the offensive end was dead on.  UT has played their best basketball when a guard or Wayne can knock down a three.  When this happens UT opens up driving lanes for Smith, J.P. Prince, and Bobby Mayes.  This is when the Vols get deadly.

SmoothRon expected Billy G to run more this year and the Cats have had an up and down style from time to time.  This has been more due to them turning the ball over and getting into frantic up and down matches as opposed to designed up-tempo plans, but Billy has allowed them to run quite a bit this year.  The stagnant half court offense the Cats have shown has also made transition offense very important for Kentucky.  BobWicket expected a lot of post work from the Cats this year and that has been the style of half court offense that has been most effective for them.  Giving the ball into the post to a guy who shoots greater than 60% from the field has been their best option all year, but it is one that has been underutilized on the whole and especially in tight games.

BobWicket was right that the Cats preseason ranking of fourth in the East would not hold up as they finished fourth.  His 13-3 prediction looked good when they started off undefeated but quickly got ugly.  Everyone was looking for a 3 horse race in the East and expected that winner to be the overall champion.  The East turned into a four team race with South Carolina playing well all year and UT pulled the East championship out in the end.  2SL picked a West team to be dangerous but he went with the wrong one (Arkansas) and LSU pulled out the season championship.

Well, that brings us to the end of the regular season predictions.  The SEC tournament kicks off this week and then the NCAA tourney will start up.  We’ll check back in with all the predictions when the dust settles on tournament play.

FWP: Hanging on by a Thread Edition

March 6, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Well, last week we looked at the state of Kentucky basketball and posed the question, “What could UK do to surprise you?”  Hmm, losing to LSU wasn’t surprising.  Screwing up a switch/non-switch at the end of the game definitely didn’t surprise anyone either.  Getting absolutely worked over by one of the worst SEC teams this decade, AT HOME, was a bit surprising.  At some point, someone needs to take a rational look at this UK team.  Today isn’t the day to do that, but I’ll get to it at some point.  The bottom line is that this was never a good team from the beginning.  They have an elite player in Patrick Patterson.  They have a streaky scorer in Jodie Meeks.  Besides those two, they have a roster full of good young players and mediocre older players.  What is to be expected from a team that doesn’t have a legitimate third scorer?  Supposedly, this team can still salvage a tournament berth with a win in Gainesville and a couple wins in the SEC Tournament.  Deep down, I hope that happens.  The realist in me (he’s kind of an asshole) doesn’t believe it for a second.  The best thing to hope for now is Patterson and Meeks both return and start all over next year.  Then again, you never know what this team will do.

There are a lot of things going on this weekend.  The World Baseball Classic is in full swing, a certain WR is looking for work and another over-hyped Tobacco Road showdown.  Yep…

  • uncgirlNorth Carolina will drub Duke in Chapel Hill on Sunday.  Tyler Hansbrough is NOT losing on his senior day (a feat Jared Carter couldn’t get done).  Greg Paulus is still playing for Duke, right?  Okay, Ty Lawson will go for 20+.  I really hope Kyle Singler cries at the end.
  • Team USA will get a big win over Canada in the WBC.  While TGC and EDay woke up the other morning at 4AM to watch the China/Japan game, I decided to wait until Saturday to watch live baseball.  While Canada has a better team than you might think, they can’t handle the almighty USA!  Ah yes, American pride will reign once again.
  • The greatest basketball tournament in all the world will continue.  I’m talking about the Kentucky State High School Basketball Tournament.  KY is one of two states left that doesn’t have a class system for its basketball champion.  Every team has one title to play for and it is glorious.  Some may say that smaller schools don’t have a chance, but the majesty outweighs all the criticisms.  The regional tournaments are going on right now; girls’ Sweet 16 is next weekend, guys’ is two weeks.  Stay tuned.
  • Terrell Owens will not have “several” teams interested.  Drew Rosenhaus, TO’s sleazy agent, is claiming that several teams are calling about his most overrated client.  Say what you will about all the other teams in the NFL, but Owens is going to Oakland.  End of story.  The Raiders become more of a joke, we all get to laugh.  Everybody wins.
  • US-CINEMA-FOUR CHRISTMASESKaty Mixon will look sexy on Eastbound & Down.  Rawr!  If you haven’t seen Eastbound, you are really missing out.  Danny McBride plays an out of work pro baseball player (a la John Rocker) who is teaching PE in his hometown.  Katy Mixon plays his ex-girlfriend and she is super hot.  Watch the show.  Don’t lust after my new girlfriend, Katy, though.
  • My second favorite team in the country will beat UConn… again.  LeVance Fields, Sam Young, DeJuan Blair and the boys are prime and ready for a big run, I believe.  Connecticut comes to The Zoo tomorrow after just getting beat by Pitt a few weeks ago.  If you remember, Blair owned Hasheem Thabeet in the first meeting.  Tomorrow’s game should be no different.  Pitt by 12.
  • Brian Williams will get the respect he deserves.  All the guy does is change games and no one seems to care.  I didn’t see UT’s game against South Carolina last night, but all reports indicate that Big Beezy won the game for the Vols.  Also, Bruce Pearl needs to get some button down shirts again.  Lately, his latest attire of choice is a ribbed t-shirt under a sports coat.  That’s just inappropriate, especially with the way that bastard sweats.  The Vols will win on Sunday against ‘Bama… if Pearl starts dressing better.
  • floridagirlBilly Gillispie will come to your college town, lose to your college basketball team, then sleep with your college girlfriend.  Yeah Gainesville!  Florida is a hell of a college, who wouldn’t want to go there?  It’s warm ten months out of the year, they have a premier athletic department and it’s not too far from the beach.  What’s not to love.  Their basketball team isn’t at the level of the 2006 or 2007 teams by any stretch, but they’re still pretty good.  Nick Calathes is the best overall player in the SEC and Chandler Parsons has ridiculous “hops” for a white guy.  They’re also looking for revenge after Jodie Meeks pulled a shot out of his ass to beat them last month.  At the very least, can we hope for an entertaining game and not another snooze-fest like the UK/UGA game the other night?  Florida wins by ten.  UK fans everywhere put on suicide watch. 

That’ll do, people.  Have a hell of a weekend and if you are partying at a cabin all weekend, please don’t call me at 3AM.

I’ve been to Tampa, though never to Bora

March 2, 2009


Here are a few SEC East seeding scenarios surrounding the APIAS homer teams.  Tiebreaker rules are listed at the bottom.  Currently, the SEC East In-division standings are as follows: Tenness  7-2, South Carolina 5-3, Kentucky 5-3, Florida 4-5.

When the Tourney starts on March 12, the East #1 plays Friday at 7pm.  East #2 plays Friday at 3pm.  East #3 plays Thursday at 10pm.  East #4 plays Thursday at 1pm.

Scenario Pearl

UT – wins @SC and ALA
UK – wins GA and FL
FL – wins @MS loses @UK
SC – loses UT and wins GA

#1 UT 11-5
#2 SC 10-6 (2 wins over UK)
#3 UK 10-6
#4 FL 9-7

More after the short layover in Atlanta (more…)

FWP: Alex Rodriguez Took Steroids

February 20, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Typically, we try to not do the breaking news thing here.  If you take a look at our collective “breaking news posts,” I would guess you wouldn’t find many of them came to actual fruition.  But, I feel really confident on this one.  Alex Rodriguez, baseball’s golden boy, took steroids for a period of time.  He will claim to have only done them when he was playing for the Rangers.  The years he will say will be sometime from 2001-2003, when he will say he was “24…25…26.”  Sadly, A-Rod turned 24 in 1999 and was never that age in 2001, 2002 or 2003.  Look, I know it sounds weird, but this will happen, mark it down.  Even weirder, he’ll say he sent his cousin to get the drugs in the Domincan Republic over-the-counter, but those drugs weren’t even sold OTC in the D.R. in those years.  Crazy, right?  How the mainstream media hasn’t gotten a hold of this is mind boggling.  I know none of this makes sense, but just listen to A-Rod and don’t ask any questions, especially follow-up ones, and everything will be just fine.

As fun as that crap will be to follow all weekend, thankfully the sports world is giving us something other than the travelling A-Rod circus.  College hoops is in full swing, a website is divided, the NFL combine, a big NBA showdown and tomorrow is Bracket Buster Saturday!  If you can’t get excited about Bracket Buster Saturday, then you’re a lot like I am.

  • battle lines will be drawn.  If you’ve been to the site ever before, you know that we all have different rooting interests in a lot of different teams.  None of those interests, however, run as deep as those for UK and UT.  Alas, TGC and 2SL will be rooting on the Vols as hard as they can tomorrow.  EDay and I will be praying for 2Pat’s ankle.  Bru will be texting all of us with hilarious, snide comments because UNC is so much better than both of those teams… combined.  Prediction below (I believe that’s what those in the business refer to as a ‘tease.’)
  • marisamillerDale Earnhardt Jr. will win the NASCAR race at Fontana Sunday night.  First off, let me say how embarrassed NASCAR should be for calling their biggest race of the season with 48 laps to go.  They had the national stage, on their biggest day of the year and let a little rain ruin things.  After getting lambasted by the national media all week, I would expect some changes to occur in the next month or so.  I will give them a little slack for having to travel cross-country for this weekend’s race.  I fully expect DEJ to do really well in the face of his former girlfriend, Marisa Miller, out in California.  I know I’ve asked before, but I’ll ask it again: How did a redneck like Dale Jr. bag a goddess like her?  Oh, right, because he’s rich.  Emmanuel Negedu’s #1 fan’s ex-boyfriend wins at Fontana!
  • The Waaaaaaaambulance will leave D.C.  Mountain West Conference commissioner, Craig Thompson, visited our nation’s capital for the past two days to cry about the BCS not letting his conference have a chance.  Without using any expletives, I’d like to tell Mr. Thompson to shut the hell up.  Is he serious?  How about the MWC be a real football conference, and then they can expect to play for national championships?  Yes, Utah beat Alabama.  Does any right-minded football fan think ‘Bama gave two craps about that game?  Utah would have gotten drilled by Florida, Oklahoma, USC, Penn State, Texas and possibly even Ohio State.  Be a real conference, then play in real bowl games.
  • Boston fans will hold their collective breaths.  Down goes Garnett!  Down goes Garnett!  Hey, Doc Rivers is a good coach, he knows what he’s do… HAHAHAHAH, sorry, I tried to get that all the way out, I just couldn’t.  Doc Rivers is a functioning retard with a really good team that would be hard to screw up.  If the Celtics had a good coach, they would sit KG for a month, lose some games, but still be okay with being in the top three in the Eastern Conference with a month left in the season.  What will Doc do?  How the hell would I know what that idiot is thinking?
  • annalynnemccordYou probably won’t go see Bring it On 3.  Oh, it’s called Fired Up?  Well, you probably won’t go see that one either.  It’s a little troubling though, in these economic times, that this kind of mindless shit can still be produced, edited and made into a movie.  The worse part is that people actually pay money to go see this stuff.  I’ll bet there’s some sort of life lesson learned by the protagonist at the end of the movie, there save your $12.  Sorry if I ruined the end for you.  If you’re forced to go, check out my latest love interest, AnnaLynne McCord.  In the wise words of TGC, “Rawwwwr.”  Watch out though, she’s a preacher’s kid and you never know about them… right, JBob?
  • Phil Mickelson will win the Northern Trust Open.  Hell, why not?  Is he not the luckiest man in America?  He plays golf for a living, is rich, has a hot wife, loves to gamble and has a hot wife.  He’s got it all, crown him the champ!
  • Pittsburgh will annihilate DePaul.  I try not to get emotional when watching hoops other than UK.  I usually do pretty well, until I watched Pitt this year.  DeJuan Blair is the next Charles Barkley, Levance Fields could find and kill Osama bin Laden in about two days if given the opportunity, and Sam Young is the most explosive jumper in all of college basketball.  What’s not to love?  Not to mention, this Pitt team even knows how to score!  UK is my allegiance, UNC is my pick to win it all, but Pitt is my favorite team to watch.
  • brucepearlgirlYou will make the trip up from Knoxville, coach and win a basketball game, but then Billy Gillispie will sleep with your girlfriend.  I’m talking to you, Bruce Pearl!  Do you really think you can take pictures with girls like this and think BCG isn’t going to take aim at your ladies?  Ha, nice try.  Look, I really want UK to win this game, but I just don’t see it.  First of all, UT has the revenge factor.  For a month, every time Kentucky plays, the highlights of Jodie dropping 54 on the Vols is shown.  That probably doesn’t elate the likes of BMaze, TSmith and WChis.  Okay, WChis doesn’t have a great ring to it, but I digress.  Secondly, Patrick “Beans” Patterson may not play.  I’ll take Smith, Chism and the best pound-for-pound player in college basketball, Brian Williams, against Josh Harrellson, Perry Stevenson and Jared Carter.  Lastly, I’m going to the game with BobWicket and just feel like UK is going to choke.  Dammit, that’s going to suck.  We will be looking for Gillispie and Pearl at all the Lexington eateries tomorrow night though, hoping to get some of their “leftovers.” 

Yep.  Weekend.  Enjoy.