Archive for the ‘Eggs’ Category

2009 NBA Live Blog; Rufio!

June 25, 2009

8:03 eDay –  Don’t worry folks, Smooth will be along soon.  I have paged him.  4 picks in and the Spaniard is still up for grabs.  So is Jodie Meeks.

7:50 TGC – The smooth one will be with you soon. Since the power is out at headquarters I’m starting this bad boy off from a Max and Ermas in the Cincinnati airport to pass the time while my flight to the west coast is delayed. No real surprises so far. Clips take Blake. Grizz takes Thabeet. And barmaid, I’ll take another six dollar Dos Equis!

8something TGC the best player in the draft Rickey Rubio goes 5th or something and the bartender informs me that she can only sell 2 beers to a person at a time… And then offers me a shot a 3.50. Yes please.

852 TGC Flight changed. Gate changed. Bar changed. Smaller TV. Suns on the clock. Early money has them taking Jared Carter. Too bad Michael Jackson isn’t around for this.

913 TGC live blogging from airplane. The hot Asian beside me is wondering why I’m giggling. Next up on the board, Delta Airlines, who select Jack Daniels from Tennessee. Good choice all around. I’ll have the fish!

925 TGC next up is the overweight stewardess with an attitude. She informs me that blackberries are not allowed on the plane in the on position. I inform her that this is a live blog, not a phonecall, and that seems to appease her. She apologizes, Dos Equis in tow.

931 TGC I don’t know what timezone I’m over anymore. where the hell is smooth?? This was his idea.

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Kiffin continues fantastic SEC start

February 10, 2009

Ok- I have held off on commenting much about the whole Lane Kiffin incident, out of respect for some good friends on this site who are UT fans. Truth be told, even as a Florida fan, I’ve never really had a hatred for Tennessee football the way I do for Duke basketball, Manu Ginobili or Hitler. I’ve always respected their program, and the way they handled their business. Phil Fulmer had his faults, but he was a classy coach and he put out some tremendous pros. Besides, UT being good only made the conference as a whole look better, and as SEC fans, that’s something we hang our hats on – the top-to-bottom strength of our conference year in and year out.

But this is getting to be too much now. Less than three months into the job, Kiffin has managed to talk trash to the four most accomplished coaches in the league; Urban Meyer, Nick Saban, Mark Richt and Steve Spurrier. He has guaranteed a win over Florida in The Swamp this year, accused Meyer of breaking an NCAA rule that doesn’t exist, accused a recruit’s high school of being incompetent, stolen coaches off other SEC staffs, admitted he encouraged a recruit to lie about his commitment until Signing Day, and generally put his foot in his mouth over and over and over.

Kiffin has done a lot of talking in his first few months at Tennessee.

Kiffin has done a lot of talking in his first few months at Tennessee.

(His apology to Florida was almost more insulting than the false accusations, saying he “never meant to offend anyone.”  Really? Calling someone a cheater was never meant to offend them? Come on.)

Then, it comes out today that Tennessee has self-reported two secondary recruiting violations. WHAT???  You can’t make this stuff up.

Look- the violations are no big deal. Every school has a ton of secondary violations during the recruiting process. In all honesty, the violations – using a fog machine as a recruit entered the stadium and holding a mock press conference – don’t seem to be a big deal at all. But it’s just the timing of all of this…just a few days after he wrongly accused another coach of cheating and being reprimanded by the SEC for not knowing the rules and violating their ethical policy, turns out Lane still has some studying left to do on the rules.

Again, let me say I don’t really care about the violations. Every school, my Gators included, does this. But the fact that it all happened while Lane was still wiping the egg off his face from last week’s false accusations does strike me as …well…hilarious.

I have no problem with a coach trying to infuse a little energy into his program. Like I said, the SEC benefits when their traditional power programs, like UT and Auburn, are good teams. But there’s a big difference between bringing energy into your program, or using false bravado to try to make a name for yourself by downgrading other programs.

Kiffin better hope his Vols can back up his words and bravado.

Kiffin better hope his Vols can back up his words and bravado.

Perhaps the best part of this whole story is that no one knows whether Kiffin is capable of backing it up on the field with his teams. He has yet to coach one practice, and already he’s running his mouth to the best teams and coaches in the conference.

Think Spikes and the Gators are excited for the UT game next season?

Think Spikes and the Gators are excited for the UT game next season?

Think this might be brought up in late September in Gainesville before the Vols visit the Gators? All the confidence and swagger in the world won’t matter when Jon Crompton takes the snap and sees Brandon Spikes headed his way. I wonder how Saban – who wasn’t exactly a teddy bear to begin with – will greet Kiffin on the field in Tuscaloosa this year after losing one of his assistants to the Vols staff. If he gets the chance, think Spurrier might leave his offensive starters in a few extra plays to teach Lane a lesson? Kiffin better hope his team can back up his brash words, because he’s angered a few coaches who don’t mind making a statement on the field when they feel they’ve been disrespected. (Example A: Florida 49, Georgia 10).

So this is going to be an interesting season. It’s one thing to be cocky and a proven winner (see Meyer, Urban and Saban, Nick). Its another to have an smirk as big as Neyland Stadium before even blowing your whistle as a head coach in the college ranks. I have a feeling Kiffin is going to learn the difference real quick.

Miami (OH) Hires Coach, No One Cares

December 24, 2008
Will he get a Charlie Weis, 7yr $700M deal?

Will he get a Charlie Weis, 7yr $700M deal?

Miami (OH) has hired Notre Dame offensive coordinator Mike Haywood to be their head coach.  I can be described, at best, as an interesting hire.  If I were a Redhawk fan (and Thank Mitch I’m not), this is not a hire that wows me by any stretch.  This is the same university that once was the home of Ara Parseghian, Woody Hayes and the great Bo Schembechler.  This hire doesn’t exactly give the same feeling those names do.  But, the Miami fans might not be the most pissed about what has transpired during this ordeal.  How about what Haywood had to say about the similarities between the program he’s leaving and the one he is going to?

“I knew this was the place because there were so many similarities in education [and] the type of student-athletes that are recruited there.”

I know that Notre Dame has fallen on hard times recently, and their recruiting classes are vastly overrated ever year, but the Irish are recruiting the same type of players as Miami… of Ohio??  Wow!  Maybe, instead of talking about joining the Big 10 every couple years, people should now start considering ND for the MAC.  Hey, at least the MAC would have a BCS Bowl possibililty at some point.

Let’s be honest, though.  Has Notre Dame’s offense been wowing anyone since Brady Quinn and Ty Willingham’s players left?  I don’t think so.  Is this a great hire?  Hell no.  It just magnifies a bigger problem in college football, with the media being obsessed with minority hires.  Should someone be hired because of their skin color?  No.  Should someone be hired NOT be hired because of their skin color?  No.  There, hire whoever you want… just don’t hire Mike Haywood.  I’m just kidding, Miami (OH) fans.  Actually, I’ve only ever known one guy who went there and he was a prick.  Enjoy losing, assholes!

[ ESPN ]

Pickem Scramble Week 13 – It’s Thankstaking! You’re welcome!

November 21, 2008

 

It is almost that time of year.  And around here, it means that it IS that time of year…

The APIAS.net crew will be celebrating a epic tradition this weekend, Thankstaking.  Starting with Friday night’s Thankstaking feast, which has all the charm of your normal Thanksgiving feast–turkey,  ham, devilled eggs, booze, fistfights, blood, cops–you know, the usual, with one charming exception.

We’re not thankful. You are. 

Today is the day when we reflect on all the good and great things we’ve given the world this year.

Here’s a brief list from your neighborhood cowboy.  More during the official carving of the beast.

Tennessee football, you’re welcome.  You’re welcome for my purchase of ESPN Gameplan to watch 7 (and counting) losses. 

Tigers baseball (and mlb.tv) you’re welcome for the $20 a month eDay and I dropped to watch the Tigs and A’s lose a collective 174 games (and yes, this includes the play-in game).  

Blogfrica, you’re welcome for all the ADD wit and charm we supply you with on a semi-regular basis.   Oh and for the completely and semi-ridiculous live-blogs.

Eday, 2SL, and Smooth, you’re welcome for all my failed attempts to teach you how to use Excel and Paint.  Seriously guys?!? 

SPS Field, you’re welcome for my giving you plenty of time to get your ten (10!) picks and a few witty comments in and for not reaching through the internet’s tubes at you for causing me to have to throw it together late, and without complete graphics, almost every week.  You’re all welcome.

To anyone I’ve forgotten:  You’re welcome.  And do a better job of getting me to notice you next year.

I’m taking this week off from calculating totals and whatnot, but I think E is still rolling the field.  Whatever.

On to this week’s games.  And you’re welcome.

(more…)

FMCBCP: We’re Picking Big Ten Winners

November 13, 2008

big10FMCBCP is a stupid acronym I just came up with.  When it’s not football season, we do a FWP (Fearless Weekend Predictions) post every Friday where one of us predicts what will transpire over the upcoming sports weekend.  Well, College Basketball is about to start so we needed to do FMCBCP (Fearless Men’s College Basketball Conference Predictions) to document all our picks for the 2008-09 season.  I wanted to do a post that would feature a comprehensive coverage of all the conferences together.  EDay then reminded me that might be a 25,000 word post.  Since most of our readers (and contributors for that matter) have the attention span of a three year-old monkey, we decided to break each down by conference.  We’re only doing major conferences, so don’t whine when you don’t see the MEAC being featured.  We’ll be picking conference winners, POYs, COYs, FOYs, biggest disappointments and number of tournament teams.  As always, this will be done in a way that only APIAS.net can.

Today the Big Ten…

Big Ten Champion

Bru’s Pick: Michigan State

TGC’s Pick: Purdue; A little bit of a stretch for a team who wasn’t won the Big 11 since Gene Keady’s 1996 squad.  Matt Painter starts his 4th season and has improved his record ever year as the head brewmeister.  The squad doesn’t lose anything from a team that nearly made the Sweet 16 a year ago, and let’s be honest, nobody is penciling in anyone from this conference any further in the ’09 Dance.  Plus I like their creamsicle alternate unis.

EDay’s Pick: Michigan State; I will select Michigan State as the Big Ten champion this year.  For the tournament champion I will take, wait, no tournament you say?  Then I will select no one for that honor.

Smoothron’s Pick: Michigan State; I wouldn’t exactly say I was very enthused about this pick.  Izzo is a good enough coach and the Spartans always hold teams to about 25 PPG.

More Big Ten boredom excitement after the jump. (more…)

FMCBCP: We’re Picking Big East Winners

November 12, 2008

big-eastFMCBCP is a stupid acronym I just came up with.  When it’s not football season, we do a FWP (Fearless Weekend Predictions) post every Friday where one of us predicts what will transpire over the upcoming sports weekend.  Well, College Basketball is about to start so we needed to do FMCBCP (Fearless Men’s College Basketball Conference Predictions) to document all our picks for the 2008-09 season.  I wanted to do a post that would feature a comprehensive coverage of all the conferences together.  EDay then reminded me that might be a 25,000 word post.  Since most of our readers (and contributors for that matter) have the attention span of a three year-old monkey, we decided to break each down by conference.  We’re only doing major conferences, so don’t whine when you don’t see the MEAC being featured.  We’ll be picking conference winners, POYs, COYs, FOYs, biggest disappointments and number of tournament teams.  As always, this will be done in a way that only APIAS.net can.

Today, the Big East…

Big East Champion

Bru’s Pick: Louisville

TGC’s Pick: Louisville; As I notated prior to the Cards’ dismantling of the Volunteers, Earl Clark is the real deal.

EDay’s Pick:

Smoothron’s Pick: UConn; They have good guards and probably the best true center in the country.  Add that to the fact that Calhoun may be the best coach in the country and this is a done deal.

More winners after the jump. (more…)

Paging Bert Bertlekamp

October 29, 2008

With the first pre-season contest looming next Monday, it’s time to preparte to be Bertlekamp’d.  Here’s a dedication montage of Bert and his signature calls from the 06-08 seasons.  Some of the classics include:

  • Talk to me baby!
  • Whooooooooo! (which I think is patented)
  • Yoo-zeem! (which I think translates roughly to “use him”)

and of course

  • MONEY!

We love you, Bert, for your unmatched passion and blatant homerism® in the booth, but we love you more, Bob Kessling, for keeping him around, despite the obvious blows to your sanity.

TAGMAT!: Lesson #147, Trends

October 23, 2008

TAGMAT (They are giving money away today!) is a weekly column done every week by APIAS.net’s resident gambling addict, Smoothron.  This site in no way advocates gambling, especially excessively.  Smoothron’s degenerate friend, who will refer to as Casino Bobby also gives you his picks for the week.  If we can tell you anything, bet against both of them and you should be able to retire within the first month of the season.

Not exactly the greatest week if you decided to follow the picks of Casino Bobby and myself.  Our combined 1-6-1 record didn’t exactly help anyone’s economic troubles, except for Vegas’.  Of course, the week previous I went 3-1; apparently, much like my least favorite coach in the world (Sly Croom), I cannot put two straight weeks together.  Casino Bobby just hasn’t been the same after he spent some time in the slammer.  His thinking has been off, and Governor Beshear is still going to outlaw online gambling in the great state of Kentucky.  As you can see (if you read titles), I wanted to talk for a moment about trends.  If you are really looking for a trend, it may be that we suck at picking games against the spread.  HOWEVER, don’t bail on us just yet, we’re going to figure this whole thing out.

The kind of trends we need to start looking at are things like schools not winning at another school’s campus in a while.  There were two great examples of this last weekend: UNC @ UVA and Mizzou @ Texas.  UNC looked like a lock (to me) at Virginia.  Virginia sucks and UNC is pretty good.  UNC was actually up 7 points late in the 4th quarter, but Virginia got a late TD, forced OT and won by 3.  UNC hasn’t won in Charlottesville since 1981.  I wasn’t even born then.  Whoops.  Then, Missouri goes to Texas and everyone is talking about how the Tigers will respond after losing to OK State and might beat the Longhorns.  That was enough to scare me off.  Texas put up 35 before MU even knew the game had started.  Also, Missouri hasn’t won in Austin in 114 (ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN!) years.  I’m not even sure if John McCain was alive then.  Also, Mack Brown hasn’t lost a game at Texas after the Red River Shootout.

The main point of this is this: You probably want to find these trends, because I plan on giving reasons for betting on games like, “USC will be uninspired because there aren’t any hot chicks in Oregon.”  Sorry, maybe next year we’ll do better.  On to the picks, if you dare.  (more…)

TWIRS: Football

October 22, 2008
An American football player.

An American football player.

It’s been a little while since we’ve hit you with an installment of This Week In Random Sports.  Too long in fact.  In the past we’ve examined cricket, combaton, and even rifle shooting.  This week; however, we’ll jump back to the shores of America and educate you fine folks on the sport known there as “football.”

As with every TWIRS entry we need to set a base line by providing the rules of the game and dimension.  You can wiki American football, but there are few particulars you really need to know.  Football in the US is basically just a game that takes place between two teams of 11 players upon a grass (sometimes turf) field of dimesions 300 feet by 160 feet.  The basic object of the game is to get an oblong ball (the football) across a white chalk line for a score (a touchdown).  The scoring area itself is a 30 feet extension on either end of the playing field, brining the entire field of play to a 360 foot by 160 foot rectangle.

Turn structure in football is based upon possession of the ball (the offensive team) and a set of structured events referred to as “downs.”  A team has four events “plays” to achieve the goalline or a secondary goal known as a “first down”, so named because a teams’ down count returns to one after achieving this goal (ex: a team on their third down achieves a first down, their next play will be “on first down” again).  A play, or down, is ended when the offensive team’s player with the ball is “tackled” (wrestled to the ground) by a defensive player or the offensive player runs out of the boundaries of the playing field (“out of bounds.”)  Also, a thrown ball (explained later) that is not caught results in the end of a play.  Traditionally, a first down is earned by the offensive team moving their starting position (“field position”) 10 yards from their starting point.  Various penalties and plays resulting in their position moving backwards can affect the distance a team needs to move their position to obtain the first down.

The previously stated goal of scoring a touchdown is performed by a player running with the ball across the goalline.  Altenatively, a team can toss the ball (a forward pass or forward ‘lateral’) one time per play.  If a player catches (“receives”) the tossed ball they can continue to advance it toward their goalline after the reception of the football.  In addition, a player receiving a pass in their “end zone” (scoring area) is awarded a touchdown as well.

Touchdown scores are awarded 6 points for the offensive team.  Following the touchdown score teams are awarded an additional scoring opportunity from 2 or 3 yards (depending on league) from their goalline.  In most cases teams will elect to try for one point in this situation via a “field goal.”  A field goal requires a player to kick the football through a set of 10 foot “uprights” which are a set of poles arranged in a U-shape which varies in width depnding upon league and skill level as well.  A team can also elect to try to score a second touchdown via a single play; however, in this case this attempt is only worth 2 points.  It is conventionally known as “going for two” as the traditional field goal is only worth 1 point.

If a team feels they are incapable of scoring a touchdown within their four downs they can elect to do one of two things.  First, they can elect to kick a field goal from any point on the field at any time.  If this is not done immediately following a touchdown score it is worth 3 points regardless of distance from the goalline the kick is attempted.  The field goal is generally attempted on fourth down when a team does not feel they have a high percentage opportunity to either score a touchdown or convert a first down.  A missed field goal opportunity (often known as a “fuck-up”) results in the defensive team gaining possession of the ball at the point the field goal was missed.

Alternatively a team can “punt” or kick the ball to the opposing team if they feel they cannot convert a touchdown, first down, or a field goal attempt.  The strategic advantage of a punt is that the defensive team will receive the ball further from their own goalline than the current field position on the down the punt was attempted.  A punted football is a “live” play and the defensive unit can catch and “return” the football toward their own goalline until downed. 

Two other ways for a defensive team to gain possession of the ball are known as a “fumble” and an “interception.”  A fumble occurs when the ball is jarred loose from the offense player and the defense is the first to take possession of (“recover”) the ball.  On an attempted pass play the defense has the oppotunity to catch the ball (“intercept the pass”) and return it toward their own goalline.  An interception returned for a defensive touchdown is colloquially known as a “pick six” as the defensive player has “picked off” (intecepted) a pass and returned the ball past their own goalline for 6 points.

Many strategies are involved in the basic game play of football.  Offensive strategies consist of various set ups of players before the play starts (the ball is “hiked”) and various goals of moving the ball a short distance or long distance.  Whole systems have developed such as the West Coast Offense which generally consists of a “pass first” mentality based upon replacing running the ball with short pass plays. 

Defensive set ups are just as complicated and varied as offensive strategy.  They vary from sets based to stop the running game of the offense (a “goalline” strategy), sets based to stop the passing game (“nickel” and “dime” sets), to sets designed to stop no plays at all (see Mike Archer).

Football in America is played by most collegiate entities as well as a professional football league known as the National Football League.  In both levels teams play “seasons” of head-to-head matchups immediately followed by playoff systems.  In the NFL the best teams from season play meet one another in a bracket-based system of head-to-head matchups culminating in the Super Bowl.  While their is no Good Bowl or Great Bowl in the NFL, the Super Bowl does indeed crown the champion for that League for the previous season.

American collegiate football has a playoff system characterized by the Bowl Championship Series.  Stephen Hawking himself is mesmerized by the formula used by the BCS committee to decide who plays for the championship of collegiate football; however, there is some known formula which decides that teams who have lost games should contend for the title while teams who have yet to lose a game play one additional meaningless game.  In addition, despite is moniker of “Championship Series” there is in fact only one game played for the national title in college football.

We hope this sums up American football in a nutshell for those of you unfamiliar with the game.  Any questions about this sport, as always, are welcome in the comment section.  Now go out there and take in a game and enjoy watching 300lb. men bruise their way across the “gridiron!”

APIAS.NET Sandwich Pick ’em Week 8

October 17, 2008

You know the drill….if you enjoy the neat helmet graphic we use for this pick em then please pick teams that have helmets we have already used in past weeks.

yeah, i know it looks like shit, just deal with it.