This Week’s T’d Up: Elijah Dukes, broadening the scope of “Designated Hitter”

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In the journalism and media industry, they call it “controlling the story.” What this means is when there is a story in the news about an individual, that individual usually does or says something to alter, change, or add another perspective to it. Usually with the goal of lessening the negative impact on the individual in question. Elijah Dukes has not quite mastered this yet, though no one will argue against his effort.

guessthatsthelastofthebigleaguechewforme.jpgLast month, the story broke about Dukes threatening phone calls to his wife, NiShea Gilbert, and their children. It was also alleged that he showed up at her place of business—the school where she teaches—to further make his point.

Since then, what the Devil Rays are describing as a “another team distraction” has developed. According to the Tampa Bay Tribune, Dukes has another baby on the way. This one by the 17-year-old foster child of Dukes’ step-grandmother. (Pause while you digest that genealogy.)

Both parties are agreeing that the sex was consensual on Grandma’s sofa in the living room—no word on whether they took off the plastic covering—but when the teen informed Dukes that she was, in fact, with child and due in November, events took a slight turn.

When she told Dukes in March that she was pregnant, “he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me,” the teenager said in the report.

Dukes has now been given a “personal day” and is apparently receiving “counseling through the Rays’ Employee Assistance Program.”

Hopefully he’ll also be getting a handful of Trojans.

In the events since the first allegations and the happy father getting the news, Dukes went 5-for-51 (.098) with a Louisville slugger at the plate, but 1-1 (1.000) with a Gatorade bottle in a living room. Gatorade did not immediately return phone calls about impending endorsements.

Elijah Dukes, for threatening your own children, sleeping with your teenage-step-aunt-in-foster-care, and for pegging a preggo with plastic, you are hereby:

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T’d Up is a weekly column that runs on Fridays selecting, in our humblest of opinions, the biggest sports Tool of the Week.

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3 Responses to “This Week’s T’d Up: Elijah Dukes, broadening the scope of “Designated Hitter””

  1. BobWicket Says:

    When did TO start playing baseball?

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