Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open. The crystal ball gets cloudy.
It’s 8AM, I’ve been at work for two hours and I am ready to go home. Hopefully, a little FWP will help pass the time until noon or whenever I deem a good time to head home. One place I will not be heading is to Louisville for “Downs After Dark” tonight. Yes, Churchill Downs, home of the most famous horse race in the entire world, will try out night racing for the first time tonight. My guess is that it will be a racing success and a social disaster. From a racing standpoint, it’s an absolute no-brainer. We’re in a terrible economy, where discretionary income is lessened every day. For many people, that means they won’t be able to go out to drink and gamble like they might once have. Well, when you put horse racing on a Friday evening, people can use their dinner money for drinking and gambling (much like I do everyday). Crowds will be absolutely killer and Churchill has already jacked up their admission prices to ensure they make every last dime they possibly can. Also, let’s not forget that you cannot watch Churchill on television live… anywhere, not on TVG or HRTV or even HGTV. So, the hardcore gamblers (the ones with jobs at least) will finally be able to actually see the races they are betting on. That is the part with this that I am totally on board, a homerun. Now, to the part that is going to suck: the people that are going to be there. One thing that Churchill Downs prides itself on (except for the Derby, of course) is their crowd is mostly people who are there for the races. It’s not like a Keeneland crowd where people go for drinking, socializing and to show off their new dress (Bru). Well, now it is going to be “the place to be seen.” I would say there will be a lot of dudes wearing their sunglasses at night (video below). Granted, Churchill doesn’t care who shows up as long as they get their $10 from each person through the turnstile, but that’s not a scene I want to be a part of. If Douchebag-Facebook-Status-Updates are any indication of the types of losers that are going to be there, I’ll be fine sitting on the couch with Blevs and Turner doing my gambling from 76 miles away. Lastly, Nick Nicholson better not be getting any ideas.
No choice but to move on, let’s do this.
Tiger Woods will dominate the US Open. Bru and I went double-or-nothing on our car bet from last year. If you’re new, Bru and I bet last year on the number of majors that Tiger would win. The O/U was 1.5. He took the over and lost, I took the under and won his car. I decided to let him double down. As TGC pointed out in the early spring, “Bru, in about 10 years, you might be opening Smoothron’s Ford dealership.” Fine by me. Also, we all love Elin, Tiger’s sexy, Swedish, nanny wife. Well, done Tiger… as if you didn’t have enough going well in your life.
The NHL Playoffs will continue being irrelevant. Um, excuse, someone is telling me something. What’s that? They’re actually over? Oh, I would have thought someone would have said something about that. In all seriousness, I watched the last ten minutes of Game 7 last Friday night. Hockey just doesn’t do it for me. The only hockey story of note this year was that one guy calling Elisha Cuthbert his sloppy seconds. That made hockey important for about six hours.
Jodie Meeks will pray and pray and then pray some more. On Monday, Jodie crushed Big Blue Nation by not returning to UK and opting to keep his name in the draft. I really wish the best for Meeks, he was a bright spot on a very rough 2008-09 season, but this is a bad decision. After Meeks’ breakout performance against Tennessee (did you see that game, TGC?), defenses keyed on him. He struggled many times to get shots off against mediocre SEC defenses. I think he could have gotten quite a bit better under Calipari this year, especially his ball handling, but he’s gone. Now, Jodie will just have to hope and wait that some team will draft him in the first round where he will be guaranteed a contract. If not, he might want to brush up on his Arabic.
Year One will usurp The Hangover and become the #1 movie in America. Have you heard of Year One? It’s the movie that was advertised every f*#%ing commercial break during the NBA Finals. Michael Cera is one of the funniest people on the planet, but even I got a little sick of his “I’m awkward and don’t know what to say about sports” schtick at some point. The producers and studio must be praying this movie opens well or many heads will roll. The best part of the movie has to be that it features the uber-hot Olivia Wilde. Oh, Olivia, look how far you’ve come since you were playing hot, bi-curious Alex on The OC.
Bruce Pearl will prepare for an odd appearance in the coming week.NBA TV has hired Pearl as a Draft Analyst for the week. I don’t mean to rip on Tennessee too much this morning, but in what world does this make sense? Does Pearl, the basketball coach at UT, give NBA TV a big draw? More Vol fans would watch if Lane Kiffin were giving his analysis than Pearl. Thankfully, Bruce tweeted to let us know that he will be wearing a shirt.
Donte’ Stallworth will just be chilling in the clink. I’m not positive if clink is still used to describe prison, but it makes me seem like I have street cred. You would think, with all the media there is these days, that someone would compare the Mike Vick case to the Stallworth case. You know, because the two are so very similar. Either way, this really sucks for everyone involved. What? Stallworth went to Tennessee? Oh man, TGC is going to beat me.
The second worst NBA Champs of the decade will keep celebrating. Yes, 2009 Lakers, you just beat out the ’06 Heat to NOT be the worst Champs of the 2000’s. How bad was that Heat team? DWade, Shaq and a bunch of clowns. Antoine Walker and Gary Payton got valuable minutes for that team. In reality, the teams are very similiar. They each have a superstar guard (Wade/Bryant), an aging PG (Payton/Fisher), a great big man (O’Neal/Gasol), an athletic swing man who can defend (Posey/Ariza) and an enigmatic pothead (Walker/Odom). I will give the Lakers the benefit of the doubt because I don’t think Dwyane Wade would shoot 573,829 free throws again. Hopefully, Garnett will return to form and LeBron will get some help next year so we can get away from non-memorable champions.
Hey, it’s almost 9:30 and I haven’t done anything at work so I better pretend to work for thirty minutes or so. Get by a pool, play some golf, hug your dad, help W move and drink one for me. Weekend!
Surprising no one in the entire world, Brazil beat the USA 3-0 in the Confederations Cup today. The USA had exactly zero shots on goal, while the Brazilians had eight (8!). Two guys who go by only one name scored for the winners. I think I have figured out the problem.
Hmm… a bunch of tiny looking guys, no? What if they looked like this..?
Can you imagine how could LeBron, Kobe and Chris Paul would be on a soccer field? Tayshaun Prince would be the best goalie since… um, I don’t know of any great goalies in soccer history. But, he’d be pretty damn good. I would almost guarantee last year’s Olympic Champion “Redeem Team” could give a better effort than the current USA Soccer “team.” Hell, we might even let Coach K coach them, if they could actually get a shot on goal.
Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open. The crystal ball gets cloudy.
It’s about 10AM on Friday morning as I begin to write this. Yes, I am at work. Yes, I am on the clock. No, I don’t care that I am stealing money. There, I’m glad we got that cleared up. I’d like to clear something else up as well. It is very fun to talk about recruiting rankings, especially now that UK is being talked about as having one of the great recruiting classes of all time, but they don’t a damn thing. The Fab Five from Michigan is hailed as the greatest recruiting class ever; how many NCAA Titles did they win? Zero. Isn’t that what it’s all about? The Fab Five were awesome and they revolutionized basketball, but they never won a title so why do we consider them so great? Let’s look at 2004, another great time for Kentucky recruiting. Tubby Smith (who is lambasted for his “poor” recruiting) landed the top class in the country according to Rivals.com‘s rankings. That class never got past the Elite Eight (which they did as freshmen) and was filled with turmoil the years they were there. Randolph Morris played the Hokey-Pokey (one foot in…one foot out) with the NBA before finally bolting for good and Rajon Rondo was percieved as selfish during his two years in Lexington. The two guys who made it all four years at UK, Joe Crawford and Ramel Bradley, were forced to play with lackluster talent after their classmates left for the league and struggled mightily their senior year with new coach Billy Gillispie after Smith left for Minnesota. I’m not trying to be a buzzkill and I think UK’s class this year is totally different, mainly because their won’t be a huge talent dropoff in next year’s recruiting class, but let’s keep our expectations tempered UK fans. Enough with the ranting, let’s do this…
The Lakers will lose two games in Denver. LA is in big, big trouble. They struggled with a Houston team that didn’t have its stars and have been outplayed the first two games against Denver. I know I’m not the first person to say to say this, but their point guard play is awful. Derek Fisher is a shell of the guy who was there earlier this decade. He is absolutely killing them right now. And, somehow, the Nuggets are outplaying them in every facet of the game. Where did the Nuggets come from? I have no idea, but I feel like they’re here to stay… at least for this year.
The Mets will get humiliated in Boston. The Mets cannot score runs anymore. Jose Reyes and Carlos Delgado both get hurt and the runs stop going on the board; it’s not a coincedence. Now, they have to go play an AL team that puts up runs in its sleep. I’m sure Santana will be a stud tonight, but expect the Red Sox to put up about 746 runs on Saturday and Sunday. Things were great when the Mets went 16-4 over a 20 game stretch, things could get really ugly soon.
People will talk about hockey? I have this sneaking suspiscion that ESPN will soon be airing hockey again. They have led SportsCenter with it in the last couple weeks, on the same night as good NBA Playoff games. The WWL is slowly trying to drum up interest again in a bad product. Hockey sucks and Southerners don’t care about it. Please, spare us all.
Lane Kiffin will commit a minor NCAA infraction. I can’t say exactly what it will be this time. Will it be an inappropriate tweet? Will he call out another SEC coach? Will he Superman some ho? Who knows? The only thing I know is that my UT friends are hoping his bark is like his bite… or just that the Vols win some football games this fall. Sidenote: his wife is still smoking hot.
Jake Peavy will not want to come to your city. Think about if you are Jake Peavy. You are 28 years old, you are a millionaire and you live in San Diego. You are living the dream about as well as anyone can live the dream. Why in the hell would you want to move to Chicago, especially if you have to play for crazy ass Ozzie Guillen? You would stay in San Diego unless some team came with a hell of a deal and was definitely going to contend for the World Series.
LeBron will tell his teammates to stop standing around. What the heck happened the other night? The Cavs were clicking for the first half, kicking absolute ass in the first half; the next thing you know, the Magic have chipped away at the lead and end up winning. Their offense was stagnant at best for the entire second half, though. It was awful, and LeBron looked pretty frustrated. I would hope that Mike Brown, who is an inept thief the NBA’s Coach of the Year, would be able to get things figured out. The Cavs win the next two games… easily.
The Indy 500 will run. Is there a less relevant sport in the USA right now than Indy racing? Hell, I would watch hockey over this crap. But, it will be all over your TV on Sunday afternoon. Enjoy!
John Calipari will come to your BBQ, shake hands, kiss babies and still not sleep with your girlfriend. This guy is almost invincible and he’s yet to coach a game. He convinced the #1 PG/player in the country to come to UK after he’d already gotten the #3 PG to come (yeah, I know I’m going against my rant above), he sends out about 15 tweets a day to his 75,000+ followers and seems to be a genuine guy. All this comes before he coaches a game. Wait until he finds out what happens when he loses to Gardner-Webb.
Yes! Weekend! Long weekend! Pools opening! Go have the greatest weekend and always remember to be better.
Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open. The crystal ball gets cloudy.
I guess it’s been a while since I did one of these bad boys (that’s what she said). I think I did FWP last in March, the month before April – the month that Keeneland is open. Keeneland was absolutely insane, 30,000+ people were there the last two Saturdays which makes the place almost not that fun. Of course, saying Keeneland isn’t fun would be like saying a date with Smoothron isn’t fun; and if I had been on a date in the last six months, I’m sure the nice, young, cougar would tell you I’m huge… I mean great. There has been a lot of stuff going on in the last month or so that we need to catch up on. The baseball season has gotten in full swing, a certain basketball coach has begun tweeting the day away, the NBA Playoffs are as good as they’ve been in my lifetime, the NHL Playoffs are trying to be relevant but can’t and we’re in the middle of the Triple Crown. To mark my return, this could be the longest FWP of all time. Fasten your safety belts, ladies. Yep…
Kobe Bryant will come out with an epic performance in Game 7. After last night’s stinkbomb, isn’t another thrashing in the cards for the Lakers? The Rockets can’t play well two games in a row, no matter how much we all want to see a team that has lost Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming beat the best team in the Western Conference. Also, can you imagine how pissed the NBA would be if Houston played Denver in the Conference Finals? Goodbye ratings! Oh well, Lakers win big. Vanessa Bryant approves almost as much as we approve of her… and her forgiving heart.
TGC and EDay will come to fisticuffs. Oakland and Detroit only play twice during the regular season and the MLB chose the weekend that EDay and TGC would be out of town with big internet questions. MLBTV may not be in the cards for one of the biggest weekends of the season for my two compadres and that makes me said… until I remember they’re playing 72 holes of golf this weekend. Then, I want to vomit.
Kasey Kahne will win the All-Star NASCAR dealio Saturday night. I opened up the NASCAR website and he was the first person I saw. I have no reason to believe he will do anything well this weekend, mainly because NASCAR has regressed more than any sport in these tough economic times. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I haven’t heard anything about car racing this spring. Come on, rednecks, show your support and give NASCAR some more cash! Also, I don’t think Kahne has a hot significant other, no picture.
aria Verchenova will begin her reign to rule the world. How to rule the world in three easy steps: 1) Be born attractive. 2) Be good enough at golf to move the hell out of Russia. 3) Date Smoothron. Check, check and… almost check. Apparently, everyone just found out about Maria and we should expect nothing less than the Kournikova/Sharapova/Williams Sisters treatment. You’ll probably all be sick of her soon enough, as Mrs. Smoothron and I grow old together.
The Celtics will win their second Game 7 of the 2009 Playoffs. It’s absolutely remarkable that the Celtics will end up playing 28 games in two rounds in two years of playoffs. I’m almost sure that last sentence made sense too. The Magic are just losers, plain and simple. No player on that team has ever won anything memorable in their entire career. Hell, their coach won an NBA Title and then was run off by his players. Good effort, Orlando, now go back to being irrelevant. Please.
Brett Favre, Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez and Michael Phelps. I don’t have anything to say here, but I bet you every dollar I have ever made you hear at least two of these names this weekend.
The New York Mets will not give Johan Santana any run support. The guy has lost two games this year. He has given up zero (0) (that looks like a boob, haha) earned runs in those two losses. You’ve got to be kidding me. I understand batters seeing their starting pitcher throwing darts and not going their hardest, but my gosh, the guy has lost two games and done nothing wrong! Be better, hitters.
JT will win Survivor. What? No one watches this show anymore? Well, it still sucks me in every f*#&ing time. This season was actually pretty good, oh who am I kidding, no one cares.
Friesan Fire will win the Preakness. He may have run 18th (out of 19) in the Derby, but this is still a champion horse. My buddy, Ludt, wouldn’t run him if it weren’t a real possibility that he could win. That’s at least what I will tell myself when I’m with all the other scum bastards at the Drive-Thru Betting line tomorrow.
John Calipari will tweet you, but not sleep with your girlfriend. Wow, I didn’t think I’d say that last part about a UK Basketball coach so soon. But, Calipari has come to Lexington and absolutely taken over the city and state. He’s on Twitter giving people motivation, he’s recruiting the #1 class in America, he’s getting Patrick Patterson to come back to school and he’s trying to take over China. He’s a hell of a guy in my book. It also helps me feel better that if I ever date again, the coach of my favorite basketball team won’t try and rail my special lady.
Enjoy your weekend, people. Whether you’re playing golf, coaching basketball or killing your liver… make it the best it can be. Sorry, all of Calipari’s motivational tweets must have gotten into me there.
When you’re baseball team plays in a small market on the West Coast you get a little fired up to watch them in prime time, HD coverage on ESPN. It was not to be tonight as the Yanks-A’s game was postponed. Boo the rain people. Boo it! Okay, the sports world goes on so we’ll tone it down a bit.
The state of Kentucky continues to watch the basketball recruting process closer than people watched the birth of a baby panda on the interwebs. John Wall is living it up. One day he’s going to UK, now he’s talking to Billy D, and the NBA still beckons. He might even end up in Europe. All I know is that this guy knows how to market the John Wall brand. I love it. I’ve pretty much stopped keeping up with it from day-to-day because the information changes on a daily basis, but it will be fun to see where he ends up. UK fans are also closely following the recruitment of the Henry brothers. They’re almost as much as an enigma as everyone knows they’re down to KU and UK but that changes constantly. Will they visit Lexington? Who’s knows at this point, but they’ll eventually be somewhere and that will be another fun signing for one of those universities.
Baseball is being played in a few places and a few of the web site’s teams are still going strong. The Tigers are still first in a close Central. The Reds aren’t playing too bad. The A’s are in a bit of a lull offensively but the bats will wake up. Hopefully the pitching holds out.
Golf has slowed a bit after the Masters but the Pudge Cup kicks off this week. We might drop an update for you from time to time and let you know who’s playing adequately. Let’s be honest, none of the guys in this league are shooting 70’s, but it’ll be fun.
The NBA playoffs are in full swing. The Mavs and Spurs are fighting it out again tonight and I expect TGC’s boys down in Dallas to get the better of their Texas breathren before it’s over. Duncan is hobbling and Sir-Flops-A-Lot is out for the Spurs as well. Not looking good to pick up #5 this year for my boys in Silver and Black. I just hope Lebron gets it from Kobe in the Finals. I haven’t liked that guy since he stole J.R. Rider’s dunk in the Slam Dunk Contest at All-Star weekend. Yes, the alleged rape, his general attitude, and everything else that comes with disliking Kobe does not bother me as much as him stealing the East Bay Funk Dunk to win a dunk contest. I’ve never pretended to be sane or fair folks. It’s just the way I am.
Our favorite thing today will be Tiger Woods 2008 on the Playstation. TGC is fervently trying to play his way up to face off against the virtual eDayStat. Who needs to pay 60 bones for a new game when you can play last year’s golf game for next to nothing? The only standing rule is no one plays with Vijay Singh. It’s get ugly if I had to tackle someone in the middle of a round. Have a few drinks, enjoy some playoff basketball, and if you can find some baseball on TV then bless you. Enjoy the night folks.
All kinds of things are happening in the sports world friends. Some good basketball was played last night, some basketball odds went up, and lots of baseball was played. Let’s get with it.
The NCAA Men’s Championship Game last night was a joke. I watched approximately 5 minutes of both the first and second half and neither small window of viewing could keep me from flipping the old LCD back over to Component 1 and getting my Tiger Woods 08 on. There was only one exciting play in the entire duration of my viewing last night and that was when Raymar got smacked in his broken nose. I literally cringed when that happened, watched the aftermath, and promptly flicked it back to the Playstation.
With the laugher of a title game a distant memory, everyone can now turn their attention to next year’s NCAA season. I heard on the radio today that UNC and UK lead the early props betting lines in Vegas at 12:1 odss for making the Final Four. No one else is even 20:1 right now. That says a lot about Roy’s ability to keep UNC stocked (they could lose 5 guys to the NBA) and Coach Cal’s abilities to bring in talent and coach. I doubt he can turn UK around that fast, but I do appreciate the thought.
Baseball started yesterday and APIAS went 2-2. Our National League teams both won while the American League teams lost. The Tigers fought off the Toronto crowd (damned near literally) en route to a loss. Oakland’s new-look offense didn’t bother to leave Spring Training as the A’s were swept by the Angels. The Mets won a close one and the Cubs started their march to the 2009 World Series Championship behind a 4-2 win over Houston.
The only game I caught much of was the A’s game. It looked like the pitching emphasis from the spring as Dallas Braden hammered the strike zone early and often with a strike percentage around 70% and only one walk in Wuertz and Bailey both pitched perfect innings in relief but it wasn’t enough as the A’s were shut out.
That’ll wrap up Opening Day as frigid weather throughout the Midwest and East make talking about baseball almost strange. It feels like NFL season in these parts. Our favorite thing for today is pretty obvious: baseball Ray. As TGC likes to say it is the perfect game. You’re never out of the game until the final out is recorded and there’s nothing quite like a night or, even better, a day at the park. We’ll definitely be covering a lot of bat and ball sports this summer so stick around for road trips, live blogs that spring from the nether regions of a back porch, and plenty of bitching and complaining depending on how long it takes the Tigs and A’s to win a game. Until next time, stay warm and watch baseball. It’ll only be here for another 7 months folks.
Take a big step with me here. Let’s make plenty of assumptions. Let’s assume Bruce Pearl isn’t as loyal as he’d want the Big Orange to think and just evaluate the purported offer on the table. Let’s assume he got his audience with Memphis higher-ups and the FedEx CEO. Let’s assume somewhere in East Memphis is a nice country club. You still with me?
WMC in Memphis is reporting U-Mem has offered BP a $21 Million dollar, 7-year deal.
How could he not take it?
You get to take a step down in competition. The SEC East sure as hell didn’t get any easier with the 2 highest-paid coaches in the game currently planning for the ’09-’10 tourney.
Memphis just won about 145 straight conference games, en route to consecutive top 2 seeds (read, a much easier path to a Final Four). And as my bud Smooth points out, Memphis is a basketball school. While UT is toiling in the land of never-been-past-the-sweet-16, Memphis just played for a National Championship 2 seasons ago.
And that was far from their first taste of success. The Tigers have banners for 3 Final Four appearances and 2 National Runners-up.
Hell, if not for having to live in or around Memphis, even I’d take that job, and I hate Tiger Blue.
So it’s settled then. Pearl to Memphis.
Now who’s his replacement on Rocky Top? Usually, I’d let 2SL take this one, but it’s my alma mater, and I want to take a first guess. Follow me to freedom.
Kentucky basketball has been everywhere recently. From the WWL to UK message boards and fan sites, the Interwebs have been abuzz with UK’s men’s basketball coaching search. It all kicked off Friday afternoon when Billy Gillispie was officially shown the door by UK. Since then the server for about every UK blog, fan site, and even many actual news outlets have been shitting all over themselves.
The big question remains: who will replace Gillispie at the helm? Most reports have John Calipari of New Jersey Nets fame. In fact, the ever-reliable Wikipedia already has him as the head coach (as of the time of this post). ESPN still has Coach Cal as undecided so we’ll go with that today.
One thing that is absolutely true is that Cats fans are salivating at the idea of having Calipari on the sidelines next year. A potential first ten of Wall, Meeks, Miller, Orton, Patterson, Hood, Harris, Stevenson, Galloway, and Cousins would make any fan smile. That appears to be a strong possibility if Lee Todd and Mitch Barnhardt do indeed tap Calipari for the head man job.
There’s not much to say about this that hasn’t been discussed but let’s think for a moment what would occur if Calipari does get the job. First, the UK-UL rivalry would ratchet up another notch as the old Memphis-UL rivalry was pretty heated when they were CUSA opponents (they’re even in a commercial together). A second rivalry is the UK-UT showdown. Bruce and John had turned the Memphis and Tennessee face-offs into serious games. Just two years ago the teams were ranked #1 and #2 in the nation and playing on ESPN. There appears to be no love loss between these two men either. So UK’s main rivalries could be getting another shot in the arm with the addition of Calipari.
In other news (yes, there is other sports news) baseball kicks off in less than a week. This particular blogger could not be more excited. In fact, the old MLB.tv account will be paid up tonight to avoid any last second rush on Monday. Can’t miss the A’s (and Tigers) first games now can we?
On the A’s front, young pitching is the name of the game. It appears that all 5 members of the opening day starting rotation will be 25-years-old or younger. That sure as Hell makes a guy feel old when his entire starting staff is younger than he is! The off season acquisitions of some big name position players should give the youngsters some time to settle in, and even if they don’t there is a stable full of arms down in Sacramento just waiting for their opportunity.
The Tigers want to show everyone that 2008 was an anomaly. With one of the best lineups in baseball again this year, and a heatly Sheffield, the Tigers will look to score in bunches again. Offseason acquisitions of Jackson and Lyon will help push the pitching over the hump as well. Don’t sleep on the Tigs in the AL Central this year as that race will be hotly contested again in 2009.
The Final Four also kicks off this weekend. Give me UNC to hold off Jay Wright and his band of midgets. Then give me Roy Boy to take down the sleigh dogs. Just a hunch.
Our favorite thing today is going to be Pizza Hut. This is only because it is about to be my dinner and absolutely no other reason.
That’s all for today folks. Go out and enjoy the weather before the rain gets here.
NOTE: While typing this ESPN has reported Calipari will take the UK job and Sheffield was released by the Tigers. The sports world has gone nuts in the last 15 minutes.
Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open. The crystal ball gets cloudy.
Sorry about last week. I’m sure you didn’t miss me. You were probably at your favorite sports bar just like I was all Friday long. I would loved to have pulled the laptop (labtop) out at BW’s and write this, but our waitress was smoking hot and I felt I would have ruined my chance if I’d done that (I didn’t get her number). Anyway, we’re knee deep in the NCAA Tournament and if you live in Central KY, you couldn’t care less about the games. There is a soap opera going on with your favorite basketball team and you need to know what’s going on. Thankfully, this may all be coming to an end. I doubt this will stretch out too much longer. I would say Billy G will be gone by the end of today (Friday). While we’re here, let me weigh in on this mess real quick. First off, Gillispie deserves another year at least. The product on the court hasn’t been good enough and he’s made an ass out of himself and the program, but people are given second, third and fourth chances all the time. But, I am also glad that my favorite team doesn’t stand for mediocrity. A first-round exit from the NCAA Tournament and an NIT bid are not good enough for UK Basketball. 0-2 against Louisville isn’t good enough. 2-2 against Florida isn’t good enough. 2-2 against Vanderbilt isn’t good enough. 3-1 against Tennessee isn’t good enough… okay, maybe that is, but I had to get the shot in. The bottom line is, UK has tradition and the administration wants things to be better. You can lose, but if you are a great guy you might keep your job. You can win and be an asshole and possibly keep your job. You cannot lose and be a social enigma.
Mercifully, the good Lord has provided us with sports to take our minds off of this disaster. Twelve NCAA teams will become four, Tiger is playing good golf right before the Masters, baseball spring training hits the home stretch and NASCAR is at Martinsville. I’m at work, pretending to work… let’s see how long this can be.
You will develop a Pavlovian response to the sound of your phone vibrating on your desk. Okay, maybe that one is just me. Seriously, today is one of those days where you can never get too many, “You heard anything yet?” texts. I am more the fan of the fake text. If you send something like, “BREAKING NEWS: Gillispie out! Adolph Rupp to coach next season,” you can usually get a rile out of people. Plus, the Baron appreciates your thoughts on a day like this.
Louisville will walk to the Final Four. How can they be stopped? T-Will, Edgar (and the guy who paints his hair on everyday), Samardo and Earl see a title in their future. Ricky Pitino is the best coach in the country and will out-wit both Russ Pennell and Bill Self. It’s time to start thinking about a party on 4th Street. Oh, sorry, there’s always a party on 4th Street.
New York Mets fans will hate the World Baseball Classic. Seriously, Oliver Perez? Get better. You got way too much money this offseason to start pussing out now.
Missouri will press UCONN into a loss and admitting recruiting violations. No coach in the country can make himself more money next year than Mike Anderson of Mizzou. Premier jobs are open and the further he goes, the more cheddar he can rake in. Georgia? He doesn’t need your Georgia job. He can start thinking about Arizona with a win in Phoenix over the Huskies. UConn is finally distracted by the recruiting violation allegations and Hasheem Thabeet looks too slow in the 40 minutes of Hell.
Denny Hamlin will win the NASCAR race. He’s won at Martinsville a lot in the past (at least that’s what NASCAR.com told me). Normally, I would pick a driver who has some hot girl associated with them. A quick Google search didn’t lend that to me with Hamlin. In that case, I’ll put up a picture of a smoking hot celebrity I’ve been thinking about lately. Hmm… how about you, Whitney Port? Sure, your reality show made me want to take a baseball bat to my nuts, but you are still smoking hot. Denny Hamlin, do better with the ladies.
Villanova will beat Pittsburgh for the second time this year. Levance Fields isn’t healthy enough to stay with ‘Nova’s guards. DeJuan Blair looks like he’s just getting tired and Sam Young isn’t elevating like he once did. Jay Wright’s team is playing really well as of late. They absolutely locked Duke up last night and looked very efficient on offense. Villanova marches on.
TIGER! TIGER! TIGER!!! I would not want to be a professional golfer right now. The best golfer in the world has been back for a month or so and is just getting really good. Hmm… that’s odd, the first major of the year is a couple weeks away. Tiger has always known he would be getting very good around this point. There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that he can win the Masters in two weeks. You heard it here first… or some other time after first.
Gonzaga will get to their first Final Four. It’s time for the Zags. The build up has happened for too long. Ten years ago, they were on the cusp of the Final Four, and this is the year they get there. Mark Few is poised to upset UNC again and will sneak past Syracuse in the Elite Eight. Congrats to Spokane, WA; success couldn’t happen to a more irrelevant place.
Billy Gillispie will get fired, then sleep with your girlfriend one last time. Honestly, I’m feeling a tinge of sadness. A little over a year ago, FWP started with a recurring joke about BCG railing your girlfriend. Somehow, it stuck the whole time. I really hope Gillispie nothing but the best. He’s a hell of a basketball coach and was put in a very tough situation. I think if either UK or Gillispie had known what they were getting into, they would have politely declined. But, sometimes you have to be a man and take what’s handed to you. Gillispie will find work soon, and probably very good and wealthy work. Godspeed, Coach… but, on your way out of town, leave some blonde girls for us.
Yeah, weekend! Be safe, watch sports and get ready for that extra $13 a week Obama is giving you!
UPDATE! This was found on WKYT.com briefly. It it now no longer there. Take it for what you will.
Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open. The crystal ball gets cloudy.
Tiger Woods will dominate the US Open. Bru and I went double-or-nothing on our car bet from last year. If you’re new, Bru and I bet last year on the number of majors that Tiger would win. The O/U was 1.5. He took the over and lost, I took the under and won his car. I decided to let him double down. As TGC pointed out in the early spring, “Bru, in about 10 years, you might be opening Smoothron’s Ford dealership.” Fine by me. Also, we all love Elin, Tiger’s sexy, Swedish, nanny wife. Well, done Tiger… as if you didn’t have enough going well in your life.
Year One will usurp The Hangover and become the #1 movie in America. Have you heard of Year One? It’s the movie that was advertised every f*#%ing commercial break during the NBA Finals. Michael Cera is one of the funniest people on the planet, but even I got a little sick of his “I’m awkward and don’t know what to say about sports” schtick at some point. The producers and studio must be praying this movie opens well or many heads will roll. The best part of the movie has to be that it features the uber-hot Olivia Wilde. Oh, Olivia, look how far you’ve come since you were playing hot, bi-curious Alex on The OC.
The second worst NBA Champs of the decade will keep celebrating. Yes, 2009 Lakers, you just beat out the ’06 Heat to NOT be the worst Champs of the 2000’s. How bad was that Heat team? DWade, Shaq and a bunch of clowns. Antoine Walker and Gary Payton got valuable minutes for that team. In reality, the teams are very similiar. They each have a superstar guard (Wade/Bryant), an aging PG (Payton/Fisher), a great big man (O’Neal/Gasol), an athletic swing man who can defend (Posey/Ariza) and an enigmatic pothead (Walker/Odom). I will give the Lakers the benefit of the doubt because I don’t think Dwyane Wade would shoot 573,829 free throws again. Hopefully, Garnett will return to form and LeBron will get some help next year so we can get away from non-memorable champions.
Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open. The crystal ball gets cloudy.
The Lakers will lose two games in Denver. LA is in big, big trouble. They struggled with a Houston team that didn’t have its stars and have been outplayed the first two games against Denver. I know I’m not the first person to say to say this, but their point guard play is awful. Derek Fisher is a shell of the guy who was there earlier this decade. He is absolutely killing them right now. And, somehow, the Nuggets are outplaying them in every facet of the game. Where did the Nuggets come from? I have no idea, but I feel like they’re here to stay… at least for this year.
Lane Kiffin will commit a minor NCAA infraction. I can’t say exactly what it will be this time. Will it be an inappropriate tweet? Will he call out another SEC coach? Will he Superman some ho? Who knows? The only thing I know is that my UT friends are hoping his bark is like his bite… or just that the Vols win some football games this fall. Sidenote: his wife is still smoking hot.
John Calipari will come to your BBQ, shake hands, kiss babies and still not sleep with your girlfriend. This guy is almost invincible and he’s yet to coach a game. He convinced the #1 PG/player in the country to come to UK after he’d already gotten the #3 PG to come (yeah, I know I’m going against my rant above), he sends out about 15 tweets a day to his 75,000+ followers and seems to be a genuine guy. All this comes before he coaches a game. Wait until he finds out what happens when he loses to Gardner-Webb.
Kobe Bryant will come out with an epic performance in Game 7. After last night’s stinkbomb, isn’t another thrashing in the cards for the Lakers? The Rockets can’t play well two games in a row, no matter how much we all want to see a team that has lost Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming beat the best team in the Western Conference. Also, can you imagine how pissed the NBA would be if Houston played Denver in the Conference Finals? Goodbye ratings! Oh well, Lakers win big. Vanessa Bryant approves almost as much as we approve of her… and her forgiving heart.
aria Verchenova will begin her reign to rule the world. How to rule the world in three easy steps: 1) Be born attractive. 2) Be good enough at golf to move the hell out of Russia. 3) Date Smoothron. Check, check and… almost check. Apparently, everyone just found out about Maria and we should expect nothing less than the Kournikova/Sharapova/
John Calipari will tweet you, but not sleep with your girlfriend. Wow, I didn’t think I’d say that last part about a UK Basketball coach so soon. But, Calipari has come to Lexington and absolutely taken over the city and state. He’s on Twitter giving people motivation, he’s recruiting the #1 class in America, he’s getting Patrick Patterson to come back to school and he’s trying to take over China. He’s a hell of a guy in my book. It also helps me feel better that if I ever date again, the coach of my favorite basketball team won’t try and rail my special lady.
When you’re baseball team plays in a small market on the West Coast you get a little fired up to watch them in prime time, HD coverage on ESPN. It was not to be tonight as the Yanks-A’s game was postponed. Boo the rain people. Boo it! Okay, the sports world goes on so we’ll tone it down a bit.
Kentucky basketball has been everywhere recently. From the
Louisville will walk to the Final Four. How can they be stopped? T-Will, Edgar (and the guy who paints his hair on everyday), Samardo and Earl see a title in their future. Ricky Pitino is the best coach in the country and will out-wit both Russ Pennell and Bill Self. It’s time to start thinking about a party on 4th Street. Oh, sorry, there’s always a party on 4th Street.
Denny Hamlin will win the NASCAR race. He’s won at Martinsville a lot in the past (at least that’s what NASCAR.com told me). Normally, I would pick a driver who has some hot girl associated with them. A quick Google search didn’t lend that to me with Hamlin. In that case, I’ll put up a picture of a smoking hot celebrity I’ve been thinking about lately. Hmm… how about you, Whitney Port? Sure, your reality show made me want to take a baseball bat to my nuts, but you are still smoking hot. Denny Hamlin, do better with the ladies.
Billy Gillispie will get fired, then sleep with your girlfriend one last time. Honestly, I’m feeling a tinge of sadness. A little over a year ago, FWP started with a recurring joke about BCG railing your girlfriend. Somehow, it stuck the whole time. I really hope Gillispie nothing but the best. He’s a hell of a basketball coach and was put in a very tough situation. I think if either UK or Gillispie had known what they were getting into, they would have politely declined. But, sometimes you have to be a man and take what’s handed to you. Gillispie will find work soon, and probably very good and wealthy work. Godspeed, Coach… but, on your way out of town, leave some blonde girls for us.
APIAS 