TAGMAT (They are giving money away today!) is a weekly column done every week by APIAS.net’s resident gambling addict, Smoothron. This site in no way advocates gambling, especially excessively. Smoothron’s degenerate friend, who will refer to as Casino Bobby also gives you his picks for the week. If we can tell you anything, bet against both of them and you should be able to retire within the first month of the season.
Well, that didn’t take long. Throughout different gambling seasons, there are times to find a team that is good against the spread, and then there are teams/coaches you cannot bank on under any circumstance. Last week, we found Gambling Enemy #1, in Sly Croom. It didn’t take too long after that, to find #2. My partner in kind-of-crime (depending on where you are), Casino Bobby, and I both absolutely loved West Virginia over East Carolina. To me, it was the easiest bet of the weekend. Vegas had overreacted to ECU’s beating of Virginia Tech the week before and West Virginia had the two best players on the field (Pat White and Noel Devine). I was calling people, proclaiming West Virginia as the lock of the year (Sorry again, TGC, about that $9.86 gone out of your BetUS account). Bill Stewart is going to run West Virginia into the ground faster than Bob Huggins will run his new Benz into a telephone pole after a long night in Morgantown. Congratulations, Bill Stewart, you have joined an elite club of terrible football coaches that is sure to gain more members week by week.
It’s a fabulous week for college football. Two historical top programs play each other when Michigan goes to Notre Dame, Georgia tries to make Spurrier be 0-2 in the SEC (already!!) and two of the best three coaches in the country face off. Yes, Ohio State is going out to L.A. to play USC. Not only do these teams both like beating the shit out of Michigan, but they also happen to be ranked in the top 5 in the country right now. If there’s a big game like that, you can be sure that CB and I are taking opposite sides. Jump along to win some straight cash, homey.
Casino Bobby’s Picks (1-2 last week, 4-3 on the year)
When you think of comebacks- a lot of great names immediately come to mind. Rocky did it once and then in 6 other sequels. The BoSox in 04, the US 4 X 100 relay team in Beijing. Hell, we all thought Patrick Swayze’s career was over after Road House- and then he came back even stronger with Captain Ron. Just like all of these men, Casino Bobby will rise like a phoenix this week after a big stumble in week 2.
Kansas (+3) vs South Florida
The only way I can get redemption against SFU for slacking last week, is to bet against them this weekend. In this week’s version of Friday Night Lights I actually like KU for the outright upset in Tampa, with Reesing and Briscoe accounting for a big chunk of the load as usual. KU shuts down SFU on the ground, just enough to escape with a big win on the road.
Vandy (-7) vs Rice
Rice’s early season final scores are numbers that resemble basketball scores. They score the football, but their defense is about as reliable as a busted condom. Vandy spreads it out early and Chris Nickson finds a rhythm that should lead to a 10 point victory. This is Rice’s first game against an opponent that isn’t terrible, plus their mascot is an Owl. Everyone knows Owls are stupid.
Auburn (-10) vs Mississippi St.
Sly Croom sucks. Let’s move on to the next game.
USC (-10.5) vs. OSU
Lets be honest, it really doesnt matter if Chris Wells sets foot on the field this week. The Buckeyes are about to get their stuff pushed in from behind this weekend. It’ll probably hurt so bad- they’ll assume their playing an SEC team. Terrelle Pryor- you should’ve stayed home and played for Joe Pa. Trojans roll by more than 2 scores.
Casino Bobby advises you to bet it all.
Smoothron’s Picks (2-2 last week, 3-5 on the year)
What’s not to love about Mark Richt and the boys here? If USC and Ohio State both look poor, there’s a chance they could regain their #1 status in the polls. Also, South Carolina rolled into Athens last year and took a big dump between the hedges. Thirdly, South Carolina is in absolute shambles. They lost to Vanderbilt last week, no one has any clue who’s going to be playing QB and they have no one who can tackle Moreno when he’s jumping over people like he did last week. UGA rolls big in Columbia.
Wisconsin (-2) @ Fresno State
Look, everyone wins in this game, really. Wisconsin gets to go play in front of guys they’re recruiting in California. Fresno State gets more national pub for playing, “whoever, whenever.” And, we all win because if you can still see after the long day of drinking watching games, then there’s one more for you with a 10:30PM start time. Also, you can win more if you play the Badgers. Fresno looked decent at best against Rutgers and Wisco looked really good in the 2nd half of their game against a JV team last Saturday. Bielema > Hill. Badgers by 6.
Middle Tennessee State (+17) @ Kentucky
This is going to be a really good game that no one will actually see. MTSU suckered Maryland into coming down to… um… Clarksville? Is that where that God-forsaken place is? Well, anyways, FatManFriedgen went down there and got his fat-ass kicked and won’t be vacationing in Dollywood anytime soon. Kentucky has yet to play a decent football team, but if you ask a UK fan (Eday), you’d think they should be in the top 10. Combine that with the fact there’s already a QB controversy in Lexington and this game could be real close going into the 4th quarter. A Mike Hartline interception in the second half could make things really interesting. Cats by a FG at the end.
Keep in mind, I despise Ohio State. Deep. Deep. Hatred. I even found an Ohio Bobcats shirt and put it on last week when OSU was crapping the bed against them. I would have loved to have seen them lose, but it works out better this way, especially for the Buckeyes. Say what you will about focus and all that shit, and not overlooking an opponent, but the Buckeyes did it last week and the Trojans will do it this week. Chris Wells comes back, saves the day and the Buckeyes win straight up in Los Angeles. Also, Erin Andrews!!
Hey, if you bet on both sides of the USC/OSU game… at least you get to cash a winner!