FWP: What Could UK do to Surprise You?

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Has the basketball team at the University of Kentucky officially entered Plaxico Burress territory?  When Plax shot himself in the leg a few months ago, the APIAS crew debated what Burress could do at that point that would surprise anyone.  There weren’t many things that we could come up with other than, “Plaxico Burress will be a model citizen and will never be heard from again except for on-field accomplishments.”  With the latest situation regarding AJ Stewart… is he on the team? is he off the team?  did he quit?  did Gillispie kick him off?… has UK gotten to that point?  What can UK do to surprise anyone?  Hell, they went to Columbia the other night to play South Carolina in their biggest game of the year and got absolutely drubbed.  They have beaten Tennessee twice by 15+ points.  They lost to VMI.  Billy Gillispie has caused an outrage by not being nice to a sideline reporter.  Kevin Galloway has gone from outhouse to penthouse to outhouse to penthouse to outhouse to white girl’s house to penthouse to outhouse to still be continued.  DeAndre Liggins refused to go into a game.  Jodie Meeks scored 54 points in a game.  They got beat on a shot from Edgar Sosa from the volleyball line at the buzzer in Louisville.  And now, they have the AJ Stewart situation.  KSR, as usual, was on top of things last night.  As of post time for FWP, there’s still no official word from UK on the situation.  Who the hell knows anymore?  They could lose by 30 or win by 30 tomorrow, and neither would really surprise me.  UK Basketball 2009… feel the excitement!

If the drama of a mediocre sophomore doesn’t excite you, there are other things going on this weekend.  Spring training baseball has begun, free agency in the NFL got off to a ridiculous start, a golf tournament that looks like March Madness, NASCAR goes to Vegas and one NBA team makes an interesting move. 

• Jeff Gordon will win the NASCAR race in Las Vegas.  First, hats off to Matt Kenseth for winning the first two races of the year.  That’s something that doesn’t get done very often and that guy should be congratulated.  One thing he should not be congratulated for is his wife, Katie.  Dude, you’re a millionaire NASCAR driver… you have to do better.  One person who did realize their fame and used it accordingly is Mr. Gordon.  He bagged Ingrid Vandebosch for the sole reason that he is rich and famous.  Helll, I’d be okay with it too.  Look at her!  Who cares why she’s with him.  Obviously, Gordon is a lucky dude.  Vegas will be very very good for #24.
• The Boston Celtics will begin to implode.  Seriously, Boston?  The Celtics have the best trio in the league and a great up-and-coming PG, so why the hell are they trying to kill every good thing they have going?  Yes, I know the Patriots got Randy Moss and he became a stud again who didn’t give up on plays that often, but the Celtics are NOT the Patriots.  Let me say that differently, Doc Rivers is NOT Bill Belichick.  That’s kind of like comparing a coach at the YMCA to Vince Lombardi.  Moss knew when he went to New England that they weren’t going to take any of his crap.  Marbury will do whatever the hell he wants and Doc will be too dumb to do anything.  I hate to say it, but Marbury will get in the way and they won’t win the NBA Championship.
• Redskins fans will get a false sense of hope.  Good job, Daniel Snyder!  Once again, you have made terrible offseason moves.  Albert Haynesworth is coming off injuries and just got signed for QB money.  The ‘Skins also signed DeAngelo Hall for $40 million.  If you remember correctly, Hall was cut by the Raiders last fall.  The worst franchise in pro sports cut the guy and you’re giving him all that money, I’m sure this will all work out!  Another last place finish in the division is definitely in the cards for Washington.
• Phil Mickelson will win the match play tournament.  Hell, I don’t know all the sponsors for the thing.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Phil and I live very similar lives.  He’s left-handed, so am I.  He has brown hair, I have brown hair.   He loves to gamble, I’ve made a wager or two in my life.  He regularly shoots under par, I usually shoot under par when I play putt-putt.  He dresses well, I dress better.  He has a smoking hot wife, I like to look at his smoking hot wife.  For all these reasons, I hope Lefty wins this weekend.  Also, Amy Mickelson is sexy.
• Connecticut politicians will waste your money.  How the Jim Calhoun story is still in the news, I have no idea, but now politicians in CT are calling for the governor to reprimand him?  Give me a gosh darn break (sorry for the salty language).  The whole reason this got brought up is because the state of Connecticut is in economic shambles and now they’re going to waste their time on punishing a basketball coach for telling a photographer to “shut up.”  Whatever happened to freedom of speech?  I will blindly blame Barack Obama.
• Spring training baseball will make you wish you lived in Florida.  At least, that’s how I feel.  Imagine if you were retired, lived in Florida and could go watch spring traning games all February and March long.  Oh to be old and almost dead… you lucky old bastards.  Seriously, though, the WBC starts at 4AM Thursday morning.  TGC and EDay are planning on live-blogging it.  My live blog will be of me cutting trees down.
• Billy Gillispie will deny you from clinching the SEC title, then sleep with your girlfriend.  Like I said before, I have no idea what the hell is going to happen with this basketball team, but I really want them to win, so a guy can hope, right?  Sideshow Bob Trent Johnson brings an LSU team to Lexington that only has one SEC loss and is the only ranked SEC team.  That’s not as impressive when you remember they play in the SEC West.  They, of course, have a Temple on their team… and that’s not even a Jewish joke.  Seeing as UK got drilled the other night, one can only assume they’ll come out and play their greatest game of the year.  What the hell else would make sense?  Also, for those ladies still riding the Mardi Gras high, watch out for BCG!

Golf, baseball, basketball, beers.  Weekend.  Cheers!