Barry Bonds: Like a Cheap, Cheap Wine

Major League Baseball has a rich history in these United States.  We would like to give credit for baseball’s popularity to the inventiveness of men such as Alexander Cartwright for developing the basic ideas and rules of the game.  That; however, would be a misplaced accreditation.  Baseball is popular today because of the characters the game presents.

In that spirit we would like to take a look at a few of these characters.  Particularly, we’ll be taking a look at how these men compare to some of our favorite (and least favorite) adult beverages.  For example, Pete Rose is much like a nice Colt 45.  Full of piss and vinegar, but he got the damned job done every time he went to war.

For more baseball and drinking (as if there were anything else) follow the jump.

Alex Rodriguez:  Bud Light

Biggest name in baseball, meet the biggest name in beers.  Bud Light consistently outsells every beer in America and A-Rod continues to help the Yankees sell out on tickets.  Both of these individuals are overpriced for the end product, but then again, what you get ain’t half bad.  A-Rod plays second fiddle to Jeter up in New York.  The same falls on Bud Light.  He’ll never reach the pinnacle and be “king of beers” like big brother Budweiser.  In the end, both will go down in history.  Bud Light for continuing to be the highest grossing adult beverage in the U.S. and A-Rod for being the greatest player of his generation.

Barry Bonds:  Mad Dog 20/20

We can’t so much as look at a bottle of Mad Dog without it leaving a bitter taste in our mouth and a sick feeling in our stomach.  Ditto for watching Bonds on TV.  Each sip of Mad Dog leaves one with an unsettled feeling that it is somehow tainted.  Somehow that wine-like goodness can’t possibly cost only $2.39 a bottle.  Every Bonds homerun feels the same way.  Something just doesn’t feel right and it leaves one unsettled.  The most direct comparison between the two is their inherint fruitiness.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia:  Wittekerke Belgium Wheat

Seriously, if you can spell or pronounce either of these correctly then you have a Braves/alcohol problem.  We find Wittekerke one of the most delicious beers known to man.  Apparently, women find Saltalamacchia delicious as the Ladies… have commented on various occasions.

Jimmy Leyland:  Miller High Life

The Miller Brewing Company debuted High Life in 1903, Leyland was born in that same time frame.  Like a fine wine both of these beautiful creations continue to get better with age.  Jimmy has had a lot of recent success by pulling the Tigers out of the abyss.  Much of this is due to his brilliant baseball mind.  High Life is going on its 104th year of brewing and it is completely due to its brilliant and classic taste.

So you see, from a salty Corona to Ozzie Guillen, almost any baseball player can be compared to a frosty, cold beverage.  Hell, even a Mormon like Jeff Kent can be paralleled to a tasty treat.  Like O’Doul’s.

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