One-eyed alligator strikes again; Peterson still dead


actinlikeadamnedfool.jpgIn the most recent instance of sport life imitating art, a one-eyed alligator has pulled a golfer, trying to recover his Titleist, into the water, nearly severing his arm.

Bruce Burger, 50, was trying to retrieve his ball Monday from a pond on the sixth hole at the Lake Venice Golf Club.

The alligator latched on to Burger’s right forearm and pulled him in the pond, said Gary Morse, a spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Burger used his left arm to beat the reptile until it freed him.

If only Chubbs Peterson had tried this tactic, maybe he would have been able to continue on the tour, and not have to wear that ridiculous wooden appendage.

In other news: Grizzly Adams did have a beard.


5 Responses to “One-eyed alligator strikes again; Peterson still dead”

  1. eDayStat Says:

    This is why you always take the Wildcat onto the golf course with you. Have you seen what he does to Gators?

  2. 2ndCousinOfTonyTheTiger Says:

    “I wasn’t allowed to play pro anymore.”
    “I’m sorry. Because you’re black?”
    “Hell, no. Damn alligator bit my hand off.”
    “Oh my God!”
    “Tournament in Florida. My ball went down by a lake.”
    “Damn alligator just popped up! Cut me down in my prime.”
    “But I tore one of that bastard’s eyes out. Look at that.”
    “You’re pretty sick, Chubbs.”

  3. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    “hey stan, have i ever told you about the time i almost ate that second golfers hand?”

    “yeah, only like a fuckin thousand times”

  4. 2ndstorylloyd Says:

    You eat pieces of shit for breakfast??

  5. 2ndCousinOfTonyTheTiger Says:

    No, but I do drink my own pee. What? Is it normal to drink your own pee? No. But its sterile and I like the taste.

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