Archive for the ‘To Purge:’ Category

Lingering not-so-mixed reactions to the UCLA debacle

September 7, 2008

I was going to take this opportunity to write a nice Sunday summary column dealing with the loss to a mediocre-at-best UCLA team and spin it with some good lessons-learned, future is bright, young players get better rah rah, but then I found this masterpiece.

Hitler might be right.

2008 NCAA Helmet Schedule: no sir, that’s the new TPS report coversheet

July 30, 2008

Thanks to Bevo Sports for this year’s helmet schedule.  Cal, Idaho State, and Indiana State are the only schools with new helmets this year, but it doesn’t look like they made the graphics by print time.

Just make sure you beat the new accountant to the printer or you’ll end up in a heck of a fight.

“Why I take your paper?”

Download the full thing here [LINK]

[Bevo Sports]

He’s got maahhbulls

September 26, 2007

(posted on 9-26-07 by: W)

In case you haven’t heard, the man who purchased Lou Ferrigno’s  Barry Bonds’ 756th home run ball is…get this… branding it with an asterisk and sending it to the Hall of Fame. 

Applause, kudos, and any congratulatory noun I didn’t include here goes to both Mark Ecko (owner of ball) and the Hall of Fame for showing some mighty large cojones (so far) to make the statement that Major League Baseball has seemed to give up on.

I know the steroids debate has been beaten like Barbaro and even crossed over into other sports such as cycling (really?) and professional wrestling (really? really?) but I think it’s finally time to make this asterisk ball the death knell on the steroids debate.

Yes, it’s hard for us to wrap our collective heads around highly paid and trained athletes cheating at the games we love so dearly, and while what they did was wrong, it wasn’t illegal- at least not at the time in which they were doing it.


The Truth Comes Out about Oregon Athletics

September 12, 2007


There have been many reports that Phil Knight of Nike regularly donates millions to the Oregon Athletics Fund, or OAF (as I have just made up).  But what is not known about the financial support system for the OAF is who has be been engaging in secret deals with behind closed doors.

All the under-the-table cartoon royalties, child labor kickbacks, and gay-duck-mascot prostitution ring led by one famous water-dwelling beast… A beast so fowl that his oily slicked-back black hair and poor English grammar call up fearful daymares of 1920’s Chicago and backroom assassinations for most of us (well, what we saw in movies anyway).

The culprit, the proof, and the SHOCK!! after the jump.


Thanks for checking in, Tim, that will be all

August 20, 2007

Sad news today sportsfans.  The Jags have released playmate-plaything Tim Couch.  There will be candlelight vigils around the state of Kentucky and just outside of the Grotto until further notice.

But hey, at least this Couch made it longer than the one left outside in Fort Sanders in the fall of 2005 before going up in flames.



Congrats to 2SL and your Cubbies on the NLC Lead

August 2, 2007

In both of your honor:

NOTE: Lee Elia is not suitable for children under the age of 18

TWIRS: Americans Give Nod To Croquet Over Soccer

June 20, 2007


To kick off TWIRS (This Week In Random Sports) we at APIAS would like to delve into something near and dear to our hearts.  Croquet. 

It strikes us as odd that soccer has slowly been creeping up on the radar of American sports, while croquet still takes a back seat.  We understand the need to cheer for people kicking around a ball, but seriously, croquet is a much more interesting sport.  And because of this, we present the top 5 reasons croquet is a superior sport for the American public. 

More after the jump…  (more…)

A Friendly Reminder that Rusty Wallace hates Tony Danza too

June 11, 2007

Back in May 2005, one of the greatest moments in racing took place.  Rusty Wallace taught former St. Louis Cardinal California Angel housewife Tony Danza to think before cutting off a NASCAR driver in a go-kart race.  APIAS is here to remind the sports world of these very moments.

Enjoy, friends.

This weeks T’d up: Floyd Landis, From Douchebaggery to Blackmail

May 18, 2007

As is widely known, Landis, after winning an important a bicycle race, was discovered to have cheated (gasp!) by a process called blood-doping.  Well now more of the story explaining this previously All-American lad and his cartooning dastardly ways has erupted at trial [Steroid Nation].  Apparently he and a now ex-friend, Greg LaMond, had long before shared intimate details with each other.  Landis of his doping; LaMond of his childhood incestual molestations.

The news hit yesterday: Being the responsible athlete cheater that Landis is, he had his manager call during the trial and threaten to tell the world about LaMond’s uncle playing “hide the weenie” (actual quote).  LaMond does the right thing, tells the truth in court, and now the world knows of his troubles.

For not only being a coward and a cheat, but now a joke, tool, and a possible felon.  You are hereby:


Pat Patterson Is No Ray Allen

May 18, 2007


So it would be unfair of me as a Kentucky alum and fan to let the recent signing of Patrick Patterson go without some comment.  The UK contingent here at APIAS were doubly (triply?) excited by the first marquee big man signing in three years.  And it couldn’t have come at a more crucial time for Coach Billy Gillispie.

UK fans here in the bluegrass are expecting Billy to come in and work those same miracles he did down in College Station.  Maybe that’s fair, maybe it’s not.  The fact is, Billy G. is a 47 year-old man who made the decision to move across the country to coach a premiere college basketball program.  He deserves everything he gets.  Whether that be praise and worship (can I get an amen-ah!) or hate and spite (here Tubby, Tubby) he knew what he was getting into.

Enter Patterson.  This is a young man who everyone expects to basically roll in and be Jesus.  He’s expected to instantly fill the role of big man for the Cats despite the fact that he has a backcourt full of shaky shooters and he won’t have a single, proven player to stand on the opposite block.  Your choices for center range from Jared Carter (atleast he wakes up every morning 7 feet tall) and Perry Stevenson (who makes Kenyan marathoners look like Barry Bonds in ’05).  Not that Stevenson doesn’t have talent (no comment on hometown boy Carter) but I think Patterson will find the lane a bit crowded on his side this coming year.  And what happens if he isn’t good enough to beat two SEC defenders on every touch?  Cats fans will get down on him and say terrible things about him.  They might even give him the nickname Sheray. 

So if Billy G can pull off 25 wins this season, he may end up sitting in the Kingdom of Rupp for a very, very long time.  And if Patterson does show up, is the real deal, and dominates to the tune of 16, 12, and 4 like he did every year in high school, this kid may just be the Second Coming.  Of Nazr Mohammed. 


(TGC prefers Ashley Judd)