Archive for the ‘Sweet Hotness’ Category

Basketball fight… in Detroit… Bill Laimbeer… GIRL FIGHT!

July 23, 2008

With all the hoopla surrounding the “brawl” that took place last night in Detroit, I feel it necessary to supply the obligatory commentary.  The Sparks will surely be without Candace Parker for a few games, and some other player probably will get fined or something. 

Which brings up another question: Does it make sense to fine a “professional athlete” if she makes, say, about as much as an architect with 2 years experience?  What point does that prove? — “Please send in your $30 check and written apology to the league office by next Wednesday at 9am.”  — Damn.

At any rate, I wanted to share the theatrics from our vantage point.  From where we were sitting, it looked like the big one, while down early, got the most of the smaller one.

Pay special attention around the 1:14 and 2:38 marks.

We’re 400!!!

June 25, 2008

Well, technically, we’re not 400 days old until tomorrow, but much like 2SL we can’t keep help but bust out a little early.  For those of you who haven’t been here from the start this here web log started back in ought seven on April 22nd.  That parting shot fired over the wall of the Internets at Lexington Herald Leader resident write John Clay was our first foray into this odd world of sports blogging. 

Since that day we knew we’d never be the same again, and if you’ve read this site more than 2 days, we suspect you feel much the same about your own life since discovering us.  We’re sure you’ve never been more horrified.  Where’d we go from there? 

Well it’s hard to say.  A little baseball, a little racin’, a little college football and then it was New Year’s.  Time was flying and our hits were going up.  Soon, with the help of Deadspin, With Leather, and some well-timed Google image searches we were floating at about 1,000 hits per day.  We’re happy to say that’s still the case.  And we’re extremely happy that we’re had over 330,000 hits in a little over a year since we started this.  We’d like to get teary and thank everyone but we’ve still got some time to recap.  Hit the more for recaps of our best and worst ideas around this here blog.


FWP: Are You There God? It’s me, Smoothron.

June 6, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Well, I think America did it.  They made it through their first weekend since March without FWP.  Deep breaths, beer and sitting by the pool helped everyone cope, but I hope never to have to do that to you again.  I’m sorry.  Not a lot happened last weekend, anyway.  The NBA Conference Finals had already wrapped up, no horse racing and most people were still hungover from a long Memorial Day weekend.  THIS weekend, however, promises to bring out the best in what this country has to offer.  Tickets for the Belmont Stakes have supposedly gotten up to $4,000.  Along the same lines, two courtside seats to an NBA Finals game might cost $70,000.  Those are two wise investments and that is capitalism at its best.  If you don’t have the thousands to spend on those events, just go pay $8 for a beer at a baseball game!  Totally worth it!  I’ll be by the pool, drinking and gearing up for the Belmont… my second favorite race of the Triple Crown!  A week of FWP missed means double work for this week…

  • The Lakers will win Game 2 in Boston.  Remember when Paul Pierce went down in the third quarter last night and I arrogantly proclaimed the Lakers would win?  NO, NO YOU DON’T!  Something seemed fishy about last night, though.  Kobe sat for an extra long time starting the fourth quarter, which inevitably led to lots of Derek Fisher jumpers.  I cannot sit through another game where Fisher and Sam Cassell combine for 18 shots.  The only time they should combine for that many shots, the shots should be of ‘shine.
  • Dale Jr. is going to win the race Sunday in Pocono.  Sure, I’ve already used this spot for DJ, but I’ve put him back for two reasons: 1) He hasn’t won a race in about twelve years, so I don’t feel like me jinxing him is really going to effect anything; 2) He has banged an inordinate amount of smoking hot women.  How, you ask?  I don’t understand either.  His conquest featured this week is Leeann Tweeden.  She’s hot and I have no clue why she would want to mess around with that twangy-voiced-small-headed man.  Also, if you want to see more of Leeann, you won’t have much trouble finding it.
  • Tiger will practice and practice and practice for the US Open.  Not to spoil too much for next week, but does anyone else feel like Tiger might be in a bit of trouble?  He hasn’t played a round of golf since the Masters and he’s coming off knee surgery.  Plus, he’s got a wife and kid.  There, I said it, I now fully expect him to win the next thirty majors.
  • Doc Rivers will just be happy to be there.  It’s no secret that Doc is a terrible basketball coach.  His timeouts sound like a mess of basketball cliches and during his in-game interviews with Michelle Tafoya, Doc would rather deflect any basketball question by hitting in Michelle.  Come to think of it, Phil Jackson is probably just toying with Doc, letting him think he could win that first game.  The Lakers may very well win the next four games.
  • Sadly, You Don’t Mess with The Zohan will open.  Remember Billy Madison?  Who could forget Happy Gilmore?  Even Big Daddy was pretty good, and The Waterboy is very quotable.  Unfortunately, things have gone downhill for Adam Sandler in recent years.  I still hold that he’s one of the funnier guys alive, but his movies just suck.  And that’s sad.  Luckily, if you do go see the movie, Emmanuelle Chriqui is in it.  Yes, Sloan from Entourage!  And, yes, that is a picture of her, scantily clad.
  • Ty Lawson will offer you a ride home.  Uh, yeah, I would decline.  You probably saw that Ty got arrested for driving after drinking.  Oh, excuse me, he was “charged” with driving after drinking.  The story doesn’t actually say whether or not he was arrested.  That’s just perfect, if anyone else got pulled over, they’d be strip searched and spend a night in the drunk-tank.  Luckily, Ty played basketball for UNC so he got to go home.  Hell, sometimes getting a DUI right before the draft works out, right JJ?
  • Detroit will wrap up the NHL Playoffs with a win over Pittsburgh.  What?  It’s over?  Oh… let’s move on.
  • The Mets bullpen will cause a repeat of the Summer of Sam.  Seriously, first Aaron Heilman sucks.  Now, Scott Schoenweis is HBPing people in to win games.  All this after Pedro Martinez comes out on Tuesday and breathes life back into the Mets.  Normally I would go on, but I just got a text message from my ex-girlfriend saying I should try not being in a bad mood all the time.  Let’s just move on.
  • Casino Drive is going to win the Belmont.  Yes.  I said it.  Actually, my hot friend Mears said it.  And, since she is much better looking than me, I’ll listen to her.  Casino Drive is actually the half-brother of the last two winners of the Belmont (Jazil in ’06 and Rags to Riches in ’07).  TGC has another reason why Big Brown won’t win, but I’ll let him explain that in the comments.  Also, God will not let Big Brown win, I’m sure of it.  Put Casino Drive and Denis of Cork in an exacta.
  • You will start dating someone new and Billy Gillispie will sleep with your girlfriend.  This is actually to myself.  I don’t like to talk about my personal life, but I started dating someone new.  She’s pretty attractive and successful, and I really hope this goes somewhere.  She’s a little younger than me, but it’s okay.  You may have heard of her, her name is Megan Fox, she was in Transformers.  I’m just worried about BCG getting to her, maybe I’ll just keep her out of Lexington.  Like that’s ever stopped him before…!

Hey, it’s going to be a fabulous weekend.  Baseball, basketball, horses, beers and pools; what more could we ask for?

FWP: An Extra Day to… Study?

May 23, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

I guess I must first issue an apology.  Sorry for putting up an NSFW picture last week.  Actually, I’m not really sorry, Jessica Simpson is hot and that’s more nipple than I’ve seen in months.  I didn’t do so bad last week: Boston lost on the road, the Mets beat the Yankees (twice!), the NASCAR jinx remains steady and Billy G railed your girlfriend (who is now your ex-girlfriend).  Big Brown, however, was quite impressive in a “race” that was never a race.  We’ll get back to the cunt of a trainer named Rick Dutrow in a week or so, but this is a big weekend.  First off, it’s a national holiday on Monday, which means an extra day of drinking!  It also means more sports for all of us to enjoy.  NBA Conference Finals, tons of baseball, night racing in Charlotte and much more.  An extra long weekend calls for extra long FWP…

  • The Spurs will regroup and win in LA tonight.  I really just want the NBA Finals to be Detroit vs. San Antonio.  For one, I will be closer to winning my bet with BobWicket.  Secondly, David Stern might shit himself.  And thirdly, Brubaker (who has been doing such a fabulous job writing the NBA Playoff Banter with me, I think I owe him a reacharound) could possibly go on a tri-state killing spree if he sees the Spurs celebrating another Western Conference Championship.
  • Natalie Gulbis will win the Corning Classic.  You may be asking yourself, what is the Corning Classic?  Well, of course, it’s this weekend’s LPGA event!  This is an FWP first, jinxing LPGA members.  I’m pretty sure if you look to the right, you’ll be able to figure out why we chose to start this practice and why we chose Natalie Gulbis.  WOW.  (Thanks to for the picture.)  Ed. Note: Click image to.. er… enlarge
  • The Mets are going to fire Willie Randolph.  Things went really well after Billy Wagner’s Bluetooth-inspired rant last weekend.  Two wins over the Yankees had them second in the division behind the Marlins.  Four losses in Atlanta later, the Mets are a game under .500 and they’re playing in the launchpad known as Coors Field (it’s still called that, right?).  I hope Willie finds work again soon and lets go of all the racist shit.
  • Z Humor will win the Met Mile.  There are a couple reasons he’s going to win.  For one, he’s not trained by Rick Dutrow.  Two, he is owned by Ahmed Zayat.  Ahmed Zayat is one of the richest men in the world and when he wants something, he usually gets it.  You can’t rig the Kentucky Derby, the Met Mile is a little bit easier.
  • Dario Franchitti is going to win the Indy 500.  This, of course, has nothing to do with Dario.  Sure, he won the race last year, but that doesn’t matter.  What matters is that he’s married to top-five-in-the-world cougar, Ashley Judd.  Not only is Ashley (yeah, we’re on a first name basis) a cougar, but she’s also a University of Kentucky grad.  The Tony Delk, Nazr Mohammed and Scott Padgett rumors aside, she’s a fabulous looking woman.  Good luck, Dario!
  • Michael Beasley is going to sandbag his NBA Draft workouts.  Let’s analyze this.  He can spend the next three or four winters in Chicago (#1 pick) or Miami (#2 pick).  The average winter in Chicago has below zero temperatures, snow everywhere and girls wearing parkas.  Conversely, Miami has 80 degree days in January, warm beaches and girls in bikinis.  I can’t imagine where he would want to be.
  • Boston, Minnesota and Pittsburgh are all going down this weekend.  No, those aren’t the names of strippers at 2SL’s favorite strip club.  They are the unfortunate opponents of Oakland, Detroit and the Chicago Cubs, respectively.  Yes, I’m going out on a limb (and will probably get hit with it afterwards) and picking TGC’s, EDay’s and 2SL’s favorite teams to win this weekend.  You probably know TGC and EDay from this wonderful site.  2SL used to write for it until he got fired for drinking a beer.
  • Everybody wins at the 69th Senior PGA Championship!  Either everyone wins or no one wins.  See it’s funny because in 69, everyone wins.  But, it’s seniors, so no one wins.  You know, because they have old balls.
  • I am going to destroy  Doesn’t everyone in the world know that I hate needles?  And they go and put a damn needle on their frontpage?  Bastards! 
  • Tony Stewart will win in Charlotte.  I have held off on T-Stew for a while, but seeing as he hasn’t won in a while, I figure the FWP jinx can’t hurt him any worse.  I’m not a big NASCAR guy, but Stewart seems like a guy I could drink some beers with.  I’d also like to drink a few beers with his sometimes girlfriend, Tara Roquemore.  Oh to be a gray sweater.
  • Boston will keep losing on the road.  Detroit is good and Rodney Stuckey is the next Dwyane Wade (just ask Jeff Van Gundy).  Boston has a ton of talent, but they have three stars who have never sniffed the NBA Finals and it’s not going to happen this year either.  The Big Three of Boston have always been losers, they are losers and they’re always going to be losers.  It’s something you’re born with, like being smooth.
  • Billy Gillispie will get you out of your commitment from USC and then sleep with your girlfriend.  I’m talking to you, Malik Story.  Per usual, Matt Jones of KSR is on the ball.  KSR is reporting Malik Story might be a possible Wildcat for the 2008 season.  The never crazy or blue-blinded commenters over there are now comparing Story to former Cat, Alex Legion.  I think everyone knows what happened there.  Malik, would you rather go to LA and bang Jenny McCarthy or have Coach G bang the Tri-Delt you start dating?  Screw it, I love sorority week in Lexington, too!  See you in Lexington!

There you have it, folks.  1000 words to get you through the weekend.  Live it up, watch some sports, remember those who let us have the freedoms like writing crazy shit on websites and dammit, have fun!

FWP: Ah-Tear Mah-Joke!

April 18, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Hmm, not exactly doing so well in the last two weeks.  Of course, it’s not all bad.  I feel like it’s not a guarantee I’m going to be giving my car to Brubaker over our Tiger bet (We put our cars up against each other, he said Tiger would win at least two majors this year, I took the under).  Santana got beat by the Brewers, but the Mets might have gotten things rolling after a three-game sweep of the Nats.  Visionaire lost the Stakes, but I did get to make out with my friend who told me it was guaranteed (yes, she is a female… the friend… not the horse).  Supposedly Billy G didn’t even talk to anyone in Stillwater, yet they still managed to get a guy that I have taken shots with at Redmon’s in Travis Ford.  Luckily, they’ve got a ton of practice in handling coaches who enjoy boozin’ it up.  Stakes Day was awesome, this weekend can only hope to compare.  On with it…

  • The NBA Playoffs will start and actually matter.  I watch the NBA as much as I can, but I understand why a lot of people don’t.  The offense is often anemic while four guys stand around and watch one player in isolation; and the defense, well, haha, there is none.  However, this season has been unbelievable and there are some very intriguing first-round matchups.  I’m especially excited about Phoenix going up against San Antonio, and seeing an upset there.  Actually, I have the Suns in the Finals.  Sorry, Mr. D’Antoni for that kiss of death.
  • Johan Santana will beat Cole Hamels tonight.  I’m sure this is just another jinx for the best pitcher in the NL, but I’m putting it out there anyway.  Three key games against the Phillies this weekend could determine an early favorite for the NL East, especially since we all know that the Marlins will soon go from first to last. 
  • The NHL Playoffs will continue and not matter at all.  Seriously, SportsCenter started last night with hockey.  I was in total shock, seeing as the WWL doesn’t even carry hockey games any more.  Sidenote, Barry Melrose is officially locked in the top five people you DO NOT want to see up-close in HD.  My list looks like this: 1. Holly Rowe 2. Verne Lundquist 3a. Billy Packer 3b. Phil Martelli 4. Barry Melrose.  The person you most want to see up-close in HD, Erin Andrews.  And yes, that was just a great excuse to put up a picture of her in all her sexiness and beauty. 
  • UK will land two recruits this weekend during the Derby Classic in Louisville.  This is like a less-talented version of the McDonald’s game, used to show off Kentucky and U. Louisville recruits to the Bluegrass State.  The Wildcats still have (at least) two scholarships available and should be able to get a few commitments.  The ones I feel would most succeed in Lex would be Ater Majok (pronunciation above) and Paul McCoy.  If you go to the game, please make them feel welcome. 
  • The Tigers will continue their winning ways.  My good friend and unabashed Tigers fan, TGC, bought a new Detroit hat this week.  Sure, to most that’s no big deal.  Well, the Tigs are 3-1 since the new purchase.  In the words of Michael Scott, “TGC isn’t superstitious, he’s just a little stitious.”
  • Billy Gillispie will most definitely sleep with your girlfriend, especially if you live in the Louisville area.  I’ve got relatives up in the ‘Ville and have definite concerns if they decide to take their significant others out on the town with them this weekend.  If Derrick Jasper ends up transferring, let’s start asking around to see if he and coach ever happened to… you know, happen upon the same female.  I know if my coach ever slept with my girlfriend, it might make me a little “homesick” too.
  • Someone will get hurt during the Blue-White scrimmage tomorrow.  It’s just a fact.  It happens every year.  We’ll all just pray it’s not Dicky Lyons Jr. for EDay’s sake.
  • WL will bring home a trophy on Sunday night.  You read it right.  The four of us, Bob Wicket and five other local drunks play a little hoops every Sunday night.  This weekend is the champeenship and while there may not be a trophy involved, there will hopefully be some “LEAGUE CHAMPS” t-shirts.  2SL has already delcared himself KBA Winter B League Tournament MOP.  And, they don’t just give those out to anyone.
  • How could this weekend not be awesome?  It’s the last weekend of live racing at Keeneland.  Baseball games going all the time.  The Mets in primetime on Sunday night.  UK getting recruits.  And beer.  Lots and lots of beer.

Stephen Curry, Might We Know You Too Long?

April 1, 2008

steph.jpgYesterday, while drinking too much, watching baseball and live-blogging, I read some news that I found both joyous and disturbing.  Stephen Curry, Davidson sharp-shooter extraordinaire, announced his intentions to return to the Wildcats next year.  He passes up the possibility of millions of dollars and not having to carry an entire team on his back; instead he will get the opportunity to go to class every day and continue to play with guys whose names you didn’t know before the Tourney started.  Some people just love college, right?  I guess… I mean, the partying, girls, and partying were all great.  Is the lure of college co-eds going to ruin Curry’s draft chances?  The road of could-have-beens is littered with players who didn’t take an opportunity when it was there, and now you probably don’t know who the hell they are.

Curry’s stock probably has no chance of ever being higher.  He was the face of the first two weekends of the NCAA Tournament, and put on a show each game he played.  His point line for his four Tournament games: 40, 30, 33, 25.  Impressive, to say the least.  He buried big shots, and starred in second halves.  He proved he wasn’t just a long-range specialist; he put the ball on the floor, got to the rim and had one unbelievable acrobatic and-one layup against Wisconsin…

My good friend, basketball soulmate, and fabulous writer, 2ndStoryLloyd sums up Curry, “He dominates the game without dominating the basketball.”  Very true.  But, why would he pass up the NBA when he can do no wrong?  Randolph Morris was a probable lottery pick had he gone from high school straight into the pros (thanks, Nelly).  In 2005, sixty players were drafted, Morris wasn’t one of them.  Josh McRoberts, Brett Nelson (remember me?) and Keith Bogans also waited too long to capitalize on their professional dreams.  I like watching Curry play too much to not want to be able to watch him play in the NBA.  Is it possible he continues to develop, gets stronger and becomes quicker off the dribble in the next year or two at Davidson?  Yes, Curry fans everywhere hope this is the case.  Who wants to have to follow Curry’s stats in Portugal in two years? 

milfofthemonthThis isn’t all bad, especially for college basketball fans.  Curry is a transcendent player, who makes people see past brackets and favorite teams.  He is exciting and when he’s on the screen, there’s no turning away.  Hopefully, he’ll keep getting better, and keep entertaining all of us for another year or two.  Also, they don’t usually show Moms during NBA games.  CBS gave us plenty of Sonya Curry, and this cougar-hunter has a new crush.  Screw it, great decision Stephen!  More Sonya for everyone!!

An Open Letter to Terrelle Pryor

January 28, 2008


tp.jpgHey, buddy (can I call you that?), I really hope things are going well for you.  I know you’re in the middle of basketball season, and I’m sure you’re dominating that competition much like you did the Pennsylvania football teams you owned this past fall.  People are absolutely all over you about where you’re going to college, and I don’t want to be that guy.  I just want to tell you all the positives about going to Michigan.  I’m sure you’ve heard some before, but there are a few you really need to know.  This is going to be one of the five biggest decisions you ever make in your life, somewhere between, “Who will I marry?” and “Should I wear a rubber tonight or not?” 

It’s no secret you would be the odds-on favorite to start from Day 1 in Ann Arbor.  Is that the case if you happen to decide to go to Ohio State?  Who knows?  But, do you really want to be battling a guy who just took his team to a national championship?  You definitely don’t want to sit for a year, or be a spot-situation QB behind Boeckman in Columbus.  Even if you become the starter, do you want Todd Boeckman in your ear?  The first time you screw up, the Buckeye faithful will be clamming for the guy who just led them to their second straight National Championship game.  Come to Ann Arbor, you and Rich Rodriguez can start off a new era at UM.  You will be the guy who rejuvenates the program, and leads it back to elite status.  You can also be the star recruit of an already top-10 class, it’s not like you’re going to be coming in to a team that’s lacking in talent.  This is Michigan, even their down years they bring in ten-plus 4-star recruits.  The team didn’t play well this year, and they still played and won on New Year’s Day.  You’ll get to wear the baddest-ass uniform in all of college sports.  You will be The Man at the University of Michigan, the team that has won more college football games than any other team, ever. 

Listen, you don’t know me.  But, I am pretty damn persuasive.  Last spring, at Keeneland, I told Alex Legion he should go to UK, and he listened.  He would have enjoyed his four years in Lexington, but his mom is crazy.  But, I do know my shit.  You would really, really enjoy your three (I am realistic about things…) years at UM.  So just make everyone happy and pick UM on Signing Day.  Thanks.




PS — Do you know how many white girls there are at UM?

Oden Out For Season….No More Dancing

September 13, 2007

Greg Oden, the number 1 draft pick in the NBA Draft this year will not be playing for the Portland Trail Blazers this year.  After getting a tonsillectomy this summer Oden was looking forward to working out in Portland this summer before training camp.

“Greg had an arthroscopy and a microfracture surgery today,” team physician Dr. Don Roberts, who preformed the surgery, said in a statement posted on the Trail Blazers’ Web site. “He was found to have articular cartilage damage in his right knee. The area of injury was not large and we were able to treat it with microfracture, which stimulates the growth of cartilage.

What does this mean for Greg Oden?  No basketball for the Trail Blazers this season and no dancing.  Oden was excited to move to the Portland area so he could work out with the team and check out the club/dance scene in Portland.  These things will have to wait for Oden’s recovery from knee surgery.

Yes, you’re right this article is pointless and anything mentioned about dancing is completely made-up.  But we will use the cheapest of excuses to post the following picture….

Greg Oden

Classic Picture, Classic Oden, Classic Dress (kind of) 

The Truth Comes Out about Oregon Athletics

September 12, 2007


There have been many reports that Phil Knight of Nike regularly donates millions to the Oregon Athletics Fund, or OAF (as I have just made up).  But what is not known about the financial support system for the OAF is who has be been engaging in secret deals with behind closed doors.

All the under-the-table cartoon royalties, child labor kickbacks, and gay-duck-mascot prostitution ring led by one famous water-dwelling beast… A beast so fowl that his oily slicked-back black hair and poor English grammar call up fearful daymares of 1920’s Chicago and backroom assassinations for most of us (well, what we saw in movies anyway).

The culprit, the proof, and the SHOCK!! after the jump.


SEC Wins Again – Celebrates – Begins Quest To Repeat

August 21, 2007

The 2008 Princeton Review List of the Top 20 Party Schools in the country is out and surprise, surprise the SEC wins again.  The Southeastern Conference put 6 schools in the Top 20.  List Below.

I love College

1. West Virginia University
2. University of Mississippi    
3. The University of Texas at Austin    
4. University of Florida    
5. University of Georgia
6. Penn State–University Park    
7. University of New Hampshire     
8. Indiana University at Bloomington    
9. Ohio University-Athens    
10. University of California-Santa Barbara    
11. Randolph-Macon College     
12. University of Iowa    
13. Louisiana State University     
14. University of Maryland-College Park    
15. University of Tennessee–Knoxville    
16. University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign    
17. Arizona State University at the Tempe Campus    
18. Florida State University    
19. University of Alabama–Tuscaloosa    
20. State University of New York at Albany

Not only does the SEC have 24 Men’s National Championships since 2000 and 44 Women’s National Championships since 2000 they know how to celebrate those Championships.

So congrats to all the SEC schools who made it into the Top 20.  We appreciate you turning a blind eye to underage drinking, girls making out, toga parties, kegs, the green goblin, cold beer, Jim Beam, sneaking flasks into games, tailgating, pimps & ho’s parties, Mad Dog 20/20, Tequila body shots, and waking up in a dorm room with a girl who don’t remember.  I love College.