Archive for the ‘Shagari Alleyne’ Category

FWP: The Dark Knight Edition

July 18, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Sorry, people.  I didn’t mean to leave you all hanging last weekend.  I must have been worn out after the loooong 4th of July weekend.  I may have actually achieved my goal of drinking one hundred beers over the weekend.  As a few people told me, “It’s great you’ve finally found some goals.”  I agreed and moved on.  It’s probably for the best this didn’t go up last week, as I would have told you to bet it all on Curlin in the Man O’ War Stakes.  It’s safe to say that Curlin won’t be racing on turf again any time soon.  Lucky for you, FWP has returned to guide you through post-All-Star-break baseball, the Brett Favre saga, Kelenna Azubuike’s unlikely destination and The British Open (what the hell is The Open?).  Thumbs up, let’s do this…

  • The Mets will play baseball.  Yeah, you thought I was going to talk about that one thing?  That thing that rhymes with men maim spinning meek?  Not a chance in hell.
  • Greg Norman will defy all odds and win the British Open.  Seriously, why is it just called The Open now?  When did this happen?  First, Pluto’s not a planet and now this?  I am not okay with all these changes.  Anyway, Greg’s recent marriage to Chris Evert has sparked him to a lead at the British Open.  Not bad for a guy that’s as old as my dad.  Also, Greg’s sperm brought us his smoking hot daughter, Morgan.  Morgan has previously been linked to Sergio Garcia, no worries if you date Morgan, if you’ve seen Serg play golf you know he probably couldn’t putt it in the hole.  Ohhhh, NO I DIDN’T!
  • Oakland will trade more players.  I still haven’t figured out why GMs answer the phone when Billy Beane calls, but they still do.  Beane will continue to Moneyball the pants off of you, especially if you happen to be a male.  EDay has promised analysis of more A’s trades to be expected over the weekend.
  • The Clippers will try to be the first team to have every player on Injured Reserve.  First, they sign oft-injured Baron Davis.  Then, they traded for Marcus Camby’s legs (it’s not 1996 anymore).  The only healthy player left may be the newly signed (hopefully) Kelenna Azubuike.  In other news, my friends and I used to scream, “Azu-bukkake!!,” after Kelenna dunked on someone.  If you don’t know what bukkake is, I don’t want to be your friend.
  • You will want to do it with Maggie Gyllenhaal.  If the statistics are right, you are probably going to see The Dark Knight this weekend.  Since I’m a loser, I went to a midnight showing last night.  I took away two things from the movie: 1) I shouldn’t have broken up with Maggie Gyllenhaal, she’s hot and her voice is sexy.  2) Heath Ledger is a really good Joker.  As 2SL’s brother so eloquently put the other night, “Man, I heard that Heath Ledger guy is really good in The Dark Knight… He’s really going places.”  Also, our good friend Burnsy is uber excited about this movie.  Go check out his Nerd Boner.
  • Somehow, people will continue to talk about Brett Favre.  Look, I’m not hating on Brett.  The guy had a change of heart, it happens to a lot of people.  But, does it need to be talked about to everyone at every moment of the day?  I was getting busy the other day with a fine female and she axed me what I thought the Packers were going to do with Favre.  Okay, that story isn’t true, but a friend of mine… him and her got it on!!  Whooooeeeee!!
  • The number of days until College Football starts will continue to get smaller.  Seriously, how close is it?  Six weeks?  I am definitely getting anxious.  Who doesn’t love Wisconsin playing on ESPN at noon, Doug Flutie just happy to be somewhere and twelve-team parlays?  Now I’m really anxious.  Also, this is the funniest thing I have seen all year.  Bar none. (link)
  • Billy Gillispie will watch you host The ESPY’S, then sleep with your girlfriend.  Justin Timberlake is living the dream right now.  Everything he does turns to gold, or platinum for that matter.  Like his music or not, the ladies fawn over his voice.  He has a decent acting career starting and for some reason ESPN hired him to host this year’s biggest show in sports awards.  Let’s be honest, though, the reason he’s awesome is that he could probably bang any female on the planet.  My sources tell me his latest female of choice is Jessica Biel.  I give him props for that, as she’s pretty hot.  Unfortunately for him, the only person who has bigger persuasion over the lady is Coach Billy Clyde.  Sorry JT, Billy will leave you a message after he bangs your girl:  Cry Me a River.

That’s it for the weekend in sports.  TGC, 2SL, BobWicket and I will be in Cincy tonight for Reds/Mets.  Enjoy your weekend and remember to stay hydrated, it’s hot out there!

Advertisements

B-Maze drops first Volunteer Rap

June 22, 2008

Not sure if this was pre-written or freestyle, but newly signed PG Bobby Maze is “puttin’ down for Tennessee.”  Priceless.

I’m the only 10 that ya see…

Cam Tatum, JP Prince, and Wayne Chism make a lyrical appearance (with an impressive ryhming scheme for Chism).

Enjoy fellow Volunteer fans.  Here’s hoping there are more to follow.

SEC Tourney (Pre?)View: Quarterfinal Friday

March 14, 2008

sectourney.jpgIf you’ve ever read APIAS.net then you probably figured out that we have an affinity for sports in the South.  And, it just so happens that our collective favorite basketball teams both play in the SEC.  What better reason than to write a full-on SEC Tournament preview.  We’ll give a quick rundown of the Quarterfinal matchups, and then the teams the winners will face.  Hopefully, at the end, one of us will be so moved to conclude it all and we’ll give you who we think will win.

Well, that was quite an interesting day to open the SEC Tournament, the 17th best show in hoops.  Apparently, three of us had out our crystal balls (not those crystal balls, W) and predicted winners in opening round action.  Others didn’t exactly have the same prognosticating power.  My man, 2SL, comes back off of an almost five month hiatus from this site and picks Billy D and the Gators to not only beat the “struggling Tide,” but to then beat Mississipi State on Friday.  He’s probably sitting in his room pleasuring himself right now thinking about how he screwed our site over again.  I hope after he’s done beating it like he caught it breaking in, he learns some punctuation.

Quarterfinal Friday brings back great memories for me.  When I was growing up in Suburbia also known as Central Kentucky, UK normally had the #1 seed in the Eastern Division.  That meant that the Cats were playing at 1PM, which meant we got to watch basketball at school.  Too bad for some unlucky girl in my class, it also meant I would be coming to sit next to her, try and impress her with my basketball knowledge, all the while trying to figure a way to feel her up.  They don’t call me Smoothron for nothing.  Unfortunately, I’m not still in fourth grade, and the Vols now hold the coveted slot.  Will children in east Tennessee beg their teachers if they can watch the game tomorrow during school?  Probably not, they’ll more likely just ask if they can use a computer to check and see how Fat Phil and the boys are doing in spring practice.

john-pelphrey-01.jpgWe already gave you our picks to move on, but… fuck it.  Here they are again!  UT gets past the Cocks in relatively easy fashion.  It won’t quite be the 33-point drubbing it was last Sunday, but it will be comfortable enough that TGC’s workmates shouldn’t hear too many F-bombs.  EDay picked Vandy to get the upset over 2SL’s twin brother in the second game.  Seriously, ladies, if you like the way John Pelphrey looks then you would probably like our man 2SL.  It will also work out well for you if you don’t like ever being contacted after becoming Mrs. Sachmo.  My man, 2SL, picked the Gators to win two games which is just embarrassing.  I’ll take the liberty of letting you know that Jamont “#44” Gordon and the Bulldogs will win over the Tide.  They may even roll over them.  TGC went all existential on us about being a Kentucky fan, but in the end he likes the Cats to beat the Bulldogs and then face the Bulldogs.

Ladies and Gents, your lone Cat voter, “Hoops”

March 11, 2008

 I’m sure you’ve all noticed that the new poll is out and sure enough, right there hanging around the bottom having received 3 points is an 18-11 Kentucky Wildcat squad.

This morning, between work smoke breaks and work NASCAR news, we thought we’d take the time to investigate for you where those 3 points came from… which guys are liking what they’re seeing out of the old Blue ‘n White?

Well, as it turns out, its only one dude, Dick Weiss (ballot here), and he voted the Cats #23 (which is 3 points).  Dick, among other things, is a basketball blogger for the New York Daily News.  From his bio:

Dick Weiss – better known as “Hoops” – has been covering college basketball for 40 years, and since 1993 for the NYDN. He is a past president of the College Football and Basketball Writers’ Associations and is a member of the USBWA college basketball writers’ Hall of Fame.

blog_header_weiss.gif

Well hell, he’s a freakin’ hall of famer!  And look at that hairpiece man!  No wonder he ended up nicknamed “Hoops.”

After a bit more research I was able to come across gems such as these on his blog:

We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves, but we think Kevin Willard of Iona is destined to be a hot commodity by this time next year.

Holy crap, a Yankee John Clay!

Okay folks, enough is enough.  In all sincerity, Kentucky fan, send your cards, letters, flowers and candy to: NY Daily News c/o “Hoops” Weiss, 450 W 33rd St, New York, NY 10001.

 And I’ll send mine to the 2 Pulitzer Prize winners who voted the Vols at #1:  Brett Jensen from CUTigers.com and Dan Wolken at the Memphis Commercial Appeal.  What’s that?  They don’t have Pulitzers?  Well they should.  Matter of fact, get one for Fran Fraschilla too!

[NY Daily News] [AP] [APIAS]

Duke to UK: Hahahahahaha (with love from TGC)

December 27, 2007

Okay, so I’ve never been the first to kick a man while he’s down–especially my friends–but I found this over at KSR and they seem to have well-enough spirits about it and their current plight… so here we go.

A pretty funny independent music video from a Dukie to Wildcat Nation… filmed right here in Lexington, brought to your eyes and ears by your very favorite Vol Fan TGC.

There are all kinds of goodies in here.  Among other things, bagging on BCG’s thirst, JC’s speed, Cameron Mills choco-habits, and Saul Smith’s life.  Enjoy.

[Kentucky Sports Radio]

Thanks for checking in, Tim, that will be all

August 20, 2007

Sad news today sportsfans.  The Jags have released playmate-plaything Tim Couch.  There will be candlelight vigils around the state of Kentucky and just outside of the Grotto until further notice.

But hey, at least this Couch made it longer than the one left outside in Fort Sanders in the fall of 2005 before going up in flames.

tim_the_couch_nfl_dreams.jpg

[WWL]

God Bless Our Readers

July 6, 2007

From time to time, we come across information about how you lovely folks stumble across our site, sometimes linked over, sometimes word of mouth, email, etc…  One of the things we are privy to here is a list of what, for instance, readers have Google-searched and then moseyed on over to APIAS.net.

Today, this list took the cake, guns, drunk babes, handcuffs, and coke.  Take a gander at what your fellow readers are seeking on the internets.

searchinlikeamadman1.jpg

A fight search, three different drunk searches, an old man search, a VHS search, a munchkin search, and of course, PLAYING SPORTS WHILE ON COKE!

There’s a special prize for you, homey.  I know you’re out there.  I hear ya.

God Bless Ya.

Kevin Durant Ain’t Afraid to Choke a Bitch

July 4, 2007

The Seattle Sonics will announce in a press conference on Thursday the hiring of PJ Carlesimo as their new head coach.  The general manager of the Sonics, Sam Presti spent the last several years working for the San Antonio Spurs where Carlesimo was an assistant coach, so the hiring only seems fit.

I Love Ya Still

Of course, everyone remembers the Carlesimo and Latrell Sprewell incident in 1997.  I guess Sonics front office personel feel that Kevin Durant and Coach Carlesimo will get along much better than he and Sprewell did.  Let’s just hope this time Carlesimo can ask in a nicer fashion for better passing during practice.

More choking after the jump.

(more…)

Super Monday Recap 6-25

June 26, 2007

trainwreck.jpgThe premier Super Monday Sports Radio show has come and gone. For those of you tuned in at 9EST, our host NowLive.com experienced difficulty in maintaining the connection from Los Angeles to The South, but together we were able to get the technical issues fixed and go Live at 10pm EST, 9pm CST with minimal trainwrecks.

Thank you to everyone who came by, and a special thanks for those of you, including Tommyhook and FuzzyBuzzy21 that hung around for the late show.

On with the APIAS crew last night were special guest Sir Richard Claberhouse Jebb from Scotland and surprise caller Shagari Alleyne. Not only that but I think we all learned a thing or two more than we wanted about Ron’s and 2SL’s extracurriculars.

To check out a podcast of the hour-long show, follow the link below.

Super Monday will be on-air live again next Monday night at 9pm EST.

Click here to join the show!