Archive for the ‘Racin’’ Category

Kimi’s reign of terror continues

July 22, 2008

The world’s highest paid athlete–F1’s Kimi Raikkonen at $51M (USD) annually–continues to make clear that he’s not taking no shit off-a nobody.  If you have a problem with that, you’ll have to come find him swimming in his pool of Finnish Euro’s to tell him so.  Either that, or grinding behind some Swedish karaoke singers.. in mid-song!

A week after knocking a cameraman on his arse, he’s now attacking seemingly innocent Asian women and children in Germany.  Video after the shove jump.

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Ellis Park Closing? Oh, Hell No!

July 2, 2008

Okay, I realize this may not be the most interesting post ever put up on this site.  You may never have been to Ellis Park, and if you don’t know much about horse racing, there’s a good chance you’ve never heard of it either.  Ellis Park is in Henderson, KY and is the home to the only live horse racing in Kentucky from Independence Day through Labor Day.  I was born in Henderson, have family there, and visit multiple times a year.  I try and catch live racing at Ellis Park at least once a year.  It’s the home to a lot of revenue for the town of Henderson and was even rebuilt after a tornado came through a few years ago.  This place is holds a lot of memories for me.  I’ve been there with lots of family members, and I’m pretty sure a few times when I was just an infant, my uncle took me there when he was supposed to be watching me.  Is there any wonder why I have a gambling problem now?  Anyways, Ellis Park is closing its doors as of tomorrow.  From ellisparkracing.com:

A disagreement between two outside parties will close the 86 year old Ellis Park due to lack of available revenues. According to Ron Geary, owner of Ellis Park, “Ninety percent of our revenues come from off track, internet and television broadcast wagering. The leadership of Kentucky HBPA [Horsemen’s Benevolent and Protective Association] has an ongoing dispute with these ADWs [advanced deposit wagering companies] and Ellis Park is caught in the crossfire.”

86 years of racing… down the drain.  And I am pissed.  I know we’re not the most read site in the world, but if this strikes any sort of chord in you… write President Bush, or call your Congressman, or at the least just agree that this fucking sucks.

[ Ellis Park Racing ]

And let’s be honest, this is the first post I’ve put up in months that didn’t have a picture of a hot chick showing cleavage; so this must really mean something to me.

Predicting the 2009 NASCAR Driver Carousel

July 1, 2008

With the news last week that Casey Mears is out at All-Star Team Hendrick Motorsports at the end of the 2008 season, this officially begins the annual switcheroo of drivers and teams.  (No, not that bullshit switcheroo, that one 2ndStoryLloyd pulls on you the first night you move into a new town, and he invites you over to introduce you to a chick he met at a bar last weekend– whom you find out later he’s already boned–then Ninja smokes you and disappears upstairs with the hot one while you are forced to babysit the grenade and talk about your asshole friend who’s up there doing who knows what with the Holy Grail, no not that switcheroo.)

At any rate, let’s take a quick look at last year’s changes before we dive into the prognostications.

Kyle Busch out at Hendrick to make room for Junior.  Busch to Joe Gibbs Racing. This was by all accounts a win-win trade for both JGR and Hendrick.  The loser here was DEI, which Dale Jr. bailed on due to his step-mom’s ridiculous need to stay involved in motorsports.  Dale won his first race in two and a half years a few weeks back under an HMS Chevy, and Kyle has won 5 (as many this year as in his career) and is the current points leader in a JGR Toy.

Kenny Wallace forced out at Furniture Row Racing in favor of Joe Nemechek.  Not a bad move for FR here, with Nemecheck a proven veteran driver with some wins.  But don’t we all miss Kenny interviewing other drivers after the race for the SPEED network… after coming in 40th himself?  I know I do.

2009 predictions after the jump…

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We’re 400!!!

June 25, 2008

Well, technically, we’re not 400 days old until tomorrow, but much like 2SL we can’t keep help but bust out a little early.  For those of you who haven’t been here from the start this here web log started back in ought seven on April 22nd.  That parting shot fired over the wall of the Internets at Lexington Herald Leader resident write John Clay was our first foray into this odd world of sports blogging. 

Since that day we knew we’d never be the same again, and if you’ve read this site more than 2 days, we suspect you feel much the same about your own life since discovering us.  We’re sure you’ve never been more horrified.  Where’d we go from there? 

Well it’s hard to say.  A little baseball, a little racin’, a little college football and then it was New Year’s.  Time was flying and our hits were going up.  Soon, with the help of Deadspin, With Leather, and some well-timed Google image searches we were floating at about 1,000 hits per day.  We’re happy to say that’s still the case.  And we’re extremely happy that we’re had over 330,000 hits in a little over a year since we started this.  We’d like to get teary and thank everyone but we’ve still got some time to recap.  Hit the more for recaps of our best and worst ideas around this here blog.

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FWP: Things Are Sloooowing Down

June 20, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

What a week!  Basketball (games) ended until the Olympics, a lot of interleague baseball, 91 holes of golf and I remember something about someone getting fired at 3:15 in the morning.  I actually had one of my better weeks from a prediction standpoint.  Tiger acually did win the US Open (no matter how hard I tried to jinx the bastard), the Mets gave up on the season (see: 3:15AM firing of manager), Chad Johnson’s ankle kept him off the football field, we haven’t heard another peep out of Tim Donaghy after his first little outburst and Billy Gillispie totally railed Cristiano Ronaldo’s girlfriend (sorry about that Cris, oh, and that loss to Germany yesterday).  Basketball ending means the long summer of baseball has begun.  Interleague play gives this weekend a little bit of extra flavor (spicy!).  There’s also a NASCAR road course race, Kentucky football fans set themselves up for a big letdown and EURO 2008 continues (it’s going to be a loooong summer).

  • The Mets season will hinge on this weekend in Colorado.  I know, I just said they’d given up on the season, but if they can just put a little run together…  Oh, who am I kidding?  The team with the fourth highest payroll in baseball is going to finish at .500.
  • Phil Mickelson will be forced to carry the PGA for the rest of 2008.  And with the extra holiday weight he’s been carrying around for the last decade it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.  The PGA desperately needs Mickelson to be in contention for the remaining two majors of the year, as Tiger won’t be in them.  I would also like for more shots of Phil’s wife, Amy.  Amy is a classy babe and is absolutely cougar-ific.
  • The Cubs will begin their slow descent back to reality.  It was a nice run in the beginning of the season for the Cubs, it really was.  Then, Alfonso Soriano never learned how to actually get out of the way of a ball that was going to hit him (but somehow, he manages to do this with every fly ball hit to him in left field).  After that, Carlos Zambrano’s shoulder gave out on him.  Their only saving grace is that they play in the WORST DIVISION IN BASEBALL!  Every team in the NL Central got swept except for the Brewers.  Incredible.
  • There will be big news for the site unveiled on Monday.  First of all, EDay has promised to mediate the results of the bet between Brubaker and I.  I’m just trying to get a new car.  Also, I believe we’ll be adding a new writer to the APIAS staff.  Whatever happened to that 2ndStoryLloyd guy anyway?
  • Jeff Gordon will win the race in Sonoma.  It’s a road course.  One can only hope that means lots of wrecks and lots of drivers bitching at each other on the radio.  That is the best part of racing.  A road course also means the “Said-Heads” will be out in full force.  Boris Said is the Bob Ross lookalike who dominates on road courses.  Unfortunately for Boris, his wife probably doesn’t look like Jeff Gordon’s.  Why would Ingrid Vandebosch marry a douche like Jeff Gordon?
  • Morgan Newton will never sign with the University of Kentucky.  The LHL is reporting today that highly touted 2009 QB, Morgan Newton, is considering Kentucky for college.  Unfortunately for the Cats, South Carolina is also listed in his favorites.  Let me think, when was the last time Steve Spurrier lost anything to UK?  That’s right.  Never.  Keep dreaming.
  • Willie Randolph will continue to try and keep his name relevant.  Look, I understand you weren’t let go in the most polite way ever.  But, you probably got a pretty nice buyout and get the rest of the summer to do nothing.  And you want to bitch about it?  Stop… just stop.
  • EURO 2008 will continue and no one will care.  There’s nothing about this that appeals to Americans.  First of all, it’s soccer.  Second of all, with the name EURO in the title, it’s just that much more unwatchable.  Plus, no more Nereida Gallardo (SFW) means I have no interest.
  • Billy Gillispie will go see Get Smart and then sleep with your girlfriend.  I’m talking to you, um, whoever it is that is lucky enough to be dating Anne Hathaway.  Get Smart has officially reached “I would definitely watch that while taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon” status.  Anne Hathaway has reached a much higher status for me that you probably don’t want to hear about.  But, we all know who will end up railing her, Coach Gillispie.  That guy has all the luck.

It’s summer, so even with a lacking sports schedule tap you should be able to enjoy yourself.  Grab a beer or twenty and go sit by a pool.  I know I will.

FWP: Wha Happon?

June 13, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

I’m not a mean spirited guy, I promise.  I tend not to delight in the failures of others, but sometimes I must make an excuse.  Last Saturday night around 6:30PM, I was overjoyed by the fact that Big Brown had lost the Belmont.  It’s not that I have ill-will towards the horse, but I think Rick Dutrow is one of the least valuable persons to the human race walking the earth.  I couldn’t be happier that he had guaranteed a win multiple times, even saying it was a, “foregone conclusion,” and then his horse ran last.  LAST!  As TGC said after the race, “That bastard couldn’t find enough cameras for the past three weeks and now he’s shying away.”  There was probably more profanity involved, but we were all a little toasty by that point.  I didn’t do so badly last weekend: Big Brown lost, the Mets bullpen sucks and You Don’t Mess With The Zohan apparently sucks.  The past is not of merit any more, let’s move on.  This is probably the last weekend of basketball for the summer, baseball plods along and there’s a golfing major!  On with it…

  • Tiger Woods will undoubtedly win the US Open.  Bum knee be damned!!  He’s still the best golfer in the world and he cannot be stopped.  Even if he were ten shots out going into Sunday’s final round, he would still win.  I have no doubt in my mind.  This totally doesn’t have anything to do with my bet with Brubaker, which will result in one of us losing our cars; nor would I mention Tiger just to put up a picture of his sexy-Swedish-nanny wife.  Well, what do you know?  There she is.
  • The Mets will give up on the 2008 baseball season.  In the last week, they lost three one-run games in a row in San Diego, gave up a four-run lead and Billy Wagner blew two saves.  I kept holding out hope that once it got warm in NYC the Hispanic players might start playing better, but it seems like it’s just not going to happen.  My cousin is in Vegas and offered to put down a future bet for me for the Mets to win the NL East and I declined.  If you know me, you know that means I really don’t think they have any sort of chance to win it.
  • Chad Johnson will do as much at Bengals mini-camp as you.  I don’t really get this new fad of players showing up at mini-camp but not participating.  What does that mean?  I mean, you’re there, but you’re just sitting around?  Why would you bother even driving to camp when you could sit at home in your mansion and do the same thing?  Trust me, you look like just as much of an asshole as if you weren’t there.
  • Clint Bowyer will win this weekend’s race in Michigan.  I actually don’t have a lot of beef with Bowyer.  He seems like a good enough dude.  His sponsor is Jack Daniel’s, and if you’ve ever seen TGC after a pint of Tennessee’s finest liquor on a College Football Saturday… you’d appreciate Jack as well.  The jinx this weekend comes because of Clint’s former girlfriend, Athena Barber.  How in the hell could a guy like Bowyer ever let her become a former?  You can take the crazy out of a lady, but they’re not all built like that.
  • David Stern will have Tim Donaghy removed from this planet.  Excuse me, Tim?  You want to try and take publicity away from Mr. Stern’s NBA Finals?  Obviously, whoever is making decisions for you is not thinking in your best interests.  Stern is the same guy who once (allegedly) suspended the face of the NBA  18 months.  And that was Michael Jordan, would anyone miss Tim Donaghy?  I see this ending in a Lee Harvey Oswald type situation.  I’d go ahead and shut the ol’ yapper, Timmy.
  • You will be on Barack Obama’s list of VP candidates.  Whoa!  A political joke on FWP.  If 2SL still reads this site, he just stopped.  Forever.  Seriously, though, who isn’t on that list? 
  • Rick Dutrow will cry like a bitch.  Had to get one more in there!
  • The Lakers will win Game 5.  They have to, don’t they?  I don’t have much else to say about this series.  I have been disappointed by most games, except for Game 4.  Even it wasn’t that good, it’s just that you don’t often get a chance to see a team blow a 24-point lead and lose by 6.  I really think I could have beaten Sasha Vujacic on the play Ray Allen did.
  • Billy Gillispie will watch Euro 2008, see your girlfriend, then sleep with her.  I’m talking to you, Cristiano Ronaldo.  I actually watched about three minutes of a game today, afterwards I washed the gay off of me.  I can’t imagine Billy G is too big of a soccer fan, but even Nereida Gallardo could ease the pain of the most boring game ever.  She is sexy, and no matter how good looking Cristiano is, we all know the powers of Coach G.  Also, let me say, it was more difficult to find a SFW pic of Nereida than an NSFW… you know, if that kind of thing interests you.

Drink beer, watch sports and sit by the pool; it’s summer!

Change the Triple Crown? No, no, no!

June 9, 2008

Big Brown was supposed to seal the deal.  Big Brown was the horse that was going to bring horse racing back to the forefront of the sports world.  Then, as you probably know, he had nothing to give as he turned to the back-stretch of the mammoth track at Belmont.  After having dominated his competition up to that point (undefeated), Big Brown looked very pedestrian.  Not only would the world’s Triple Crown drought continue into its 31st year, but it seems Big Brown’s lack of energy down the stretch has people calling for a change in the Triple Crown.  D. Wayne Lukas, who has won 13 Triple Crown races, was very outspoken in this morning’s Lexington Herald Leader,

“We’ve got to short up the Derby to a mile and a eighth, which is what the horses are bred to run,” said Lukas. “Then I’d increase the next two by a 1/16. You’d run the Preakness at a mile and 3/16 and then the Belmont at a mile and a quarter. That’s what we’re breeding out horses for today.”

Hey, I defnitely don’t claim to know anywhere near as much about racing as D. Wayne Lukas does, but I definitely take issue with what he said.  The reason that the Triple Crown is so elusive and such a big deal is that only 11 horses have ever achieved the feat.  A lot of sports have changed the way they do things, but still seem to work.  Basketball added the three-point line, baseball has the DH, football players started wearing helmets and hockey… they changed something, I think.  Horse racing is a sport that cannot afford a change like that.  Many tracks across the country have put in polytracks or something like it.  Luckily, none of the tracks that host Triple Crown races have made the switch.

Part of the mystique of the Triple Crown is that it dates back so many years.  Sir Barton was the first horse to win the Triple Crown back in 1919.  There was even a 25-year drought from 1948 when Citation won until 1973 when Secretariat blew away the competition.  I wasn’t alive back then, but I doubt people were crying out for change in the Triple Crown just because there hadn’t been one for a while.  Everyone wants to see a Triple Crown in their lifetime.  A generation of people has grown up seeing plenty of almosts, but just because something hasn’t happened, is that reason enough to change something of this historical magnitude?

Maybe the reason people like Lukas want to see a Triple Crown winner is to breathe life in a sport that has been on the decline on the national scale.  Perhaps a Triple Crown winner would turn sports media back to covering horse racing except from May and June.  Or, maybe it’s because we live in a society which demands instant gratification.  People want to see things monumental sports events and they want to see them quickly.  Whether it be McGwire and Sosa trying to break Roger Maris’ HR record or hoping the Patriots go undefeated, our society begs to see things that haven’t happened before (or at least in their lifetime).

But, the biggest reason not to change the Triple Crown is that we’ve come so close to seeing one in the last 11 years.  Since 1997, 7 horses have won the Kentucky Derby and Preakness and have gone into the Belmont bidding for a Triple Crown.  In 1997, Silver Charm lost by 3/4 of a length to Touch Gold.  The next year, Real Quiet was in a dead heat down the stretch with Victory Gallop and ends up losing by a nose.  In 2004, Smarty Jones lost to Birdstone by a length.  Maybe Barbaro in 2006 could have done the unthinkable?

It just seems there have been enough close calls recently, there’s no need to freak out and make rash decisions.  Keep the Triple Crown how it is and how it has always been.  Besides, who wanted to see Rick Dutrow be the guy to end the drought?

[ LHL ]

Indy 500 and big fake boobies… at long last they meet!

May 24, 2008

 

There will be 3 women starting in tomorrow’s Indy 500.  Danica Patrick, Sarah Fisher, and Milka Duno.

Safe to say I know several guys who will be pulling for Milka.

FWP: The Time Has Come Once Again

April 4, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It’s the first Friday in April.  To some of you, that may not mean much.  To me, it may as well be a holiday.  Every six months, on the first Friday of April and October, Keeneland opens its doors for live racing.  If you’ve never been, there’s no explaining it.  Well, I tried last fall.  Anyway, Keeneland really is Heaven On Earth; where else can you drink, gamble and look at hot girls in spring-time dresses all at once?  I’ve never been there if there is another place.  Okay, I may be rambling about the track a little bit.  There is quite a bit else going on in sports this weekend: Final Four, a whole weekend of baseball, and… Have I mentioned Keeneland opening?  On to the reading of the future…

  • North Carolina will beat Kansas.  Did you see Bill Self trying to lose that game against Davidson?  They had nine of the ten best players in the game, and still managed to almost lose.  If that game is played in a park with no coaches, Kansas slaughter rules them.  Bill Self sucks.  Tyler Hansbrough is really impressive, especially after his performance against Louisville.  Hansbrough and Lawson carry the Heels to an 81-74 victory.
  • The Mets will ROCK Tom Glavine on Saturday.  I still hold an unhealthy amount of contempt for Glavine after his stinkbomb on the last day of the season last year.  He sucked, got shelled, the Mets are the laughingstock of MLB.  Payback’s a bitch, Tommy.  Also, Santana throws on Sunday, Mets get at least two of three.
  • love-it.jpgUCLA will “upset” Memphis.  The Bruins are getting points in this game?  Thank you!  Maybe Memphis was finally supposed to get to the Final Four after crapping the bed in the Elite Eight the last two years, but does that make them clutch?  Hell no.  Did they play anyone like Kevin Love in Conference USA?  I didn’t watch any C-USA games this year, but I’ll go out on a limb and say no.  Ben Howland has been to the Final Four the last two years, he just ran into a Florida team on a mission both times.  Also, he had to play those games without Kevin Love.  He’s really good, and his outlet passes give me wood.
  • Tony Stewart will win at Texas Motor Speedway.  I assume this is a big track.  I don’t think T-Stew has won a race this year, and it just seems like it’s about time.  Also, it will make TGC really happy. 
  • Billy Gillispie will definitely sleep with your girlfriend.  You kidding me?  That bastard has been looking forward to Keeneland opening almost as much as I have.  Except for his monthly visit to the ADPi house, he doesn’t get an opportunity to be around this many hot, drunk sorostitutes all that often.
  • croquet.jpgThe APIAS.net crew will have a rousing game of croquet.  Oh yeah, Keeneland means another thing: It’s croquet season!  EDay’s lady friend (special lady?) asked me for croquet etiquette (or croquetiquette, as I like to refer to it as).  There are really only three rules you need to follow: 1) Dress well.  2) Always have a cold drink in your hand. 3) Don’t, under any circumstances, piss of 2SL.  That bastard is really feisty.
  • Tennessee and UConn will both win Sunday.  Yes, I just brought women’s hoops to the table.  I don’t know much else to say about this.  Um, isn’t Candace Parker good enough looking not to have to date Shelden Williams?
  • This weekend is going to be awesome.  Seriously, Keeneland and Final Four in the same weekend makes for a great time.  Last time it happened, 2003, I drank from about 9AM until 4AM straight through.  We can only hope for the same.

Weekend Recap: Lots of Action!

March 30, 2008

clairvoyant.jpgThe Final Four approaches and we have a crazy group of teams headed to the final weekend of NCAA basketball play.  What’s that?  Wait, nevermind.  Despite SmoothRon’s best clarvoyant tries, all four #1 seeds will be playing next weekend.  He was right about two teams but we pretty much have a vanilla Final Four coming up.  Hopefully the games are better than some of the ones in the rounds of 16 and 8. 

SmoothRon was also close on his Dale Jr. at Martinsville guess.  D.E.J. (DEE E JAY!) led some laps on Sunday, but slipped to fourth in the race at the end.   He ends up 5th in points, atop all his Hendrick Motorsports teammates.  An interesting start to the season, to be sure. 

Can’t comment on the gay shows Smooth watches this weekend.  Quite frankly, I’m astounded by the fact that he watches those shows.

I know the rest of the staff around here smashed some beer this weekend, but unfortunately, this guy couldn’t.  About 500 sq ft of hardwood took most of two days to put down and prep for.  Other than a couple of bourbons this guy hasn’t had a drop all weekend.  That is until now when I just purchased a few beers at the Marathon.  This whole sober weekend situation will be corrected soon.

George W just tossed out the first pitch.  Pretty good effort.  That thing had some mustard on it and came in high.  Vlad G. would still have swung at it.  It must have been hard to throw a strike there when people were booing worse than Rocker would get booed playing in Cameroon.  What?  Oh, nevermind.  Apparently they were just saying Booo-urns.  That’s nice.

Oh, and fuck Joe Morgan.  Baseball season started when the A’s and Sox fought it out.  I didn’t like it any more than you people, but this whole “baseball hasn’t started” is bullshit.