Archive for the ‘Paging The General’ Category

Paging The General; 80 days

June 9, 2009

In honor of secondary recruiting violations becoming national news, I would like to remind you that it is only


until the pom-pons fall from the Glocker Haslam Bridge , the  checkerboard flowers are planted outside the UC, and the official inaugration of the new First Orange Family.

Paging The General: 12 Days

August 20, 2008

As we enter the home stretch of Summer into the open arms of early fall (or.. well… more Summer in LA, as it were) we must keep our eye on the ball, our mind focused on the Clawfense, and… our Latte’s hot and strong?


Paging The General: 34 Days

July 29, 2008

So we all know that the best looking girls are in the SEC… and we also all know that the best looking girls in the SEC hail from (tie) Tennessee and Kentucky, (2) Athens, GA, and (3) Gainesville, FL–Columbia, SC in a close 4th.  But do we have an interview of a newby blonde explaining the misunderstanding of the word tailgaiting?  No! Not until we head back to Knoxville.   It’s okay Lindsey… Lindsay? Whatever.

Some people say it’s only 30 days ’til football season.  Well jackasses, I disagree.  Football season starts Labor Day Night.

Only 34 Days til chasing JD with Pepto, calling in sick on Tuesday, discreetly haniging orange out your Kentucky-alum-roommate’s window, and 24 in a row!

“Volunteer Football 2008 – Straight Outta Cromtpon”

Paging The General: 44 Days

July 19, 2008

We’re always one week closer to kickoff, and what better way to celebrate that today than to pull out the old Orange and White family truck, give her another coat of Tennessee Mountain Gloss, tune up the 8-banger and find that quarter bottle of Jack you left under the seat after the LSU debacle last year.

Come September you’ll be pulling it out of the driveway and heading to the Fort.  (Does anyone remember the old corner store and Saturday Morning Croquet? ) You’ll meet up with the old Flippy Cup clan and defend your championship.  (Video after the chug, flip, flip, cuss, flip, cuss, jump)


Paging The General: 52 Days

July 11, 2008

The Dog Days of summer are upon us, the All-Star Break is next week, and somewhere in West Knoxville a man and his boat just parted ways for the mid-summer cleaning.  One day soon they will be reunited and will charge forth across Ft. Loudon Lake towards the shiny beacon on the north coast of “The River”.  And that day he will join his companions… in the 2008 Vol Navy.

52 days til Manifest Destiny on the West Coast, a new suit for Wu, and all my rowdy friends coming over.

“Volunteer Football 2008 – Straight Outta Cromtpon”

We’re 400!!!

June 25, 2008

Well, technically, we’re not 400 days old until tomorrow, but much like 2SL we can’t keep help but bust out a little early.  For those of you who haven’t been here from the start this here web log started back in ought seven on April 22nd.  That parting shot fired over the wall of the Internets at Lexington Herald Leader resident write John Clay was our first foray into this odd world of sports blogging. 

Since that day we knew we’d never be the same again, and if you’ve read this site more than 2 days, we suspect you feel much the same about your own life since discovering us.  We’re sure you’ve never been more horrified.  Where’d we go from there? 

Well it’s hard to say.  A little baseball, a little racin’, a little college football and then it was New Year’s.  Time was flying and our hits were going up.  Soon, with the help of Deadspin, With Leather, and some well-timed Google image searches we were floating at about 1,000 hits per day.  We’re happy to say that’s still the case.  And we’re extremely happy that we’re had over 330,000 hits in a little over a year since we started this.  We’d like to get teary and thank everyone but we’ve still got some time to recap.  Hit the more for recaps of our best and worst ideas around this here blog.


5 things you need to know about Louisville v. Tennessee

March 25, 2008

It’s no secret around here that I’m a Tennessee homer, and heck yeah I’m glad and proud that the Fightin’ Pearls are in the Sweet 16 (NCAA Seeding Conspiracy be damned).  But I’ll try my best to give you an impartial preview of, what most people agree, should be the most fascinating Sweet 16 matchup of this year’s tourney.

1. Matchup to watch: Tyler Smith v. Earl Clark.  The Cardinals’ imposing 6-10 presence in the lane will make it difficult on Tyler’s slashing and back-picking inside game.  In order for T-Smith to come close to his 14 ppg average, he’ll need plenty of help from Wayne Chism and Duke Crews to get open looks inside 15 feet, and avoiding the Cardinals’ patented post traps. 

Clark (16 ppg – 20 boards in the tourney so far) is no slouch on the offensive end either, and will run Smith around the baseline, working his above-average interior passing game with Terrence Williams and David Padgett.

2. Derrick Caracter is the X-factor.  For a guy who’s had quite the roller coaster career under Pitino, Caracter can make it all a memory by showing up against Tennessee.  He spent last fall tearing it up (averaging over 22 minutes and 16 points a game) but hasn’t seen the floor much since (zero games with 20+ minutes in 2008) and notched only 15 total points in Louisville’s first two rounds (both blowouts).

3-5 after the jump. (more…)

Ladies and Gents, your lone Cat voter, “Hoops”

March 11, 2008

 I’m sure you’ve all noticed that the new poll is out and sure enough, right there hanging around the bottom having received 3 points is an 18-11 Kentucky Wildcat squad.

This morning, between work smoke breaks and work NASCAR news, we thought we’d take the time to investigate for you where those 3 points came from… which guys are liking what they’re seeing out of the old Blue ‘n White?

Well, as it turns out, its only one dude, Dick Weiss (ballot here), and he voted the Cats #23 (which is 3 points).  Dick, among other things, is a basketball blogger for the New York Daily News.  From his bio:

Dick Weiss – better known as “Hoops” – has been covering college basketball for 40 years, and since 1993 for the NYDN. He is a past president of the College Football and Basketball Writers’ Associations and is a member of the USBWA college basketball writers’ Hall of Fame.


Well hell, he’s a freakin’ hall of famer!  And look at that hairpiece man!  No wonder he ended up nicknamed “Hoops.”

After a bit more research I was able to come across gems such as these on his blog:

We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves, but we think Kevin Willard of Iona is destined to be a hot commodity by this time next year.

Holy crap, a Yankee John Clay!

Okay folks, enough is enough.  In all sincerity, Kentucky fan, send your cards, letters, flowers and candy to: NY Daily News c/o “Hoops” Weiss, 450 W 33rd St, New York, NY 10001.

 And I’ll send mine to the 2 Pulitzer Prize winners who voted the Vols at #1:  Brett Jensen from and Dan Wolken at the Memphis Commercial Appeal.  What’s that?  They don’t have Pulitzers?  Well they should.  Matter of fact, get one for Fran Fraschilla too!

[NY Daily News] [AP] [APIAS]

FWP: See you in Knoxville, I’ll bring the shine

February 29, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Yep, this is a pretty big weekend around the APIAS patio.  Kentucky is fighting for their tournament lives while Tennessee is rebounding from a loss hours after being crowned #1.

While it might be easy to suggest that UK has more at stake this weekend, there are some things on the Vols wish list that make Sunday’s affair more than a trap-game.  The Vols are undefeated at home over the past 2 seasons.  They have not won an outright SEC title in nearly 40 years.  The road to an SEC tourney title for a #1 seed fairs much easier than a 2 or 3 (Not to mention that the Vols haven’t been past Friday in 20+ years).

Then there’s the  ol’ NCAA 1-seed, which I’m calling locked up, but some disagree.

Things are picking up in Blogfrica too.  Losers With Socks takes some hilarious digs at Big Blue Nation while Wildcat Blitz is still hanging onto its pedestal (I’m not sure how, though, at 16-10, RPI 65) with an open letter to UT fans (written by a journalism grad from UK, but not in its original crayon, someone must’ve typed it out). 

Also, the Lexington Herald-Leader, for some reason, chose this week to compare Bruce to UK’s good ol’ days of Ricky P’s up-and-down exciting basketball.

UK fans long for their team to again employ the up-tempo, full-court style Rick Pitino used in the 1990s while leading Kentucky to its most successful decade in modern times…  In his three years in Knoxville, Bruce Pearl has produced a near replica of the magical early years of Pitino at UK.

Well boys, I have UT fans telling me its gonna be a romp.  I have UK fans saying the same thing.  I have blogs talking shit.  And I have a car packed up and ready to hit the road to Knoxville.  So get out of my way, time for the FWP:

The weekend revenue for Nixon’s Deli and Petro’s will increase by approximately $20.

Ryan Childress will pick a fight with Ramel Bradley over who’s hand gestures are more awesome.  AJ Stewart will continue to be confused.

JP Prince will have 9 points and 10 turnovers.  Michael Porter will have 19 turnovers.

Billy Gillispie will spend the night at Massey Hall and sleep with the 3rd floor (but not the fat bitchy RA… she only gets a dry hump).

Barry Bonds will drive to Ontario to try out for the Canadian National baseball team, before being informed that Canadiens do not play baseball.  Sits down for french fries and gravy.  Cries.

The Cats will cover. (Update: Patterson has a broken ankle, out for year)

Til next week, keep your hands off my sandwich bitches, I drove a long way for this.

Punting on 1st AND 4th down

February 18, 2008

In an effort to stay in the news (and keep Volunteer football discipline issues in the news as well) punter Britton Colquitt has had yet another run-in with the coppers involving drinking and/or driving.  For those of you keeping score, that’s 5 times total (including a 3 arrests in 12 days binge before he enrolled) since he signed his scholarship papers.

colquittfreeride.jpgThe name sounds familiar because his brother, father, and uncle all punted at UT.  Dustin is currently the starter for the Chiefs, and Britton recently considered entering the draft before choosing college life for one more year–and how!

During this most recent encounter, he apparently plowed a parked car and a stump (also not moving).

His latest arrest came shortly around 3 a.m. Sunday, when according to the Knox County Judicial Commissioner’s Office, the 22-year-old Colquitt hit a parked car on Jackson Avenue near Humes Street, a few blocks east of the Old City… According to police records, Colquitt admitted to have two beers, three mixed drinks and hitting the parked Ford Focus as well as a tree stump.

He had been suspended in March 2004 following his fourth wagon-fall.  This time the punishment got a little worse, including the revocation of his scolarship coupled with a 5 game suspension.

Yet again, I am baffled by the “guy-who-gets-in-trouble-because-he-has-nothing-else-to-do” being punished with more free time.

But hey, what do I know?

I blame this on Daniel Lincoln anyway. Kickers don’t let Punters drink and drive.