Archive for the ‘Miller Time’ Category

Fallout from Cubs/A’s Trade

July 9, 2008

As I’m sure you’ve probably heard, Rich Harden was traded from the A’s to the Cubs sometime yesterday.  Fortunately for us, two of our resident writers happen to be huge fans of these teams.  EDayStat has to be the biggest A’s fan this side of the Mississipi River and has already put his spin on the trade.  2ndStoryLloyd is a Cubs fan, but hasn’t been able to give his normal material because he’s on vacation with his parents (read: intervention).  However, I’m sure you’ll see more rainbows from him before things are all said and done.  Anyway, what you didn’t read with the big trade announced yesterday were the concessions made by each of our writers here. 

EDayStat receives:

  • A copy of 2SL’s new book, “Being a Substitute Teacher… And Banging Your Students.”
  • Four (4) gallons of Jim Beam Black
  • The Yearsh (the gift that keeps on giving)
  • A lifetime supply of Carmex
  • Unlimited visits to the pool for the next three (3) summers
  • Two (2) black wife-beaters
  • Dancing lessons

2ndStoryLloyd receives:

  • EDay’s secret recipe of “Kentucky Lemonade
  • Eight (8!!!!) cases of Miller Lite
  • A beard
  • The perfect nipples he’s always wanted
  • EDay’s book, “Actual Relationships”
  • Athleticism
  • A lifetime of free passes to the back porch

Also, they are switching weddings for which they are the best man.  EDay is now the best man at BobWicket’s wedding and 2SL will be the man at TheW’s.  Fair trade.

Mainstream editors are some witty bastards

July 6, 2008

Every once in a while a big story goes down, either unexpectedly, or when not much else is going on in the sports world, and we get to read several takes on the “breaking news.”  Tonight’s reported trade of CC Sabathia to the Brewers is one of those times.

It is now our privelege, as the layperson sportsfan, to be inundated with cheeky headlines.  You know, because those guys can be funny too.

Here are a few from tonight.

Fox Sports – because… they, like, make milk products where he’s going.. (and just to be sure you don’t miss the joke, Ken Rosenthal–or the weekend Fox Sports Editor, probably an equally witty yank–notes “welcome to the Dairy State” in the caption)

More insufferable wit after the jump


FWP: See you in Knoxville, I’ll bring the shine

February 29, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Yep, this is a pretty big weekend around the APIAS patio.  Kentucky is fighting for their tournament lives while Tennessee is rebounding from a loss hours after being crowned #1.

While it might be easy to suggest that UK has more at stake this weekend, there are some things on the Vols wish list that make Sunday’s affair more than a trap-game.  The Vols are undefeated at home over the past 2 seasons.  They have not won an outright SEC title in nearly 40 years.  The road to an SEC tourney title for a #1 seed fairs much easier than a 2 or 3 (Not to mention that the Vols haven’t been past Friday in 20+ years).

Then there’s the  ol’ NCAA 1-seed, which I’m calling locked up, but some disagree.

Things are picking up in Blogfrica too.  Losers With Socks takes some hilarious digs at Big Blue Nation while Wildcat Blitz is still hanging onto its pedestal (I’m not sure how, though, at 16-10, RPI 65) with an open letter to UT fans (written by a journalism grad from UK, but not in its original crayon, someone must’ve typed it out). 

Also, the Lexington Herald-Leader, for some reason, chose this week to compare Bruce to UK’s good ol’ days of Ricky P’s up-and-down exciting basketball.

UK fans long for their team to again employ the up-tempo, full-court style Rick Pitino used in the 1990s while leading Kentucky to its most successful decade in modern times…  In his three years in Knoxville, Bruce Pearl has produced a near replica of the magical early years of Pitino at UK.

Well boys, I have UT fans telling me its gonna be a romp.  I have UK fans saying the same thing.  I have blogs talking shit.  And I have a car packed up and ready to hit the road to Knoxville.  So get out of my way, time for the FWP:

The weekend revenue for Nixon’s Deli and Petro’s will increase by approximately $20.

Ryan Childress will pick a fight with Ramel Bradley over who’s hand gestures are more awesome.  AJ Stewart will continue to be confused.

JP Prince will have 9 points and 10 turnovers.  Michael Porter will have 19 turnovers.

Billy Gillispie will spend the night at Massey Hall and sleep with the 3rd floor (but not the fat bitchy RA… she only gets a dry hump).

Barry Bonds will drive to Ontario to try out for the Canadian National baseball team, before being informed that Canadiens do not play baseball.  Sits down for french fries and gravy.  Cries.

The Cats will cover. (Update: Patterson has a broken ankle, out for year)

Til next week, keep your hands off my sandwich bitches, I drove a long way for this.

Duke to UK: Hahahahahaha (with love from TGC)

December 27, 2007

Okay, so I’ve never been the first to kick a man while he’s down–especially my friends–but I found this over at KSR and they seem to have well-enough spirits about it and their current plight… so here we go.

A pretty funny independent music video from a Dukie to Wildcat Nation… filmed right here in Lexington, brought to your eyes and ears by your very favorite Vol Fan TGC.

There are all kinds of goodies in here.  Among other things, bagging on BCG’s thirst, JC’s speed, Cameron Mills choco-habits, and Saul Smith’s life.  Enjoy.

[Kentucky Sports Radio]

TGC’s 2008 Top 10 Wish List

December 24, 2007

Dear Baby Jesus, Santa, Jim Brown, Red Grange, and Nero, 

I’ve been a good sportsfan this year.  I basked in the glow of the closest Daytona 500 finish ever.  I sat pissed and moody on the back porch as the Tigers blew the chance at the playoffs (as TheGoldfishCowgirl will attest).  I didn’t allow my friends to talk about the Year-That-Shan’t-Be-Mentioned on Rocky Top.  And I watched all 30 games of the Softball World Series.

So this year Jesus/Santa/… Instead of something for me, I want something for each of my teams.  My sports lifeblood.  My reason for sneaking out of work on a beautiful April afternoon to go to a dimly lit sportsbar.  Let me spend my Christmas wishes on them.  For if they are well taken care of, we all will be.  Here are a few things I’d like, after the jump of course… ho


College Football Countdown: 5 weeks

July 28, 2007

Scottie Pippen, Urinals, Disappearing French Fries and The Standing Room Only Ladies

July 2, 2007


Well, everyone we have returned from the Windy City.  Just for our readers let recap the portions of the weekend we can actually remember.

  • The beauty in the Yellow Chevy in Lafayette, IN
  • Cold Beer at Pint, and those girls from the northside. (they talk funny)
  • Loden S. and her Jeep Grand Cherokee
  • Having to piss.
  • The Hideout and its lovely plumbing work.

A little tapy tap

  • Buffalo Wings and Create Your Own Burgers at The Sports Corner and plenty of beers.
  • The lawyer lady and her train riding friends on the patio at Wrigley Field.
  • Old Man River (Usher) who fell asleep standing up.
  • Nate/Blake and his 47 high fives.
  • Standing room only girls.
  • The Chief of Section 239.


  • Rally caps.
  • Scottie Pippen and the seventh innning stretch.
  • Having to piss.
  • Deb the mom in seat #100.
  • Plumbers ass crack on the patio.
  • $25 of Pizza by the slice. (okay just give us the rest of that one and most of that one)
  • Post game beers and shots at The Piano Man.
  • Jodie and her shots of Tequila.
  • Having to piss.
  • Waffle House OR Waffle & Steak??
  • The disappearing french fries.
  • Hangovers.

Thanks to everyone we met up with in Chicago, the cops along the way, the weathermen, and Anheuser-Busch.  We had a blast and look forward to our next trip north.

“Bueller, Bueller, Bueller, Bueller, Bueller….”

June 28, 2007

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen is ditching school and going straight Ferris Bueller style this weekend.  That’s right, the boys at will be heading north to the Windy City for 3 days of bars, booze and baseball.

Wrigley Field

 When asked for a comment about this weekends trip TheGoldfishCowboy offered this…

“To be honest with you, I’ll call it a win if we can get on and off the train somewhere relatively close to the hotel.”


You might find this funny had a similar situation not occured the last time ventured northward for a weekend in Chicago.


Be sure to scan the friendly confines of Wrigley for us Saturday afternoon as the Cubs host the Brewers (down the right field line, 30 or so rows back).  If you can’t make it out to the game at least look for us on FOX during the game.  We won’t be the annoying frat guys wearing pop collar Polo’s with a cell phones attached to our ear waving at the camera looking like a total douche-bags.  We will be the drunk guys three rows up making fun of them.


Check out throughout the weekend for updates and maybe even pictures from our road trip.


tgcwillbedrunkhere.jpgEditors Note: Thanks to tips from TexasGal and PeteJayhawk we’ll be visiting the following establishments on Saturday.  Pre-Game: Murphy’s Bleachers Patio.  Post-Game: The Sports Corner, and The Cubby Bear. -TGC


TWIRS: If Only It Were Sunday

June 27, 2007


Yesterday, the PBA announced their 2007-2008 tour schedule.  Tour stops this year include the standard Brunswick, NJ; Indianapolis, IN; and both Las Vegas and Reno out in the desert.  One of the more odd places where they will be hosting a tour event this year is Miller Park.  That’s right, the same place where the Brewers are trying desperately comfortably holding off the Cubs for first place in the NL Central will host a PBA tour bowling event. 

I’ll tell you how this thing is going to work after the jump.


Beer Me That Miller… Debut

May 17, 2007

To the delight of at least one cowboy, Jimmy has decided to take the advice of APIAS and bring up Southpaw Shooter Andrew Miller for his first major league start.  Since Bondo will be on the DL for a bit letting his blister-on-pitching-hand heal, it looks like we’ll get at least 2 evenings of Miller Time.  With the first coming tomorrow night against where-the-hell-did-that-come-from early season phenom Braden Looper (5-2 2.29) for the 16-22 defending Champs.


 The plan as of now is to let him get his two starts, send him back down and put Bondo right back in the slot.  However, we’re still holding out for making him the newly created Startoser (copyright TGC).

No word on extended PFP before the weekend series.