Archive for the ‘Michigan’ Category

FYCFP: The Time Has Come

August 25, 2008

Typically, I write FWP on Fridays predicting what will transpire over the weekend.  I am stepping things up and am going out on a limb to predict what is going to happen this year in college football.  If you’ve spent any time around this site, you know we are huge college football fans and love the four months over which it spans.  What’s not to love about the upcoming football season?  There are no less than eight teams with legitimate national title hopes and a bunch of guys gunning for the Heisman Trophy.  Who will come out on top?  Let’s find out…

  • The preseason #1 team in the country (Georgia) will not finish the season at the same place.  Hey, the talent that Georgia has is second to none.  Matt Stafford at QB is solid and the Moreno kid at RB is just nasty.  They were playing as good as anyone in the country at the end of last year, but their schedule is ridiculous.  They play at South Carolina (rivalry game), at #15 Arizona St., #24 Alabama, at #7 LSU, #5 Florida in Jacksonville and at #10 Auburn.  That’s a damn gauntlet, but that’s the curse of playing in the SEC.  If Richt can get double-digit wins with that schedule, he should get a medal.
  • Mark Mangino will eat more doughnuts than could fit in Memorial Stadium.  Yes, for those of you know didn’t know (I had to Wiki it), the Jayhawks play at Memorial Stadium.  Mangino is a favorite around the site, because of his mammoth size.  What a fat bastard!  The Jayhawks were a one-hit wonder last year and I look for them to plummet quickly back to Earth.  This will cause Adidas to make the largest pullover in history as Mangino copes by investing even more money in Krispy Kreme.
  • The winner of the Ohio State/USC game on September 13 will play in the national championship.  I love the fact that these teams are playing this game.  Neither team is scared to play a big game early in the year.  Ohio State has played a home-and-home with Texas in the last few years and USC had one with Nebraska.  Both teams play in conferences which are subpar, so the winner is in the driver’s seat to the title game.  If Ohio State is that winner (which I think they will be), the entire country may vomit if they have to watch them play in the national championship game again.

(more…)

FWP: He’s Back… Momentarily

August 1, 2008

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Gangstaaas, what’s up guys?  Another week without me last week?  Did you cope okay?  Well, I was involved in getting my good friend, Buffalo, hitched.  Luckily, EDay was gracious enough to step in and pinch-hit for me.  This has obviously been a big week, with all the MLB trades going down.  Manny is taking his act to Hollywood (get it, act… Hollywood…), Griffey Jr. curiously goes to the White Sox and this happened.  Today actually is TGC’s birthday, I wish I could get him the one thing he really wants: a man sandwich with 2SL and I this trade to be undone.  I have some calls in to Dave Dombrowski and Brian Cashman, I’ll see what we can do.  No decisions have been made on if our site will have a new name due to the catastrophic event.  Let’s just move on to the weekend: baseball, NASCAR and an old friend of FWP makes a less than triumphant return.  It’s go time…

  • The Mets will continue to… what is it they do again?  Seriously, they play well, then they don’t, then they win ten in a row… who knows what the hell is going on?  Some wins against the Astros would help this weekend, since there was obviously no help needed at the trade deadline!?  The bullpen of Aaron Heilman, Joe Smith and a bunch of other fuck-ups will surely be good enough in September again.
  • Having Olympic fever, Carl Edwards will win at Pocono on Sunday.  Oh, Hot Carl, how we loathe you and all your douche-ness.  The biggest thing I’ve never been able to figure out is how you pull hot chicks.  You look like a tool, sound like a tool and really are just a humongous tool.  Either way, you once dated Amanda Beard and her upcoming 4th Olympics will propel you to victory.
  • Brett Favre will not exactly keep you riveted.  Blah blah blah.  Is this shit over yet?  25 million bucks NOT to play football?  Deal.  Signed, sealed, delivered I’m yours… right, Stevie?
  • The US Olympic Basketball team will impress you.  Watch them.  This team is much better than any team the US has put on the court since 1996.  Kobe, LBJ, Carmelo and a very healthy looking D-Wade have looked very impressive in two exhibitions.  Their biggest ‘flaw’ is they over-pass on occasion.  Take that flaw any day of the week.
  • Chris Henry will get arrested.  No kidding.  What a clown.  Moving on.
  • Natalie Gulbis will win the Women’s British Open.  Actually, at last check, she was only three shots off the lead.  But, Natalie is known for much more than just her golf skills.  She’s also smart.  Ha, only joking, it’s because she’s hot.  Also, I will find any way in the world to put this picture up.  Good gosh almighty.
  • Josh Jarboe will find a new home.  You probably don’t know who Jarboe is, but he just got kicked off of Oklahoma’s football team (first time that’s ever happened).  Josh, I’d just like to say there’s a school in Ann Arbor, MI that would love to have you.  Plus, you can carry your gun around wherever you like.  Also, there’s a chance that Shav Beaver will be throwing the ball to you next year.
  • EDay will keep the countdown going towards college football.  The A’s haven’t exactly kept E enthralled with the baseball season since unloading their entire starting pitching staff, so he’s uber-excited about the Cats and Cards on August 31.  Just remember: bourbon at 10AM, grill starts at 2PM and bourbon again at 10PM.
  • Big Brown will not win the Haskell.  Oh yes, our good friend is back.  Big Fucking Brown.  He’s gotten a lot of pub around these parts.  He was mentioned here and here and here; then laughed at your ass here.  Well, Atoned is going to kick your ass at Monmouth on Sunday and I cannot wait.  Big Brown, “From Horse of the Year to the glue factory in only two months!”
  • No man in their right mind will go see Mamma Mia.  Amanda Seyfried could make me do a lot of things.  She was really dumb-sexy in Mean Girls, she’s really innocent-sexy in Big Love and most of all she is just sexy.  However, she’s not sexy enough to make me go watch a musical.  Close, but she’s not Blake Lively, for her I would do anything.
  • Billy Gillispie will coach against your sixth grade AAU team, then sleep with your girlfriend.  Okay, that’s a little gross, but he will sleep with your mom for sure.  Yes, Coach G is going to coach Robby Albarado and Kent Desormeaux against the Texas Titans.  Apparently, the jockeys won last year.  I say the Titans get them this year as BCG will probably be checking out the ladies a little more than he’ll be coaching.  Kids, warn your mothers or you may have a new daddy.

That’ll do.  Have a good weekend.  Drink some brews and sit by some sort of water.  Also, find TGC and wish him a happy birthday.

D-Train’s tracks headed toward The D?

July 21, 2008

With the series split in Baltimore, the Tigers pull back to .500 and have named former starter-turned-reliever-turned-starter Zach Miner as the newest in what has become a revolving-door 5th spot in the rotation.  This news out of Detroit had me wondering what the heck D-Train is up to down in Florida.

The guys over at LFTBlog were awesome enough to post a little video of Willis throwing last week in his first start with Lakeland.

As you can see below, its pretty clear that the Tigs pitching staff has calmed down his ridiculous leg kick and slowed down his approach to the plate considerably in light of his recent diagnosis of tendinitis in his landing-leg.  The differences are pretty clear. 

Here’s D-Train last year:

Here’s last week:

What does that mean for his short- and long-term prospects with Rock City? Freep has it this way.

Lakeland pitching coach Joe Coleman told The Lakeland Ledger that Thursday’s outing was “a very positive step toward Dontrelle’s return to Detroit.”

We’re going to learn a lot in the coming 12 days (3 with the Royals, 3 with the Palehose, and 4 with the Indians).  Here’s hoping our $29M man is around to contribute.

[LFTBlog] [Freep] [WWL]

FWP: Wha Happon?

June 13, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

I’m not a mean spirited guy, I promise.  I tend not to delight in the failures of others, but sometimes I must make an excuse.  Last Saturday night around 6:30PM, I was overjoyed by the fact that Big Brown had lost the Belmont.  It’s not that I have ill-will towards the horse, but I think Rick Dutrow is one of the least valuable persons to the human race walking the earth.  I couldn’t be happier that he had guaranteed a win multiple times, even saying it was a, “foregone conclusion,” and then his horse ran last.  LAST!  As TGC said after the race, “That bastard couldn’t find enough cameras for the past three weeks and now he’s shying away.”  There was probably more profanity involved, but we were all a little toasty by that point.  I didn’t do so badly last weekend: Big Brown lost, the Mets bullpen sucks and You Don’t Mess With The Zohan apparently sucks.  The past is not of merit any more, let’s move on.  This is probably the last weekend of basketball for the summer, baseball plods along and there’s a golfing major!  On with it…

  • Tiger Woods will undoubtedly win the US Open.  Bum knee be damned!!  He’s still the best golfer in the world and he cannot be stopped.  Even if he were ten shots out going into Sunday’s final round, he would still win.  I have no doubt in my mind.  This totally doesn’t have anything to do with my bet with Brubaker, which will result in one of us losing our cars; nor would I mention Tiger just to put up a picture of his sexy-Swedish-nanny wife.  Well, what do you know?  There she is.
  • The Mets will give up on the 2008 baseball season.  In the last week, they lost three one-run games in a row in San Diego, gave up a four-run lead and Billy Wagner blew two saves.  I kept holding out hope that once it got warm in NYC the Hispanic players might start playing better, but it seems like it’s just not going to happen.  My cousin is in Vegas and offered to put down a future bet for me for the Mets to win the NL East and I declined.  If you know me, you know that means I really don’t think they have any sort of chance to win it.
  • Chad Johnson will do as much at Bengals mini-camp as you.  I don’t really get this new fad of players showing up at mini-camp but not participating.  What does that mean?  I mean, you’re there, but you’re just sitting around?  Why would you bother even driving to camp when you could sit at home in your mansion and do the same thing?  Trust me, you look like just as much of an asshole as if you weren’t there.
  • Clint Bowyer will win this weekend’s race in Michigan.  I actually don’t have a lot of beef with Bowyer.  He seems like a good enough dude.  His sponsor is Jack Daniel’s, and if you’ve ever seen TGC after a pint of Tennessee’s finest liquor on a College Football Saturday… you’d appreciate Jack as well.  The jinx this weekend comes because of Clint’s former girlfriend, Athena Barber.  How in the hell could a guy like Bowyer ever let her become a former?  You can take the crazy out of a lady, but they’re not all built like that.
  • David Stern will have Tim Donaghy removed from this planet.  Excuse me, Tim?  You want to try and take publicity away from Mr. Stern’s NBA Finals?  Obviously, whoever is making decisions for you is not thinking in your best interests.  Stern is the same guy who once (allegedly) suspended the face of the NBA  18 months.  And that was Michael Jordan, would anyone miss Tim Donaghy?  I see this ending in a Lee Harvey Oswald type situation.  I’d go ahead and shut the ol’ yapper, Timmy.
  • You will be on Barack Obama’s list of VP candidates.  Whoa!  A political joke on FWP.  If 2SL still reads this site, he just stopped.  Forever.  Seriously, though, who isn’t on that list? 
  • Rick Dutrow will cry like a bitch.  Had to get one more in there!
  • The Lakers will win Game 5.  They have to, don’t they?  I don’t have much else to say about this series.  I have been disappointed by most games, except for Game 4.  Even it wasn’t that good, it’s just that you don’t often get a chance to see a team blow a 24-point lead and lose by 6.  I really think I could have beaten Sasha Vujacic on the play Ray Allen did.
  • Billy Gillispie will watch Euro 2008, see your girlfriend, then sleep with her.  I’m talking to you, Cristiano Ronaldo.  I actually watched about three minutes of a game today, afterwards I washed the gay off of me.  I can’t imagine Billy G is too big of a soccer fan, but even Nereida Gallardo could ease the pain of the most boring game ever.  She is sexy, and no matter how good looking Cristiano is, we all know the powers of Coach G.  Also, let me say, it was more difficult to find a SFW pic of Nereida than an NSFW… you know, if that kind of thing interests you.

Drink beer, watch sports and sit by the pool; it’s summer!

The crawl from the cellar begins

May 29, 2008

It started like this:  A day after 2 consecutive walk-off losses.  Then a new day.  2 homers from newly installed Left Fielder Marcus Thames and 8+ solid innings out of rook Armando Galarraga (4-2).  A 10 game losing streak by the Kansas City Royals.  And the Tigers crawl out of the cellar.  3 games in (AL worst record) Seattle should be just what the Jimmy ordered.

Watching 2SL dance and jive on his patio last night during a Cubbies’ 9th inning comeback win has got me all juiced up for comeback baseball.  I know I’ve said it before, but here we go boys, time to win some games.

All of this begs only one question.  What happened to The Exodus?

Charlie Weis: Master of Hypocrisy

May 7, 2008

Everyone knows Charlie Weis.  Everyone knows Charlie Weis is fat.  Did you do he’s a complete dumbass as well?  Now you have the opportunity to gain that knowledge.  Most would think his obesity, the fact he resembles a planet or that he hasn’t won shit since he left Tom Brady and Bill Belichick would be enough to keep the man quiet this off-season.  You know, seeing as it was the Irish’s worst season in decades and Navy beat them for the first time since before Weis had just started waddling around?  No, no, my friends, Fat Chuck (not you, Barkley) gave this gem:

“I’ve always been one never to make excuses and not blow hot air and [believe] you back your words by your performance on the field,” the Notre Dame head coach said at what appeared to be an alumni reception before or after the April 19 Notre Dame Blue-Gold game. “I think that’s the message our team is going to [follow] on September 6 with San Diego State. I think the first opportunity we’ll have to make a statement is that day.

“Then we’ll listen to Michigan have all their excuses as they come running in saying how they have a new coaching staff and those changes. To hell with Michigan.”

Hmm… so Fat Chuck has never been one to, “make excuses,” or “blow hot air,” but then says, “To hell with Michigan.”  That makes a ton of sense.  As a Michigan fan, I’m fully aware this could be a real rough season for first-year coach Rich Rodriguez and that last year was full of some early season disappointments.  But, the Wolverines did finish last season well by getting a victory over the Florida Gators and Heisman Trophy winner Timmy Tebow.  How did the Irish do in their bowl game?  Oh, dammit, that’s right!  They didn’t go to one.  I was actually surprised ND didn’t have some sort of bowl contract, even if they did go 3-9. 

In related news, the last two UM/ND scores are:  2006; UM 47 ND 21.  2007; UM 38 ND 0.

[ TheWolverine.com ]

Florida Dillard’s Not Safe Just Yet

March 6, 2008

rivas.jpgA few months ago, TGC told you about an upstart professional football league.  This quaint idea seemed like something that could actually work.  Put guys from the region they played college football on teams in that same area.  As a Michigan Football fan, Garrett Rivas kicking for the Michigan team in the AAFL would totally draw me to a game (if I lived in Michigan, of course).  Every Kentucky football fan remembers Bobby Blizzard, who transferred to UNC.  If you’d only knew then that the spurn of the big TE leaving could one day be turned around by a short drive to Knoxville to see him playing in the AAFL.  I don’t mean to be sarcastic (okay, not that sarcastic), I actually really do like the idea of this.  It’s kind of like having a single-A baseball team.  The product on the field won’t be worth a damn, but I’m sure they’ll have cheap beer and mascots running around everywhere.  What could stand in the way of this masterpiece?  Well, in the wise words of freshly re-signed Randy Moss, “Straight cash homey.”

Since inception, the League’s finances have been indirectly tied to the $300 billion federally guaranteed student loan asset backed securities market. In August, the sub prime mortgage crisis began spreading into other sectors such as municipal bonds and federally guaranteed student loans. The situation, which was considered to be temporary at the time, has continued to worsen. 

The release then goes on to say that the league needs a TV deal to insure the league can go in ’08, or they may have to postpone the league until ’09.  Now, I didn’t take a business class during my 5-plus-years at THE University of Kentucky, and am not really sure what that whole indented part means, but I do know things look bleak.  And let’s be honest, if a disclaimer is already put on the website, your league is totally f*&$ed.  I am sorry AAFL.  I am sorry Team Texas QB Eric Crouch.  Most of all though, I am sorry to all the Dillard’s in Florida, because we all know that Team Florida WR Peter Warrick is going to be hitting you up for some discounted Tommy Hilfiger just a little bit longer.

The only thing I’m not sorry for is hopefully TGC will quit trying to get me to go to Knoxville for the big Team Michigan vs. Team Tennessee opener.  I mean, like I could leave this place the weekend of the BlueGrass Stakes!

[ AAFL ]

An Open Letter to Terrelle Pryor

January 28, 2008

Terrelle,

tp.jpgHey, buddy (can I call you that?), I really hope things are going well for you.  I know you’re in the middle of basketball season, and I’m sure you’re dominating that competition much like you did the Pennsylvania football teams you owned this past fall.  People are absolutely all over you about where you’re going to college, and I don’t want to be that guy.  I just want to tell you all the positives about going to Michigan.  I’m sure you’ve heard some before, but there are a few you really need to know.  This is going to be one of the five biggest decisions you ever make in your life, somewhere between, “Who will I marry?” and “Should I wear a rubber tonight or not?” 

It’s no secret you would be the odds-on favorite to start from Day 1 in Ann Arbor.  Is that the case if you happen to decide to go to Ohio State?  Who knows?  But, do you really want to be battling a guy who just took his team to a national championship?  You definitely don’t want to sit for a year, or be a spot-situation QB behind Boeckman in Columbus.  Even if you become the starter, do you want Todd Boeckman in your ear?  The first time you screw up, the Buckeye faithful will be clamming for the guy who just led them to their second straight National Championship game.  Come to Ann Arbor, you and Rich Rodriguez can start off a new era at UM.  You will be the guy who rejuvenates the program, and leads it back to elite status.  You can also be the star recruit of an already top-10 class, it’s not like you’re going to be coming in to a team that’s lacking in talent.  This is Michigan, even their down years they bring in ten-plus 4-star recruits.  The team didn’t play well this year, and they still played and won on New Year’s Day.  You’ll get to wear the baddest-ass uniform in all of college sports.  You will be The Man at the University of Michigan, the team that has won more college football games than any other team, ever. 

Listen, you don’t know me.  But, I am pretty damn persuasive.  Last spring, at Keeneland, I told Alex Legion he should go to UK, and he listened.  He would have enjoyed his four years in Lexington, but his mom is crazy.  But, I do know my shit.  You would really, really enjoy your three (I am realistic about things…) years at UM.  So just make everyone happy and pick UM on Signing Day.  Thanks.

Sincerely,

Smoothron

 umgirl.jpg

PS — Do you know how many white girls there are at UM?

Finally!

December 17, 2007

Someone actually wants to coach Michigan Football! 

rich-rodriguez.jpgIt was announced today by multiple sources that Rich Rodriguez would, in fact, become the next head coach at one of the five-most-storied-programs in the country.  As a UM fan, this is just kind of a, “Thank God it’s over,” moment.  The Les Miles saga went on for too long, the Schiano talks were premature (at best), and now there is finally a coach.  This is truly one of the hires that will just have to be a wait-and-see.

As I’ve grown older, I have lessened the teams that I would consider myself a fan of.  However, two have remained strong over the years:  University of Michigan Football and University of Kentucky Basketball.  The parallels between the two are obvious, and tradition runs VERY deep for both.  Both schools have won national championships within the last decade, and both saw coaches who won those national championships get (essentially) run out of town. 

For more tradition rich homerisms, jump with me. (more…)

Schiano to turn down Michigan job

December 7, 2007

 

Inside sources have informed APIAS that Rutgers coach Greg Schiano has declined interest in the Michigan job.

UPDATE:  My source has been confirmed. [ESPN]