Archive for the ‘Hypocrisy’ Category

Obviously the Judicial System is still Working

August 15, 2007

v081506a.jpgToday, Tim Donaghy pleaded guilty to two felony charges in federal court. His referee-gambling scandal shouldn’t be news to anyone, except for the fact that he openly admitted to having wagered on games he was officiating. He will be sentenced in November and could face up to twenty-five years in jail, and must pay an inordinate amount of fines and restitution to the government.

060927_michaelvick_vmed_5pwidec.jpgIn other not-so-breaking news, Michael Vick is expected to enter a “guilty” plea at some point this week, as well. His dog-fighting/killing/drowning escapades aren’t any secret to the public at this point, either. Supposedly, his plea agreement will come with a prison sentence of less than a year. Vick, who was obviously not expecting all of his co-defendants to plead out, is weighing his options at this point. Let us remember, the Falcons’ QB is charged with running a dog-fighting ring, torturing animals, and gambling (!!) on the dog-fights. And he’s wondering if he should take this deal? Perhaps, he needs a call from Tim Donaghy.

The dream phone call that would make Bob Ley cream his pants is after the jump.
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The Worldwide Leader of Schrute

July 24, 2007

Yes sportsfans, its finally here.  What better way to determine who, of the ESPN personalities, is the most douchebaggeriest (TM) than to mock their very own worst-idea-ever “Who’s Now” bracket.

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Yours truly has been invited to serve on a panel of some of my very favorite sports bloggers.  I, therefore, humbly submit my services to such a noteworthy endeavor.  (I assume I was invited to provide some of the many uses for the word “fuck” and my eloquent descriptions of how the sportsworld can oftentimes cause one to want to dip parts of his anatomy into a variety of liquid concoctions.)

The Who’s Schrute Bracket First Round Matchups can be found over at Burnsy’s Blumpkins For All.

Panelists: Your very own TGC.  Lady Andrea from Ladies… JP from Pyle of List. the Nation of Islam and the creator y facilitator, Burnsy.

Should be good clean fun.  If you ask me, its a damn shame that Mark May was left off the list.  Never fear though, with college football just around the corner, there will be plenty of damn-shaming Mark May going on around here.

AFL, It’s All We’ve Got

July 1, 2007

hahabeef.jpgWell, we promised it on Friday, and we wouldn’t want to let our loyal fan (s?) down.  So here’s your official Arena League update. 

Down to 9 teams now in the AFL Bowl drive, and there have been some good games over the weekend.  At least we assume they are good games-judging by the scores alone-because seriously, who watches the AFL?  Anyways, the weekend rundown was:

Orlando 26, Philly 41 in what appears to have been the most lop-sided victory thus far in the wildcard round.

Columbus 56, Tampa Bay 55 in what appears to have been the most closely contested game of the weekend.

Colorado 49, Kansas City 42 in what appears to have been a game this weekend.

Okay, so we feel bad about not really knowing how these scores became what they were, so we’re gonna hit up the Monday night Utah at L.A. game at 10pm tomorrow on ESPN2.  This will be directly following Super Monday sponsored by APIAS.net, so no promises on making it through the whole thing.  But if you do happen to watch at home, know that we’re there with you.  At least in spirit.

Editor’s Note: The picture is of a player for the Omaha Beef, which we realize is not in the AFL.  But come on, Omaha Beef??

3-Point Line Changes Opposed by Basketball and Football Alike

June 16, 2007

alwayschangingshit1.gifWith the upcoming NCAA basketball season poised to change over to the new, one-foot deeper three-point arc (20’9″), its no surprise that there are several coaches out there letting it be known that they disapprove. It may be even less shocking that one of those is Vols chief Bruce Pearl. But what might surprise you is why.

Pearl, in an interview with SI earlier in the week, explained that it’s not the ramifications of his run-n-shoot 3-point game that will be affected. It’s the post play.

“I think players are going to back off, let people shoot the three and double down on the post,” he says. “There will be only one or two guys out there you have to cover. Zone defenses are going to become even more effective.”

Is this a problem for the press-and-chaos style D that UT plays… maybe. But for at least one year, if Bruce Bruce is right, 3-ball specialists Chris Lofton and JuJuan Smith, and gets-better-everyday shooters like Ramar Smith, might just have more open looks than ever. At least for a while.

More after the jump…

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This week’s T’d Up: William John Donovan Jr, single-handedly lowering the unemployment rate in Florida

June 8, 2007

They just keep making it easy for me. In a hot-flashy whirlwind of emotion (fellas, you understand the reference), Billy “I’ll-Have-The-Steak-No-The-Chicken-No-The-Steak” Donovan has resigned twice and taken two jobs this week. You’d like to think that a Melvin so well respected, even by APIAS, is in more control of his mental faculties than to string along so many fans like this.

And sportsfans, it is you who were wronged here. From UF fans going from despair, to uncertainty, to worry, to curiosity, and finally to confusion about the future of the “program”—to UK fans thinking they might just land that smarmy little point guard that Clyde had been after for so long—to Magic fans (assuming they exist) thinking they are finally on the upswing, making the playoffs, having 3 young stars and room to go after Vince Carter… it’s the die-hards and the supporters that have been done the injustice.

Nobody gives a shit if Billy D makes 1.7 mil or 2.9 mil or 5000 hotdogs to coach basketball. The fans are interested in the future of the object of their loyalty and dedication. The hours they spend tailgating, driving to and from games, buying pay-per-view contests that will no doubt be blow-outs just to see your guys run the floor. That’s what the fans care about.

When you’ve got Dick Effing Vitale writing to your aid in print media (I can only imagine Homer Simpson sitting at a typewriting machine banging the TAB button hoping for a beverage), that’s when you’ve hit a new level of embarrassment.

Billy, I am surely no Florida fan, and I am surely no Magic fan, but I do love my own teams wholeheartedly and can understand exactly what it is you’ve done. It’s time for you to take your position seriously… and not for your players or staff (who by the way, also deserve it) and not for your family (who I’m guessing is about sick of all this right now) but for the hundreds of thousands of sportsfans that you represent and lead.

For undeservedly tugging the heart-strings of so many, and for making the whole college sports world that much more skeptical, you are hereby:

callingouttools.jpgFlorida Magic

Not Such a Magical Kingdom

June 4, 2007

Sources, who will remain nameless (Teddy Dupay), close to Billy Donovan say the coach has had a change of heart and will return to the University of Florida if he can get out of his contract with the Orlando Magic.

Billy Donovan informed the Magic and the University of Florida over the weekend that he had second thoughts about agreeing to be Orlando’s head coach, but it’s unclear whether the NBA team will let him go.

Multiple sources said the decision now rests in the hands of the Magic. A source told ESPN.com late Sunday night that Magic ownership was out of the country and didn’t arrive back until late Sunday night, delaying the team’s response until sometime on Monday.

 Florida Magic

So what brought about this change of heart from Billy Donovan?  APIAS has a few ideas…

  • With gas prices so high, the commute was just too expensive.
  • The Magic Kingdom wasn’t as magical as he thought.
  • The idea of coaching Bo Outlaw.
  • College Girls.
  • Neither Shaq nor Penny Hardaway are on the roster.

Whatever the reason Donovan’s stint with the Magic is most likely over.  Unless the Magic refuse to let him out of his contract, Donovan is most likely headed back to the University of Florida.  Congratulations Coach Donovan your NBA coaching career lasted longer than a Britney Spears rehab stint and with your integrity in tact you can return to the University of Florida as Head Men’s Basketball Coach and Urban Meyer’s bitch.

The Odd(est) Couple?

May 24, 2007

While wasting away my paycheck, I mean flipping through the channels, the other night I happened upon everyone’s favorite channel, TVG.  For those of you without gambling problems, TVG stands for Television Games, and shows horse racing from tracks all over the country (although not Churchill Downs and Pimlico–those bastards).  One can set up an account and wager on said tracks.  It is truly capitalism at its finest.

After rooting home the 8 horse in the sixth race at Evangeline Downs (I swear, I don’t even know where this track is located), it was time for TVG to pay the bills.  There was a commercial for another online wagering site, which was confusing to say the least.  Then, things got… awkward?  weird?  ironic?

Now, being a good Southern boy, I have been to church a few times.  Occasionally, I would even sing along with a song or two.  But, why would I be recognizing a worship song on the channel that feeds America’s gambling?  Sure enough, TimeLife was advertising its “Shout to the Lord!” volume.  I think it’s something like 34 CDs for eight bucks or something, which is, obviously, a great deal.  I still couldn’t wrap my head about this relationship.  Who approached whom?  Does TVG go to TimeLife and say, “Hey, we’ve got this cool channel, lots of people watch, um, they, might, um, be interested in your CD…”  Or are the bigwigs at TimeLife thinking about new markets, and thought to themselves, “You know, we really haven’t tried to get the sitting-at-home-on-a-Wednesday-afternoon-gambling-on-the-fourth-at-Belmont-guy?” 

Obviously, TVG isn’t going to turn down an advertising partner.  But, I’d love to see the numbers from TimeLife, and numbers of CDs bought from the TVG audience.  Anyways, I guess TVG and TimeLife’s Songs4Worship CD, a match made in… well, Heaven.
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Pot, have you met Kettle?

May 11, 2007

chantal-kettle-onyx.jpgToday, Rick Reilly of SI fame was on the Dan Patrick Show on ESPNRadio, which just so happened to be hosted by Eric Kuselias. Reilly is a great writer, maybe the best guy in the world right now, but something he said today made me really scratch my head.

The topic (which hasn’t been beaten into the ground or anything on sports talk radio) was Roger Clemens and his “I-want-to-see-my-5-iron… er,-I-mean-5-kids” contract. Reilly responds with, “I’d love to write this column, once a month or two times a month.”

Um, excuse me? Reilly then goes on to talk about how he would love to go in and out of work as he pleased. Hold on, the guy writes a 1000-word column once a week, and films some SI videocast, and he’s bitching about someone else not having to work hard? Yes, Rick, I’m sure hanging out with Tiger, and going to ANY sporting event in the world for free is rough.

Maybe if you only had to work two days a week… Oh! Wait!

Outta the Way Junior, Mama Wants to Race

May 10, 2007

In a move sure to shake all the way down the racing tree come November, Dale Jr. has just announced that he will not renew with Big Daddy’s company DEI.  Seems to us that he’s doing a few things here.  Taking a shot at winning and making it clear to everyone that he never really liked his evil stepmother anyway.

Well, Teresa has released her statement now, and it looks to me like those “negotiations” they’ve been stringing the Sunday-morning-field-dwellers along with, were a farce.

“While we are very disappointed that Dale Jr. has chosen to leave the family business, we remain excited about our company’s future.”

“This company has a great legacy and a bright future, built on loyalty, integrity, and commitment.” (read, !@#^ off, kid)

Let’s be clear here, Teresa, you craftily claim that he chose to leave the company with his name on it, and now somehow you think you’ll be able to finagle even a slightly-better-than-average driver to “win.”  Ha. 

Lady, you just had the golden goose asking you to pretty please take these many many dollars and go away, spend how you want, all to just leave it alone. But nope, she’d rather race.  Well here you go Teresa, wish granted.  Put on the firesuit, don the helmet and gloves, pull those straps tight one more time…. its time to race.   Oh, and when you feel something slam you from behind, that’s Big E, and he ain’t bump-drafting.

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