Archive for the ‘Football Bats’ Category

Breakfast Wagon 27: ping ping ping ping ping ping ping

June 1, 2009


3rd fastest ever. (Reuters)

3rd fastest ever. (Reuters)

Danica Patrick apparently has no problem with cheating… winning on the other hand… [USA Today]

Columnist Dan Patrick asked Danica Patrick if she would take a performance-enhancing drug that she could get away with, if it allowed her to win Indy.

Danica: Well, then it’s not cheating, is it? If nobody finds out?

Dan: So you would do it?

Danica: Yeah, it would be like finding a gray area. In motorsports we work in the gray areas a lot. You’re trying to find where the holes are in the rule book.

Fox rates NFL Franchises by arbitrary criteria.  Raiders, Lions, Browns still bring up the ass end.  [Fox]

Gay comes in behind Bolt’s and Johnson’s.  [Reuters]

Ohio State ends baseball season… um… emphatically?  [Yahoo!]

Jason Stidham, the regional’s most outstanding player, hit a two-run double as the Seminoles scored eight times in the first and cruised past the pitching-depleted Buckeyes (42-19), who trailed 32-0 in the fifth.

Vols-‘Dores Preview

January 20, 2009

It’s no secret around here that I think Kevin Stallings is a douchebag.  We’ve made it very clear over the years.

It’s also no secret that Memorial Coliseum Gymnasium is a tough, tough place to play, as RTT notes.

But what are we looking at tonight?  An in-progress Tennessee team against a superb defense on the road.  Can Tennessee outscore Vandy, sure.  Will they?  It’ll take some leadership and toughness that they’ve yet to prove they have.

After the jump are  a few keys to the game.


Prison Team Wins BCS Championship??

December 10, 2008

BCS LogoThe recent legal issues surrounding Plaxico Burress has sparked some interesting discussions at headquarters.  The debates have been intense and are the kind of issues that end friendships, work relationships and crash websites.  Gun control;  Does this country need stricter gun laws to protect the citizens of this great country?  So after that was discussed gun control for approximately five minutes, we as a staff moved on to a more important question, the kind that can end life long friendships.

Can a squad of convicts field a football team that would compete for a BCS championship?  Yes, you read that correctly, now give it some thought.  Could you find 22 guys, that have been in the detention system in the last few years, good enough to beat Florida, Oklahoma, Alabama or Texas?  After hours and hours of debating we came up with a squad that has a chance…..after the jump. (more…)

Approved by the Office of Major League Baseball

May 22, 2008

but not by your third grade math teacher.

Found this on the Scoreboard today.

Day off refreshes Tigers, and fanbase, and goofy kids

May 20, 2008

I could watch this shit all day long.  It just, for some reason, makes me forget that we’re 10 games below .500.  One day, I too, will dance with unfederated joy to what I can only assume is 1990’s rap music again.  One day soon.

Hell, I may even video it too.  Let’s go boys!  Time to win some games!

Ladies and Gents, your lone Cat voter, “Hoops”

March 11, 2008

 I’m sure you’ve all noticed that the new poll is out and sure enough, right there hanging around the bottom having received 3 points is an 18-11 Kentucky Wildcat squad.

This morning, between work smoke breaks and work NASCAR news, we thought we’d take the time to investigate for you where those 3 points came from… which guys are liking what they’re seeing out of the old Blue ‘n White?

Well, as it turns out, its only one dude, Dick Weiss (ballot here), and he voted the Cats #23 (which is 3 points).  Dick, among other things, is a basketball blogger for the New York Daily News.  From his bio:

Dick Weiss – better known as “Hoops” – has been covering college basketball for 40 years, and since 1993 for the NYDN. He is a past president of the College Football and Basketball Writers’ Associations and is a member of the USBWA college basketball writers’ Hall of Fame.


Well hell, he’s a freakin’ hall of famer!  And look at that hairpiece man!  No wonder he ended up nicknamed “Hoops.”

After a bit more research I was able to come across gems such as these on his blog:

We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves, but we think Kevin Willard of Iona is destined to be a hot commodity by this time next year.

Holy crap, a Yankee John Clay!

Okay folks, enough is enough.  In all sincerity, Kentucky fan, send your cards, letters, flowers and candy to: NY Daily News c/o “Hoops” Weiss, 450 W 33rd St, New York, NY 10001.

 And I’ll send mine to the 2 Pulitzer Prize winners who voted the Vols at #1:  Brett Jensen from and Dan Wolken at the Memphis Commercial Appeal.  What’s that?  They don’t have Pulitzers?  Well they should.  Matter of fact, get one for Fran Fraschilla too!

[NY Daily News] [AP] [APIAS]

FWP: Volume 1 – Go Fast, Turn Left, Put your shirt back on ma’am

February 15, 2008

fwp.jpgSo after a year or so of on and off T’d up columns, the novelty had worn a bit and finding worthy targets had become increasingly difficult (read: I got lazy with it). 

However, still needing to fill my column inches on Fridays, we’ll be introducing a new series of Friday Sandwich Love: Fearless Weekend Predictions. 

This weekend kicks off the NASCAR Nextel Sprint Cup season at Daytona with the 50th running of the Great American Race.  The Vols and Cats will be in action on the hardwood.  The NBA is probably playing.  And the Premiership surely has some games.

On with the FWP:

  • Dale Jr will lead nearly half of the laps before being knocked out of the race by Kasey Kahne, who will then attempt to start a new beverage feud (since we all agree Kurt Busch is a tool).  The crowdfeltoncleveland.jpg will collectively ask “what the hell is AMP soda?” and pick a shirtless fight in the turn 4 grandstand.
  • Chris Lofton will set another SEC record by hitting 11 consecutive 3’s at Georgia on Saturday, including 2 from the balcony, and one off Dennis Felton’s forehead.  To which Felton will reply “that’s not the kind of thang I want goin’ on in mah living room” and go back to his sandwich shop.
  • Tottenham will play to a 1-1 draw with Chelsea in the Carling Cup.  Noone outside of Winchell’s on Southland will notice. 
  • The Kentucky Hoops team will break 50.
  • Billy Gillispie will sleep with at least one of your girlfriends.
  • Brian McNamee will inject your wife.


  • OJ will continue to try to find his wife’s killer.

Til next week sportsfans… don’t eat yellow snow.

TWIRS: Combaton!

January 30, 2008

combaton.jpgCourtesy of Deadspin via Deuce of Davenport, our weekly look at random sports is Combaton!  Man, it seems so much more interesting with an exclamation point after the word.  We won’t mull over the details of the game since DoD did a good job of explaining.  Mainly, you try to keep the other team from passing a baton all the way down the field by kicking them.

We’ll be honest and blunt:  we dissaprove of this sport.  While literally kicking the shit out of the other team while they run down the field seems like a great idea, we maintain that the creators of this sport just missed out on a winner here.  How could they have made it better?  Easy, football bats.

That’s right, these guys should have let eveyone on the field have one of those damned batons and stiffened them up like With Leather readers when Scar-Jo is mentioned.  They could beat the holy Hell out of one another with them too.  Then the objective could be to kick a ball (possibly a football to make it come full circle?) into some sort of goal.  Now that, my friends, would be a sport that we may be interested in.