Archive for the ‘Florida Gators’ Category

APIAS College Basketball Is Riding High

February 11, 2009

73447735SL039_SEC_Men_s_TouIt’s been two great nights for APIAS basketball.  Kentucky pulls out a nail biter against Florida without their All Conference center, Tennessee handles business against Georgia as they should, and a big four in a row in Cameron for Bru’s Heels.  Could things get any better?  Let’s take a look at each of these games.

Georgia @ Tennessee

Tennessee dominated the Dogs on The Summit on Wednesday night, controlling the game from the opening tap until the final minutes where UT instituted the seldom seen “white out.”  Tyler Smith led the Vols balanced scoring attack with 15 while Wayne Chism chipped in 13 and three others saw double digits in the Vols’ 79-48 drubbing of Dennis Felton’s head coach Laodsij Jaoie’s Bulldogs.  More importantly (to SmoothRon) B-Will had 10 points and 5 boards in only 13 minutes of play.  What’s wrong Bruce?  Couldn’t play Big Beezy for 40 minutes?  The man would have had 31 and 15 if you’d have left him on the floor.  Most importantly, the Vols are now tied in the SEC East at 6-3 with Florida, Kentucky, and South Carolina.

North Carolina @ Duke

As a UK fan (who according to Seth Davis wishes he were a Duke fan) I think I speak for all of us when I say “when Duke loses, we all win.”  Carolina went into Cameron on Wednesday night and dominated Duke for what would amount to three quarters in a high school or NBA game.  Carolina controlled things from the start until Duke turned the page and went into the half with a 52-44 lead.  Carolina came out in the second and pushed the pace, making baskets, and got some big misses out of Duke on open shots from beyond the three point line. 

Four straight wins in Cameron is a testament to any team, but UNC’s seniors can claim that.  UNC has eight (EIGHT!) seniors on their team and I’ll pretend to know that they’ve all been there the entire time.  Regardless, the guys that have seen the floor in all four of those games (which I think is around half or less, Bru forgive me for my Carolina b-ball ignorance) have something to hang their college hat on.  UNC looked like a team Hell-bent on proving that they are the best team in basketball tonight.  A couple of mid-season struggles against lesser (or somewhat equal against Wake) competition can’t define Carolina basketball right now.  This is still the team to beat in the nation.

Florida @ Kentucky

What else can you say about Jodie Meeks?  What else can you say about Kevin Galloway, Josh Harellson, or Michael Porter?  Meeks made the big shot at the end and took over after Patrick Patterson went down with an ankle injury with over nine to play.  Galloway had a break out game dishing the ball, rebounding like a man, and finishing one ridiculous coast-to-coast dunk that brought the Rupp Arena fans out of their seats and helped bring the Big Blue back.  Harellson, for his part, was efficient.  The big boy from Missouri made open shots and did his best to block out and foul Calathes as much as possible when somehow UK avoided hedging ball screens. 

On the Gators’ side Calathes made every UK fan jealous that they didn’t have a guy like him running the offense.  Nick is a special player and one that Kentucky doesn’t have one guy on the entire team that can capably defend.  All that being said, I want my star player to make those three free ones at the end, and I feel like Meeks wouldn’t have missed those first two down in the Swamp.  Also, UK fans, last night was an amazing game, but you’ve lost your “bullshit” card on the Edgar Sosa shot after Jodie’s double clutch three went down in Calathes’ face.  Also, Billy Gillispie couldn’t hear this blog post.

Wow, lots of action the last two nights.  Rick Pitino basically calling Walter Hodge’s stepping on Perry Stevenson a joke just adds to the excitement of the week.  For my two cents I didn’t see Hodge doing that on purpose but there has been a precedent set that if you step on a guy during a dead ball your done for the game.  I think it’s a good rule, but Hodge suffered for others’ sins last night.  In any event here’s hoping to the Vols, Heels, and Cats’ weekend going as well as the last two days have.

FWP: No Football, No UK… More Beer

February 6, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Hmm… last weekend was… interesting.  The Cats didn’t show up at home against the Cocks (in what is starting to look like a trend), the Vols dismantled the Gators and the refs won the Super Bowl.  Seriously, the NFL puts on the biggest game of the season and can’t give us good refs?  A game of that magnitude decided by people who are obviously incompetent is a damn joke and a slap in the face to viewers.  And I guess it is possible that I’m a little upset that I don’t live in Tucson and didn’t get to see the porno during the boring zebra show.  The game showed so many black stripes I thought it was being played in the damn Safari Jungle.  I keep trying to think of other ways to rip the Super Bowl, but I’ve kind of lost them all and it was five days ago so it’s not exactly relevant.  There is stuff going on this weekend, even without a real football game or even a UK basketball game.  College hoops is in full swing, baseball will inch closer, the Celtics will put up 200 in New York and it’s Pro Bowl weekend!!! 

  • auburngirlsBrian Williams will once again lead the Vols to victory.  Can my favorite big man in the country not get some pub from the national media?  The dude’s only been playing hoops for a couple years and is developing into a hell of a player.  Plus, he gives America hope… at least more than Barack Obama does.  The game won’t be pretty, mainly because it’s being played in Auburn and Auburn follows the SEC West rule: All teams’ gyms’ lights must be set to dim.  The Tigers keep it close for a while, but can’t match Big Beezy or the rest of the Vols’ athleticism.  Vols 76 Tigers 68.
  • Rich Rodriguez will hope and pray that his freshmen will be ready to contribute in seven months.  Will Campbell and Tate Forcier are both already on campus and are the two most needed contributors from Rivals #7 class.  Campbell is a 5-star DL and is a physical specimen.  Forcier is a dual-threat QB who expects to compete for the starting job.  Can we all hope and pray these guys are ready?  I mean, who really wants to see the Buckeyes win again?
  • The Celtics will absolutely crush the Knicks tonight.  The C’s got screwed by the refs last night, KG’s last foul was an abomination.  So now, the defending champs are going into the arena that has given us two of the best performances of the year in back-to-back games… and not by Knick players.  In case you don’t watch the NBA, NY isn’t exactly known for its defensive prowess so this could get ugly quickly.  Boston wins by 30+.
  • aishwarya-rai-bachchan-may-17-3The Pink Panther 2 will come out, not be as good as the cartoon.  Can we stop making old-school cartoons into movies?  When was this ever a success?  The Flintstones, Scooby Doo, yeah… exactly.  Steve Martin used to be a funny guy.  We’re talking about the guy who was in The Jerk!  The guy was classic on SNL and now he’s doing this.  As TGC always says, “The economy’s rough on everybody.”  If you do for some reason go see this “film,” check out Aishwarya Rai.  The former Miss World is also in the movie and also to the right.  Look at the pretty girl, now keep reading.
  • The World Baseball Classic will inch closer, making all of us desperate for baseball.  If you haven’t already, a nice way to pass the time at work is to check out all the rosters for the WBC.  There are a lot of questions that come out of the rosters.  How is Japan so good with so few MLBers?  How is Venezuela so damn stacked?  Can the Dominican Republic be stopped?  Could I actually make Australia’s roster?  Answers to come soon.
  • Lane Kiffin will NOT make a trip to Gainesville.  I’ve got a thin line to walk here, seeing as Vol homers and a Gator homer all write for the site.  Is Kiffin making any friends by spouting off like that?  No, not with other SEC coaches, but he is getting the alumni and Vol fans excited about football again after a very long year.  The only thing I would advise is to not make up recruiting violations… also, don’t be upset when Tebow is throwing TD passes late in the 4th quarter of an 84-3 game.
  • hawaiiangirlBilly Gillispie will take a weekend off, fly out to Hawaii to watch the Pro Bowl and then sleep with your girlfriend.  Why does UK have a random Saturday off in the middle of conference play?  Maybe a three game losing streak was planned by BCG to get a week full of practice before a HUGE game against Florida.  The game against the Gators could be what gets the Cats in the tournament, or keeps them out.  Yikes.  On the other hand, its the Pro Bowl on Sunday night!  Woohoo!  If you like NFL players going half speed, not tackling and wanting to be at the beach… this game is totally for you!  It’s going to be the swan song for Hawaii and this event.  I’m not sure what the 500 fans who attend every year will do without this.  Surely, they can find some hot Hawaiian chicks to hang out with.

If that’s not enough entertainment for you this weekend, surely you can take bong hits with Michael Phelps!  Oh Snap!  WEEKEND!

Nu’Keese Richardson testing dual-school waters

February 4, 2009

In the slightly-creepy all-day infatuation of following and hassling 17 year old kids over their choice of higher education — according to Rivals.com this afternoon — Nu’Keese Richardson became, apparently, the first high school player to commit to 2 different schools on signing day.  The fact that he will be attending and playing for both SEC East division rivals Florida and Tennessee makes the soup a little stewier for the early season contest.

 nukeese_2_school

Some preliminary questions that come to mind:

Will he be required to use 2 years of eligibility per year?  And would that make him NFL eligible by week 6 of 2010?

Which school’s academic criteria must he follow?

If he receives a degree from UF will that dimish the stature of the same from UT?

Can he play for both teams in the annual matchup?

Upon getting arrested in Las Vegas/Knoxville/Tijuana/Jacksonville does he call Urban or Lane?

This should get interesting…

UPDATE: Apparently Nu’Keese settled on a school after all, as Rivals has taken down the Florida commitment.  Oh well, would have been interesting…

Restarting the SEC East

February 2, 2009
Alright, 7 SEC games down and nothing is yet close to decided for the East division title.  At the beginning of the year we selected 3 teams to compete for the title.  Now a fourth, Lexington’s own Darrin Horn, has his Cocks in play.

Let’s take a look at how each team got here.

PatPat2 is sharing the load nicely thus far.

PatPat2 is sharing the load nicely thus far.

Kentucky

Record (5-2):  Won VU, @UT, @UGA, AUB, @ALA.  Lost @MISS, USC

Strengths:  Scoring and half-court defense.

Weaknesses:  Consistency at the point-guard position.  Experienced depth.  Open bar in hotels on the road.

(more…)

FWP: What a Super Weekend

January 30, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

The Super Bowl is Sunday, what else can I say?  Well, actually, can I even say that?  Apparently, NBC and its advertisers are the only people who can actually use the words, “Super Bowl.”  That is one of the single dumbest things ever.  As if when ABC advertises its Wipeout Bowl: Cheerleaders vs. Couch Potatoes to come on, “…after the big game on Sunday night,” no one will know what the hell they’re talking about.  Oh, you mean they’re NOT talking about the North Carolina State at Virginia Tech women’s college basketball game on Sunday afternoon (FoxSportsSouth)?  Seriously?  That isn’t the big game they’re talking about?  Even dumber than that may be that churches supposedly aren’t allowed to advertise, “Super Bowl Parties.”  You don’t have to like church to know that’s idiotic.  The “big game” isn’t the only thing going on this weekend, though.  UK hosts South Carolina, Tennessee hosts GameDay and Florida, the most unlikely trend in America takes over and there are hot women to ogle.  Sweet.  Yep…

  • utgirlsVol fans will need directions to Thompson-Boling Arena.  When most Knoxvillians (Knoxvillites?) heard GameDay was coming to town, they figured the football Vols were so important that ESPN would send them down just to be there.  Sadly, they were mistaken and are now left to have to wake up early to go inside (and have to sneak Jack in).  All the hoopla aside, the Vols desperately need a win.  They’ve lost two in a row at home and four out of their last five there.  I remember a trip to the Winch last year when the Gators came to K-town and got their ass run.  Hopefully, the same will happen again (for TGC’s health’s sake).  Vols 84 Gators 73.
  • The Snuggie will take over the world.  Are you people fucking serious?  The fucking Snuggie?  That thing has sold 4 MILLION products?  This must be a damn joke.  Hmm… a warm thing with sleeves?  Ever try a sweater?  Or putting on a robe backwards?  Who in the hell wants to look like a druid while sitting around watching TV?  I am absolutely stunned.  I have nothing else to say, ever, about the fucking Snuggie.
  • The APIAS headquarters might not be covered in ice.  Ice and snow really suck, unless you’re in school and you get out because there is so much.  Sadly, your APIAS contributors are all past their schooling prime… except of course for 2SL.  Everyone’s favorite student teacher has done nothing all week.  Congratulations.
  • The Cardinals will win the Super Bowl.  There is no stopping Kurt Warner and Jesus.  Let’s look at this analytically; Florida won the first championship of the year.  Who is their media darling?  Tim Tebow, who loves Jesus.  Who is the Cardinals’ media darling?  Kurt Warner, who loves Jesus.  Take the Cardinals on the moneyline and make yourself a lot of money.  Just don’t forget to give 10% of your winnings to JC.
  • ariellekebbelThe temptation of The Uninvited will not be strong enough to get you to set down your beer.  Can I be honest?  I have no clue anything about this movie, except for one thing.  Arielle Kebbel (the future Mrs. Smoothron) stars in it.  The Uninvited is not good enough to watch at the theaters, but if Arielle’s other films are any indication, it will be great for a Sunday afternoon.  I don’t like to admit this too often, but John Tucker Must Die is strangely re-watchable.  Arielle Kebbel is sexy, look at the picture, then let’s move on.
  • UConn will be the next team to claim the #1 spot in college hoops.  A game against Providence is the only thing standing between the Huskies and the top spot in all the land.  Of course, they go to Louisville on Monday and will probably give the ranking back up, but it will be fun for the four hours they have it. 
  • Johan Santana will get a little more ready for Spring Training.  Baseball is almost here.  The nights of a patio full of guys, laptops (labtops) on their… laps, beers in their hands, watching their favorite baseball team on MLB.tv (using the same username) and enjoying life are almost upon us.  I can’t wait.
  • Something will seem like a good idea, it won’t be.  Sometimes, I get upset when I drink.  It might be a sporting event gone awry, running out of beer or an ex-girlfriend which makes me irate; but it happens.  Often, I like to release this anger, and my old phone (The Tank 2005-2008 R.I.P.) took the brunt of my ire.  Sadly, I got a new phone which probably won’t do so well if I throw it across the living room.  Last weekend, a jump-kick to my recliner seemed like the best idea at 1AM.  One broken elbow (is that even possible??) later… Whoops.
  • cocksrockhahaBilly Gillispie will make fun of your hat, then sleep with your girlfriend.  Remember when those white hats were really in style for frat boys?  Did they go out of frat style?  The “cool” ones were from Oregon State (Beavers), Fordham (FU) and South Carolina (Cocks).  I had none.  The Cocks come to Lexington tomorrow for their annual beatdown in KY.  Darrin Horn (Tates Creek alum) will not enjoy his first trip as a Cock to Rupp.  The Cats are coming off a terrible effort against Ole Miss the other night and are looking to take some aggression out by beating the Cocks handily.  Watch out after the game, as always, for BCG.  He’s especially ready to rail your girlfriend after a loss.  Who the hell would leave Columbia, SC anyway?  Go to the Horseshoe, play your guitar and smoke a bowl… not that I’ve ever done that.

It could be one long weekend if you plan on drinking tonight (you know, because it’s Friday), all day tomorrow (Cats @ 3PM, Vols @ 9PM) and Super Sunday (Super Sunday).  Enjoy it all!

Thursday timekillers

January 15, 2009
Image of Bru's car via edsbs.com

Image of Bru's car via edsbs.com

Not much going on in the world of sports today (or this week really).  Have some good clean fun with yourself below.

Bom Bom Bom Bom Wooooo!

Chattanooga Football (with a TO sighting, and probably the coolest–and longest–self-running flash window around) [LWS]

Will Forte on the BCS [With Leather]

A dog that walks like people walk

And of course, Van On Fire!

Gators get crystal, but Harvin gets hosed

January 9, 2009

harvin_touchdown

I know. I know. I heard sports radio all week long just like you did. Tim Tebow is now in the discussion for greatest college football player/leader/Jesus lover/philanthropist/omnipotent faith-healer of all time. So when they win the National Championship last night in a fantastic game, he’s the obvious MVP.  Right?

Wrong.

Tebow had a good game, don’t get me wrong. But he was in no way the most valuable player of that contest. That player was Percy Harvin.

I’m not one to blindly jump on the side-story of a big game, but I did see a picture of Harvin’s high ankle sprain after the FSU game… and it looked wrenched, purple, and painful.  That was only a month ago.  The guy stayed in Gainesville over the holidays to recuperate and get ready for his final college game.  Impressive, but still not the point.

Let’s just take a look at the numbers.  Tebow nearly stifled his own offense with two terrible throws that were both picked off.  That 2 picks equalled his total from the whole season.  So what did Dan Mullen do to get his offense back on track?  Give it to Percy.

(more…)

FWP: New Year, Same Sh… Stuff

January 2, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Happy New Year, APIAS enthusiasts!  2009 has arrived; and not much has really changed.  I usually put some sort of build-up for the week in this spot, but things are going to be just a touch different.  I had totally intended to write a “Smoothron’s Top 10 Moments that Had to do With Sports that I was a Part of,” post, but that never happened.  And by part of, I mean watched… or saw or… whatever.  Well, really quick, here’s a short list:

  • USA Basketball Team Gold Medal Game: Bru and I were more excited about this game than anything else that happened all year.  I made the trek to NKY so we could watch together.  Lots of beers, one hell of a game, some drunken tears shed after the game and seeing the sun rise.  One hell of a night.
  • First Saturday of Keeneland Spring Meet -> Final Four Games:  The whole APIAS crew was around for this one.  We had the craziest tailgate of all time, won some cash at the track and later that night there might have been some basketball games on television.  TGC, 2SL and I also participated in the greatest session of texting about a girl in the same room ever.  1984 UK Basketball sweatshirt is all I need to say.
  • Music City Bowl: Technically, this was the last day of 2007, but it was a LONG day of drinking which led to 2008.  APIAS friend, Boski, and I made the trip to Nashville and met up with some people.  We got $10 tickets from a homeless couple and never made the 4 mile trek up to our seats.  After the game, all my friends bailed on me while I paid $40 to go into a shitty bar.  The things I will do for college girls in hot pants… ahh, memories.
  • First Saturday of College Football: There was a 9AM breakfast for the ages, which only could have been better if someone had made some damn eggs!  There was so much hope back then for all our teams.  Maybe RichRod would have Michigan ready.  Maybe Crompton was the answer for the Vols.  Maybe Mike Hartline could pick up where Woodson left off.  No, no and no.  Anyways, there was a ton of beer consumed that first Saturday.  The kitchen at APIAS headquarters looked like a damn war-zone afterwards.
  • BobWicket’s Bachelor Party: There was an NCAA Football 09 tournament, a golf outing, a cornhole tournament and 14 guys in their mid-twenties screaming at the television when Michael Phelps won his eighth (8TH!) gold medal.  Add that to the 3,000 beers drank and the “Roast of BobWicket,” and this was an all-time weekend. 

Enough of the looking back, it’s the first FWP of 2009!  Let’s roll!

  • BCS or no BCS, the Song Girls are #1.
    BCS or no BCS, the Song Girls are #1.

    USC will deserve to be playing Florida next Thursday.

     

      They were REALLY impressive last night against Penn State.  The Trojans were dominant on both sides of the ball, even after Joe McKnight got hurt and was out for the better part of the game.  All the bitching will never stop until there’s some sort of playoff, but USC and Florida are the two best teams in the country and should be playing instead of Oklahoma.  Also, Song Girls.

  • The Celtics will make a terrible decision.  Boston is supposedly looking into signing Stephon Marbury.  How is this possible?  Why would they want to do that?  This guy has killed every locker room he’s ever been in, and now the best team in the league wants to sign him?  He’s going to back up Rajon Rondo… and not bitch about it?  Don’t they already have Sam Cassell to bitch about not playing?  And, don’t give me the, “Their locker room is too strong to be broken, kind of like the Patriots with Randy Moss,” argument.  Doc Rivers couldn’t wash Bill Belichick’s half sweater.
  • Mid-major football programs will be humiliated.  First, Boise State lost their bid for a perfect run.  Now, Alabama will lay the wood to Utah.  I watched Utah play a few times this year and they definitely don’t have SEC speed.  I expect Julio Jones to not be tackled tonight.  Also, I watched Utah only beat Michigan by two points.  Michigan wasn’t very good this year, hell, Toledo beat them by more than two.  If this game isn’t within 4 TDs, I vote no non-BCS conference team can play in BCS games any longer.  Agreed?  Thanks.
  • With Anna around, Kris was a little better.
    Hooray, Anna!

    Derek Lowe will wake up and sign with the Mets.

     

      Hello, Derek?  It’s me, Smoothron.  I’d like to remind you that no one is really interested in you except for the Mets right now.  Also, our country is in a serious recession and the $12 million bucks they are offering is ridiculous for our economy.  Take the deal!  Seriously, the Mets need you.  If not, New York may have to go with Kris Benson again.  Or, on second thought, if he brings wife Anna with him, that might not be so bad.

  • All four road teams will not win this weekend in the NFL.  First of all, two rookie QBs aren’t winning on the road in the playoffs.  So, the Cardinals and Dolphins are winners already.  Secondly, Tarvaris Jackson is not winning a playoff game in the NFL no matter where they play it.  The Eagles are winners.  Lastly, Peyton Manning isn’t losing.  You want to know why?  Because I took him first overall in my postseason fantasy league.  If you know me and my hatred of Manning, this is a big deal.  The Colts are winners.  Two road teams win, two don’t.  Bet on those.
  • Tennessee will sneak out of Phog Fieldhouse with a win.  It won’t be pretty, but Bruce and the boys will not lay another egg like they did a few weeks ago on a Saturday afternoon on ESPN.  Kansas is down, but not terrible and will provide some trouble for UT, but they’ll be tough down the stretch and get a W.  Life will be good, and TGC will be drunk.  Everybody wins.
  • My new girlfriend, Kaley, will be cheering for the Cats.
    Kaley loves the Cats.

    Billy Gillispie will beat the Cards, then sleep with your girlfriend.

     

      It’s time for the biggest rivalry the Cats have.  No offense to Florida or recently Tennessee, but Louisville is the biggest rival for UK.  It will definitely not be easy for the Cats, now that the Cards are coming off an embarrassing home loss to UNLV.  It’s never good to have to play a Pitino team after a bad loss.  Practices after losses like that were staples when he was at UK.  I still think UL was overrated to start the year (by the experts and myself) and they don’t play as a team.  Edgar Sosa absolutely kills any offensive flow they have and will probably end up making Ricky P. bald.  Cats get five-point win in the Ville.  I hate the Ville and I think that’s a sentiment held by all of APIAS.  Oh yeah, after the game, Billy G. will be ready to go.  Hide your special lady!

There you have it.  First one of 2009 and it felt a lot like 2008 and 2007.  Did we even do this in 2007?  Go out and continue celebrating the new year.  The Cats play football in about 2.5 hours and I have a half of a keg left to drink.  Cheers!

FWP: Where the Hell Did College Football Go?

December 12, 2008

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Well, FWP has returned after last week’s Season 2 debut (or something like that).  Perhaps I was a little rusty and didn’t get everything just right as I might have liked.  But, I kind of think it’s like sex.  Wait, no, that’s not it.  I don’t know what sex is like anymore.  Let’s just say there has been a drought of Biblical proportions, because I haven’t known a female in the Biblical sense in a long, long time (pretty sure my eternal fate is set after that last sentence).  Nonetheless, it wasn’t all bad.  Florida covered against ‘Bama, Pittsburgh took care of Dallas and Billy G double-dipped (and I don’t mean basketball games).  There is one thing missing from this weekend and if you can’t guess, it’s in the title.  No college football!  Okay, there are D3 playoffs or something, but I have a life and won’t be watching those.  For the first time since the end of August, we won’t be able to wake up to Corso, Herbie and Fowler.  There won’t be any, “I’m not going to work ever again if I hit this!” parlays.  And sadly, you have to find another reason to justify that first beer at 10:27AM.  Alas, there are plenty things to fill your weekend: NBA games, MLB signings, college hoops and putting off Christmas shopping.  Plus, you get to hear twelve straight hours of Heisman speculation on Saturday instead of getting to watch actual games… sweet!  On with the prognosticating:

  • Cole Hamels will hide in his house.  What a dumbass.  Is he trying to become more hated in New York than John Rocker?  In an interview with an NY radio station, he called the Mets “choke artists.”  Good call, Cole.  People’s lives in New York aren’t screwed up enough, and now you want to piss them off even more?  Whatever, you dug your own grave.  (Note: yes, this pisses me off even more because, sadly, it’s true.)
  • abbymcgrewThe Cowboys will eke by the Giants in the “Drama Bowl.”  Hey, guys, want some off-field shit to stir up your teams’ playoff chances?  TO is essentially calling Romo and Witten gay.  Brandon Jacobs isn’t playing.  Plaxico is still being Plaxico.  Wade Phillips is still the world’s highest paid cheerleader (TGC’s joke).  Yeah, give the edge to the home team.  Actually, give the edge to Mrs. Eli Manning, Abby McGrew.  She looks like every other blonde at Ole Miss and I mean nothing bad when I say that.  Hell of a job, Eli, hell of a job.
  • The Celtics will keep winning games.  Do they have a chance at 70 wins?  Sure they do.  They play in a weak conference with only one other legitimate team in it, they have a loaded starting lineup and a decent enough bench and they have a great coach.  WAIT A SECOND… one of those isn’t right.  Doc Rivers still sucks.  Who couldn’t win with Garnett, Pierce, Allen and Rondo?  I took six white kids to the AAU National Tournament this summer and finished in the top 20.  I’d like to see him do that!
  • Manny Ramirez will not retire.  This isn’t even really a prediction, just a stated fact.  Would you rather not take millions of dollars or take millions of dollars?  Yeah, thought so.  Sure, he might have to play for the Nationals, but it’s a ton of cash and money is money.  He should just go play for the Mets.  Please?
  • coltsgfColt McCoy will win the Heisman.  Should he win?  I sure as hell don’t think so, but he probably will.  His stats were insane, he beat Bradford head-to-head and people don’t want to see Tebow win it twice.  He’s also going to come back to Texas for his senior year, which is a huge mistake.  He should go pro as soon as the Fiesta Bowl is over.  The senior class for QBs is terrible and his stock couldn’t ever get higher.  Remember Brian Brohm?  Yeah, first pick to third round.  Also, Colt’s girlfriend is very hot.  (For the record, I DO think Tebow should win.)
  • Will Muschamp will have some questions to answer.  First, he becomes the hottest name in the could-be-next coaching world.  Second, Texas freaks out, gives him a ton of cash to be “Head Coach in Waiting.”  Third, it is reported that he is going to be Auburn’s next head coach.  Very interesting, Senor Muschamp.  I think the whole “Head Coach in Waiting” is a crock of shit anyway, so good for him.  Besides, Auburn just interviewed Buffalo’s head coach for the vacancy.  If you’re a Tiger fan, do you want Texas’ D-coordinator or Buffalo’s (NOT the Bills) head coach?  My point exactly.
  • Jake Peavy may not may not be traded to the Cubs.  He’s going, then the Cubs don’t want him, then he’s going again, then Lou says his rotation is set, then he’s going again, the trade is off, the trade is on, then the Cubs don’t win the World Series for the 101st year in a row.  Oh, the last thing hasn’t happened yet?  Well, it certainly will.
  • Bob will win Survivor: Gabon.  Yes, I know no one in the world watches Survivor anymore.  But, one Thursday night I happened to watch an episode and twelve weeks later, I am really looking forward to the finale Sunday night.  Bob is old, nice and everyone likes him.  He’ll probably win and hopefully they’ll cancel the show, so I can never get sucked in again.  Also, I know it’s bad I watch Survivor, but 2SL watches Chuck, and he is literally the only American I know that watches that shitty show.
  • The hottest girl to ever attend IU.

    The hottest girl to ever attend IU.

    Billy Gillispie will make fun of your warm-up pants, then sleep with your girlfriend.

      Seriously, Indiana?  The warm-up pants still?  Some traditions are great (running through the T, dotting the i, etc.), but this is not one of them.  You look like a bunch of gay candy stripers who are trying to play basketball.  And with this year’s team, let’s emphasize the word ‘try.’  UK needs this one badly as they cannot lose another game at home.  IU doesn’t need this game because they aren’t going to be playing in the NCAA Tournament for about another decade.  Also, everyone’s favorite coach will be prowling the streets of Lexington after the game, so beware!

That’s it, people.  Once again, I’m going to plug TOMS Shoes as what you should be getting people for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus.  You buy a pair of shoes, a kid in Africa gets a free pair of shoes.  And, as EDay pointed out, they are hippie shoes.  If you haven’t seen Phish in concert, then just buy yourself some nice houseshoes, you’ll feel better about yourself.  This has all the makings of a great weekend, so build a fire to stay warm.  And, if you don’t have a fireplace, drink thirty beers to keep warm.

College Football Regular Season Recap

December 7, 2008

Back by popular demand, and also because I have some free time this afternoon, it’s a final weekend update…looking back at the regular season of college football. As I write this, the final BCS standing have yet to come out, but there’s no reason to think we shouldn’t have a Florida-Oklahoma matchup to look forward to. Texas and USC have legitimate gripes about being left out, but as we all know, the system is far from perfect, and we’re going to have to live with it. But all in all, this was a fantastic season of football. Here’s a look at what stands out…

Oklahoma’s offense is umm….kind of good

I say that in the same sense that Erin Andrews is kind of hot. The Sooners have been ridiculous this season, scoring 702 points and putting up 60 in five straight games. Watching them play, there’s really no good way to defend them. If you stack the box to stop Chris Brown and DeMarco Murray, QB Sam Bradford and his receivers will pick you apart downfield. If you drop back, the running game and short passes to tight end Jermaine Gresham will kill you. And just when you think it can’t get any worse, there’s Coach Bob Stoop dialing up a long pass play with 4 minutes left in the Big 12 Championship Game and holding a 55-21 lead. I firmly believe this team would hang at least 30 on the Chiefs, Lions or Bengals…easy.

QB Sam Bradford directed the Sooners offense, which scored a few points this season.

QB Sam Bradford directed the Sooners offense, which scored a few points this season.

Jimmy Clausen has work to do

The golden-boy QB predicted multiple national championships upon signing with the Irish. Well, he’s come close, if by multiple national championships he actually meant losses to Navy, Syracuse, Air Force and North Carolina, as well as consecutive blowouts at the hands of USC. Note that I didn’t say that USC was a rival, because as Chris Fowler pointed out, the hammer and the nail don’t have a rivalry. But back to our wonder-kid, who has put himself in the Heisman conversation (as in “who will NOT win a Heisman”) by compiling 27 touchdowns and only 23 interceptions. On top of that, most of the interceptions were Ty Willingham’s fault, and shouldn’t go against Clausen. The record books are being cleared as we speak to make room for this kid. Move over Ty Detmer and Danny Wuerffel – there’s a new sheriff in town. At this rate, he will easily go down as one of the top 3 Clausen brothers to play college football.

Jimmy Clausen's claim of multiple national championships is not looking so great...

Jimmy Clausen's claim of multiple national championships is not looking so great...

More Irish hating…just because I can

in 2007, Notre Dame lost to USC 38-0. In 2008, they lost to USC 38-3. Clearly, Charlie Weis has this team headed in the right direction. Look for Notre Dame to finally knock off the mighty Trojans 39-38 in 2020. Ok-I’m sorry. That was mean. In all fairness, he’s only been there four years and he hasn’t really has a chance to get his system and players in place. What’s that you say? It’s Urban Meyer’s fourth year at Florida and they’re in position for his second national championship?  Well…umm…he didn’t have to clean up after Willingham, who was the worst coach, and man, ever in the history of people. Huh? Nick Saban??  What does he have to do with anything?  Oh right – big deal. So he also inherited a proud program that had fallen on down times because of poor recruiting, and in only two years had them in the national championship picture – who cares? He doesn’t have to play Navy every year – of course he can pile up victories!!  Next year is our year – look at our recruiting class. You’ll be back on the Irish bandwagon next year after the 38-6 loss to USC.

* In related news, Charlie Weis has just signed a 12-year, $472 billion extension. The future is indeed bright in South Bend.

The SEC…not quite what we thought

You don’t know how much it pains me to write that. Yes, Florida will be playing for the national championship, and Alabama is headed to a BCS bowl, but the league lacked the top-to-bottom strength it normally offers. Georgia, a popular preseason#1, was abysmal on defense. Bad losses to Alabama and Florida were one thing, but giving up like 800 yards rushing at home to Georgia Tech? Wow. Plus, am I the only one not in love with Matthew Stafford? Look, just because a kid is big and has a good arm doesn’t mean he’s a great QB (ahem.. Ryan Leaf). In the 49-10 loss to Florida, announcer Gary Danielson was tripping all over himself to pat Stafford on the back. A blind man listening to the game may have thought Stafford was re-writing the record books with the praise he got. By the way, he threw for 265 yards, 0 touchdowns and 3 interceptions in that game. I hate to say over-rated but…

And don’t get me started on Tennessee and Auburn. Thanks for showing up to play this year guys. You really helped the league look good. Ditto to South Carolina, who proved that they can always lose to Clemson, no matter how much the Tigers choke during the year. Vandy and UK…well they’re Vandy and UK. Ole Miss actually looked like a solid team by the end of the year, but they’re hardly a national power. Arkansas..well let’s just say Darren McFadden isn’t walking through that door. LSU – wow. How does a school like LSU not have a better QB situation? I realize Ryan Perriloux was projected to start before he got kicked off, but with a risk like Perriloux, shouldn’t you at least have a decent back-up plan in place?  Jarret Lee is clearly not the answer, unless the question was “who sucks?” And no word on whether Mississippi State actually fielded a team this year. So, as the biggest SEC homer ever, I’m officially conceding the title of “The Best Conference” to the Big 12 this year. A very sad day for me.

There wasn't much celebrating for Auburn this year, which stumbled badly, leading to Tommy Tuberville's resignation.

There wasn't much celebrating for Auburn this year, which stumbled badly, leading to Tommy Tuberville's resignation.

ACC football...

ACC football...

The ACC

Only kidding – I’m not writing a review of the ACC – give me a break. As far as I know, every team in the league went 8-4 or something like that. I think Virginia Tech won the title game. Or maybe Boston College. Or maybe Florida State. or maybe Miami, or North Carolina State, or Maryland. Wait – is South Florida in the ACC? What conference is East Carolina in? Well regardless, somebody did win it – I know that. And they were definitely from the East Coast – that much I know. Oh yeah, and it wasn’t Duke.

Heisman Trophy is up for grabs

One week from the ceremony, I don’t know that there’s a clear-cut favorite for the trophy. OU’s Sam Bradford, Florida’s Tim Tebow, Texas’ Colt McCoy and Texas Tech’s Graham Harrell are all worthy candidates. Bradford and Harrell have the most impressive stats, but McCoy and Tebow have shown the intagibles in leading their teams. Tebow’s speech after the Ole Miss loss proved to be prophetic, as he pushed the Gators harder than ever, and then willed them to victory over Bama without sidekick Percy Harvin. McCoy put the Longhorns on his back during what may be the toughest 4-week stretch ever in college football, and he’s the unquestioned leader of one of the nation’s best teams. Harrell’s star lost some shine after the blowout loss to Oklahoma, but he’s still put up the usually ridiculous Red Raider numbers, and turned Tech from a novelty into a legit title contender for most of the season. Bradford has thrown for about 50,000 yards and 200 touchdowns this year (numbers slightly exaggerated but not by much), and he’s captained the best offense in the history of college football. So who wins? At this point, I’d say Bradford edges out Tebow, but I really think a case can be made for any of the four.

One of the best QB's and leaders in the country, McCoy might only be second-best in his own conference

One of the best QB's and leaders in the country, McCoy might only be second-best in his own conference

The BCS

Yes, it’s been talked about all season, and I hate it as much as anyone. But its still worth it to point out the faults. Texas, a team that went 11-1 with that one loss coming on a last-second play on the road against the #7 team in the country…is getting the same shot at a national title as Virginia Tech, who went 9-4 and lost to East Carolina (thats to say they’re not getting one). Cincinnati, who played one real team all year (and lost by 26 to Oklahoma), is going to a BCS bowl while Texas Tech, who suffered only 1 loss (albeit a bad one) and owns wins over Texas, Nebraska and Oklahoma State, is not. USC suffered only one loss, on the road to a solid Oregon State team, while Florida lost at home to a decent Ole Miss team and yet the Gators are ranked higher. Penn State lost on the road on a last-second field goal and they were eliminated from title contention, while Oklahoma lost by 10 on neutral field and never fell far in the rankings. Please please please can we get a playoff????  As it stands now, it is all subjective, with a multitude of one-loss teams. Is Florida better than USC? Is Texas better than Penn State?  Is Alabama better than Oklahoma? We all have opinions on this, but the sad thing is we’ll never know for sure. In a season like this, where there are 4-5 teams with legitimate arguments about playing for a national title, the BCS is even more of a joke than usual. Say Florida beats Oklahoma in a close game, while Texas and USC blowout their opponents in the bowls. How can you say a one-loss Florida is better than a one-loss USC or Texas with any certainty?  I think college football season is one of the greatest times of the year, but I just hate that the season always ends with so much uncertainty. The best idea I’ve heard for a playoff involves taking the top 8 teams in the BCS, regardless of conference, and holding the first round of playoffs the week after the conference championship games. To battle the argument that the season goes too long, we’d scale back the regular season to 11 games instead of 12. So now, we’re back to the weekend after the conference championships, and we have 4 teams still alive for a title. The four losing teams in that playoff would then be eligible for other bowls – therefore allowing them to get another game’s worth of revenue. The four winning teams would then playoff in the same schedule we have now…the semifinals on Jan. 1 and the title game on Jan. 8. The semis and championship game would rotate around the 4 major bowls, while the other major bowls would have first shot at selecting the teams from the first round of the playoffs – therefore still securing exciting matchups. And to those who say that the regular season already is a playoff, then why aren’t Utah and Boise State playing for the national title?

The whole system is a joke right now, and all I can hope is I end up in charge one day so I can fix this. There’s a thought huh??

Like I would right a college football post and not put a picture of Tim Tebow on it

Like I would write a college football post and not put a picture of Tim Tebow on it

That’s it for now. I can certainly do a lot more, but we’ll have some downtime the next couple of weeks with no games, so I have to save some material. But it feels good to be back on here after my 3-month hiatus. Until next time, Go Gators!