Archive for the ‘Drinking Games’ Category

Bama Week: Remembering the Queen

October 24, 2008

I’m sure most of you who have SEC loyalties remember Collette Connell.  For those of you who don’t, here’s a nice video montage of the Queen of Alabama Tailgating.  Cheering on her team months before practice even starts.  Molesting the soon to be hired head coach.  Getting arrested.  Oh.. and.. TAILGATING A FUCKING PLANE ARRIVAL!

She’s with you, bammers.

I hate Alabama.

Yo Linda! Bring me a beer!

July 8, 2008

Not sure how this would pan out around the Cowboy household–probably not well–but here’s to tryin’.


Lock Up All Indianapolis Females

June 30, 2008

On NBA Draft night, Kevin Pritchard, GM of the Portland Blazers proved once again he is really good at his job.  He was able to trade the 13th pick (Brandon Rush) to the Pacers for their 11th pick (Jerryd Bayless).  Not only was Bayless probably a top-5 prospect who should have been drafted higher than 11th, but Pritchard also got Pacer GM Larry Bird to take Josh McRoberts (of NBDL fame) in the deal.  What does that mean for the Pacers?  Besides the fact that they’re going to be very bad next year, it also means Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy have a new buddy to attack the streets of Indy with.  Men of Indianapolis, your daughters may be dealing with this trio in the coming months…  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

FWP: The Time Has Come Once Again

April 4, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It’s the first Friday in April.  To some of you, that may not mean much.  To me, it may as well be a holiday.  Every six months, on the first Friday of April and October, Keeneland opens its doors for live racing.  If you’ve never been, there’s no explaining it.  Well, I tried last fall.  Anyway, Keeneland really is Heaven On Earth; where else can you drink, gamble and look at hot girls in spring-time dresses all at once?  I’ve never been there if there is another place.  Okay, I may be rambling about the track a little bit.  There is quite a bit else going on in sports this weekend: Final Four, a whole weekend of baseball, and… Have I mentioned Keeneland opening?  On to the reading of the future…

  • North Carolina will beat Kansas.  Did you see Bill Self trying to lose that game against Davidson?  They had nine of the ten best players in the game, and still managed to almost lose.  If that game is played in a park with no coaches, Kansas slaughter rules them.  Bill Self sucks.  Tyler Hansbrough is really impressive, especially after his performance against Louisville.  Hansbrough and Lawson carry the Heels to an 81-74 victory.
  • The Mets will ROCK Tom Glavine on Saturday.  I still hold an unhealthy amount of contempt for Glavine after his stinkbomb on the last day of the season last year.  He sucked, got shelled, the Mets are the laughingstock of MLB.  Payback’s a bitch, Tommy.  Also, Santana throws on Sunday, Mets get at least two of three.
  • love-it.jpgUCLA will “upset” Memphis.  The Bruins are getting points in this game?  Thank you!  Maybe Memphis was finally supposed to get to the Final Four after crapping the bed in the Elite Eight the last two years, but does that make them clutch?  Hell no.  Did they play anyone like Kevin Love in Conference USA?  I didn’t watch any C-USA games this year, but I’ll go out on a limb and say no.  Ben Howland has been to the Final Four the last two years, he just ran into a Florida team on a mission both times.  Also, he had to play those games without Kevin Love.  He’s really good, and his outlet passes give me wood.
  • Tony Stewart will win at Texas Motor Speedway.  I assume this is a big track.  I don’t think T-Stew has won a race this year, and it just seems like it’s about time.  Also, it will make TGC really happy. 
  • Billy Gillispie will definitely sleep with your girlfriend.  You kidding me?  That bastard has been looking forward to Keeneland opening almost as much as I have.  Except for his monthly visit to the ADPi house, he doesn’t get an opportunity to be around this many hot, drunk sorostitutes all that often.
  • croquet.jpgThe crew will have a rousing game of croquet.  Oh yeah, Keeneland means another thing: It’s croquet season!  EDay’s lady friend (special lady?) asked me for croquet etiquette (or croquetiquette, as I like to refer to it as).  There are really only three rules you need to follow: 1) Dress well.  2) Always have a cold drink in your hand. 3) Don’t, under any circumstances, piss of 2SL.  That bastard is really feisty.
  • Tennessee and UConn will both win Sunday.  Yes, I just brought women’s hoops to the table.  I don’t know much else to say about this.  Um, isn’t Candace Parker good enough looking not to have to date Shelden Williams?
  • This weekend is going to be awesome.  Seriously, Keeneland and Final Four in the same weekend makes for a great time.  Last time it happened, 2003, I drank from about 9AM until 4AM straight through.  We can only hope for the same.

Punting on 1st AND 4th down

February 18, 2008

In an effort to stay in the news (and keep Volunteer football discipline issues in the news as well) punter Britton Colquitt has had yet another run-in with the coppers involving drinking and/or driving.  For those of you keeping score, that’s 5 times total (including a 3 arrests in 12 days binge before he enrolled) since he signed his scholarship papers.

colquittfreeride.jpgThe name sounds familiar because his brother, father, and uncle all punted at UT.  Dustin is currently the starter for the Chiefs, and Britton recently considered entering the draft before choosing college life for one more year–and how!

During this most recent encounter, he apparently plowed a parked car and a stump (also not moving).

His latest arrest came shortly around 3 a.m. Sunday, when according to the Knox County Judicial Commissioner’s Office, the 22-year-old Colquitt hit a parked car on Jackson Avenue near Humes Street, a few blocks east of the Old City… According to police records, Colquitt admitted to have two beers, three mixed drinks and hitting the parked Ford Focus as well as a tree stump.

He had been suspended in March 2004 following his fourth wagon-fall.  This time the punishment got a little worse, including the revocation of his scolarship coupled with a 5 game suspension.

Yet again, I am baffled by the “guy-who-gets-in-trouble-because-he-has-nothing-else-to-do” being punished with more free time.

But hey, what do I know?

I blame this on Daniel Lincoln anyway. Kickers don’t let Punters drink and drive.


Duke to UK: Hahahahahaha (with love from TGC)

December 27, 2007

Okay, so I’ve never been the first to kick a man while he’s down–especially my friends–but I found this over at KSR and they seem to have well-enough spirits about it and their current plight… so here we go.

A pretty funny independent music video from a Dukie to Wildcat Nation… filmed right here in Lexington, brought to your eyes and ears by your very favorite Vol Fan TGC.

There are all kinds of goodies in here.  Among other things, bagging on BCG’s thirst, JC’s speed, Cameron Mills choco-habits, and Saul Smith’s life.  Enjoy.

[Kentucky Sports Radio]

Keeneland: Heaven on Earth

October 4, 2007

keeneland2.jpgApproximately 1:15PM on Friday afternoon, a loud bell will ring, a cheer will rise up from the crowd, and twelve horses will spring from a gate at Keeneland in Lexington, KY. This is the true beginning to fall in the Bluegrass. You may have been to a racetrack before, but if you’ve never been to Keeneland you just don’t know what you’re missing. Keeneland is much more than just a racing experience. An experience that starts when you pull in to the parking lot and may not end until way, way later that night. Rain or shine, snow or oppressive heat, the faithful will always be there. People show up from Louisville to Lisbon, from Danville to Dubai (Oh, Dubai?). Why you ask? What is the lure of Keeneland?

Horses, bourbon, crack-beer, and so much more after the jump… (more…)

For Your Saturday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure

September 22, 2007

That my friends is the coffee table in apias corporate headquarters.  It looks like a lot of shitty coffee tables you have seen before except for one glaring difference that was noticed by your kindly writer this morning.  Yes, that is a piece of duct tape separating the two halves of that table.

What this means is that yours truly and TGC were up until 5AM playing Beer Guy, which if you dont’ know, is a fantastic drinking game involving throwing a die around.  The bottom line of this game is your drink beer.  A LOT of beer.  But I digress.

Coming at you this morning at 12:00pm skippy is no less than 8 games with Clemson, Louisville, South Florida, and West “Fucking” Virginia all ranked and all hitting your TV screens this morning.  Stick with us throughout the day because Cats and Hogs hit ESPN2 at 6:00 and the Vols will be playing the other state college in Arkansas at 7:00PM.  We won’t be live-blogging this so much as we’ll be attempting to operate this well-oiled trainwreck of a machine throughout the day and bringing you as many updates as our minds can handle.

1:49  Smoothron attempting to learn Soulja Boy dance.  HIGH COMEDY.

2:57  Burgoo is a bubbling. Dance lessons have stalled.

3:16   As requested.  The rules to Beer Guy.
Two People to a Team, although 1 on 1 is acceptable. 1 table and a die. Everyone is sitting down at each corner of the table with a full beer in their cup. A player takes the die and tosses underhand at the other teams side of the table (minumum height-opponent’s head). The die must hit at their half of the table.  If die doesn’t land on the other side or is thrown too low, players turn is over, no points awarded, and may God have mercy on your soul.  If it does land on the proper side, defending team must catch the die (one hand only, and team must wait until die is no longer over the table (i.e. it will bounce and rattle, you must catch it between the table and the floor, diving accepted). If defending team fails to catch the die, thrower’s team gets a point. First to five wins. If you throw the dice up and it lands in the oppents cup, opponents must finish the beer.  Replace, and play continues.  If the die does not fall off the table, play continues in order, however, if it stays on the table and ends up a 1.  Everyone finishes beers, play continues.  Fun game, you should try it.  It gets very active and competitive, fair warning.

3:48  Bourbon is bubbling in the belly.  Burgoo smells excellent and will be soon joining said bourbon.  Oh yeah, Louisville just lost to a bad, bad Syracuse football team.  Ole Miss is giving Florida a run for their money.  Duke is beating up on Navy.  What the Hell is going to happen next today?  And this was being typed, Michigan gets a PSU fumble on the 15.  Nesslere says “There’s a Graham Cracker for Graham”  Seriously?

4:09  South Carolina scores first.  I told you he could really go.

4:53  Michigan Band plays Hail to the Victors after a missed field goal attempt.

5:05 Smoothron: “They score on a fake field goal and the LSU staff is celebrating like they just won the national ch….. GOOD LORD THEY’RE KISSING ON THE MOUTH!”

7:35 W shows up, and his hatred for all amusement parks, specifically King’s Island is made well known.

9:50 eDay: I do not care who told the University of Kentucky that they have a football team, but whoever that man was, I would gladly buy him a cold beer and/or prostitute for 1 night.  Jebus, I can’t even describe the range of emotions right now.  Last year I would have been running naked through our townhouse complex.  This year, I expected that win.  I knew going in that we had a good chance to beat a great SEC team on the road.  After a fumble returned for a touchdown and a free kick return, every other Kentucky team in my life would have cashed ’em in.  This team?  FOR REAL.  These guys don’t quit and I’m actually proud of a UK football team that is now FOUR AND OH. – eDay

11:56  Eday just signed up for… which yes, is a hookup site for midgets… this is what goes on here

12:14  Watched the Sweet Plasma Tee Vee commercial over at Burnsy’s site for the 15th time.

12:18  Color man on WU-UCLA game (after the first down marker presented by–which I won’t link to): “It might be all about the O for them, for me it’s all about the P”. Yeah.

12:22  W leaves to go continue the fight (from King’s Island) with Mrs. W.

12:28  The color man for Purdue-Minnesota just claimed he knew a man with “a long intimate knowledge of Vince Young.”

12:35  Beer Guy tournament in the works.

12:39  From eDay’s mouth aimed at TGC: “Because of you in the last week I have had beer put in my mouth, in my eyes, and up my nose.”