Archive for the ‘Cubs’ Category

Afternoon Wake Up Call: Opening Day Edition

April 7, 2009

wakeupAll kinds of things are happening in the sports world friends.  Some good basketball was played last night, some basketball odds went up, and lots of baseball was played.  Let’s get with it.

The NCAA Men’s Championship Game last night was a joke.  I watched approximately 5 minutes of both the first and second half and neither small window of viewing could keep me from flipping the old LCD back over to Component 1 and getting my Tiger Woods 08 on.  There was only one exciting play in the entire duration of my viewing last night and that was when Raymar got smacked in his broken nose.  I literally cringed when that happened, watched the aftermath, and promptly flicked it back to the Playstation.

With the laugher of a title game a distant memory, everyone can now turn their attention to next year’s NCAA season.  I heard on the radio today that UNC and UK lead the early props betting lines in Vegas at 12:1 odss for making the Final Four.  No one else is even 20:1 right now.  That says a lot about Roy’s ability to keep UNC stocked (they could lose 5 guys to the NBA) and Coach Cal’s abilities to bring in talent and coach.  I doubt he can turn UK around that fast, but I do appreciate the thought.

Baseball started yesterday and APIAS went 2-2.  Our National League teams both won while the American League teams lost.  The Tigers fought off the Toronto crowd (damned near literally) en route to a loss.  Oakland’s new-look offense didn’t bother to leave Spring Training as the A’s were swept by the Angels.  The Mets won a close one and the Cubs started their march to the 2009 World Series Championship behind a 4-2 win over Houston.

The only game I caught much of was the A’s game.  It looked like the pitching emphasis from the spring as Dallas Braden hammered the strike zone early and often with a strike percentage around 70% and only one walk in Wuertz and Bailey both pitched perfect innings in relief but it wasn’t enough as the A’s were shut out.

That’ll wrap up Opening Day as frigid weather throughout the Midwest and East make talking about baseball almost strange.  It feels like NFL season in these parts.  Our favorite thing for today is pretty obvious: baseball Ray.  As TGC likes to say it is the perfect game.  You’re never out of the game until the final out is recorded and there’s nothing quite like a night or, even better, a day at the park.  We’ll definitely be covering a lot of bat and ball sports this summer so stick around for road trips, live blogs that spring from the nether regions of a back porch, and plenty of bitching and complaining depending on how long it takes the Tigs and A’s to win a game.  Until next time, stay warm and watch baseball.  It’ll only be here for another 7 months folks.

FWP: No F*#%ing Football

January 23, 2009

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Oh, it’s that dreaded week with no football.  The NFL, for some ridiculous reason, has a bye week between the conference championships and the Super Bowl.  Why in the hell?  I don’t think there is a good reason.  Oh!  But next year there will the Pro Bowl to fill our football needs!  Whatever, the Pro Bowl won’t help the void then and nothing helps fill it now… not even the NHL All-Star game, which is Sunday for those who didn’t know.  Oh, you don’t care?  Yeah, neither does the rest of America.  Hopefully a slate of college hoops, the dumbest discussion ever and the scent of baseball in the air will keep you occupied.  Yeah, let’s do this.

  • anaivanovicAna Ivanovic will not play tennis… and no one will be better for that.  How pissed are you if you flew all the way to Australia to see this hot Serbian babe play tennis and then she gets ousted early?  I wouldn’t be happy either.  Let’s be honest, the only reason Ana is being mentioned (let alone tennis for that matter) here is because she is smoking hot.  Take a look at the picture of the sexy Serb and then keep reading.
  • China will issue some crazy edict against its people.  Remember when Yao used to blow the rest of the NBAers out of the water in all-star voting?  It was never even close.  Now, Dwight Howard is the leading vote getting receiving all-star of all time and Yao finished 6th on the ballot.  This won’t go over well in the communist nation.  And, hey, Yi Jianlian didn’t even get voted in!!  There will be hell to pay, Chinese people!
  • The And1 tour will be broadcast on national television.  Yes, Memphis is playing at Tennessee on CBS!  Ooooh snap!  See what I did there?  They are both streetball teams, get it?   More seriously, there will be a lot of athletes on the court for this one.  More importantly though, is the matchup of Big Brian Williams and Pierre Henderson-Niles.  There will be about 600 lbs. of man throwing itself around when those two get together.  Memphis tries to play the revenge factor, but they just aren’t very good.  Vols win another close one, 81-76.
  • marisatomeiYou will probably go see The Wrestler.  I won’t, but you probably will.  I don’t like to let things like movies get in the way of my drinking, but apparently movies are what Americans do on weekend nights.  Who would have known?  Have they ever tried to drink 25 beers in a night?  You can’t go see a movie and drink 25 beers!  In other words, Marisa Tomei is in it and I have heard she has trouble keeping her clothes on in movies anymore.  Hell, maybe I’ll go see it on Recovery Sunday.
  • The dumbest sports debate of the year will rage on.  Waaaaaaaah!!!  We got beat 100-0, please feel sorry for us!  Please talk about us incessantly on sports talk radio.  Please rip the coach of a winning team for letting his girls play when… that’s what they’re supposed to do.  Take the quote of a mom on the LOSING team and publish it for the entire country to see, not that she would be biased or anything.  Whatever, get the fuck over it.  You suck at basketball.
  • Pitchers and catchers will start loosening up the arms.  Watch out, baseball is just around the corner.  You can see our cool counter to the right that tells you just how quick it’s coming.  I’m going out on a limb and predicting a Tigers/A’s ALCS and a Mets/Cubs NLCS.  The Mets will win the NL, of course, and whoever drinks more tonight between EDay and TGC can pick the winner of the AL.  BASEBALL!!!
  • alabamagirlsBilly Gillispie will come to your college town, beat your college basketball team, then sleep with your college girlfriend.  The Cats play in Tuscaloosa and Oxford back-to-back, so you better turn up the brightness on your television sets.  In other news, Ronald Steele has opted out of finishing his senior year at Alabama.  His AARP benefits kicked in, so he figured he could go ahead and start seeing the world.  Jodie gets 37, PatPat gets 22 and the Cats get 76.  Sadly (if you are a Tide fan), Bama will only get 65.  Also, I’m sure you’re really proud of that blonde girl you started dating last semester and it’s lasted all the way through second semester, but BCG is coming to town.  I wouldn’t let her out of sight.

Hell yeah!  Weekend!  Beer!  Exclamation points!

Breakfast Wagon 24: Cubs and Tigers rivalry deeper than we thought

October 14, 2008
Image from bleacherreport.com

Image from bleacherreport.com

In case anyone was wondering what ol’ Mike Vick is up to these days, Bleacher Report gives us a look into his life, his bankruptcy, and all he gave away. [BleacherReport]

We knew Bungles fans were pissed, but now they’re giving their tickets away? [WWL]

It was on this day, 100 years ago, that the Cubs won their last World Series title.  At the hands of the Detroit Tigers.  Which is now trying to demolish historic Tiger Stadium.  Freep gives us a great look into the little-known Cubs v. Tigers history. [Freep]

Shaun Alexander kept telling us all year he was about to get a job.  Looks like he’s got one on the horizon.  With old Coach Jim Zorn. [WWL]

Smooth and I are running the Channel Four News League. [S2N]

Holly and Spence take one last jab at Tommy Bowden before he hits the FSN Booth. [EDSBS]

2008 Oakland A’s Season Blog, Into The Sunset (75-86)

September 29, 2008

Tonight, with the Tigers battling the playoff hopes of the Chicago White Sox, we wind down the Major League Baseball season.  Oh, what a season it was.  Or wasn’t, depending upon your favorite team.  For the home crew here, only 2SL’s Cubbies will be playing after tonight.  SmoothRon’s Mets folded down the stretch, TGC’s Tigers fell off from their top form of the last couple of years, and my A’s had the season everyone expected (although I maintain they outperformed in every facet of the game).  Every one of those teams have the reasons they ended up where they did, but this last entry in The Exodus will concentrate on the ball club from out West.

March/April:  The season started off even further West (or East, depending on your perspective) than usual this year as the A’s battled the Red Sox in a two game set overseas.  Splitting that opening series was great for the young guys in the organization and it showed as the boys were 16-11 for April.  Good pitching and timely hitting got the A’s through April with a solid record.  The hits weren’t big, but everyone was stringing hits together and putting up plenty of runs to cover the 3.5 runs per game the defense was allowing.  It wasn’t a sign of things to come in May though.

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FWP: It’s Not Goodbye…

August 22, 2008

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Well, folks, this is the last FWP until December.  Don’t cry, though, as this means two things: 1) College Football is back!  and 2) The return of APIAS.net Sandwich Pick ’em Scramble!  I know you love some FWP, but Pick ’em is probably the highlight of this site, other than 2SL’s grammatical errors.  I will be making my “fearless” gambling predictions on Thursday of every week.  Tune in, read my picks, then go bet the opposite and become rich.  It’s a simple theory.  I’m just here to get you through the last weekend without real football.  Luckily there’s a lot of shit going on: the Olympics are wrapping up, baseball is heating up, the Travers Stakes, NASCAR and a new Scarlett Johansson movie.  One last time… thumbs up, let’s do this!

  • The Mets will just play baseball.  Things are good in NY right now (well, not for the Yankees) so I don’t want to do anything to anger the baseball gods (you know, like this).  The Cubs, however, play the Nationals so they’re guaranteed to win all three this weekend.
  • Dale Jr. will win in Bristol on Saturday night.  Dale has been a favorite of FWP through the NASCAR season because of his incredible luck with the ladies.  He looks like someone scrunched his face together, but he has banged some of the hottest chicks around.  What a joke!  I still think his crowning achievement was Marissa Miller.  She is absolutely heavenly.  Why would a Trolldoll lookalike break up with her?  You got me.  So go win this weekend, DEJ, EDay would appreciate it.
  • The US Basketball Team is going to kick Spain’s ass.  Gold medal glory will return where it’s supposed to be.  Spain can make all the changes they want, but that changes nothing.  They’re not exactly gaining forty points in a week.  Also, can anyone figure out why some of them have their first names on the back of their jerseys while others have their last?  They are goobers.
  • Shawne Merriman is going to use steroids.  It’s not like he hasn’t used them before and now he’s got a tear in his knee?  I can almost see the syringes lying around his house.  It’s a sure bet that he fails a drug test this season.
  • Vicky Cristina Barcelona will send guys to the movie like never before.  Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in the same movie?  Yes, please.  Super sexy, check.  Who cares if the movie is any good or not… I’ll watch the damn thing with no sound.  Please enjoy picture directly to the right.
  • Chris Henry will celebrate his new contract with the Bengals. …By getting arrested!  ZING! 
  • You will get through the weekend without college football just fine.  Just think about all the bad things associated with it:  Lou Holtz’s lisp, Holly Rowe in HD, Verne Lundquist in HD, Pam Ward talking over a game and drinking all day.  Wait, drinking all day is a good thing.  Fine, just think about Mark Mangino naked.
  • Pyro will win the Travers Stakes.  Ahh, yes, my Derby pick is back in the game.  He’s the 7-2 favorite in the biggest race of the summer and should be a clear-cut winner.  At least I hope so… you know… if I gambled.
  • Billy Gillispie will see your girlfriend win a bunch of medals, then sleep with her.  Of course I’m talking to you, whoever is lucky enough to be dating Nastia Liukin!  You had to see it coming.  She’s out there flaunting it every night, being athletic, wearing that tight suit… delicious!  If Billy seems a little more excited this week, it’s because he just doinked Nastia on the balance beam.

That’ll do, people.  It’s been a fun ride and hopefully we’ll catch back up soon enough.  Hell, I may even do a Fearless College Football Predictions next week (I believe that’s called a tease in the business), but you’ll have to check back.  Have a good weekend, drink some beers, watch some baseball and enjoy yourselves.

FWP: The ‘Whoops!’ Edition

August 8, 2008

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Yes, friends, “Whoops!”  The word has so many meanings, for so many situations.  Perhaps you stayed out in the sun too long, whoops!  Perhaps you stayed in too long (everyone’s been there before), WHOOPS!  Or, maybe you botched your un-retirement so poorly that you are now stuck playing for the Jets, whoops!  Today, we salute you, “Whoops!” for always being there for us.  Slow week around these parts.  You know the old adage, “When TGC’s away, the rest of the morons just won’t write.”  Well, that was about what happened.  Sorry for the lack of content, but you know we’re just building up all our good ideas for the beginning of college football which is just around the corner.  We do have baseball, road racing and the Olympics to kill the time until then.  Liftoff…

  • No one in their right mind will be able to figure out what the hell the Mets are doing on the baseball diamond.  Win some, lose some… who cares?  The only thing known for sure is that Billy Wagner won’t be pitching and the make-shift bullpen will.  Yay for not doing jackshit at the trade deadline!  The Phillies (first place in respective division) just made a trade with the Cubs (first place in respective division), but the Mets are fine to sit pretty.  It’s like this is the same franchise that fired their manager at 3AM.
  • Tony Gordon will win the race at Watkins Glen.  You know Tony Gordon right?  He’s the guy who has won 8 of the last 11 races at WG, but hasn’t won all year and desperately needs a win?  Wait, hold on, someone is telling me something.  Oh, it’s two different people: Tony Stewart and Jeff Gordon.  So sorry, well good luck boys.  Because, you know, you need it.  Hotter wife status goes to Gordon, so here’s a picture of the beautiful Ingrid Vandebosch.
  • The Chinese government will do something insane.  Does this really need to be said?  They have like 20% of the world in one country, dictate everything anyone can do, but they get to host the most watched television program of all time?  I see no way this can go wrong.
  • You will get your Daily Dicky and love every second of it.  After his diatribe about dreaming about Matt Stafford at SEC Media Days, UK has decided to capitalize on their mildly insane WR (and EDayStat’s favorite Cat of all-time) by putting a video of him up every day.  You can find the DD right here.  This will surely not backfire in UK’s face.
  • Josh Smith will fade into Bolivian.  Thanks, Iron Mike for the quote.  Seriously J-Smoove?  Memphis?  The same place as the Grizzlies?  Enjoy!  Also, without their two Joshes (Smith and Childress) next year, the Hawks should be about as competitive in the NBA as our rec league team would be.
  • You will go see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and be surprised.  No, don’t get me wrong, it still sucks very much as a movie.  But, (yes, I went) I totally thought I would go and fawn over the lovely Blake Lively the entire time.  However, Alexis Bledel truly caught my eye.  She’s not Rory from Gilmore Girls anymore!  Oh, you’ve not seen that either, huh?  Well, she’s hot and her IMDB Trivia says she loves the World Equestrian Games.  They are in Lexington in less than two years, this may be meant to be.
  • Brett Favre will hate city life.  Why?  Hmm… if he thought Rachel Nichols hung around too much, wait until the NY media is following him around like that even when this charade isn’t going on.   How about the fact that he’s playing for the Jets?  The Jets.  Gosh, they really suck.  Also, NYC smells like shit.
  • The US Olympic Basketball team will kick China’s ass.  That is something I look forward to.  Waking up Sunday morning, brushing off that hangover while watching Kobe put his nuts in Yao’s face.  And then maybe he’ll dunk on him, too!  Also, I will refuse to ever call them, “The Redeem Team.”  EVER.
  • Your live-blogging needs will be filled.  For our lack of writing this week, EDay and I will be live from the Back Porch tonight giving our thoughts on the Mets, A’s, Tigers, Cubs and any-and-everything else you could want to know.  Stay tuned.
  • Billy Gillispie will laugh at engagement rumors and then sleep with your girlfriend.  I’m talking to you, John Mayer.  Sure, Room for Squares was a pretty good album.  But, then you went all electronic and got way too show-offy.  Also, the faces you make when you play are just uncomfortable.  Even still, you’ve managed to bang a lot of hot chicks in Hollywood and Jennifer Aniston is no exception.  But, as we all know, Billy G laughs in the face of relationships and sleeps with whomever he damn well pleases and I’m sure your girlfriend is no exception.  If I were you, I would head on down to city hall, because Coach BCG is not into breaking up marriages.

That’s all for this week.  It was unexpected, shorter than I thought it would be and not that good (obligatory…), but that’s what you’ve got.  Also, I would have mentioned the PGA Championship, but who even knew that was going on through all this Favre drama?  Sergio wins.  Peace!

 

(Ed Note from eDayStat:  Sorry to jack the bottom of your thread SmoothRon, but everyone stay tuned for a new, ongoing project starting on Monday.  It is sure to be a train wreck (much like the A’s season blog) but surely it should be good for a few laughs.)

Awating Nightmares Or Dreams

July 28, 2008

Just one month ago Cub Fans were dreaming.  Dreaming of a World Series Championship and this time when they awoke dreams had a chance of becoming reality.  The best record in baseball belonged to a club leading the league in runs scored and a pitching staff as good in the 1st inning as it was in the 9th.  Dreams and reality were mixing, as if God had promised it.    That was one month ago.

Having blown a four game lead since the All-Star break the Cubs have invited the haunting nightmares back into the bedroom of Cubs fans everywhere.  With a 4 game series in Milwaukee this week Cubs fans will anxiously await nightmares or dreams.

The Cubs throw, easily, their best four starting pitchers this week in Milwaukee.  Lilly, Zambrano, Dempster and Harden will take the mound for the Cubs in what is not a division deciding series but could easily end up being the foundation of a National League Central title run.  With two months of baseball left nothing is set in stone and with the way things are shaping up in the NL East both of these ball clubs could easily end up in the playoffs.

Even though the Cubs are a game up on Milwaukee and need only a split in the series to remain on top, this series is HUGE for the northsiders.  So why is a series with a divisional foe in July so important for the Cubs?  Four Reasons. After the Jump (more…)

Fallout from Cubs/A’s Trade

July 9, 2008

As I’m sure you’ve probably heard, Rich Harden was traded from the A’s to the Cubs sometime yesterday.  Fortunately for us, two of our resident writers happen to be huge fans of these teams.  EDayStat has to be the biggest A’s fan this side of the Mississipi River and has already put his spin on the trade.  2ndStoryLloyd is a Cubs fan, but hasn’t been able to give his normal material because he’s on vacation with his parents (read: intervention).  However, I’m sure you’ll see more rainbows from him before things are all said and done.  Anyway, what you didn’t read with the big trade announced yesterday were the concessions made by each of our writers here. 

EDayStat receives:

  • A copy of 2SL’s new book, “Being a Substitute Teacher… And Banging Your Students.”
  • Four (4) gallons of Jim Beam Black
  • The Yearsh (the gift that keeps on giving)
  • A lifetime supply of Carmex
  • Unlimited visits to the pool for the next three (3) summers
  • Two (2) black wife-beaters
  • Dancing lessons

2ndStoryLloyd receives:

  • EDay’s secret recipe of “Kentucky Lemonade
  • Eight (8!!!!) cases of Miller Lite
  • A beard
  • The perfect nipples he’s always wanted
  • EDay’s book, “Actual Relationships”
  • Athleticism
  • A lifetime of free passes to the back porch

Also, they are switching weddings for which they are the best man.  EDay is now the best man at BobWicket’s wedding and 2SL will be the man at TheW’s.  Fair trade.

A’s Still Have an All-Star

July 8, 2008

We were all set to do a back-and-forth on this site between 2SL and myself about the possibilities of a Rich Harden to the Cubbies deal when Ol’ Billy goes ahead and pulls the trigger.  Not only does he unload our #2 (#1?) right handed pitcher, he also unloads the guy that I felt would step back into the rotation when Harden left.  I’m very surprised that Gaudin was part of this trade.

The quartet that the Cubbies sent over is interesting as well.  We got Sean Gallagher, a 22 year old kid who has been servicable for Chicago this year.  I suppose Billy sees something there and thinks that he can be a good part of the rotation in another year or two.  Hell, he’ll be starting on Thursday at this rate though.  We also got a back stop to go along with our new righty.  Josh Donaldson is also 22 and is still livin’ it up in Class A.  Who knows, maybe he walks every 5 at bats and will fit in with the A’s.

Eric Patterson and Matt Murton round out the field of players shipped to the Bay.  I’d heard Murton’s name on almost everyone’s wish list as a player to be packaged in on this deal and I’m happy to see him come.  He could be a good backup in the oft-depleted outfield.  Athletics Nation commentors compares him to a Kieltyesque player and that’s a fair comparison.  Patterson has been up and down with Chicago all year and appears to be a Class AAAA player as his stats at AAA Iowa were huge (.320 with 6 bombs and 28 RBI in 52 games) but in the Bigs he’s only a .237 hitter in 13 games this year.  I think this guy could be solid and I don’t read much into the low average in only a 13 game sample. 

Overall, we got the 5th and 7th best prospects in the Cubbies orginization (Baseball America ratings) and Gallagher was ranked the 82nd best prospect in all of baseball by the same site.  Not quite the haul that the Haren deal was and again, I’m surprised they gave up Chad too.  As always, only time will tell on this trade but hopefully Rich will pitch well for the Cubbies.  He was my favorite current A’s player until today, so looks like I’ll have to adopt a new one…AGAIN.  Billy, just tell me you’ve worked your magic one more time man.  Otherwise I’ll have to think you lost your touch. 

Also, thanks to whoever chose Duchscherer over Harden for the All-Star team.  We’d wouldn’t be represented without it!

S: www.oaklandathletics.com

FLWP: Celebrating Independence The Right Way

July 3, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It’s a perfect storm that happens once or twice a decade.  The 4th of July takes place on a Friday which means a long weekend of debauchery.  This weekend will be extra special for the APIAS crew: TGC will 2-2-2 the Tigers as they attempt to “keep the turtle head poking out,” EDay will make sure none of the Indians he works with read his scathing review of the game of cricket, 2SL will keep making sacrifices to the baseball gods after doing this and I will attempt to get in the triple digits in the category: number of beers drank for weekend.  Add those to BobWicket’s move and TheW’s wild 4th of July bash and there is quite a bit to get done.  There’s also a lot of baseball to be watched, NASCAR night racing, checking up on Brett Favre’s every move and hiding your girlfriend from you-know-who.  Enough with the intro, let’s get to it.  As always, long weekend means long predictions…

  • The Mets will win one, then lose one, then win one, then lose another.  That seems to be the new mantra of the team, “No winning OR losing streaks!”  That’s a perfect way to end up right at .500, where MLB’s third highest payroll is destined.  Nevermind the fact they’re playing the Phillies (Friday-Sunday) and it would be a great time to make up some ground.
  • Brett Favre will keep calling Mike McCarthy.  Seriously, Brett?  You just bawled your eyes out like two months ago at your “retirement” press conference.  At least Jordan took two years off before making his return.  Take a hint.  I’ve never had a wife and kid, but is it really that bad being home with them?  Well, seeing as your wife, Deanna is a smoking hot cougar… Yeah, I’m pissed.  Shut up, stay home, bang your hot wife.
  • Venus Williams is going to win Wimbledon.  But, she’s not hot, so she doesn’t get her picture put up.  Instead of working on tennis, work on being more attractive.
  • Seattle citizens will mourn the loss of the Sonics.  Didn’t they used to be the SuperSonics?  Anyway, at least you’ve got the Mariners!  Er, at least you’ve got the Seahawks. Um… the Storm?  Or do WNBA teams leave with their NBA counterparts?  Who cares?  It’s the WNBA.  The best hope for Seattle is that grunge rock becomes cool again.  The ball is in your court, Soundgarden/Pearl Jam/Nirvana.
  • The Tigers will continue playing good baseball against the Mariners.  The hits just keep on coming, Seattle!  It’s never a good sign when teams and fans look at a weekend trip to your city and think, “I’m damn near certain we win at least two of three.”  Look at the bright side, Mariner fan: At least you didn’t give out ridiculous contracts to bring in busts and trade what little prospects you had for a bust pitcher.  Oh, whoops.  There’s going to be a lot of drinking going on in Seattle this weekend.
  • Dale Earnhardt Jr. will win Saturday night in Daytona.  Yes, I know, this is Dale’s third time being picked the winner of the NASCAR race on FWP.  A dubious honor, indeed.  Dale did actually get a win for the first time in years a few weeks back which made EDay really happy (until someone brought up cricket, apparently).  Honestly though, the guy really doesn’t need to race.  Here is yet another one of his ex-girlfriends, Lauren Anderson.  Simply incredible.  How does he keep letting these women get away?  Also, many NSFW pics available of Lauren (if that’s your thing) on the web.
  • Alex Rodriguez will slump, big time.  This guy is probably the best baseball player in the world, but he’s also very aware of his public image.  All this stuff about him separating from his wife, him banging Madonna, his wife banging Lenny Kravitz; well, that is not going to be good for his batting average.  Madonna’s hot and all, but couldn’t A-Rod find someone hotter if he was going to cheat on his wife?
  • Oakland will take care of the White Sox in Chicago.  This will make this entire staff happy.  When the A’s win, EDay’s happy.  When the White Sox lose, TGC is happy.  When anyone besides he loses, 2SL is happy.  I’m just happy when my friends are happy.  Cue the gay music!
  • Stephen A. Smith will talk about LeBron James.  It goes without merit, anymore.  He just starts screaming about this year’s free agents and somehow still ties it into, “LEBRON JAMES WILL BE A NEW JERSEY NET IN 2010!!!  HIM AND JAY-Z ARE BOYS!!!”  Seriously, we’re two years away from this, but he feels the need to say it everyday.  I would guess LeBron never wears a Net jersey.
  • Hancock will bomb.  Unless it co-stars DJ Jazzy Jeff, I don’t need to see any more Will Smith movies.  Not even Charlize Theron can save this one.  She looks good, though, no?
  • The Cubs will take care of business.  Gosh, I really hope so.  If you’ve ever seen 2SL after they lose a few in a row, you know what I mean.  Think of a four year old who has been awake for too long, has a poopy diaper, is hungry and drunk.  Well, actually, that’s about how he acts all the time.
  • You will hear a soft whisper in the wind.  It will be College Football calling your name.  We are officially under two months until kickoff.  Gambling, beer, gambling and football.  Hurry up, August.
  • Ellis Park WILL have live horse racing.  Apparently my diatribe about the closing has changed some minds.  According the Henderson Gleaner (a top-5 national newspaper, for places named Henderson), live racing still may be salvaged.  I applaud all of you who called President Bush, your Congressman or me.  This is what America is all about!
  • The Golden State Warriors and Los Angeles Clippers will trade injured players.  What’s the deal with this?  Baron Davis and Don Nelson didn’t get along, but why would the Clippers sign him?  A guy who has professed he likes making movies more than basketball?  Oh, and has bum knees?  I guess Shaun Livingston’s injury is worse than they want to let on.  And, Golden State… does Elton Brand really fit into Nellie’s up-and-down system?  6’4″, lumbering post players don’t seem the best fit.
  • Your girlfriend will dress up very patriotic, then Billy Gillispie will sleep with her.  You had to know it was coming, right?  You can’t let your special lady going out on the town looking like this and not expect Lexington’s Most Eligible Bachelor not to snatch her up.  More power to you if he doesn’t, though.  Chances are, though, he will.  It’s at least a good story.  Plus, you probably don’t play basketball at UK, so you won’t have to hear about it every day at practice.  A helpful hint, if you don’t want your girlfriend to sleep with Billy G, DO NOT go to the new Harry’s in Palomar.

Not to get all political or anything, but we live in a pretty fucking awesome country.  Go out and celebrate that fact this LONG weekend.  Say what you will about our President, gas prices or whatever, but a lot of people would kill to be able to live like we do.  Party, drink beer, sit by a pool and watch sports, because that’s what makes America great.