Archive for the ‘Bengals’ Category

College Football Regular Season Recap

December 7, 2008

Back by popular demand, and also because I have some free time this afternoon, it’s a final weekend update…looking back at the regular season of college football. As I write this, the final BCS standing have yet to come out, but there’s no reason to think we shouldn’t have a Florida-Oklahoma matchup to look forward to. Texas and USC have legitimate gripes about being left out, but as we all know, the system is far from perfect, and we’re going to have to live with it. But all in all, this was a fantastic season of football. Here’s a look at what stands out…

Oklahoma’s offense is umm….kind of good

I say that in the same sense that Erin Andrews is kind of hot. The Sooners have been ridiculous this season, scoring 702 points and putting up 60 in five straight games. Watching them play, there’s really no good way to defend them. If you stack the box to stop Chris Brown and DeMarco Murray, QB Sam Bradford and his receivers will pick you apart downfield. If you drop back, the running game and short passes to tight end Jermaine Gresham will kill you. And just when you think it can’t get any worse, there’s Coach Bob Stoop dialing up a long pass play with 4 minutes left in the Big 12 Championship Game and holding a 55-21 lead. I firmly believe this team would hang at least 30 on the Chiefs, Lions or Bengals…easy.

QB Sam Bradford directed the Sooners offense, which scored a few points this season.

QB Sam Bradford directed the Sooners offense, which scored a few points this season.

Jimmy Clausen has work to do

The golden-boy QB predicted multiple national championships upon signing with the Irish. Well, he’s come close, if by multiple national championships he actually meant losses to Navy, Syracuse, Air Force and North Carolina, as well as consecutive blowouts at the hands of USC. Note that I didn’t say that USC was a rival, because as Chris Fowler pointed out, the hammer and the nail don’t have a rivalry. But back to our wonder-kid, who has put himself in the Heisman conversation (as in “who will NOT win a Heisman”) by compiling 27 touchdowns and only 23 interceptions. On top of that, most of the interceptions were Ty Willingham’s fault, and shouldn’t go against Clausen. The record books are being cleared as we speak to make room for this kid. Move over Ty Detmer and Danny Wuerffel – there’s a new sheriff in town. At this rate, he will easily go down as one of the top 3 Clausen brothers to play college football.

Jimmy Clausen's claim of multiple national championships is not looking so great...

Jimmy Clausen's claim of multiple national championships is not looking so great...

More Irish hating…just because I can

in 2007, Notre Dame lost to USC 38-0. In 2008, they lost to USC 38-3. Clearly, Charlie Weis has this team headed in the right direction. Look for Notre Dame to finally knock off the mighty Trojans 39-38 in 2020. Ok-I’m sorry. That was mean. In all fairness, he’s only been there four years and he hasn’t really has a chance to get his system and players in place. What’s that you say? It’s Urban Meyer’s fourth year at Florida and they’re in position for his second national championship?  Well…umm…he didn’t have to clean up after Willingham, who was the worst coach, and man, ever in the history of people. Huh? Nick Saban??  What does he have to do with anything?  Oh right – big deal. So he also inherited a proud program that had fallen on down times because of poor recruiting, and in only two years had them in the national championship picture – who cares? He doesn’t have to play Navy every year – of course he can pile up victories!!  Next year is our year – look at our recruiting class. You’ll be back on the Irish bandwagon next year after the 38-6 loss to USC.

* In related news, Charlie Weis has just signed a 12-year, $472 billion extension. The future is indeed bright in South Bend.

The SEC…not quite what we thought

You don’t know how much it pains me to write that. Yes, Florida will be playing for the national championship, and Alabama is headed to a BCS bowl, but the league lacked the top-to-bottom strength it normally offers. Georgia, a popular preseason#1, was abysmal on defense. Bad losses to Alabama and Florida were one thing, but giving up like 800 yards rushing at home to Georgia Tech? Wow. Plus, am I the only one not in love with Matthew Stafford? Look, just because a kid is big and has a good arm doesn’t mean he’s a great QB (ahem.. Ryan Leaf). In the 49-10 loss to Florida, announcer Gary Danielson was tripping all over himself to pat Stafford on the back. A blind man listening to the game may have thought Stafford was re-writing the record books with the praise he got. By the way, he threw for 265 yards, 0 touchdowns and 3 interceptions in that game. I hate to say over-rated but…

And don’t get me started on Tennessee and Auburn. Thanks for showing up to play this year guys. You really helped the league look good. Ditto to South Carolina, who proved that they can always lose to Clemson, no matter how much the Tigers choke during the year. Vandy and UK…well they’re Vandy and UK. Ole Miss actually looked like a solid team by the end of the year, but they’re hardly a national power. Arkansas..well let’s just say Darren McFadden isn’t walking through that door. LSU – wow. How does a school like LSU not have a better QB situation? I realize Ryan Perriloux was projected to start before he got kicked off, but with a risk like Perriloux, shouldn’t you at least have a decent back-up plan in place?  Jarret Lee is clearly not the answer, unless the question was “who sucks?” And no word on whether Mississippi State actually fielded a team this year. So, as the biggest SEC homer ever, I’m officially conceding the title of “The Best Conference” to the Big 12 this year. A very sad day for me.

There wasn't much celebrating for Auburn this year, which stumbled badly, leading to Tommy Tuberville's resignation.

There wasn't much celebrating for Auburn this year, which stumbled badly, leading to Tommy Tuberville's resignation.

ACC football...

ACC football...


Only kidding – I’m not writing a review of the ACC – give me a break. As far as I know, every team in the league went 8-4 or something like that. I think Virginia Tech won the title game. Or maybe Boston College. Or maybe Florida State. or maybe Miami, or North Carolina State, or Maryland. Wait – is South Florida in the ACC? What conference is East Carolina in? Well regardless, somebody did win it – I know that. And they were definitely from the East Coast – that much I know. Oh yeah, and it wasn’t Duke.

Heisman Trophy is up for grabs

One week from the ceremony, I don’t know that there’s a clear-cut favorite for the trophy. OU’s Sam Bradford, Florida’s Tim Tebow, Texas’ Colt McCoy and Texas Tech’s Graham Harrell are all worthy candidates. Bradford and Harrell have the most impressive stats, but McCoy and Tebow have shown the intagibles in leading their teams. Tebow’s speech after the Ole Miss loss proved to be prophetic, as he pushed the Gators harder than ever, and then willed them to victory over Bama without sidekick Percy Harvin. McCoy put the Longhorns on his back during what may be the toughest 4-week stretch ever in college football, and he’s the unquestioned leader of one of the nation’s best teams. Harrell’s star lost some shine after the blowout loss to Oklahoma, but he’s still put up the usually ridiculous Red Raider numbers, and turned Tech from a novelty into a legit title contender for most of the season. Bradford has thrown for about 50,000 yards and 200 touchdowns this year (numbers slightly exaggerated but not by much), and he’s captained the best offense in the history of college football. So who wins? At this point, I’d say Bradford edges out Tebow, but I really think a case can be made for any of the four.

One of the best QB's and leaders in the country, McCoy might only be second-best in his own conference

One of the best QB's and leaders in the country, McCoy might only be second-best in his own conference


Yes, it’s been talked about all season, and I hate it as much as anyone. But its still worth it to point out the faults. Texas, a team that went 11-1 with that one loss coming on a last-second play on the road against the #7 team in the country…is getting the same shot at a national title as Virginia Tech, who went 9-4 and lost to East Carolina (thats to say they’re not getting one). Cincinnati, who played one real team all year (and lost by 26 to Oklahoma), is going to a BCS bowl while Texas Tech, who suffered only 1 loss (albeit a bad one) and owns wins over Texas, Nebraska and Oklahoma State, is not. USC suffered only one loss, on the road to a solid Oregon State team, while Florida lost at home to a decent Ole Miss team and yet the Gators are ranked higher. Penn State lost on the road on a last-second field goal and they were eliminated from title contention, while Oklahoma lost by 10 on neutral field and never fell far in the rankings. Please please please can we get a playoff????  As it stands now, it is all subjective, with a multitude of one-loss teams. Is Florida better than USC? Is Texas better than Penn State?  Is Alabama better than Oklahoma? We all have opinions on this, but the sad thing is we’ll never know for sure. In a season like this, where there are 4-5 teams with legitimate arguments about playing for a national title, the BCS is even more of a joke than usual. Say Florida beats Oklahoma in a close game, while Texas and USC blowout their opponents in the bowls. How can you say a one-loss Florida is better than a one-loss USC or Texas with any certainty?  I think college football season is one of the greatest times of the year, but I just hate that the season always ends with so much uncertainty. The best idea I’ve heard for a playoff involves taking the top 8 teams in the BCS, regardless of conference, and holding the first round of playoffs the week after the conference championship games. To battle the argument that the season goes too long, we’d scale back the regular season to 11 games instead of 12. So now, we’re back to the weekend after the conference championships, and we have 4 teams still alive for a title. The four losing teams in that playoff would then be eligible for other bowls – therefore allowing them to get another game’s worth of revenue. The four winning teams would then playoff in the same schedule we have now…the semifinals on Jan. 1 and the title game on Jan. 8. The semis and championship game would rotate around the 4 major bowls, while the other major bowls would have first shot at selecting the teams from the first round of the playoffs – therefore still securing exciting matchups. And to those who say that the regular season already is a playoff, then why aren’t Utah and Boise State playing for the national title?

The whole system is a joke right now, and all I can hope is I end up in charge one day so I can fix this. There’s a thought huh??

Like I would right a college football post and not put a picture of Tim Tebow on it

Like I would write a college football post and not put a picture of Tim Tebow on it

That’s it for now. I can certainly do a lot more, but we’ll have some downtime the next couple of weeks with no games, so I have to save some material. But it feels good to be back on here after my 3-month hiatus. Until next time, Go Gators!

Hell of a Tackle, Bro

October 20, 2008

Saturday night, LSU ventured to Columbia, SC to play the Gamecocks of South Carolina.  The Ol’ Ball Coach’s squad was driving in Tiger territory with about two minutes to go in the latter part of the first half.  Cock QB Stephen Garcia was in scramble mode and cut to the outside, and then this happened:

Yeah, the ref squares Garcia up and then forearm shivers him to the ground.  Rumor is that Marvin Lewis has contacted the ref about filling in for Keith Rivers for the rest of the year.

FWP: It’s Not Goodbye…

August 22, 2008

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Well, folks, this is the last FWP until December.  Don’t cry, though, as this means two things: 1) College Football is back!  and 2) The return of Sandwich Pick ’em Scramble!  I know you love some FWP, but Pick ’em is probably the highlight of this site, other than 2SL’s grammatical errors.  I will be making my “fearless” gambling predictions on Thursday of every week.  Tune in, read my picks, then go bet the opposite and become rich.  It’s a simple theory.  I’m just here to get you through the last weekend without real football.  Luckily there’s a lot of shit going on: the Olympics are wrapping up, baseball is heating up, the Travers Stakes, NASCAR and a new Scarlett Johansson movie.  One last time… thumbs up, let’s do this!

  • The Mets will just play baseball.  Things are good in NY right now (well, not for the Yankees) so I don’t want to do anything to anger the baseball gods (you know, like this).  The Cubs, however, play the Nationals so they’re guaranteed to win all three this weekend.
  • Dale Jr. will win in Bristol on Saturday night.  Dale has been a favorite of FWP through the NASCAR season because of his incredible luck with the ladies.  He looks like someone scrunched his face together, but he has banged some of the hottest chicks around.  What a joke!  I still think his crowning achievement was Marissa Miller.  She is absolutely heavenly.  Why would a Trolldoll lookalike break up with her?  You got me.  So go win this weekend, DEJ, EDay would appreciate it.
  • The US Basketball Team is going to kick Spain’s ass.  Gold medal glory will return where it’s supposed to be.  Spain can make all the changes they want, but that changes nothing.  They’re not exactly gaining forty points in a week.  Also, can anyone figure out why some of them have their first names on the back of their jerseys while others have their last?  They are goobers.
  • Shawne Merriman is going to use steroids.  It’s not like he hasn’t used them before and now he’s got a tear in his knee?  I can almost see the syringes lying around his house.  It’s a sure bet that he fails a drug test this season.
  • Vicky Cristina Barcelona will send guys to the movie like never before.  Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in the same movie?  Yes, please.  Super sexy, check.  Who cares if the movie is any good or not… I’ll watch the damn thing with no sound.  Please enjoy picture directly to the right.
  • Chris Henry will celebrate his new contract with the Bengals. …By getting arrested!  ZING! 
  • You will get through the weekend without college football just fine.  Just think about all the bad things associated with it:  Lou Holtz’s lisp, Holly Rowe in HD, Verne Lundquist in HD, Pam Ward talking over a game and drinking all day.  Wait, drinking all day is a good thing.  Fine, just think about Mark Mangino naked.
  • Pyro will win the Travers Stakes.  Ahh, yes, my Derby pick is back in the game.  He’s the 7-2 favorite in the biggest race of the summer and should be a clear-cut winner.  At least I hope so… you know… if I gambled.
  • Billy Gillispie will see your girlfriend win a bunch of medals, then sleep with her.  Of course I’m talking to you, whoever is lucky enough to be dating Nastia Liukin!  You had to see it coming.  She’s out there flaunting it every night, being athletic, wearing that tight suit… delicious!  If Billy seems a little more excited this week, it’s because he just doinked Nastia on the balance beam.

That’ll do, people.  It’s been a fun ride and hopefully we’ll catch back up soon enough.  Hell, I may even do a Fearless College Football Predictions next week (I believe that’s called a tease in the business), but you’ll have to check back.  Have a good weekend, drink some beers, watch some baseball and enjoy yourselves.

The Bengals Never Cease to Amaze

August 21, 2008

What – like the Bengals need another challenge entering this season? It’snot as if we’re talking about a perennial playoff contender who is making some small adjustments to move forward. This is a team with one playoff appearance since 1990, a team who went 7-9 last year, and a team whose defense allows teams to score as easily as Brad Pitt at a women’s prison (thanks to Dave Barry for that one). Not to mention the fact that they spent much of their off-season “getting tough” with star Chad Johnson, not giving into his trade demands. With an unpredictable and volatile Johnson back in Cincy for another season, and with the team floundering, and with everyone questioning Coach Marvin Lewis’ ability, and with a tough schedule, and with very low expectations for the team…why not re-sign an underachieving felon who has had 13 incidents with police in the last 3 years?

Even better, why not sign a felon that the team waived only four months ago, saying they could no longer tolerate his off-field problems? What – did he become a Boy Scout since April? I must have missed the story where he saved all those children from the burning orphanage, and then donated his free time to work at the soup kitchen…when he wasn’t delivering Sunday sermons and giving motivational speeches at schools. And Mike Brown wonders why he presides over one of the worst franchises in professional sports. With decisions like this, he’s quickly working his way into Isiah Thomas territory. I can’t wait to see his next move. Is OJ available? They could use a back-up for Rudi Johnson. Why not bring in Unabomber to be offensive coordinator? Maybe he could even convince Barry Bonds to be the team trainer. Ron Artest could be the team chaplain. I’m sure Michael Vick wouldn’t mind organizing social outings for the players on off days (dog track anyone?), and who wouldn’t agree to have Amy Winehouse in charge of the post-game buffet?

Obviously, the re-signing of Chris Henry is sure to be nothing short of a comedic adventure. A bad team, lots of explosive personalities, a disgruntled fan base, a moron who can’t stay out of handcuffs, who was once arrested (this is still hard to believe) wearing his own jersey…this is can’t miss. Rumors are that souvenir stands at Paul Brown Stadium will also be selling bulletproof vests this year – discounted for fans within range of the home team’s sideline. Also, keep an eye out for Week 7 this year – first 10,000 fans to PBS receive a free can of mace, and in Week 13, all kids 12-and-under can redeem their ticket stubs for a free tour of Henry’s latest jail cell.

So my advice for you Bengals fans, as we count down the days until kickoff? Forget about playoffs this year (if you haven’t already) – just enjoy the show.

FWP: Wha Happon?

June 13, 2008

fwp.jpgFearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

I’m not a mean spirited guy, I promise.  I tend not to delight in the failures of others, but sometimes I must make an excuse.  Last Saturday night around 6:30PM, I was overjoyed by the fact that Big Brown had lost the Belmont.  It’s not that I have ill-will towards the horse, but I think Rick Dutrow is one of the least valuable persons to the human race walking the earth.  I couldn’t be happier that he had guaranteed a win multiple times, even saying it was a, “foregone conclusion,” and then his horse ran last.  LAST!  As TGC said after the race, “That bastard couldn’t find enough cameras for the past three weeks and now he’s shying away.”  There was probably more profanity involved, but we were all a little toasty by that point.  I didn’t do so badly last weekend: Big Brown lost, the Mets bullpen sucks and You Don’t Mess With The Zohan apparently sucks.  The past is not of merit any more, let’s move on.  This is probably the last weekend of basketball for the summer, baseball plods along and there’s a golfing major!  On with it…

  • Tiger Woods will undoubtedly win the US Open.  Bum knee be damned!!  He’s still the best golfer in the world and he cannot be stopped.  Even if he were ten shots out going into Sunday’s final round, he would still win.  I have no doubt in my mind.  This totally doesn’t have anything to do with my bet with Brubaker, which will result in one of us losing our cars; nor would I mention Tiger just to put up a picture of his sexy-Swedish-nanny wife.  Well, what do you know?  There she is.
  • The Mets will give up on the 2008 baseball season.  In the last week, they lost three one-run games in a row in San Diego, gave up a four-run lead and Billy Wagner blew two saves.  I kept holding out hope that once it got warm in NYC the Hispanic players might start playing better, but it seems like it’s just not going to happen.  My cousin is in Vegas and offered to put down a future bet for me for the Mets to win the NL East and I declined.  If you know me, you know that means I really don’t think they have any sort of chance to win it.
  • Chad Johnson will do as much at Bengals mini-camp as you.  I don’t really get this new fad of players showing up at mini-camp but not participating.  What does that mean?  I mean, you’re there, but you’re just sitting around?  Why would you bother even driving to camp when you could sit at home in your mansion and do the same thing?  Trust me, you look like just as much of an asshole as if you weren’t there.
  • Clint Bowyer will win this weekend’s race in Michigan.  I actually don’t have a lot of beef with Bowyer.  He seems like a good enough dude.  His sponsor is Jack Daniel’s, and if you’ve ever seen TGC after a pint of Tennessee’s finest liquor on a College Football Saturday… you’d appreciate Jack as well.  The jinx this weekend comes because of Clint’s former girlfriend, Athena Barber.  How in the hell could a guy like Bowyer ever let her become a former?  You can take the crazy out of a lady, but they’re not all built like that.
  • David Stern will have Tim Donaghy removed from this planet.  Excuse me, Tim?  You want to try and take publicity away from Mr. Stern’s NBA Finals?  Obviously, whoever is making decisions for you is not thinking in your best interests.  Stern is the same guy who once (allegedly) suspended the face of the NBA  18 months.  And that was Michael Jordan, would anyone miss Tim Donaghy?  I see this ending in a Lee Harvey Oswald type situation.  I’d go ahead and shut the ol’ yapper, Timmy.
  • You will be on Barack Obama’s list of VP candidates.  Whoa!  A political joke on FWP.  If 2SL still reads this site, he just stopped.  Forever.  Seriously, though, who isn’t on that list? 
  • Rick Dutrow will cry like a bitch.  Had to get one more in there!
  • The Lakers will win Game 5.  They have to, don’t they?  I don’t have much else to say about this series.  I have been disappointed by most games, except for Game 4.  Even it wasn’t that good, it’s just that you don’t often get a chance to see a team blow a 24-point lead and lose by 6.  I really think I could have beaten Sasha Vujacic on the play Ray Allen did.
  • Billy Gillispie will watch Euro 2008, see your girlfriend, then sleep with her.  I’m talking to you, Cristiano Ronaldo.  I actually watched about three minutes of a game today, afterwards I washed the gay off of me.  I can’t imagine Billy G is too big of a soccer fan, but even Nereida Gallardo could ease the pain of the most boring game ever.  She is sexy, and no matter how good looking Cristiano is, we all know the powers of Coach G.  Also, let me say, it was more difficult to find a SFW pic of Nereida than an NSFW… you know, if that kind of thing interests you.

Drink beer, watch sports and sit by the pool; it’s summer!

Good (?) News out of Cincinnati today

June 3, 2008

Chad Johnson will most likely be back in Cincy for the next round of mini-camp, according to a report on the WWL.  Good news for Bengal fans?

You decide.  Here’s the depiction straight from the horse(racer’s) mouth.

“It’s the reinvention of Ocho Cinco,” he says. “I’m dead serious. People need to take me as I am because I just don’t give a [expletive] anymore. That’s how I’d sum up my attitude for the next season.”



Dreamy Eyes bails, Browns eye notoriety

February 5, 2008

Not even 24 hours after losing the Super Bowl to the Giants, Pats QB Tom Brady has opted out of the 2008 Pro Bowl.   A classy move from a classy guy in a classy organization in a classy town.  Kevin McHale would be disgusted.  The East India Company, however, would not.  But this is what we’ve all come to expect from Massholes the globe over.  Sore loserdome and whining.

Its not all bad, however, if you happen to live in Cleveland (you get used to the smell, I’m told).


Sarasota Beezer owner Warrick is newest Team Florida WR

January 11, 2008

leaverton-tackle.jpgYou may remember him as a professional discountier of Tallahassee Dillards, a 1998 National Title game loser, a former first round draft pick out of FSU,  or from four forgettable seasons in Cincinnati.  Now however, he’s back on the field.

Peter Warrick, owner of a Sarasota Applebee’s, has signed on to play for Team Florida in the newly created All-American Football League.  The AAFL is a real, 100-yard football league, designed to function in and around college towns, with rosters full of former college athletes from that state.  The league’s other inaugural teams (and home fields) are Michigan (Ford), Tennessee (Neyland), Texas (Rice), Arkansas (War Memorial), and Alabama (Legion Field).

The last time Warrick signed on to play football was with the Las Vegas Gladiators of the Arena Football League.  He signed in January 2006, yet never played in one game.

“Warrick is gone… the Gladiators placed him on the “refused to report” list.”

So when Team Florida kicks off its 10 game season April 12, alongside former Gators Chris Leak, Travis McGriff, Chris Doering, and Fred Weary will be the one and only Peter Warrick… You know… if he shows up.

[Sporting News] [SignonSanDiego] [Review Journal] [AAFL]

TGC’s 2008 Top 10 Wish List

December 24, 2007

Dear Baby Jesus, Santa, Jim Brown, Red Grange, and Nero, 

I’ve been a good sportsfan this year.  I basked in the glow of the closest Daytona 500 finish ever.  I sat pissed and moody on the back porch as the Tigers blew the chance at the playoffs (as TheGoldfishCowgirl will attest).  I didn’t allow my friends to talk about the Year-That-Shan’t-Be-Mentioned on Rocky Top.  And I watched all 30 games of the Softball World Series.

So this year Jesus/Santa/… Instead of something for me, I want something for each of my teams.  My sports lifeblood.  My reason for sneaking out of work on a beautiful April afternoon to go to a dimly lit sportsbar.  Let me spend my Christmas wishes on them.  For if they are well taken care of, we all will be.  Here are a few things I’d like, after the jump of course… ho


Quincy Wilson Will Not Be Left Out

June 19, 2007

makinmommaproud.jpgBengals running back Quincy Wilson (yeah, I didn’t know he was on the team either) was arrested over the weekend for “failing to disperse” after a wedding party in West Fuckin Virginia.  “Failing to Disperse.”  Translated: “Walk”

 Wilson was taken downtown and booked for not picking a direction and walking.  To be fair to Quincy, at least he wasn’t wearing a Quincy Wilson  jersey.

The WV Times has the report:

Lt. Hank Dial with the Huntington Police Department said the group refused to follow police commands to disperse around 3 a.m. Sunday outside a bar….

…Police were trying to break up the crowd out of safety concerns, he said, after shots were fired about a half hour earlier one block from the bar.

What kind of world is it where a Cincinnati Bengal can’t roam the streets of West F’n Virginia shooting guns off into the air and refusing to go home (or just away) at 3am.


Wilson is the 10th Bengal arrested in the last 14 months… making them one man short of being able to take on Paul Crewe’s Crew (APIAS prefers Burt Reynolds to Sandler in this particular situation).