FMCBCP: We’re Picking SEC Winners

FMCBCP is a stupid acronym I just came up with.  When it’s not football season, we do a FWP (Fearless Weekend Predictions) post every Friday where one of us predicts what will transpire over the upcoming sports weekend.  Well, College Basketball is about to start so we needed to do FMCBCP (Fearless Men’s College Basketball Conference Predictions) to document all our picks for the 2008-09 season.  I wanted to do a post that would feature a comprehensive coverage of all the conferences together.  EDay then reminded me that might be a 25,000 word post.  Since most of our readers (and contributors for that matter) have the attention span of a three year-old monkey, we decided to break each down by conference.  We’re only doing major conferences, so don’t whine when you don’t see the MEAC being featured.  We’ll be picking conference winners, POYs, COYs, FOYs, biggest disappointments and number of tournament teams.  As always, this will be done in a way that only APIAS.net can.

Lastly and most importantly, the SEC…

SEC Champion

Bru’s Pick: Tennessee

TGC’s Pick: I’ll assume for the moment that you mean Regular Season and take the Vols.  If  you mean tourney champion, and you’ll give me the field at anything better than 1-to-10 I’d love to have your money. But I think Billy D gets it righted (whited?) before March, so I’ll take the Gaytors to win the tourney… but I’m sure we’ll be promoing that anyway. So. Vols.

EDay’s Pick: Tennessee; The guys play together and have a ton of talent.  A patient
team may be able to beat them by making better decisions, but I don’t think
there is one of them in the SEC with enough talent to beat UT.

Smoothron’s Pick: Arkansas; Is it going to be a trendy pick?  No, but I’ll make it anyway.  First off, they play in the West, so they get two games apiece against that crappy division.  Second, they’re coached by John Pelphrey, the next coach of the University of Kentucky Wildcats (at least that’s what my drunk friend Will said via text message about 4AM last weekend after the VMI debacle).

More SEC (and a possible commentary on that other SEC) after the jump.

WANTED!!

NAME:  Andrew Bogut

DATE OF BIRTH:  November 28, 1984

LOCATION(S):  Melbourne, Australia/Milwaukee, Wisconsin/NBA Draft Lottery

WANTED FOR:  Stealing approximately $72 million from the Milwaukee Bucks basketball club, impersonating a quality NBA center

DISTINGUISHING MARKS:  Australian accent, bad haircut, terrible stench, lack of coordination

LAST SEEN:  Crying on Australia’s bench after a 116-85 loss to Team USA

CASE DETAILS:  On or about July 5, 2008, suspect signed a five-year extension to continue “playing” basketball for the Milwaukee Bucks professional basketball club (hereinafter referred to as the Bucks).  Contract is reported to be worth at least $60 million, and could reach $72.5 million if suspect reaches agreed-upon incentives.  Bucks officials were believed to have been drugged at the time said contract was signed, given that Bogut posted only measly averages of 14.3 points per game and 9.8 rebounds per game.  Furthermore, the Bucks won only 26 games last year, providing only more evidence that Bucks officials were not able to think clearly in paying extravagantly to bring back a core member of that team.

In his time in Milwaukee, suspect has reportedly alienated teammates and fellow NBA employees with surly attitude, and incomprehensible arrogance.  Furthermore, his greasy haircut continues to bring down the entire league, threatening all sense of style in cities across the United States.  Finally, suspect has shown little to no remorse for stealing fans’ money with said contract, despite being a mediocre center (at best) on a bad team.

CRIMINAL HISTORY:  In 2005, while attending the University of Utah, suspect was also believed to have been behind a heist that allowed the John R. Wooden and the James Naismith College Player of the Year awards to be falsely presented to him, over candidates such as Chris Paul, Sean May or Francisco Garcia.  Suspect received awards under false pretenses, as he played in a community college-level conference with little quality competition.

NOTE:  SUSPECT IS CONSIDERED ARMED WITH POOR FREE-THROW SHOOTING ABILITY (58%), AND MAY LAUNCH BASKETBALLS FROM ANY AND ALL ANGLES TO ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE.  IF FOUND, PLEASE REPORT TO TEAM USA, WHO WILL PROCEED TO BEAT HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN.

Chris Sheridan Hates Team USA

If you’ve been reading this site for a while, you may remember us mentioning our good friend, Jason Brubaker.  Jason writes for CollegeHoops.net, co-wrote the NBA Playoff Banter and currently owes me his car (which we will be detailing the reasons of again very soon).  Also, he and I both follow USA’s Basketball team with a fervor.  We have sent roughly 1000 text messages to each other through their first five games and spent about twelve hours on the phone fawning over Dwyane Wade’s resurgence.  Brubaker and I both took exception to Chris Sheridan’s article after today’s game.  Sheridan has been following this team for a long time, but still feels the need to write negatively about them all throughout the Olympics.  You can find the most recent article in question here.  I’ll let Brubaker take it away…

Could ESPN’s Chris Sheridan be more negative about Team USA? I mean, reading his articles, you would think this team is struggling, instead of beating the hell out of people. I know a columnist is supposed to take a stand and state his opinion, maybe create a discussion topic by taking an unpopular stance, but this is ridiculous. The Greece game was our toughest test…until we ran away with it. Then, he wrote about how Spain would be a much tougher test than Greece. Well, one 37-point rout later, he apparently still isn’t convinced. Now, he’s writing about how we can’t let our guard down against Australia. Maybe he missed the demolition of Germany, a game that meant absolutely nothing to either team, yet still Team USA came out fired up and focused.

Olympic Approval Ratings: TGC’s Early Returns

So we’re a few days into this quadrennial (is that a word?) exposition and there have been many world records broken, some questionable international hoops, and one hell of a show during the Opening Ceremonies.  Here are a few initial thoughts.

Communists can put on a show.  Regardless of whether you buy into the “some of it was fake” nonsense that has been circulating in the headlines over the past week, no one can argue that those Commies can straight bring it in the Arts & Leisure section.  The lights and choreography was well thought out, rehearsed, and more often than not, tied to Chinese history (as 2SL pointed out to me).  I’ve got nothing but good things to say about it.  It’s probably a lot easier to pull together when you can just show up at someone’s house and tell them that for the next 12 months, their goal is to learn a drum and dance routine (or develop superhuman jog-and-clap stamina) but either way, big thumbs up from this Cowboy.  And if any of you thought that motherfucker was actually flying, we’ll you’re an idiot anyway.  Also, the Easter Bunny is your MOTHER!

FIBA and NBA referees do not agree on how to officiate a game.  We all know that international ball and NBA have more differences than similarities, but your average basketball fan would at least hope for a few… like say layups count for 2 points, everyone wears pants, and that if you get tackled shooting the basketball, it oughtta be followed by a whistle and a free throw or 2.  If any of you other bastards have been getting up at 8 to watch Team USA (like me), you know the latter has not been happening recently.  Especially in today’s game when J-Kidd gets backed down 14 feet by a 6’6″ Greek and gets called for a foul for standing his ground, or when LeBron is hitting (and missing) layups with somewhere between 4 and 12 Angolians draped around him with no call.  DAMN YOU ANGOLIANS!  It’s looking pretty clear that the small-lineup Americans (like I always said, go small this year Mike…. uh.. oh what?) will run away with the Gold and Silver, it would still be nice to watch a game somewhat similar to the game James Naismith had in mind.

Misty May Treanor and Kerri Walsh keep me young.  I know you’ve all been taking solace as much as I have, watching Beach Volleyball goddesses May and Walsh.  They’ve still never dropped a game in Olympic play, half the team is hot, and while I was poking around Wikipedia the other day found out that they are 31 and 29 (30 tomorrow, Ms. Walsh).  Awesome!  See, while older and dangerous behind the bar, we still can serve a useful purpose!  I mentioned this to the Chinese gymnastics squad yesterday and was replied to with bursts of crying and running behind their parents’ knees.  Children…

So in conclusion (which is how I managed to wrap up every paper in Sophomore Journalism), I’d like to end with an anecdote from my real life.  I was outside my office building walking around in the beautiful Kentucky weather after lunch yesterday reading Tigers news on my Blackberry, when a Bulgarian developer from down the hall walked by and goes… “I guess you Americans are addicted to cell phones.”

I thought for a minute and said… “Yeah, that and GOLD MEDALS!!! USA! USA! USA!”

In the words of the world-class EdayStat:  This is the kind of thing that can make me watch men’s volleyball and rowing, and be completely engrossed.  Because I have someone to pull for!

I love the Olympics.

[TIME]

FWP: The Dark Knight Edition

Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Sorry, people.  I didn’t mean to leave you all hanging last weekend.  I must have been worn out after the loooong 4th of July weekend.  I may have actually achieved my goal of drinking one hundred beers over the weekend.  As a few people told me, “It’s great you’ve finally found some goals.”  I agreed and moved on.  It’s probably for the best this didn’t go up last week, as I would have told you to bet it all on Curlin in the Man O’ War Stakes.  It’s safe to say that Curlin won’t be racing on turf again any time soon.  Lucky for you, FWP has returned to guide you through post-All-Star-break baseball, the Brett Favre saga, Kelenna Azubuike’s unlikely destination and The British Open (what the hell is The Open?).  Thumbs up, let’s do this…

• The Mets will play baseball.  Yeah, you thought I was going to talk about that one thing?  That thing that rhymes with men maim spinning meek?  Not a chance in hell.
• Greg Norman will defy all odds and win the British Open.  Seriously, why is it just called The Open now?  When did this happen?  First, Pluto’s not a planet and now this?  I am not okay with all these changes.  Anyway, Greg’s recent marriage to Chris Evert has sparked him to a lead at the British Open.  Not bad for a guy that’s as old as my dad.  Also, Greg’s sperm brought us his smoking hot daughter, Morgan.  Morgan has previously been linked to Sergio Garcia, no worries if you date Morgan, if you’ve seen Serg play golf you know he probably couldn’t putt it in the hole.  Ohhhh, NO I DIDN’T!
• Oakland will trade more players.  I still haven’t figured out why GMs answer the phone when Billy Beane calls, but they still do.  Beane will continue to Moneyball the pants off of you, especially if you happen to be a male.  EDay has promised analysis of more A’s trades to be expected over the weekend.
• The Clippers will try to be the first team to have every player on Injured Reserve.  First, they sign oft-injured Baron Davis.  Then, they traded for Marcus Camby’s legs (it’s not 1996 anymore).  The only healthy player left may be the newly signed (hopefully) Kelenna Azubuike.  In other news, my friends and I used to scream, “Azu-bukkake!!,” after Kelenna dunked on someone.  If you don’t know what bukkake is, I don’t want to be your friend.
• You will want to do it with Maggie Gyllenhaal.  If the statistics are right, you are probably going to see The Dark Knight this weekend.  Since I’m a loser, I went to a midnight showing last night.  I took away two things from the movie: 1) I shouldn’t have broken up with Maggie Gyllenhaal, she’s hot and her voice is sexy.  2) Heath Ledger is a really good Joker.  As 2SL’s brother so eloquently put the other night, “Man, I heard that Heath Ledger guy is really good in The Dark Knight… He’s really going places.”  Also, our good friend Burnsy is uber excited about this movie.  Go check out his Nerd Boner.
• Somehow, people will continue to talk about Brett Favre.  Look, I’m not hating on Brett.  The guy had a change of heart, it happens to a lot of people.  But, does it need to be talked about to everyone at every moment of the day?  I was getting busy the other day with a fine female and she axed me what I thought the Packers were going to do with Favre.  Okay, that story isn’t true, but a friend of mine… him and her got it on!!  Whooooeeeee!!
• The number of days until College Football starts will continue to get smaller.  Seriously, how close is it?  Six weeks?  I am definitely getting anxious.  Who doesn’t love Wisconsin playing on ESPN at noon, Doug Flutie just happy to be somewhere and twelve-team parlays?  Now I’m really anxious.  Also, this is the funniest thing I have seen all year.  Bar none. (link)
• Billy Gillispie will watch you host The ESPY’S, then sleep with your girlfriend.  Justin Timberlake is living the dream right now.  Everything he does turns to gold, or platinum for that matter.  Like his music or not, the ladies fawn over his voice.  He has a decent acting career starting and for some reason ESPN hired him to host this year’s biggest show in sports awards.  Let’s be honest, though, the reason he’s awesome is that he could probably bang any female on the planet.  My sources tell me his latest female of choice is Jessica Biel.  I give him props for that, as she’s pretty hot.  Unfortunately for him, the only person who has bigger persuasion over the lady is Coach Billy Clyde.  Sorry JT, Billy will leave you a message after he bangs your girl:  Cry Me a River.

That’s it for the weekend in sports.  TGC, 2SL, BobWicket and I will be in Cincy tonight for Reds/Mets.  Enjoy your weekend and remember to stay hydrated, it’s hot out there!

Day off refreshes Tigers, and fanbase, and goofy kids

I could watch this shit all day long.  It just, for some reason, makes me forget that we’re 10 games below .500.  One day, I too, will dance with unfederated joy to what I can only assume is 1990’s rap music again.  One day soon.

Hell, I may even video it too.  Let’s go boys!  Time to win some games!

SEC Tourney Preview: Auburn/Vandy vs. Arkansas

If you’ve ever read APIAS.net then you probably figured out that we have an affinity for sports in the South. And, it just so happens that our collective favorite basketball teams both play in the SEC. What better reason than to write a full-on SEC Tournament preview. We’ll give a quick rundown of the Quarterfinal matchups, and then the teams the winners will face. Hopefully, at the end, one of us will be so moved to conclude it all and we’ll give you who we think will win.

Auburn and Vandy meet up on Thursday in what could be the most boring first round game of the SEC tournament. After watching Vanderbilt play a few times this year I couldn’t imagine they would have trouble with a bad Auburn team. On second look; however, Vandy only beat Auburn by 7 in Nashville in their only meeting this year. This was at the end of their early SEC season start where they dropped 4 out of 5. It was also the starting point for them reeling off 7 straight in-conference wins.

What does all this mean? Not shit, really. Basically, if A.J. Ogilvy shows up and plays then Vandy wins this one in a walk. If he chooses to take the night off (shades of the UT game) then Auburn could pull a big upset and Vandy would see their tournament stock (and seed) dropping fast. That won’t happen though, as Shan Foster will either drop 20 in a blowout or 30 in a close game and carry the ‘Dores to victory.

Second round should be a bit better game. Arkansas took the season meeting between the two teams by 5 a couple weeks ago down in Fayetteville. Again, this game will have a lot to do with how Ogilvy plays as the Razorbacks have no one to match up to him. His 20 points in their earlier match-up speaks to that.

Sonny Weems will show senior leadership, Patrick Beverley will showcase his talent, and Steven Hill will continue to be a total tool. Match Weems and Beverley against Ross (ROSS?) Neltner and SEC player of the year Foster and I think Vandy gets the nod. Add Ogilvy and I think the ‘Dores have too much firepower for the scrappy Arkansas boys.

So there you have it, Vandy emerging into Saturday to take on Smooth’s pick UT in the semis. Another Tennessee state rematch could be fun in the top half of the bracket.