The long-awaited opening week is halfway over. We are now securely in the throws of regular season baseball. Let’s take a minute to review the weeks highs and lows, bests and worsts.
Worst $161 Million spent: CC Sabathia. The newest gazillionaire in pin-stripes (Main St, not Wall St people) showed up for his first day of work to a battery of hazing, delivered by the MLB equivalent of annoying 5th graders–the Orioles. 4.1 innings, 6 runs (that’s a 12.47 ERA). Sabathia explained it this way, “We swung the bats well today and scored five runs. We should win the game when we swing the bats like that. It was just one of those days – a bad day.” One would think, for $100+Million, you could buy what you needed to avoid bad days. Just ask A-Rod.
Best Mustache: Brian Tallet. Not only has Mr. Tallet had a good week on the hill, (2 games, 6 batters faces, no hits or walks) but he showed up to the dance with the best set of facial hair since Rollie Fingers. I mean if I could grow a lip collar like that, I would do it in a heartbeat, sex with females be damned.
Worst off-season defensive upgrade: Adam Everett. The Tigers blamed a lot of ’08s failures on lack of range, and defensive weakness, namely Edgar Renteria. They planned to remedy the situation by signing Everett away from the Twins (who played all of 48 and 66 games the last 2 years). His contribution so far 3 assists, 1 error (that led to a 5-4 loss), and no hits. Stay loose Ramon Santiago.
Best Opening Day Starter: Roy Halladay. Halladay has the B-Jays 4-3 on opening days (meaning, yes, Doc has gotten the nod 7 straight years). The 2003 Cy Young winner, and last year’s runner-up, continued this feat going 7 strong Monday for the W. He’s now halfway to Jack Morris’ record of 14 straight opening day starts.
Worst New Closer: TIE Brandon Lyon and Brian Fuentes. Lyon spent most of spring training giving up 8th and 9th inning runs and ended up losing the closer job to Fernando Rodney before camp broke. Fuentes won the job, but has already blown 2 saves in 2 tries. Watching these guys try to get 3 outs is like watching Iraqis try to do jumping jacks.