FWP: What My Cousin’s Friend’s Brother’s Nephew Heard Edition

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Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Sorry about last week.  I’m sure you didn’t miss me.  You were probably at your favorite sports bar just like I was all Friday long.  I would loved to have pulled the laptop (labtop) out at BW’s and write this, but our waitress was smoking hot and I felt I would have ruined my chance if I’d done that (I didn’t get her number).  Anyway, we’re knee deep in the NCAA Tournament and if you live in Central KY, you couldn’t care less about the games.  There is a soap opera going on with your favorite basketball team and you need to know what’s going on.  Thankfully, this may all be coming to an end.  I doubt this will stretch out too much longer.  I would say Billy G will be gone by the end of today (Friday).  While we’re here, let me weigh in on this mess real quick.  First off, Gillispie deserves another year at least.  The product on the court hasn’t been good enough and he’s made an ass out of himself and the program, but people are given second, third and fourth chances all the time.  But, I am also glad that my favorite team doesn’t stand for mediocrity.  A first-round exit from the NCAA Tournament and an NIT bid are not good enough for UK Basketball.  0-2 against Louisville isn’t good enough.  2-2 against Florida isn’t good enough.  2-2 against Vanderbilt isn’t good enough.  3-1 against Tennessee isn’t good enough… okay, maybe that is, but I had to get the shot in.  The bottom line is, UK has tradition and the administration wants things to be better.  You can lose, but if you are a great guy you might keep your job.  You can win and be an asshole and possibly keep your job.  You cannot lose and be a social enigma.

Mercifully, the good Lord has provided us with sports to take our minds off of this disaster.  Twelve NCAA teams will become four, Tiger is playing good golf right before the Masters, baseball spring training hits the home stretch and NASCAR is at Martinsville.  I’m at work, pretending to work… let’s see how long this can be.

  • You will develop a Pavlovian response to the sound of your phone vibrating on your desk.  Okay, maybe that one is just me.  Seriously, today is one of those days where you can never get too many, “You heard anything yet?” texts.  I am more the fan of the fake text.  If you send something like, “BREAKING NEWS: Gillispie out!  Adolph Rupp to coach next season,” you can usually get a rile out of people.  Plus, the Baron appreciates your thoughts on a day like this.
  • louisville-girlLouisville will walk to the Final Four.  How can they be stopped?  T-Will, Edgar (and the guy who paints his hair on everyday), Samardo and Earl see a title in their future.  Ricky Pitino is the best coach in the country and will out-wit both Russ Pennell and Bill Self.  It’s time to start thinking about a party on 4th Street.  Oh, sorry, there’s always a party on 4th Street.
  • New York Mets fans will hate the World Baseball Classic.  Seriously, Oliver Perez?  Get better.  You got way too much money this offseason to start pussing out now.
  • Missouri will press UCONN into a loss and admitting recruiting violations.  No coach in the country can make himself more money next year than Mike Anderson of Mizzou.  Premier jobs are open and the further he goes, the more cheddar he can rake in.  Georgia?  He doesn’t need your Georgia job.  He can start thinking about Arizona with a win in Phoenix over the Huskies.  UConn is finally distracted by the recruiting violation allegations and Hasheem Thabeet looks too slow in the 40 minutes of Hell.
  • whitneyportDenny Hamlin will win the NASCAR race.  He’s won at Martinsville a lot in the past (at least that’s what NASCAR.com told me).  Normally, I would pick a driver who has some hot girl associated with them.  A quick Google search didn’t lend that to me with Hamlin.  In that case, I’ll put up a picture of a smoking hot celebrity I’ve been thinking about lately.  Hmm… how about you, Whitney Port?  Sure, your reality show made me want to take a baseball bat to my nuts, but you are still smoking hot.  Denny Hamlin, do better with the ladies.
  • Villanova will beat Pittsburgh for the second time this year.  Levance Fields isn’t healthy enough to stay with ‘Nova’s guards.  DeJuan Blair looks like he’s just getting tired and Sam Young isn’t elevating like he once did.  Jay Wright’s team is playing really well as of late.  They absolutely locked Duke up last night and looked very efficient on offense.  Villanova marches on.
  • TIGER! TIGER! TIGER!!!   I would not want to be  a professional golfer right now.  The best golfer in the world has been back for a month or so and is just getting really good.  Hmm… that’s odd, the first major of the year is a couple weeks away.  Tiger has always known he would be getting very good around this point.  There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that he can win the Masters in two weeks.  You heard it here first… or some other time after first.
  • Gonzaga will get to their first Final Four.  It’s time for the Zags.  The build up has happened for too long.  Ten years ago, they were on the cusp of the Final Four, and this is the year they get there.  Mark Few is poised to upset UNC again and will sneak past Syracuse in the Elite Eight.  Congrats to Spokane, WA; success couldn’t happen to a more irrelevant place.
  • kygirlsBilly Gillispie will get fired, then sleep with your girlfriend one last time.  Honestly, I’m feeling a tinge of sadness.   A little over a year ago, FWP started with a recurring joke about BCG railing your girlfriend.  Somehow, it stuck the whole time.  I really hope Gillispie nothing but the best.  He’s a hell of a basketball coach and was put in a very tough situation.  I think if either UK or Gillispie had known what they were getting into, they would have politely declined.  But, sometimes you have to be a man and take what’s handed to you.  Gillispie will find work soon, and probably very good and wealthy work.  Godspeed, Coach… but, on your way out of town, leave some blonde girls for us.

Yeah, weekend!  Be safe, watch sports and get ready for that extra $13 a week Obama is giving you!

UPDATE!  This was found on WKYT.com briefly.  It it now no longer there.  Take it for what you will.

coach-cal

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4 Responses to “FWP: What My Cousin’s Friend’s Brother’s Nephew Heard Edition”

  1. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    I can’t believe the Gillispie-girlfriend joke is already a year old. I remember the day it was born, all covered in goo and Jack Daniels.

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  4. Bakewell Says:

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