FWP: Never to be Seen in Tampa Again Edition

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Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Hooray!  It’s Conference Tournament Championship weekend!  The Big Six Conferences will all crown their champions by 6PM on Sunday and then Seth Davis will be able to rip apart every team in the NCAA Tournament except for Duke (he’s sure they’re going to make a big run this year).  I like to look at this weekend as just a warmup for next.  Hell, I worked yesterday and am writing this from work right now.  If you think I’m going to work next Thursday or Friday, you must be as drunk as I’m going to be in about six hours.  Thank Mitch for the interweb, though, as I was able to listen to the Cats take down the Rebels yesterday.  Hopefully, I’ll be out of this place soon enough and can stop getting paid to blog (unintentionally).  This is a great weekend for all those who like to talk shit about things that don’t really matter.  Sure, Kansas, Oklahoma, Connecticut and Pittsburgh all got knocked out of their conference tournaments before ever winning a game.  Does that hold any weight at all?  Aren’t all of those teams still going to the Dance?  Even with those losses, it wouldn’t be a shock to see any of them in the Final Four.  Conference tournaments for BCS schools are all about money and are superfluous at best.  Is it fun to watch some good games?  Sure!  Can you tell me who won the 2006 Big XII Tourney (without checking out Wiki)?  I didn’t think so.  Watch the games, but don’t get your hopes up or down because of how well your team plays.

While this may be a basketball-heavy weekend, Round 2 of the WBC gets going, Tiger is golfing again and we all gear up for the only day of the year where drinking green beer would be encouraged.  Yep…

  • osugirls1Oklahoma State will win the Big XII Tournament; Lexington, KY will explode.  It’s no secret that UK fans are less than pleased with Coach Billy Gillispie right now.  The crazed fanbase is ready to hire anyone with UK ties (Pat Riley’s name has been mentioned which is just inane).  What do you know?  Travis Ford coaches the Oklahoma State Cowboys who just beat a top 10 team!  If you don’t think coaching for a job in Lexington is motivating enough for Ford, you were never at Redmon’s on Thursday nights when Ford coached at Eastern Kentucky.
  • Wake Forest will win the ACC Tournament.  They are definitely the most athletic team in the conference with Ty Lawson out for UNC.  Duke is obviously a bunch of whiny bitches who don’t have the cajones to play well three days in a row.  Lawson’s injury will be too much for UNC to overcome (have you seen Larry Drew II play PG for them…yikes!) and Roy-Boy will not want to get anyone hurt already knowing he has a #1 seed locked up.
  • The Netherlands will fall back to reality when it comes to baseball.  Look, it was a hell of a run.  No one not named Fjord thought they could beat the Domincans (twice!) to make it from Pool D to Pool 2 (See what they did there?  Lettered Pools to Numbered Pools.  Nice.), but the run ends at Pool 2.  The USA and Venezuela emerge from the almighty Pool 2 to take on Japan and Korea in Pool Triangle… or something like that.
  • asugirlsNo one will know the Pac-10 Tournament is actually going on, but Arizona State will win anyway.  How bad is basketball out West this year?  The Pac-10 has two teams in the top 15 and they both suck.  They just happened to have beaten all the really bad teams out West to move up the rankings.  Ugh, moving on.
  • Few will be awake to see Wisconsin win the Big 10 Tournament.  Oh, sorry, I just woke back up.  I accidentally turned on the Michigan St./Minnesota game.  The game clock read 3:35 left to play and the score was 27-26, so I guess it was the 2nd half.  Bo Ryan is the best coach in the conference and will find a way to get his team into the Dance.  Raise your hand if you like defense!  Actually, put both hands up, it’s better for your defensive stance.
  • Tiger Woods!!! Wooooo!!!!  The sound of schoolgirls yelping was actually that of golf executives when they heard El Tigre would be playing this weekend.  Sadly, he’s tied for 40th right now and I’m pretty sure that doesn’t put him in the final pairing on Sunday.  Bru still owes me his car.
  • Villanova will beat West Virginia in the Big East Championship game.  Louisville is over-hyped and Syracuse will be dead tonight so both will lose.  Jay Wright is a hell of a coach, Bob Huggins is a hell of a drinker; Wright wins on Saturday night because Huggins will be thirsty.  Real quick tangent, just because a basketball game is long does not mean it is great.  If a baseball game goes 20 innings, do people call it the greatest game ever?  No, because you usually see pitchers that are terrible and would never play in any other circumstance.  Thus, in a basketball game, you see players making plays they would never make because they are exhausted and have no energy.  They are not playing at a high level and the quality of the game goes down.  UK/Duke is still the greatest game ever played and Syracuse/UConn might crack the top 15.  Tangent… out!
  • lsugirlLSU will win the SEC Tournament and then Billy Gillispie will sleep with your girlfriend.  Look, everyone knows every team in the SEC has flaws.  Kentucky is inconsistent.  Florida doesn’t have consistent inside play.  Tennessee’s guards couldn’t guard me.  LSU lost twice last week.  South Carolina has Devan Downey and… I can’t think of anyone else on their team.  Mississippi State is coached by Rick Stansbury.  Auburn is coached by Jeff Lebo.  Alabama’s coach is afraid to yell at the refs because his mommy might get mad.  LSU won more games all year, so hell, I’ll take them to win it.  Also, ladies, watch out, this could be BCG’s last SEC Tourney.  He’ll be looking to go out with a bang!  Get it, “bang?”

Okay, I’m at work at UK/LSU is about to start.  I better start getting sick in a hurry so I can get the hell out of here.  Have a fabulous weekend you beautiful bastards.

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6 Responses to “FWP: Never to be Seen in Tampa Again Edition”

  1. Voli Dublino Says:

    Vell, nоt perfeсt post, but I liked it and that is the mаin thing. 😉
    I am Voli Dublino

  2. BobWicket Says:

    I’m Batman.

  3. Ryan Says:

    I totally knew USC would win the P10

  4. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Does anyone know where I can find a 90’s mix rap CD? Or tape?

  5. BobWicket Says:

    That one girl has pretty big…abs.

  6. NTG Says:

    Does anyone know where JP can find a brain?

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