FWP: Alex Rodriguez Took Steroids

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Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Typically, we try to not do the breaking news thing here.  If you take a look at our collective “breaking news posts,” I would guess you wouldn’t find many of them came to actual fruition.  But, I feel really confident on this one.  Alex Rodriguez, baseball’s golden boy, took steroids for a period of time.  He will claim to have only done them when he was playing for the Rangers.  The years he will say will be sometime from 2001-2003, when he will say he was “24…25…26.”  Sadly, A-Rod turned 24 in 1999 and was never that age in 2001, 2002 or 2003.  Look, I know it sounds weird, but this will happen, mark it down.  Even weirder, he’ll say he sent his cousin to get the drugs in the Domincan Republic over-the-counter, but those drugs weren’t even sold OTC in the D.R. in those years.  Crazy, right?  How the mainstream media hasn’t gotten a hold of this is mind boggling.  I know none of this makes sense, but just listen to A-Rod and don’t ask any questions, especially follow-up ones, and everything will be just fine.

As fun as that crap will be to follow all weekend, thankfully the sports world is giving us something other than the travelling A-Rod circus.  College hoops is in full swing, a website is divided, the NFL combine, a big NBA showdown and tomorrow is Bracket Buster Saturday!  If you can’t get excited about Bracket Buster Saturday, then you’re a lot like I am.

  • APIAS.net battle lines will be drawn.  If you’ve been to the site ever before, you know that we all have different rooting interests in a lot of different teams.  None of those interests, however, run as deep as those for UK and UT.  Alas, TGC and 2SL will be rooting on the Vols as hard as they can tomorrow.  EDay and I will be praying for 2Pat’s ankle.  Bru will be texting all of us with hilarious, snide comments because UNC is so much better than both of those teams… combined.  Prediction below (I believe that’s what those in the business refer to as a ‘tease.’)
  • marisamillerDale Earnhardt Jr. will win the NASCAR race at Fontana Sunday night.  First off, let me say how embarrassed NASCAR should be for calling their biggest race of the season with 48 laps to go.  They had the national stage, on their biggest day of the year and let a little rain ruin things.  After getting lambasted by the national media all week, I would expect some changes to occur in the next month or so.  I will give them a little slack for having to travel cross-country for this weekend’s race.  I fully expect DEJ to do really well in the face of his former girlfriend, Marisa Miller, out in California.  I know I’ve asked before, but I’ll ask it again: How did a redneck like Dale Jr. bag a goddess like her?  Oh, right, because he’s rich.  Emmanuel Negedu’s #1 fan’s ex-boyfriend wins at Fontana!
  • The Waaaaaaaambulance will leave D.C.  Mountain West Conference commissioner, Craig Thompson, visited our nation’s capital for the past two days to cry about the BCS not letting his conference have a chance.  Without using any expletives, I’d like to tell Mr. Thompson to shut the hell up.  Is he serious?  How about the MWC be a real football conference, and then they can expect to play for national championships?  Yes, Utah beat Alabama.  Does any right-minded football fan think ‘Bama gave two craps about that game?  Utah would have gotten drilled by Florida, Oklahoma, USC, Penn State, Texas and possibly even Ohio State.  Be a real conference, then play in real bowl games.
  • Boston fans will hold their collective breaths.  Down goes Garnett!  Down goes Garnett!  Hey, Doc Rivers is a good coach, he knows what he’s do… HAHAHAHAH, sorry, I tried to get that all the way out, I just couldn’t.  Doc Rivers is a functioning retard with a really good team that would be hard to screw up.  If the Celtics had a good coach, they would sit KG for a month, lose some games, but still be okay with being in the top three in the Eastern Conference with a month left in the season.  What will Doc do?  How the hell would I know what that idiot is thinking?
  • annalynnemccordYou probably won’t go see Bring it On 3.  Oh, it’s called Fired Up?  Well, you probably won’t go see that one either.  It’s a little troubling though, in these economic times, that this kind of mindless shit can still be produced, edited and made into a movie.  The worse part is that people actually pay money to go see this stuff.  I’ll bet there’s some sort of life lesson learned by the protagonist at the end of the movie, there save your $12.  Sorry if I ruined the end for you.  If you’re forced to go, check out my latest love interest, AnnaLynne McCord.  In the wise words of TGC, “Rawwwwr.”  Watch out though, she’s a preacher’s kid and you never know about them… right, JBob?
  • Phil Mickelson will win the Northern Trust Open.  Hell, why not?  Is he not the luckiest man in America?  He plays golf for a living, is rich, has a hot wife, loves to gamble and has a hot wife.  He’s got it all, crown him the champ!
  • Pittsburgh will annihilate DePaul.  I try not to get emotional when watching hoops other than UK.  I usually do pretty well, until I watched Pitt this year.  DeJuan Blair is the next Charles Barkley, Levance Fields could find and kill Osama bin Laden in about two days if given the opportunity, and Sam Young is the most explosive jumper in all of college basketball.  What’s not to love?  Not to mention, this Pitt team even knows how to score!  UK is my allegiance, UNC is my pick to win it all, but Pitt is my favorite team to watch.
  • brucepearlgirlYou will make the trip up from Knoxville, coach and win a basketball game, but then Billy Gillispie will sleep with your girlfriend.  I’m talking to you, Bruce Pearl!  Do you really think you can take pictures with girls like this and think BCG isn’t going to take aim at your ladies?  Ha, nice try.  Look, I really want UK to win this game, but I just don’t see it.  First of all, UT has the revenge factor.  For a month, every time Kentucky plays, the highlights of Jodie dropping 54 on the Vols is shown.  That probably doesn’t elate the likes of BMaze, TSmith and WChis.  Okay, WChis doesn’t have a great ring to it, but I digress.  Secondly, Patrick “Beans” Patterson may not play.  I’ll take Smith, Chism and the best pound-for-pound player in college basketball, Brian Williams, against Josh Harrellson, Perry Stevenson and Jared Carter.  Lastly, I’m going to the game with BobWicket and just feel like UK is going to choke.  Dammit, that’s going to suck.  We will be looking for Gillispie and Pearl at all the Lexington eateries tomorrow night though, hoping to get some of their “leftovers.” 

Yep.  Weekend.  Enjoy.

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7 Responses to “FWP: Alex Rodriguez Took Steroids”

  1. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    In the wise words of the prophet, Happy Gilmore…

    I see what you’re doing there… and I don’t like it

  2. The W Says:

    Actually there already is a Bring it On 3. So Fired Up would be Bring it on 4.

  3. The W Says:

    Edit. It would be Bring It On 5.

  4. BobWicket Says:

    But which pink panther would it be?

  5. BF Jackson Says:

    I think the Vols would be better off if Wayne Chism coached the rest of the season.

  6. Lost Wayans Brother Says:

    I think that is Tenessee Senator Tim Burchett’s wife

    http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/apr/22/sen-burchetts-getting-hitched/

  7. Harsh Says:

    Thanx 😉

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