FWP: All-Star Edition

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Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Who doesn’t love the NBA’s All-Star Weekend?  Friday night gives us the “Celebrity Game.”  The word ‘celebrity’ should be used VERY liberally with the likes of James Denton (Desperate Housewives), Zach Levi (Chuck, the show which I still claim that 2SL is the only person in America who watches) and Rick Fox (LA Lakers legend).  Now, I don’t usually throw around the word ‘legend’ like that, especially when it concerns Rick Fox.  NBA.com did that for me!  When I think of the Lakers, it usually goes: Chamberlain, Jerry West, Kareem, Magic and after about 1,200 other players, I might think of Rick Fox.  Are they serious with that?  Friday also features the Rookie vs. Sophomore game, which is a glorified playground game.  Saturday night has the skills competition, dunk contest, 3-point contest and the new addition, HORSE.  HORSE should be awesome, unless the NBA finds a way to screw it all up.  And then on Sunday, the actual game.  I love the All-Star game, mainly because the 4th quarter of the game is the best basketball you can watch all year long.  There’s plenty of other stuff going on: college hoops, a Valentine’s Day tradition has its 5th birthday and NASCAR returns.

  • chandrajohnsonJimmie Johnson will win the Daytona 500.  Hell, why wouldn’t he?  The guy is absolutely dominating his sport, so he may as well win the biggest race of the year.  Also, am I the only one who thinks it’s dumb that NASCAR has its biggest race of the season first?  Shouldn’t the racing season gear up to the biggest event and now ramp down from it?  Just a thought… here’s another thought, Chandra Johnson is hot.  How did a tool like Jimmie bag her? 
  • Jason Kapono will win his third straight 3-point contest.  Larry Bird is not walking through that door!  Seriously, this isn’t exactly a murderer’s row of shooters we have lined up for Saturday night: Kapono, Daequan Cook, Mike Bibby, Danny Granger, Rashard Lewis and Roger Mason.  Yeah, I’ll take the guy who’s won it two years in a row.
  • Big Beezy will dominate the Commodores, Vols will dominate the Commodores.  Come on people, there is still room on the Brian Williams bandwagon.  EDay showed us the other day what he could if he got more minutes.  Vanderbilt isn’t very good, so the Vols should continue their winning ways.  Vols 73 Vandy 59.
  • No one in America will watch Wisconsin/Ohio State.  ESPN isn’t dumb.  There’s a reason they chose to go to the Big 10 game the same night as All-Star Saturday.  Wisconsin 13 Ohio State 10.
  • Dwyane Wade will start making plans to move to NYC in 2010.  Yeah, nice work Miami, bringing in Jermaine O’Neal is definitely going to entice him to stay.  Wade definitley wants to play with a lazy, always injured center who’s past his prime.  LeBron and Wade to the Knicks, mark it down.
  • juliannaguillFriday the 13th will be a box office hit.  Why not?  It deserves its day, doesn’t it?  I’m not really into horror movies, but I do love the hot chicks that are in them.  In this instance, my new love is Julianna Guill.  HELLO!  I guess I should try and get her number so we can start dating.  Eh, I’ll wait until after All-Star weekend.
  • Rudy Fernandez will win the Dunk Contest.  I thought I was picking a dark horse when I picked Rudy, then someone told me he has almost half the votes on the NBA.com poll.  Well, there goes my underdog scenario.  Here’s why he will win: Nate Robinson won’t get the opportunity to try dunks 48 times before actually putting the ball in the basket.  Dwight Howard won’t be able to just do lay-ups this year.  JR Smith isn’t smart enough.  Also, did you see Fernandez’s dunk in the Gold Medal game in August?
  • Baseball will keep inching closer.  I, for one, am ready.  This FWP is going to be damn near all basketball… not that that’s a bad thing.  I do love predicting a Mets’ sweep over a weekend then watching them lose and lose and lose.  Yay baseball!
  • Kevin Durant will win HORSE.  I love watching KD play and just feel like he’s going to win.  NBA.com also doesn’t have the list of the other participants and I am sick of looking around on the internet.
  • arkansasgirlBilly Gillispie will beat your basketball team and sleep with your girlfriend.  I’m talking to you Razorback fan.  Picture this… You get a big Valentine’s Day planned for you and your special lady.  You make her breakfast in bed, and surprise her with tickets to the big game against UK.  Dinner and romance are scheduled for after the game.  Sadly, your seats are just too good.  Billy G eyes your girlfriend the whole game and all of a sudden she’s “sick” and has to take a rain-check on the rest of VDay.  Whoops!  Add that to the fact that Jodie Meeks just dropped 43 on your team and that’s a rough day.  Also, your coach looks like 2SL.  Guess you shouldn’t have chosen to spend your college years in Fayetteville, Arkansas.  UK 78 Suuuueeeeeey 61.

Hey, don’t spend all weekend drinking beer and watching basketball, take care of your special lady as well.  Valentine’s 09 makes for the 5th year in a row one or part of the APIAS crew will be bowling with some unsuspecting whores.  It’s a great tradition.  Drink up!

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3 Responses to “FWP: All-Star Edition”

  1. BobWicket Says:

    Unsuspecting whores…and MrsWicket.

  2. smoothron Says:

    Apologies, I meant for us single APIASers.

  3. cpbru Says:

    did you just call me a whore

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