FWP: No Football, No UK… More Beer

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Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

Hmm… last weekend was… interesting.  The Cats didn’t show up at home against the Cocks (in what is starting to look like a trend), the Vols dismantled the Gators and the refs won the Super Bowl.  Seriously, the NFL puts on the biggest game of the season and can’t give us good refs?  A game of that magnitude decided by people who are obviously incompetent is a damn joke and a slap in the face to viewers.  And I guess it is possible that I’m a little upset that I don’t live in Tucson and didn’t get to see the porno during the boring zebra show.  The game showed so many black stripes I thought it was being played in the damn Safari Jungle.  I keep trying to think of other ways to rip the Super Bowl, but I’ve kind of lost them all and it was five days ago so it’s not exactly relevant.  There is stuff going on this weekend, even without a real football game or even a UK basketball game.  College hoops is in full swing, baseball will inch closer, the Celtics will put up 200 in New York and it’s Pro Bowl weekend!!! 

  • auburngirlsBrian Williams will once again lead the Vols to victory.  Can my favorite big man in the country not get some pub from the national media?  The dude’s only been playing hoops for a couple years and is developing into a hell of a player.  Plus, he gives America hope… at least more than Barack Obama does.  The game won’t be pretty, mainly because it’s being played in Auburn and Auburn follows the SEC West rule: All teams’ gyms’ lights must be set to dim.  The Tigers keep it close for a while, but can’t match Big Beezy or the rest of the Vols’ athleticism.  Vols 76 Tigers 68.
  • Rich Rodriguez will hope and pray that his freshmen will be ready to contribute in seven months.  Will Campbell and Tate Forcier are both already on campus and are the two most needed contributors from Rivals #7 class.  Campbell is a 5-star DL and is a physical specimen.  Forcier is a dual-threat QB who expects to compete for the starting job.  Can we all hope and pray these guys are ready?  I mean, who really wants to see the Buckeyes win again?
  • The Celtics will absolutely crush the Knicks tonight.  The C’s got screwed by the refs last night, KG’s last foul was an abomination.  So now, the defending champs are going into the arena that has given us two of the best performances of the year in back-to-back games… and not by Knick players.  In case you don’t watch the NBA, NY isn’t exactly known for its defensive prowess so this could get ugly quickly.  Boston wins by 30+.
  • aishwarya-rai-bachchan-may-17-3The Pink Panther 2 will come out, not be as good as the cartoon.  Can we stop making old-school cartoons into movies?  When was this ever a success?  The Flintstones, Scooby Doo, yeah… exactly.  Steve Martin used to be a funny guy.  We’re talking about the guy who was in The Jerk!  The guy was classic on SNL and now he’s doing this.  As TGC always says, “The economy’s rough on everybody.”  If you do for some reason go see this “film,” check out Aishwarya Rai.  The former Miss World is also in the movie and also to the right.  Look at the pretty girl, now keep reading.
  • The World Baseball Classic will inch closer, making all of us desperate for baseball.  If you haven’t already, a nice way to pass the time at work is to check out all the rosters for the WBC.  There are a lot of questions that come out of the rosters.  How is Japan so good with so few MLBers?  How is Venezuela so damn stacked?  Can the Dominican Republic be stopped?  Could I actually make Australia’s roster?  Answers to come soon.
  • Lane Kiffin will NOT make a trip to Gainesville.  I’ve got a thin line to walk here, seeing as Vol homers and a Gator homer all write for the site.  Is Kiffin making any friends by spouting off like that?  No, not with other SEC coaches, but he is getting the alumni and Vol fans excited about football again after a very long year.  The only thing I would advise is to not make up recruiting violations… also, don’t be upset when Tebow is throwing TD passes late in the 4th quarter of an 84-3 game.
  • hawaiiangirlBilly Gillispie will take a weekend off, fly out to Hawaii to watch the Pro Bowl and then sleep with your girlfriend.  Why does UK have a random Saturday off in the middle of conference play?  Maybe a three game losing streak was planned by BCG to get a week full of practice before a HUGE game against Florida.  The game against the Gators could be what gets the Cats in the tournament, or keeps them out.  Yikes.  On the other hand, its the Pro Bowl on Sunday night!  Woohoo!  If you like NFL players going half speed, not tackling and wanting to be at the beach… this game is totally for you!  It’s going to be the swan song for Hawaii and this event.  I’m not sure what the 500 fans who attend every year will do without this.  Surely, they can find some hot Hawaiian chicks to hang out with.

If that’s not enough entertainment for you this weekend, surely you can take bong hits with Michael Phelps!  Oh Snap!  WEEKEND!

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12 Responses to “FWP: No Football, No UK… More Beer”

  1. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Yeah I’m still waiting on the first Bru slap. I’m sure he’s off in his lair plotting the first jab now.

  2. The W Says:

    That movie isn’t an adaptation of the cartoon character, but rather a relaunch of the 1960s movie of the same name. The cartoon was made after those films came out, although he does appear in the opening credits of said movies.

  3. BobWicket Says:

    Man, w knows an awful lot about the pink panther. I thought he just sold pink insulation.

    The panther, not w.

  4. smoothron Says:

    Thanks, W, for killing my rant.

  5. eDayStat Says:

    Smooth is quite the expert on pink cats.

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