FWP: It’s Festivus Time in the City

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Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open.  The crystal ball gets cloudy.

It’s a beautiful night at the APIAS.net headquarters.  From the lineage of Frank Costanza, we will celebrate Festivus tonight and it is guaranteed to be glorious.  Put all of us (minus Bru) in a room with some ladies and our friends and 300 beers… what could go wrong?  But, that isn’t to say that the sports world can be forgotten while we air our grievances (“I got a lot of problems with you people!”) and display feats of strength (“Festivus is not over until somebody pins me!”).  If you don’t know the story of Festivus, I have a few suggestions: 1) Watch Seinfeld, it’s a really good show. 2) Watch the video below, it’s worth your time.

 I, for one, will be keeping an eye on the TV tonight during the holiday with two great NBA games on.  If you haven’t heard yet, the NBA is back.  Remember when you were a kid and loved watching Jordan, Barkley and (young) Shaq?  Yeah, tune in and watch Kobe, LeBron, Dwight Howard and Steve Blake.  Okay, maybe not the last guy, but the NBA has become very watch-able again, so quit being the “It’s-not-good-basketball” guy.  Along with NBA, there is a full slate of college hoops, a bunch of huge NFL games, one hilarious name and a bad prediction on a terrible television show.  On to the prognosticating…

  • Seven year-olds all over the state of Kentucky will laugh and laugh during the UK game.  I’ve got this sort-of nephew.  You know, when your friends have kids and you become a sort-of uncle to them?  Well, Zeke is the man and is seven.  He also thinks words like ‘butt’ are really funny.  He’s in luck tomorrow as Appy State brings Ike Butts to town as their starting center.  Seriously, though, Butts… that’s funny.
  • barryoStrangely, no one will talk about this picture.  Barack Obama… smoking a fatty… in a picture… in TIME Magazine… and this isn’t a national news story??  I hate getting political on our kind of sports blog, but seriously?  If there were a picture of George W. in the same room as a joint, it would be on the cover of every newspaper in the country.  This must be the first step to “change.”
  • Eric Devendorf will have some time to hang out, if you’re interested.  TGC’s Big East Player of the Year pick has been suspended indefinitely by Syracuse.  I, for one, am not shocked.  How the hell was he kicked out of school and still playing anyway?  Oh well, enjoy the time off.  Maybe he can start calling some teams in Austria… they don’t care if you beat your wife in Austria, right?
  • The Titans and Panthers will win their respective conferences.  Have we not learned yet?  Talk about how bad a team has gotten or how they’ve peaked and they will inexplicably play well.  Well, that means the Titans are about to beat the Steelers by twenty.  Also, the Giants are done (yes, I see the irony).  They may be playing without their two best offensive players against the hottest team in the NFL and they teetering on the edge of becoming UK 2001-02 (Team Turmoil).  By the way, Roger Goodell, in every way possible, will NEVER let a Tennessee/Carolina Super Bowl happen.
  • College football will return!  Who cares if it’s Wake and Navy playing for the second time this year?  College football is back, baby! 
  • erinandrewspinkErin Andrews will be working.  She was supposed to be my date for tonight’s festivities, but, sadly, she’s working.  Can you believe she would be working an NHL game on a Friday night?  I didn’t think so either.  But, apparently, she was desperately needed at the last minute and couldn’t make it.  Crazy, especially since ESPN doesn’t show the NHL anymore.  Oh well, my girlfriend is still so hot.
  • Mark Teixeira will sign with the Red Sox.  I love how John Henry came out and said the BoSox were out of the Mark T. stakes.  Who couldn’t see that as a ploy?  “No, Mark, sorry, we just can’t afford you.  Have fun playing for the NATIONALS for the next decade, though!”  Sure, he’s from there, but who wants to live in DC?  There are like four homeless people for people with homes.
  • Vol fans will have a great weekend.  First, they’re probably going to get another football commitment before the basketball game tomorrow.  Then, they’ll beat the crap out of Belmont.  Then, get another 4-star recruit.  Lane Kiffin was a terrible hire, wasn’t he John Clay?  Oh, no, you’re just a terrible writer.  Glad we got that settled.
  • The Celtics will win and win… and if they played again, they would probably win that one too.  Seriously, Rondo is really really good.  Supposedly, the talk in Boston is if Rondo is better than Ray Allen.  Who cares, they’re all good.  And to think, they have one of the five worst coaches in the league, imagine what they would do with someone like…. me at the helm.
  • You better hope this isn't your girl.
    You better hope this isn’t your girl.

    Billy Gillispie will dodge the App State bullet, then sleep with your girlfriend.

      Yes, I’m well aware.  My two favorite teams in the whole world are Kentucky Basketball and Michigan Football.  The parallels between the two programs right now are eerily similar, but that’s for another day.  Everyone knows what happened last football season in the Big House and it just won’t happen tomorrow.  The biggest laugh the Mountaineer crowd will enjoy will be when “Butts” is said during the starting line-ups (and that’s because everyone who goes to ASU is a pothead).  UK should win easily and coast into their showdown with their Jan. 4th meeting with Earl Clark, I mean Louisville.  Also, if you live in Louisville, hide your girlfriend… you know who will be lurking in the darkness.

That will do, people.  Have a hell of a weekend, seriously.  We’re going to have the best Festivus any of us could ever dream of.  Next FWP won’t be until after Hanukkah has started, after Christmas has passed and on the day of Kwanzaa, so happy holidays.  Also, one last time, buy your friend/spouse/mistress/lover/aunt/all of the above some TOMS Shoes.  Every pair that you buy means a kid in Africa gets a pair of shoes they desperately need!  Hell of a cause, really.  Be safe, drink a beer and HAPPY FESTIVUS!

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3 Responses to “FWP: It’s Festivus Time in the City”

  1. BobWicket Says:

    I don’t see the humor in that gentlemen’s name.

  2. cp22bru Says:

    devendorf could go play in spain- he’s already got the pseudo beard thing going on, so he’d fit in well.

  3. erin-andrews | Images Archive Says:

    […] https://apudgeisasandwich.wordpress.com/2008/12/19/fwp-its-festivus-time-in-the-city/ […]

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