A few months ago we were having a bachelor party for a friend up in Cincinnati, we’ll just call him W. Anyway, a few of the other folk who work for and hang around this blog made the trip up with us as well. We did the usual in Cincy, we caught a Reds game and then a cab over the river to the Horbrauhaus. For the uninitiated, you must go to this place. It doesn’t matter how far you must travel or that you could lose your wife in the bargain, go here and enjoy thyself.
Back to the story at hand though. BobWicket happened to be along for this trip as well (we held a blog contest to see who could come along for a weekend with the APIAS editors and BW won). He quickly made friends with our fun loving cabbie Assaf. Little did we know that not 6 months later Assaf would gain national media attention by being physically and verbally assaulted by Andy Kennedy. BW and Assaf swapped phone numbers that night and BW contacted him this week to get the site a scoop of the night’s events. Here’s what Assaf had to say. Please keep in mind he can’t speak in detail due to the pending legal matter.
The night started out like any other. I had a Big Mac and a McDouble from Donald’s. See, the “Mc” in the sign of the McDonald’s by my house is broken out so I just call it Donald’s. Pretty funny huh? Well, anyway, I cruise down to this bar and pick up this guy who looks like a tad like Kyle Macy. You remember him right? Pretty good for Kentucky back when I first came to this country with my parents.
Anyway, so I pick up Kyle Macy’s younger brother and a couple of other assholes who are obviously ripped on Appletinis and SoCo. They were freakin’ hilarious man. The bald guy was trying to get a 200 pound hooker into the car but I wasn’t about to let that happen. I just had the right rear shocks replaced in the yellow machine so that bitch had to go.
I finally get the bastards in the car and they ask me to take them to another bar. I’m crackin’ up at this point because these guys are hammered and I was pretty close to taking them to a gay bar but the bald guy looked like he was in a bad mood over the hooker situation so I bailed on that.
So I pull up to this next club and they try piling 3 more guys in the car. I’m like, bullshit. So I get out and tell baldy that they can only have 4 in the cab, the other two would have to wait. So he gets all pissed and gets up in my face and says “Listen here Chinky, I’ll beat your ass.”
At this point I was totally intimidated. Not only was this man slightly bigger than me (at least taller) but he had 5 buddies with him and was so drunk he used the wrong racial slur in regards to me. I stood firm though and told him that no more than 4 were getting in my car. About that time he yelled “Kamikaze!” and came at me. He tried to throw a punch but missed. The problem was I stepped off the curb and stumbled and as he was flailing about trying to keep his balance he caught me with the back side of his left fist.
But that shit was still a punch man. And my attorney says we can get him for a hate crime because of the racial slur he used towards me. Even though it wasn’t technically correct, it was still an ethnic slur and I am, after all, not born of this land. Well, that’s about it. Call me next time your hittin’ up the Hof-haus man. I’ll get one of my boys to drop us off and we’ll get shitty all Andy Kennedy style. Later!
So there you have it. Straight from the man’s mouth. Big ups to Bob Wicket for scoring the exclusive and thanks a ton to Assaf for coming forward about the incident. Good luck to him in settling out of court just so the real story doesn’t come out and good luck to Andy Kennedy because after all that’s happened to BW’s boy, we still like Huggy Bear’s young grasshopper around these parts.