It is almost that time of year. And around here, it means that it IS that time of year…
The APIAS.net crew will be celebrating a epic tradition this weekend, Thankstaking. Starting with Friday night’s Thankstaking feast, which has all the charm of your normal Thanksgiving feast–turkey, ham, devilled eggs, booze, fistfights, blood, cops–you know, the usual, with one charming exception.
We’re not thankful. You are.
Today is the day when we reflect on all the good and great things we’ve given the world this year.
Here’s a brief list from your neighborhood cowboy. More during the official carving of the beast.
Tennessee football, you’re welcome. You’re welcome for my purchase of ESPN Gameplan to watch 7 (and counting) losses.
Tigers baseball (and mlb.tv) you’re welcome for the $20 a month eDay and I dropped to watch the Tigs and A’s lose a collective 174 games (and yes, this includes the play-in game).
Eday, 2SL, and Smooth, you’re welcome for all my failed attempts to teach you how to use Excel and Paint. Seriously guys?!?
SPS Field, you’re welcome for my giving you plenty of time to get your ten (10!) picks and a few witty comments in and for not reaching through the internet’s tubes at you for causing me to have to throw it together late, and without complete graphics, almost every week. You’re all welcome.
To anyone I’ve forgotten: You’re welcome. And do a better job of getting me to notice you next year.
I’m taking this week off from calculating totals and whatnot, but I think E is still rolling the field. Whatever.
On to this week’s games. And you’re welcome.
This week’s best from the Aristocracy:
Miami (FL) at Georgia Tech
The ACC is so terrible but I think the
home team has this one -SirRichard
“Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.” For me, have you seen my picks this year? – SR
Michigan at Ohio State
Sorry SmoothRon but as us Cubs fans are so
used to saying “Wait ’til next year”- SirRichard
“I guess that snack pack is pretty good, huh?… Want to trade me for this banana?… You know how badly I can beat you, right?” For James Tressel, who owns Michigan and he doesn’t need a snack pack, because he’ll just beat Michigan again anyway. – SR
Randy, I mean, Mr. Shannon- I promise I’ll have your money to you by the end of the week. Please, put the bat down I really need my legs…-The W
Georgia Tech. At this point, you might as well just flip a coin to pick the winner of an ACC game – Bru
West Virginia at Louisville
God they miss Brohm -SirRichard
“You got a misshaped head.” Seriously, have you seen Kragthorpe’s melon? – SR
WVU. I’m starting to think the Big East is really a penitentiary league. -The W
Clemson at Virginia
Virginia. I just can’t help but laugh at Clemson. I’m sorry. It’s not nice to kick someone when they’re down…but come on. This is the ultimate choke job in sports in recent memory. Not only have not lived up to national expectations, they haven’t even been respectable. This is a bad football team – Bru
Clemson is bad…but they aren’t “lose to Virginia” bad- SirRichard
Virginia?- The W
WVU. Maybe Bobby Petrino was onto something at UofL when he recruited thugs…. – Bru
“Old Man Clemens hates shit!” For this pick ’em, where TGC obviously has an affinity for shitty games to pick; i.e. Clemson/Virginia. – SR
Tennessee at Vanderbilt
Sorry GoldfishCowboy but the Vols dont have this one in them – SirRichard
Tennessee – “Chlorophyll? More like BOREophyll.” Yikes, this game could be brutal. Vandy is definitely going to be flat after blowing their load to get bowl eligible for the first time since 1842 and UT… there’s no need to pile on them again. – SR
Vandy. Wow, how many times do you get to pick Vandy with confidence? -TheW
Tennessee. If you check my comments last week on Vandy, I was so excited to see them miss bowl eligibility this year after another good start. Then, they had to go and win their 6th game of the year. Jerks. – Bru
Michigan State at Penn State
“If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.” Come on, you had to see that one coming from a mile away. – SR
Penn State. I wonder which is greener- MSU’s unis, or the color in JoePa’s diaper.- The W
Michigan. This is a guilt pick, because I’ve been making fun of Michigan and Smoothron in the comments section lately. I think OSU wins the game, but out of loyalty to Smoothron, I’m going with Michigan – Bru
Penn State. All those excited about the Oregon State – Penn State rematch in the Rose Bowl, raise your hands. Hello? Anyone? Is this thing on? – Bru
Brigham Young at Utah
“You had an accident? what’s that supposed to mean – GOO!” For Utah, because this loss means they drop from the Fiesta Bowl to something like the APIAS.net Bowl. Also, when are we going to be able to afford to sponsor a bowl game? – SR
BYU, bc their mormon girls are hotter. -The W
BYU. The battle of the Mormans. I wonder if all 3,426, 647 wives of the coaches and players will be in attendance – Bru
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
I think Catholics believe its a mortal sin
to go against one’s father -SirRichard
“So it’s um, the last day of 3rd grade, and you have the teacher alone in your tent, what do you want to do?” Because, mercifully, Big East Football is almost over!!! We should all celebrate like Billy did after 3rd grade… ice cubes, pitching wedges and a buffalo (live or stuffed, preferably stuffed, for safety’s sake). – SR
Cincinnati. Even though I’ve seen one in person, I still don’t know what the fuck a Bearcat actually is. -The W
UC. One thing I’ve learned in my time watching Big East football (approximately 11 minutes) – Pitt is the most unreliable team ever. They’re like a team full of Stephen Jacksons…one of my favorite NBA players by the way. He’s just as likely to score 30 points and have 10 assists as he is to pull out a .9MM and fire shots into the front row. So unpredictable – you just never know what you’re going to get. And, back to Pitt football, same thing. But in a bad way. As in a “I have no idea if they’re any good or not” kind of way – Bru
Florida State at Maryland
“ERIC IS PREGNANT! OH CONGRATULATIONS!” Seriously, Ralph Friedgen is fucking fat. – SR
FSU. A Florida State player – a significant one – might miss the start of this game because he’s been named a finalist for the Rhodes Scholar and he has an interview scheduled with the committee. No, really. Stop laughing. I’m serious. That wasn’t a joke. I’m dead serious. What do you mean you can’t wait for the punch line? There is no joke here! Look it up then!! I’m not making this up – Bru
Connecticut at South Florida
“Frank: I think Billy and his girlfriend are playing water polo. Jack: Maybe they’re playing Marco Polo. Marco.Frank: Polo. Man, that was a geat game” I would much rather watch two people play Marco Polo (especially if one is Miss Vaughn) than watch this football game.- SR
So. Fla. – tails won. – The W
Bonus pick of the Week – Florida’s band scores 3 touchdowns against The Citadel.