Pickem Scramble Week 9: I hate Alabama


Yes children, it’s Bama week.  That special time of year when the leaves are turning orange, the windows are open, and we must monitor our profanity at the television.  It’s beautiful.  And I know I know, we’re 3-4, they’re unde(coughcough).  But [rivalry game cliches] so anything can happen.  And judging by the first incoming picks from both Homers and Awayers, some of you feel that way too.

Last week BobWicket and–wait this can’t be right–Bru(?) win the week!  Spanklin takes home his first Awayer title, and Eday doesn’t do much to let anyone catch him.  A 3 way tie for overall second has emerged with Holly continuing her consistent dominance of the rest of the males, BobWicket still on his honeymoon high, and Jonesy with his predictable success.  (I hope you gamble, Matt.)

Several good BCS games this week involving other undefeated teams highlight this week’s CFB lineup.  That probably means more separation between the leaders and the rest.  And Tulsa makes its SPS debut!

On to this week’s games!



This week’s best from the Aristocracy:

 No. 8 Texas Tech at No. 23 Kansas
Mike Leach likes to drink and Mark Mangino likes to eat, I like drinking more than I do eating. – SR
North Texas relies on Paul Blake’s golden arm to beat Jackie Gleason’s third son. -eDay
Texas Tech – Only if they get the ball last. – BW
Texas Tech.  There hasn’t been this much pigskin flying around since Mangino ate at a Corky’s. -The W
These Tech boys are getting cocky. I predict my Jayhawks beat them on a missed extra point in the fourth quarter. – xp

Kentucky at No. 10 Florida
The streak continues. – BW
Orson will rub his abundant chest hair in delight as his Gators take down the Big Blue. – xp
Florida. Even John Conner can’t stop the cyborg known as Tim Tebow. -The W
The “Can Kentucky win another game to get to a bowl?” watch has begun people!! – SR
Florida…HUGE! Go Tebeaux…sorry, time spent with Louisiana people-Sir. Richard
In a battle of two of the most athletic men in the SEC the Gators get the advantage because their superstar actually touches the ball every down whereas Cats fans can only sit and wish Cobb could. -eDay

Cincinnati at Connecticut
Cincinnati. Tails won. – The W
I predict that UConn will lost intentionally so that Randy Edsall doesn’t have to hear from Syracuse any more. – xp
Bearcats pikc up the polar bears and otters down the street to take to battle, but after cleaning up all the shit on the bus the players are too tired to take down UCONN. -eDay
According to ESPN, Cincy is going to win the Big East.  Without having looked at Big East standings, I’ll assume they need to win. – SR

No. 6 Oklahoma State at No. 1 Texas
We’re talking about one game here.  One damn game.  -BW as inspired by Coach Holtz
As T. Boone’s endowment shrinks (I’m talking about his money!) OSU will be unable to afford orange slices at halftime. Texas will hook ’em – xp
Peterbilt Brown keeps his boys rolling. -eDay
Does anyone know how old Mike Gundy is? – SR
OSU in big upset, putting Alabama #1!!-Sir Richard
Colt McCoy is a MAN! He’s (not) 40! -The W

Rutgers at No. 17 Pittsburgh
Great decision making, Greg Schiano. – SR
Wanny with a national ranking offends me. Rutgers will shock the Stache. – xp
I guess 2SL’s dad might save his job after all.  It was fortunate that Pitt had an open date so he could make it to my wedding. – BW
Rutgers cause they always get a big win this time of year; WVU, Louisville- Sir Ricahrd
Piss on Rutgers after last week.  That’s all I have to say. -eDay
Pitt, although as a Dolphins fan, I hate pulling for Coach Mustache Wannstedt – The W

No. 7 Georgia at No. 13 LSU
This one feels like it will access the Eye of the Tiger. LSU. – xp
LSU. Picking the SEC is like picking the NFL- nobody really knows anything. – The W
Hey do you know Shown? -eDay
UGA’s inevitable win before they get ass-blasted by UF next weekend. – SR

No. 2 Alabama at Tennessee
I hate Alabama too. -BW
Nick Satan will put the final nail in the coffin. -The W
I want so badly to believe in the Bryants so badly, but the fightin’ Northern Flickers. -eDay
Tennessee – Yeah, I said it. – SR
Bama. Perhaps Fulmer is at his end-Sir Richard
‘Bama. We should have seen this coming when the Vols couldn’t even win the Fulmer Cup. All hail the new king  – xp

Duke at Vanderbilt
Vandy by 3.14159265 points. -eDay
I don’t even know what kind of Nerd Boner reference Burnsy will use to describe this game. – SR
Vandy, because SEC smart kids are better at football. -The W
Ugh. I don’t know which team to apply my anti-intellectual, Joe Six-Pack bias against. So I have to fall back on my inborn Duke haterdom. Go Vandy! – xp

No. 3 Penn State at No. 9 Ohio State
Penn State – National Champs!
Penn State, hopefully by 40 points but will likely be close-Sir Richard
Walter Mathau is just too good to be beaten by Paul Allen. -eDay
The sweater vest goes down to a man who uses a bag to pee. – SR
Ohio State. JoePa shits himself again, yet the stench of Ohio still manages to cover up the smell. -The W

UCF at No. 19 Tulsa
I can think of nothing to say about this game, but it does remind me of a pretty good joke.  You know why Oklahoma is so windy?  Because Texas sucks and Kansas blows. – BW
Fightin’ Burnsies can’t make up for a 3 touchdown line against the original fightin’ Tubby Smiths. -eDay
I like Tulsa to succeed in both football and basketball this year. Let the Golden Hurricane rain down their golden shower upon Team Burnsy. – xp
UCF cause I dont jack shit about either team-Sir Richard
I like your style, TGC.  You’re trying to get the homers some more points knowing Burnsy will pick UCF.  You sly bastard. – SR
Tulsa. Two words: Slick Shelley. -The W

9 Responses to “Pickem Scramble Week 9: I hate Alabama”

  1. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    nice work this week W, nice work

  2. smoothron Says:

    That was the funniest joke involving Corky since the days of “Life Goes On.”

  3. The W Says:

    obla-di obla-da

  4. eDayStat Says:

    Jimmy Johns

  5. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Bru’s picks.
    Ohio St

  6. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:


    No. 8 Texas Tech over No. 23 Kansas
    Florida over Tucky
    Connecticut over Cinnci
    No. 6 Oklahoma State over No. 1 Texas
    Pittsburgh over Rutgers
    LSU over Georgia
    No. 2 Alabama over Tennessee
    Vanderbilt over Duke
    No. 3 Penn State over No. 9 Ohio State (Please God)
    Tulsa over UCF (You guys are dicks)

    No. 8 Texas Tech over No. 23 Kansas
    Florida over Kentucky
    Connecticut over Cinnci
    Texas over OK State
    Pittsburgh over Rutgers
    LSU over Georgia
    No. 2 Alabama over Tennessee
    Vanderbilt over Duke
    OSU over PSU
    Tulsa over UCF

  7. Holly Says:

    All APIAS staffers are extremely handsome. Good night.

  8. BobWicket Says:

    you should see their friends

  9. eDayStat Says:

    Unless my ExtraPolation of the point totals are off…

    Holly – 6
    ExtraP – 5
    Matt Jones – 4
    Burnsy – 5
    P Bean – 5
    Spanklin – 5
    Sir Richard – 6

    TGC – 6
    eDay – 7
    Smooth – 5
    2SL – 6
    BobW – 5
    Bru – 6
    TheW – 4

    Tulsa vs. the Burnsies tonight @ 8. Everyone still has a chance at one more point, Sir Richard and TGC still have a chance at catching me if UCF pulls out the upset.

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