TAGMAT!: College Football Must Do Better


TAGMAT (They are giving money away today!) is a weekly column done every week by APIAS.net’s resident gambling addict, Smoothron.  This site in no way advocates gambling, especially excessively.  Smoothron’s degenerate friend, who will refer to as Casino Bobby also gives you his picks for the week.  If we can tell you anything, bet against both of them and you should be able to retire within the first month of the season.

Remember back in college when you used to get laid?  You can think of that one special weekend (back when weekends started on Thursday) when you brought home girls who were smoking hot and you started feeling really good about yourself?  Yeah, that was last weekend in college football.  There were good games on all day long; we at the APIAS headquarters had 3 TVs rolling all day and at times had to flip back on forth on one of them.  The SEC West was possibly won, UGA proved they could dominate the Pac-10 and Florida finally made a friend realize it might be time for Fat Phil to waddle off into the sunset.

But, then there were those other weekends that weren’t so special.  You went out, but your game didn’t have quite as much salt.  Your go-to ladies were out of town or not responding to your many (MANY!) text offerings.  You ended up just getting absolutely hammered drunk, got back to the house and passed out while attempting to jerk off.  Welcome to this weekend of college football.  There are plenty of games that have little-to-no appeal at all, no more than seven games which might be construed as interesting and only ONE must-watch game (Bama @ UGA).  Is there something ADs can do?  Maybe not, but one would hope that weekends like this would be more and more rare as we get further into the season.

The positive is always that no matter how bad the game is, Buffalo @ Central Michigan can turn into the Rose Bowl if you put enough on it.  Follow along and as usual, Casino Bobby and I will give you the best of what we can find. 

Casino Bobby’s Picks (1-2-1 last week, 7-6-2 on the year)

Casino Bobby had, um, ‘other matters’ to attend to this week.  My buddy, Chad, who introduced CB and I, was asked to fill in.  CB explains his absence below.

If this man shows up missing, we'll know who may be responsible.

Good luck, CB.

Casino Bobby has asked me to respond on his behalf this week. As you know, the state of Kentucky- the state CB holds so close to his heart- and the state that excommunicated him, is in the midst of a gamblers crisis. State legislators are trying to prevent online gambling in the bluegrass, and in the midst of this crisis, CB has taken it upon himself personally to seek out and have a “sit down” with the Governor. Those who know Bobby realize that “sit down” usually means “find and choke,” as evident by his first felony conviction back in ’84. It is still on record as being the first and only time the simple defense “she deserved it” was ever used. He sent me his picks yesterday, by carrier pigeon, and asked that I forward them on to you.
Little bit different this week. Two bets. Both big money, both Monely Line Parlays.

Bet 1
Louisville over UCONN
OSU over Minnesotta
Arkansas St over Memphis
Bet 2
Auburn over UT
Cincy over Akron
Freson over UCLA
S. Florida over NC State

CB wishes he could break down the games further, be he says his current confinement prevents him from doing so.

Smoothron’s Picks (1-3 last week, 6-9-1 on the year)

Get ready for some favorites…

UConn @ Louisville (-3.5)
Louisville would play on Sunday morning before a church service if it guaranteed them being on national television.  Maybe I’m spoiled as a Michigan fan, but it just seems corny.  Either way, I cannot buy UConn as a football program.  Not that UL is some great power, but they have looked pretty good since the UK debacle opening weekend (on a Sunday afternoon).  Cantwell and the passing game open things up early for the ground game to get it rolling late.  Cards over Huskies in a game that will be a hell of a lot more interesting during basketball season.

Michigan State (-8) @ Indiana
It pains me to say, but the Spartans are pretty damn good.  Javon Ringer is putting up XBOX numbers at the RB position and they beat the shit out of the Irish last weekend.  Also, my boy Merritts just sent me a message saying this was the lock of the weekend.  I’ve known the kid too long not to trust this; unless it’s like that time where he said we could drink LITs all afternoon and be fine to go back to school.  Regardless, MSU may be the surprise team of the year and the Hoosiers aren’t ready, Spartans by 3 TDs.

Virginia Tech @ Nebraska UNDER 45.5
Who the hell will score the points in this game?  Tech couldn’t move the ball against ECU, so how will they against Bo Pellini’s defense?  Sure, Nebraska has put up over 30 in all 3 of their games this year, but Western Michigan, San Jose St. and New Mexico St. aren’t exactly known for their defensive prowess.  10-7 is absolutely not out of the question for this final.  The finale of I Love Money will be infinitely more exciting than this game.  My money is on Hoopz to win, for those wondering.

Alabama @ Georgia (-6.5)
First off, if you are going to bet the Bulldogs, wait as close to gametime as possible.  The public is obsessed with Alabama and Nick Saban right now.  This game may get bet down to 4 or 4.5 by gametime.  Alabama is riding high after beating 4 teams that all aren’t very good (I’m talking to you, Clemson) and their young talent (not the co-eds) can’t  help but buy into how good everyone says they are.  The Crimson Tide are good, but next year is their year to shine.  This year is the time for them to get their ass kicked by Mark Richt and the Dawgs.  Moreno shows Spiller and Davis how to be legitimate RBs and UGA wins by a TD.


8 Responses to “TAGMAT!: College Football Must Do Better”

  1. Dr cNicStat Says:

    put all your $ in the cards…it’ll be the best decision you’ve ever made…

  2. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    i think you might have mixed a metaphor or 2 there “Doctor” stat… if that is your real name…

  3. eDayStat Says:

    That dude in the second picture has old balls. Gross.

  4. College Football Says:

    That’s a good list, i’d take Georgia in this week’s lineup.

  5. Casino Bobby Says:

    posting live from the Governors mansion. Let’s just say our little gambling issue has been resolved.

  6. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    When freakin’ all of College Football is commenting on your picks, you must be doing something right

  7. Gage Says:

    I really can’t get past that UCLA +7 at home line. Maybe I’m just overvaluing them after the UT game.

  8. Kam'Ron Says:

    The girls in da last picture r hot I’ll fuck dem so hard u wouldn’t even imagen

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