WANTED!!

by

NAME:  Andrew Bogut

DATE OF BIRTH:  November 28, 1984

LOCATION(S):  Melbourne, Australia/Milwaukee, Wisconsin/NBA Draft Lottery

WANTED FOR:  Stealing approximately $72 million from the Milwaukee Bucks basketball club, impersonating a quality NBA center

DISTINGUISHING MARKS:  Australian accent, bad haircut, terrible stench, lack of coordination

LAST SEEN:  Crying on Australia’s bench after a 116-85 loss to Team USA

CASE DETAILS:  On or about July 5, 2008, suspect signed a five-year extension to continue “playing” basketball for the Milwaukee Bucks professional basketball club (hereinafter referred to as the Bucks).  Contract is reported to be worth at least $60 million, and could reach $72.5 million if suspect reaches agreed-upon incentives.  Bucks officials were believed to have been drugged at the time said contract was signed, given that Bogut posted only measly averages of 14.3 points per game and 9.8 rebounds per game.  Furthermore, the Bucks won only 26 games last year, providing only more evidence that Bucks officials were not able to think clearly in paying extravagantly to bring back a core member of that team.

In his time in Milwaukee, suspect has reportedly alienated teammates and fellow NBA employees with surly attitude, and incomprehensible arrogance.  Furthermore, his greasy haircut continues to bring down the entire league, threatening all sense of style in cities across the United States.  Finally, suspect has shown little to no remorse for stealing fans’ money with said contract, despite being a mediocre center (at best) on a bad team.

CRIMINAL HISTORY:  In 2005, while attending the University of Utah, suspect was also believed to have been behind a heist that allowed the John R. Wooden and the James Naismith College Player of the Year awards to be falsely presented to him, over candidates such as Chris Paul, Sean May or Francisco Garcia.  Suspect received awards under false pretenses, as he played in a community college-level conference with little quality competition.

NOTE:  SUSPECT IS CONSIDERED ARMED WITH POOR FREE-THROW SHOOTING ABILITY (58%), AND MAY LAUNCH BASKETBALLS FROM ANY AND ALL ANGLES TO ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE.  IF FOUND, PLEASE REPORT TO TEAM USA, WHO WILL PROCEED TO BEAT HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN.

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11 Responses to “WANTED!!”

  1. K-man Says:

    Ha! It’s too bad the ankle didn’t heal up so we could see what all the Boomer hype was about.

    I’m all about Patty Mills though. That dude’s a baller.

  2. smoothron Says:

    Also, let’s not forget the NCAA Tournament exit against UK in 2005. Bogut was manhandled by the incredible defense of Shagari Alleyene and Lukasz Obrzut.

    I think he was just sick of getting dominated by the Americans this morning and pussed out.

  3. K-man Says:

    Wasn’t Randolph Morris on that team?

  4. smoothron Says:

    Yeah, but it made my argument a lot better if I didn’t mention him, ha.

    I guess he helped some too, though.

  5. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Wasn’t he the leading vote getting receiving though?

  6. smoothron Says:

    That is absolutely the truth.

  7. K-man Says:

    Haha, my bad, smoothron.

  8. eDayStat Says:

    When is taking a 7 foot foreigner NOT a good idea in the NBA draft lottery?

  9. BobWicket Says:

    No, I think the leading vote getting receiving was some guy named Bogot.

  10. How is raffle different from a lottery? Says:

    […] WANTED!! Sphere: Related Content Ask a Question […]

  11. TheGoldfishCowboy Says:

    Sheesh, Bru brings a whole new demographic

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