Fearless Weekend Predictions is a weekly column running on Friday afternoons where our resident soothsayer (or whoever we can get) locks down what will transpire in the coming 72 hours. It’s better to get these out before the 7-year is open. The crystal ball gets cloudy.
Yes, friends, “Whoops!” The word has so many meanings, for so many situations. Perhaps you stayed out in the sun too long, whoops! Perhaps you stayed in too long (everyone’s been there before), WHOOPS! Or, maybe you botched your un-retirement so poorly that you are now stuck playing for the Jets, whoops! Today, we salute you, “Whoops!” for always being there for us. Slow week around these parts. You know the old adage, “When TGC’s away, the rest of the morons just won’t write.” Well, that was about what happened. Sorry for the lack of content, but you know we’re just building up all our good ideas for the beginning of college football which is just around the corner. We do have baseball, road racing and the Olympics to kill the time until then. Liftoff…
- No one in their right mind will be able to figure out what the hell the Mets are doing on the baseball diamond. Win some, lose some… who cares? The only thing known for sure is that Billy Wagner won’t be pitching and the make-shift bullpen will. Yay for not doing jackshit at the trade deadline! The Phillies (first place in respective division) just made a trade with the Cubs (first place in respective division), but the Mets are fine to sit pretty. It’s like this is the same franchise that fired their manager at 3AM.
- Tony Gordon will win the race at Watkins Glen. You know Tony Gordon right? He’s the guy who has won 8 of the last 11 races at WG, but hasn’t won all year and desperately needs a win? Wait, hold on, someone is telling me something. Oh, it’s two different people: Tony Stewart and Jeff Gordon. So sorry, well good luck boys. Because, you know, you need it. Hotter wife status goes to Gordon, so here’s a picture of the beautiful Ingrid Vandebosch.
- The Chinese government will do something insane. Does this really need to be said? They have like 20% of the world in one country, dictate everything anyone can do, but they get to host the most watched television program of all time? I see no way this can go wrong.
- You will get your Daily Dicky and love every second of it. After his diatribe about dreaming about Matt Stafford at SEC Media Days, UK has decided to capitalize on their mildly insane WR (and EDayStat’s favorite Cat of all-time) by putting a video of him up every day. You can find the DD right here. This will surely not backfire in UK’s face.
- Josh Smith will fade into Bolivian. Thanks, Iron Mike for the quote. Seriously J-Smoove? Memphis? The same place as the Grizzlies? Enjoy! Also, without their two Joshes (Smith and Childress) next year, the Hawks should be about as competitive in the NBA as our rec league team would be.
- You will go see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and be surprised. No, don’t get me wrong, it still sucks very much as a movie. But, (yes, I went) I totally thought I would go and fawn over the lovely Blake Lively the entire time. However, Alexis Bledel truly caught my eye. She’s not Rory from Gilmore Girls anymore! Oh, you’ve not seen that either, huh? Well, she’s hot and her IMDB Trivia says she loves the World Equestrian Games. They are in Lexington in less than two years, this may be meant to be.
- Brett Favre will hate city life. Why? Hmm… if he thought Rachel Nichols hung around too much, wait until the NY media is following him around like that even when this charade isn’t going on. How about the fact that he’s playing for the Jets? The Jets. Gosh, they really suck. Also, NYC smells like shit.
- The US Olympic Basketball team will kick China’s ass. That is something I look forward to. Waking up Sunday morning, brushing off that hangover while watching Kobe put his nuts in Yao’s face. And then maybe he’ll dunk on him, too! Also, I will refuse to ever call them, “The Redeem Team.” EVER.
- Your live-blogging needs will be filled. For our lack of writing this week, EDay and I will be live from the Back Porch tonight giving our thoughts on the Mets, A’s, Tigers, Cubs and any-and-everything else you could want to know. Stay tuned.
- Billy Gillispie will laugh at engagement rumors and then sleep with your girlfriend. I’m talking to you, John Mayer. Sure, Room for Squares was a pretty good album. But, then you went all electronic and got way too show-offy. Also, the faces you make when you play are just uncomfortable. Even still, you’ve managed to bang a lot of hot chicks in Hollywood and Jennifer Aniston is no exception. But, as we all know, Billy G laughs in the face of relationships and sleeps with whomever he damn well pleases and I’m sure your girlfriend is no exception. If I were you, I would head on down to city hall, because Coach BCG is not into breaking up marriages.
That’s all for this week. It was unexpected, shorter than I thought it would be and not that good (obligatory…), but that’s what you’ve got. Also, I would have mentioned the PGA Championship, but who even knew that was going on through all this Favre drama? Sergio wins. Peace!
(Ed Note from eDayStat: Sorry to jack the bottom of your thread SmoothRon, but everyone stay tuned for a new, ongoing project starting on Monday. It is sure to be a train wreck (much like the A’s season blog) but surely it should be good for a few laughs.)