Well it’s Friday night and the A’s are battling the Tigers. The Metropolitans are squaring off with the Marlins and are already up 2-0. Everyone knows the A’s are the worst team in baseball right now and I’m already predicting that TGC will use a broom post before the weekend is out. Never fear though because even though The Cowboy is still away at the beach, SmoothRon and myself will try to entertain you with a little live blog action tonight. Expect lots of baseball talk, some college football talk, little to no Frett Bavre talk, and dick jokes. Just because.
7:25: eDayStat – And away we go! SmoothRon is finishing up dinner and will join this fray soon. The A’s are tied with the Tigs through 1 inning so we’ll consider that a win. The Mets, as previously stated, have already put up a 2 run first inning. All is right in the world…For now.
7:33: eDay – And Marcus Thames (no pronounced live Rhamses, but that would be awesome) goes yard. Seriously, does this fucking guy do anything but hit homers? He’s played in like 17 games this year and now has 21 bombs. This is the start of a long night.
7:37: SmoothRon – And the bases are loaded full of Marlins! Let’s keep in mind that no lead less than 10 runs is safe for the Mets because of their shitty bullpen. Should be fun!
7:40: eDay – The A’s are 8 – 24 in their last 32. How’d we ever win 8?
7:42: SR – Somehow, Oliver Perez gets out of the one-out-bases-loaded-jam. He will be referred to as OP for the rest of the night, mainly because I love the nickname OP.
7:45: eDay – Is Perez’s middle name Pedro? I’d be down with referring to him forever and always as O.P.P.
7:47: SR – Well played, sir. In other news, the corpse of Fernando Tatis just grounded out.
7:50: SR – Wikipedia lists Tatis as 33. 33! That would make him almost as old as 2SL. If he’s 33, then I’m dating Blake Lively.
7:55: SR – Hanley Ramirez is batting for the Marlins. Hanley’s Ramirez has an accent over the ‘A.’ I feel like the Hispanics are doing to Ramirez with accents what Americans have done with Antoine/Antawn/Antwan/Antwrioganeioangn.
8:02: SR – Look, everyone watched those ’96 games and was impressed by Strug. But, for Pete’s sake, whatever happened to Dominique Moceanu? I was about the same age as her then, so I feel okay in saying that she was hot. Unlike 2SL, who will have no problem talking about Shawn Johnson.
8:05: SR – Whatever. Moceanu is two years older than me AND she’s married. Please follow along after the jump. Please?…
8:09: eDay – Well, it’s only 2-0 through 4 in the A’s vs. Tigs. I think that’s a win with Dallas “I can’t get my hat to fit straight in my player photo” Braden on the mound. Can someone tell me how Thames, a guy who looks no bigger than me, can hit a baseball 450 feet?
8:12: SR – Yeah, so we’re not watching the Olympics Opening Ceremony for a couple reasons. 1) No TV on Back Porch. 2) Apparently nothing awesome happened because no one has written about it yet. 3) Apparently the “cool” part of the Ceremony is fireworks. If I want to see fireworks, I’ll go to the W’s 4th of July party.
8:18: SR – Mets up 3-0. Lead is still not safe.
8:20: 2SL – Brett Farve to the Jets!!!!!!
8:23: eDay – And 2SL joins this piece! By the way, Rodgers should immediately change his number to 4. I would if I were him. In unrelated news, the A’s just went up on the Tigs in the top of 5. Braden’s already thrown 60 pitches though so watch this go down hill fast.
8:27 2SL – If Oliver Perez was named Oliver Pedro Perez would you call him O.P.P.? I think Naughty By Nature has dibs on that one.
8:33: eDay – Way to re-joke 2SL.
8:35 2SL – LLWS is back on ESPN. Remember a few years ago when the ageless wonder Danny Almonte had that fat kid teammate who called his shot to center field? Wonder what he is doing now? I’m gonna put my money on working construction and eating Twinkies by the box.
8:37: SR – OPP just struck out bunting… with no contact. Naughty By Nature approves not.
8:38: eDay – 2SL, I’m pretty sure that kid is holding the “Stop”/”Slow” sign and not actually “working” construction. In baseball news, Braden somehow keeps a lead-off runner at first and the A’s take a 3-2 lead to the sixth. I’m guessing they put Street in for the 8th and he blows it. No Ziegler siting tonight when the Tigers take a 6-3 lead into the 9th.
8:41: SR – I feel like OPP might be a little bit of a headcase. The last three times he’s put someone on base, one of his teammates has come to talk to him. That is definitely the kind of guy I would want as a #2 pitcher in the playoffs.
8:44: eDay – Smooth and I had a lengthy discussion about Emil Brown last inning and here he up and goes yard. That two run lead still gives Huston Street plenty of room to piss a win away.
8:49: SR – The man at the right could very well be your next PGA Champion. John Holmes, ladies and gentlemen. Sure, it’s not the same John Holmes… and the golfer changed his name to JB, but it’s still the best.
8:50 2SL – Little League Southeast Regional, announcer quoted, “This is another multi-star athlete!” How does he know? How many recreation league basketball and football games does he attend? Do none of the parents of these kids have real jobs? Never do you hear of a kid whose parents couldn’t attend because like the rest of the country they had to work to pay for the kids trip and baseball habit.8:56: SR – Thanks, 2SL, for fucking up the font for the rest of us!
8:59 2SL – Last post of the hour belongs to 2SL. I’m watching the Olympics opening ceremony now and I was hoping to find something funny to roast China about but so far its actually really cool.
9:01: eDay – A couple of minutes ago Rajai Davis took a 2SL route to a fly ball in right center. An amazing diving catch bailed him out. Apparently athleticism will get you a long way in baseball. Something 2SL knows nothing about. Much like the use of colons.
9:07 2SL – 2SL routes to fly balls are based on athleticism:
9:09: eDay – Rod Allen of “Girth Magazine” fame just said “oh no he didn’t!” about Thames breaking a third bat.
9:26 2SL – Technical difficulties corrected by our very own eDay. Each country is paraded in for the opening ceremonies while young Asian women dressed like cheerleaders dance around and clap for them. The last time I saw this an incredibly disturbing orgy broke out.
9:29: SR – The last time 2SL saw that, he had paid someone $150 in a seedy part of Washington, DC last month.
9:30 2SL – It was right next to the WWII memorial! Too much??
9:33 2SL – The LLWS just isn’t the same without Harold Reynolds.
9:34: eDay – Apparently the $150 was too much after the 3 weeks we were hasseled over the $11 we owed for softball jerseys.
9:35: SR – Harold Reynolds, much like you 2SL, got a little too close to females at work. He, however, was not a subsitute teacher.
9:37 2SL – Wow, this live blog is turning more into a roast. To keep things sane lets get back to the reason for this blog. Denmark is entering the Olympic Stadium in Beijing followed by Uganda. Glad those 2 countries are using flags to identify themselves, its way too easy to get an athlete from Denmark and Uganda mixed up.
9:45: SR – Um, buddy? People from Denmark and Uganda look nothing alike. Sorry.
9:46 TGC – SHIT!
9:38: eDay – This night could not get any better. A’s break a 10 game losing streak and UK just got a 4-star QB if reports are true. That is some serious shit that they grabbed a kid outta Texas! Woo!
9:50: SR – Don’t forget that TGC just joined us from halfway around the world. Or halfway around the US. One of the two for sure, though.
9:51: SR – Mets win 3-0. OPP gets the win and Aaron Heilman gets his first save of the year. Which hurts; mainly because Aaron Heilman is a fucking terrible pitcher who should not be closing games. I have started afresh, however, and regardless of the fact he graduated from Notre Dame, he’s fabulous.
9:56 TGC – Is this a baseball live blog?
9:58 2SL – It is on a 5 second delay, but I think the later it gets the fewer posts we will see from SR and eDay.
10:02: eDay – We’re out of homer baseball so now we have Phillies – Piratas in the bottom of 9. All tied at doughnuts. We’ll see how long they can play.
10:04 2SL – The Pirates are building their baseball club for 2028. They have scouts at the Little League World Series.
10:06 TGC – You know what’s not awesome when you’re trying to throw corn hole on the beach? Ghost Crabs.
I swear that is me!
10:15: eDay – Is it bad that this pic reminds me of Watchmen which I ordered the other day? Seriously? No other comic geeks out here? It was a Time 2005 best 100 fiction? Okay, I’ll take my geeky ass back to my parents’ basement and continue to play Dungeons and Dragons and Magic: The Gathering.
10:17 2SL – My hot wife and I (see pic) play Dungeons and Dragons in our basement all the time. I hide my dragon in her dungeon all the time.
10:19: SR – Seriously, when did you start dating girls that old? Even if you all started dating in ’96?
10:20 2SL – Well, things have offically gotten out of hand. The Olympic opening ceremony has been going on now for 3 hours and they have only introduced half the participating countries. Afghanistan is currently being introduced, I’ll save any jokes for fear of getting labeled a racial profiler.
10:22: SR – Osama Bin Laden just double-dog-dared you to make a joke…
1024: eDay – In Communist Russia, Afghanistan invades you.
10:25: SR – Over opium? 2SL has ceased live-blogging until politcal jokes are over.
10:27 2SL – France enters Olympic Stadium, declares victory then surrenders before finishing the Olympic entrance walk. Yes, that was a political joke.
10:31: SR – That’s the kind of joke only my grandmother could appreciate. You know, because you all are the same age…
10:32 2SL – Once again, I’ll be the mature one and get this live blog back to sports. Cambodia with a population of 14 million only brought 3 athletes. The rest of the Cambodian nation is busy trying not to starve to death. Too much?
10:35: SR – Yes, you’re right… Oh, who am I kidding? Kentucky sent like 6 Olympians and they have around 5 million people. Just grow tobacco, Cambodia! It solves all your economic problems, plus it’s healthy!
10:37 2SL – Did anyone tell the USA team they look like a penis with a hat on??
10:39: SR – Any League of Their Own reference is okay with me. They filmed part of that movie in Henderson, KY, which is where I’m from. Did you know that Damien Rice played a concert there once?
10:42 2SL – We’ve reached an all time low, we are talking about Henderson, Kentucky. Sorry about that folks. I wish we had something else to offer. Jennifer Gardner advertises for Neutrogena, I use Neutrogena face wash, destiny, I think so.
10:44: eDay – So a Chinese man walks into a bar at the Olympics and says Bud Light. The bartender says what’s the name on the tab? “Hung Loa” he says. No, the bartender says, your name not your status. “Hung Loa” he says. “Oh” the bartender says. Oh dear Lord, that was terrible, but we did promies dick jokes so there you go fuggers.
10:48: SR – The best game still on MLB.TV is Pirates/Phillies. It’s 0-0 in the bottom of the 11th. It’s still fun to do this: ( 0 ) ( 0 )
10:50 2SL – Hooray for boobies (0)(0). Boats with motors. Awesome.
10:54: eDay – Apparently Samardzija has a motor that just won’t quit. Lucky bastard.
11:00: SR – It’s been a good one, bitches. Me and EDay have gone through way too many beers, so there’s no need for us to keep posting. Have a wild weekend. Peace!