Obscure Olympic Preview – Lee Greenwood Style

by

I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

The world has gotten smaller.  Technological advancements in communication and travel have given access to places and ideas our grandparents never dreamed.  The world of professional and amateur sports is no stranger to this growth and change.  Basketball and baseball have experienced an influx of international players in the past 15 years from across the globe.  Football has played games in different countries.  No matter how “small” the world gets or how international sports become, I will always hold on to those words by Lee Greenwood, “And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I wont forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.

Never is there a better time to combine blind patriotism for an undying love of competitive games than the Olympics, especially the summer Olympics.  Once every 4 years America unites under a banner of pride and competition.  We here at APIAS.net spent the last 3 years perfecting our synchronized swimming routine. (Yes, this pause is for you to picture us in matching speedos….sexy isn’t it!)  Unfortunately we did not qualify for a trip to the Olympics but if the 32 teams ranked in front of us encounter injuries or food poisoning, then look out Beijing, here we come.  As we sit anxiously awaiting that phone call, here is a 2008 Olympic preview focused on some events you may not normally watch….

Preview after the jump

During the 2008 Beijing Olympics there will be 302 gold medals awarded.  Here are some events that will be passing out gold, that you may have never heard of or did not know were events…..

Badminton

You better get your badminton on this August because this is last year Badminton will be offered as an Olympic sport.  The IOC has dropped Badminton for the 2012 games.  Don’t let that stop you for screaming  “Shuttlecock!” during the more exciting badminton moments this year.  The 2008 chase for the golden shuttlecock (that is what we are calling the gold medal for badminton) will be held in the Beijing University of Technology Center which seats 7,500 people.  We are predicting a capacity crowd to watch combatants battle for golden shuttlecock.  Dan Lin from China is currently ranked #1 shuttlecocker in the world and our badminton experts have informed us that he is in prime position to take home the golden shuttlecock.  The highest American is ranked #68.

Xingfang Xie is the highest ranked women’s singles player and she too is from China.  Eva Lee will represent the USA and she enters ranked 65th in the world.  Our badminton experts are calling for the upset here, they see Ning Zhang upsetting Xingfang Xie to take the home the women’s golden shuttlecock.

That wraps up the badminton preview (shuttlecock was used 7 times during this preview, giving this article a PG-13 rating.)

Beach Volleyball

Beach volleyball became an Olympic sport in 1996 and has taken off in popularity since then.  In 2000 officials mandated that the athletes wear skimpier outfits during competition.  This new rule change has created a phenomenon not seen in other sports.  Ratings for the women’s beach volleyball have sky rocketed since this rule was inducted while men’s beach volleyball ratings have plummeted.  We here at APIAS.net have no logical explanationto explain such an odd occurrence.

Anyway, this competition is already over, just go ahead and pass out the gold medal to Americans Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Teanor.  The duo has yet to lose this year and will keep that streak going well after Beijing.

Canoe/Kayak Slalom

There is nothing exciting about the canoe/kayak slalom event, which explains why you may not have even known it was an Olympic event.  The event debuted in the 1972 Munich games but did not return until Barcelona in 1992.  There are different categories and all that other crap but lets be honest you and I just don’t care that much.  If we did care then I would not have to explain that to you.  Just be patriotic and pull for Benn Fraker who finished 5th in the World Games and is the best chance the USA has at winning a medal.  The canoes in these events are made of wood, aluminum or plastic.  No canoes made of mahogany will be accepted at the 2008 Olympics.

Gymnastics Trampoline

 Shouldn’t this be more popular?  Honestly, how much fun is it to jump on a trampoline? The answer is tons.  Competitors will be doing Randolphs, Rudolphs, Triffis and liffis, all of which are acceptable trampoline moves.  Unacceptable trampoline moves include the Heisman Trophy or the Rodeo.

Look for Chris Estrada to take home the gold medal for the United States during the Olympic games.  Estrada (no relation to Eric Estrada) is the odds on favorite after winning the trampoline title at the Visa Championships.

That does it for the APIAS.net obscure Olympic preview.  I leave you with more words from Lee Greenwood….

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

God truly did bless the USA, thanks to those who defend her still today.

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12 Responses to “Obscure Olympic Preview – Lee Greenwood Style”

  1. smoothron Says:

    Doing “The Rodeo” on a trampoline would surely result in a hospital visit.

  2. TheW Says:

    I still think 9/11 was a conspiracy carried out by Rudy Giuliani and Lee Greenwood. Nobody got more publicity out of that than those two.

  3. TheW Says:

    Oh yeah, and Toby Keith.

  4. BobWicket Says:

    Cock….balls.

  5. TGC Says:

    Some early thoughts before I read the rest of it

    – Shuttlecocker cannot be the preferred nomenclature, Dude
    – There is no way Xingfang Xie is a real name

  6. TGC Says:

    Further thoughts…

    – I counted no less than 3 Urban Dictionary sexual references, did I miss one?
    – nice ass, short one

  7. eDayStat Says:

    Lee Greendwood looks like a 55 year old Steve Nash. After he becomes a pederass.

  8. TheW Says:

    wouldn’t that be “pet-her-ass”?

  9. armageddon Says:

    In the early winter of December in the year 2012, the Mayans and many other ancient cultures of antiquity have predicted the ‘return of the gods’ in their literature and other records.

  10. 7 Ways to Drive More Traffic to Your Blog or Website… | WebTragics Says:

    […] A couple of weeks went past and we ran into each other again – lo and behold he did what was suggested and had amassed an incredible 300 odd blogging headers specific about badminton. Picture of a shuttlecock Pinched from here. […]

  11. petralia34657 Says:

    There is obviously a bunch to identify about this. I feel you made certain nice points in features also.Keep functioning ,impressive job! singer sewing machine tables

  12. Lauren J Says:

    Hi, My name is lauren jones, and I was wondering if I could use your image of a shuttlecock for a project I’m doing in my GCSE for I.T. Full credit would be given and it would not be put up online.

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