The time has come once again! It’s time for the NBA Draft and I couldn’t be happier. We did this last year and if you want to know what you’re getting into, here’s last years. I love watching college basketball and I love the NBA; combine the two and I’ve got a half-chub. This year’s draft has the chance to be a great one. I think we’re going to see a ridiculous amount of trades, a LOT of bad picks and DICK VITALE AND STEPHEN A. SMITH YELLING AT EACH OTHER! I’m actually skipping PBJT’s last softball game of the year in order to be here and I’m sure my counterparts will be joining after they get a big win and grab a few post-game brews. I, too, will be drinking heavily throughout so things may get interesting around 9PM. Enjoy, people.
6:15 – We’re about an hour and fifteen minutes out from actual draft time (don’t let ESPN fool you with their Preview show coming on at 7). It’s pretty apparent the Bulls are going to take Derrick Rose at #1. The #2 pick is where things could get really interesting. I am hoping the Heat trade the pick, mainly because I don’t like the Heat and want them to rue the day they passed on Beasley for the next decade as he dominates the league. I also think OJ Mayo may end up being the best player in the draft when things are all said and done. The Lopez twins scare the hell out of me… and not from a basketball standpoint. They scare me in a “homo-incest” kind of way. DeAndre Jordan is a guaranteed bust, as is anyone from Nevada or Rider (I’m talking to you, Javale McGee and Jason Thompson). I just saw ESPN’s desk at the draft and there was no Vitale or Stephen A. Could the Lord be shining on this night already? I’ve got to make a beer run.
7:16 – Dammit, I walk in from the beer run (The longest beer run in history, also, I went with my mom. True story.) and the first peron I see on the screen is Stephen A. Oh well, even he can’t ruin this night for me. Let me also go on the record saying I think Portland is going to package their two picks to move up in the draft. Indiana should be trying to do the same. Twelve minutes until Derrick Rose’s mother starts crying and fanning herself uncontrollably!
7:24 – Colleen Dominguez is really sexy. Wendy Nix… not so much.
7:26 – Fran Fraschilla just said the Knicks don’t have a lot of history with international players. Um, they drafted Frederic Weis didn’t they?
7:29 – The “New Loaded Special” from Burger King scares me. Loaded baked potato on top of a burger? And they’re showing this on ESPN? Nothing like a few clogged arteries to get me wanting to watch sports!
7:32 – The Bulls are going to select Derrick Rose first overall. I can’t say enough how bad of an idea it is bringing a guy back to his hometown to play professional basketball. Oh… he’ll never be able to find anyone to go out with in Chicago, will he? As always, I select Blake Lively first overall as, “Female Most Likely to Be My Wife.
Okay, I’ve put a picture of one hot girl on here, hopefully that’s enough to have you keep reading. More after the jump…
7:39 – The Bulls take Derrick “Pooh” Rose! I am shocked. Apparently, John Paxson thinks he’ll have to get rid of Kirk Hinrich or Ben Gordon. Yeah, I can see GMs going out of their way to get those guys. Paxson will have an easier time getting rid of the clap than one of those guards.
7:41 – Ok, I’ve come to the realization if I ever do play in the NBA, I won’t be drafted in the lottery. But, could my new dream be to sit at someone’s Draft Lottery table? I see a lot of sunglasses inside at these tables and I can totally do that. Of course, my sunglasses cost $5 at the Thornton’s down the street.
7:43 – Beasley to the Heat! I’m betting he’s wearing that Heat hat stays with him for less than an hour… most of you know that means he’ll be with them for life now.
7:45 – Also, for the record, I love Beasley’s game. I watched him play as a sophomore in high school and was in awe. He has the distinct honor of “Best Dunk Smoothron Has Ever Seen In Person.” Dubious honor, indeed.
7:47 – Kevin McHale screws up the T-Wolves pick in less than three minutes! I mean, he should take Mayo, but he’s already got McCants and Brewer at that position. He can’t take Love. Maybe he’ll trade the pick for seven players? He is really good at that kind of thing.
7:49 – The Wolves take Mayo. Decent job, Kev. Also, I looked pretty hard around Mayo’s table, but couldn’t find Rodney Guillory. That’s odd…
7:50 – Jeff Van Gundy just used the words “Tim Floyd,” and “well-coached,” in the same sentence. Is he trying to fill the void in the world now that George Carlin is gone? I mean, that is funny stuff. Also, Tim Floyd sucks at coaching.
7:54 – Stu Scott just said, “Wade, Marion and Beasley: not a bad threesome to build around.” Um, I think some poor whores in Miami will find that out within a month.
7:55 – A bit of a surprise with Russell Westbrook going fourth to the Sonics. I like this pick a lot though, he’s really good. Plus, who would have thought he would be drafted ahead of Kevin Love? Oh, everyone who can see colors?
7:59 – After careful thought, who finally realized Luke Ridnour might not be the Sonics answer at PG? Also, I cannot fucking wait for Pineapple Express.
8:01 – Kevin Love to the Grizz! I love Kevin Love’s game and think he’ll find a way to make it in the league. Also, with Memphis getting Marc Gasol back in the trade better known for his brother, can you believe they went for a big guy here? Me neither.
8:03 – Jay Bilas lets us know, “Kevin Love doesn’t run the floor pretty.” Thanks, Jay. Also, Kevin Love’s outlet passes get me going; in the same way Rachel Bilson does.
8:05 – Do you think Stephen A. Smith wipes the shit-stains off his lips between talking to these players?
8:06 – If the Knicks are smart…hahahahahhaa. Sorry, I almost got done typing that sentence. Bayless is the right pick. They’ll probably take Ramel Bradley. He stole my nickname!!!
8:07 – Danilo Gallinari to the Knicks! He’s welcomed to America with a chorus of boos. I love it. Of course the Knicks fucked this up. I literally laughed out loud when I saw David Stern trying to read the name. Classic!
8:11 – Stephen A. asks Gallinari, “What can Knick fans expect from you?” Gallinari, “Blah blah blah, lock up your daughters or they will be pregnant, blah blah blah.”
8:12 – Eric Gordon to the Clippers. Sorry, I don’t buy it. He’s got bust written all over him to me. And no, that’s not because I got him drunk and wrote BUST all over him when he passed out. Although, I will do that to someone this weekend.
8:15 – Eric Gordon sounds kind of redneck, no?
8:17 – Beer #4 and I’ve moved Wendy Nix to, “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed,” status.
8:18 – Joe Alexander to the Bucks. Hey, it’s the white Yi Jianlian! Didn’t they just trade him or something?
8:20 – Larry Brown and Michael Jordan deciding a draft pick together. Is there any way the Bobcats can draft Kwame Brown again?
8:25 – DJ Augustin to the Bobcats. Um… Brook Lopez is crying. There are NO words to describe what just transpired.
8:27 – If you are one of the people going to ESPN.com voting ‘F’ on every pick made… I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
8:30 – Brook Lopez to the Nets. If Brook isn’t the guy who convinces LeBron to go play for the Nets, I don’t know who is. They could spend all day watching Sex and the City. And, no matter what anyone tells you, I’ve never seen an episode of the show nor did I see the movie. Especially the day it came out. At the midnight showing.
8:34 – Jerryd Bayless is still available? Um, Larry Legend… you know what to do!
8:35 – Whew! Luckily, I won’t have to alert the Lexington Police about my good friend Richard, who is a diehard Pacer fan. I think this pick makes him happy. I hope. Hold on, let me make a call…
8:41 – Someone just got drafted in the lottery from Rider. Hmm… Jason Thompson. Oh, but Jay Bilas lets us know his dad is a referee. Shit, he MUST be good.
8:43 – Okay, go ahead an vote ‘F’ on this one ESPN.com voters. Sorry about that earlier thing.
8:45 – I still hold to the fact Portland in making this pick for someone else. Sure, they didn’t trade up. Either that, or the person they select will be foreign. Expect an American they keep for years to come to be drafted.
8:47 – Hmm… Brandon Rush. I like him a lot. I don’t see where he fits into that roster, but… hmm… interesting. He’s a winner.
8:49 – No trades yet. I’m getting antsy.
8:50 – A few thoughts… Golden State once drafted Patrick O’Brien, who knows what the hell they’ll do? Also, where is Colleen Dominguez?
8:51 – Anthony Randolph to the Warriors. Let me just say, I watched quite a bit of SEC Basketball last year and when he declared for the Draft I berated every part of his life. You’ll never hear his name again.
8:54 – Dick Vitale… AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
8:55 – Also, for those who care, I just broke the seal. You know, if you’re interested in how often I pee.
8:57 – Robin Lopez to the Suns. You mean the twins are three time zones apart? Oh gosh. In other news, Robin’s Suns hat will not fit over his hair.
8:58 – If you’re the Lopez twins, who would you rather be tutored by: Josh Boone and Nenad Krstic in New Jersey or Shaq and Amare Stoudemire in Phoenix? Robin, congratulations!
9:01 – I just had to cancel a series recording for The Bill Engval Show on the DVR to keep watching the Draft. I have no words, TGC.
9:07 – Roy Hibbert to the Raptors for the Pacers. Hibbert is a steal. I love his game. Plus, remember when he buried a three to beat UConn this year? Who the hell saw that coming?
9:09 – Apparently if you get a nice phone, you get to know cooler things. Pacer fan Richard just informed me that Brandon Rush is getting traded from Portland to Indy. And to think I’ve been using the same phone for three years…
9:12 – Brook Lopez apparently didn’t know who coaches the Nets. That is awesome.
9:14 – JaVale McGee to the Wizards. He’ll obviously be the clincher to put them over the hump to get past the Cavs (LeBron) in the playoffs. Also, he’s a WNBA legacy? This guy has MVP written all over him.
9:15 – And the trade is official. Portland gets Jerryd Bayless and they’ll cut Ike Diogu. Portland is unreal at this point.
9:17 – Darrell Arthur… still chilling in the “Green Room.” How much does it burn hearing, “Marreese Speights is not here?”
9:18 – Kareem Rush is still in the NBA? Really?
9:20 – JJ Hickson to the Cavs. This is neutral to me.
9:24 – I totally see Kosta Koufos to the Bobcats here. And, that’s NOT a good thing.
9:26 – Alexis Ajinca. Hmm… I would have gone with Koufos over him.
9:27 – Oh, nevermind, Fraschilla just told me he looks dominant playing 1-versus-0.
9:29 – Wait, the Blazers get Bayless and they get rid of Josh McRoberts? Damn, they are good…
9:32 – Chris Douglas-Roberts would fill in nicely for Richard Jefferson in NJ.
9:33 – Ryan Anderson from California to NJ. Um… whoops. Who? And he’s white? Have fun for the next two years waiting for LeBron, Nets fans!
9:35 – That Sprite commercial where all those dudes jump into the basketball court/swimming pool and does the gainer? I’ve been trying the gainer all summer and can’t get it.
9:37 – My buddy Madison just said, “I’m sure Darrell Arthur is pissed, but he’s going to end up on a good team where he can probably help right away.” Hey, Michael Finley was in the Green Room forever and he’s ended up all right. Also, Madison looks exactly like David Lee. Look at last year’s live-blog and you’ll see it.
9:38 – And Orlando is not the place for Arthur, however, it is for Courtney Lee. In related news, I went to the same high school that WKU head coach Darrin Horn did. Creek Dawgs in the house! That’s about as ghetto as I get.
9:41 – Yeah, I just put my high school’s crest in the live-blog. What a night.
9:43 – Kosta Koufos is off the board! He is bound to be the last “kind-of-Greek” player to be drafted.
9:45 – At what point in his life do the words, “(fill in blank) is not here,” spur Darrell Arthur to some sort of killing spree?
9:47 – Wow, “How a Draft Pick is Made” by ESPN… do you think Schoolhouse Rock will make a song a la, “I’m Just A Bill” to honor the process?
9:48 – “I’m just a pick, I’m only a pick…” This cannot end well racially for me, so I will stop.
9:50 – Serge Ibaka to the Sonics! And he’s here! People are literally holding Darrell Arthur back.
9:51 – Sonic fan Madison brings up the names: Robert Swift, Saer Sene, Johan Petro and “some German guy.” Obviously, the Sonics are missing on big men lately.
9:52 – Jeff Van Gundy and Ron Jeremy are talking. Incredible.
9:53 – I am officially trying to get Doris Burke’s phone number.
9:54 – I’ve had a few beers, but did Stu Scott just say, “Jeff, you’ve always got a finger in one of your old teams?”
9:56 – Another foreign guy at the Draft, drafted ahead of Darrell Arthur. We’re getting towards non-guaranteed contract for Arthur. Wow. Also, Nicolas Batum is not the guy to help Tracy McGrady win a playoff series.
9:58 – Wendy Nix is on her way over.
9:59 – Madison wants to start a fund for Darrell Arthur at this point.
10:00 – The Spurs take a foreign guy right? It’s like taxes… it happens every year.
10:01 – IUPUI sounds like it’s foreign… You can’t question the Spurs or the Patriots. They do what they do. Wow! IUPUI.
10:05 – Chris Douglas-Roberts would make the Hornets nasty. But, damn, Scarlett… why’d I break up with you?
10:08 – The Darrell Arthur Suicide Watch has ended! As EDay just said, “Hey, it’s the NBA Draft’s Brady Quinn!”
10:10 – Also, Darrell Arthur probably won’t be a Hornet for long.
10:12 – Doris, if it means you’ll get here quicker, just bring Darrell Arthur’s mom along.
10:13 – If there are any Grizzlies fans, they have to be so pissed they’re drafting here. Not that a team in Memphis ever had a chance to win, but still.
10:15 – Donte Green from Syracuse goes to the Grizz. He was seriously like the fifth best player on a bad college team last year.
10:19 – How can you not love ESPN2’s Road to Redemption promos? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me LeBron did close-out drills in Cavs’ practices, let alone in a practice he’s not getting paid for?!?
10:21 – Yeah, I rue the day I made the “The Pistons are going to be Stuckey with him next year,” joke last year. Ask Jeff Van Gundy, Stuckey is the next Dwyane Wade!
10:22 – DJ White to the Pistons. Wow. Terrible. And, Jay Bilas just compared him to James Worthy. Can we get Tayshaun out of there immediately?
10:24 – Rafael Araujo just got his name on American TV again. Here’s hoping his mom has her Tivo on!
10:25 – Douglas-Roberts from almost champs to actual champs? They should take him, I’m just saying.
10:28 – If you could change their voices… could Marc Jackson and Eric Gordon be the same person?
10:31 – Celtics take JR Giddens… Congratulations DeAndre Jordan!
10:37 – JR Giddens got ran out of Kansas because he couldn’t play with them. And then he gets drafted ahead of a guy they just beat? Hmm… makes sense. Obviously. Kind of.
10:39 – Deputy Commissioner Adam Silver looks like me at fifteen. With a shaved head. And Jewish. And rich.
10:40 – Sonic fan Madison is begging for them not to draft a foreign guy. I don’t see good things for Madison tonight.
10:41 – DJ White may as well be foreign.
10:42 – Walter Sharpe from UAB. I know he wasn’t the best player on that team! Seriously, I promise.
10:44 – Larry Brown starts talking abou….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10:46 – Dorsey drafted before Douglas-Roberts? Unbelievable.
10:49 – Bill Walker still on the board. He’ll be a player for a while, someone should take him.
10:53 – DeAndre Jordan finally drafted, however, Jay Bilas lets us know, “He has no skill set offensively.” Good thought process, DJ!
10:57 – I’ve never seen the episode of The Office where Pam is dressed like that, but I can’t wait to see it.
10:59 – Adam Silver mispronounces Luc Richard Mbah A Moute’s name. He will now be murdered.
11:01 – The Bobcats take another guard..? I guess Michael Jordan can’t draft after all.
11:03 – There are very good players left. I’m just saying.
11:04 – Sonny Weems? No words.
11:06 – Like I said, Chris Douglas-Roberts would be a perfect fill-in for Jefferson. Also, the Nets will suck for a long, loooong time.
11:07 – What is that odd maroon colored drink, Mr. Calipari? Oh, you like vodka and cranberry? I never would have guessed that.
11:08 – I think Doris Burke is carpooling with Wendy Nix on the way over. Hey, I’m environmentally friendly.
11:13 – Patrick Ewing Jr. just got drafted? Hmm… I thought EDay was ranked ahead of him in the Draft Rankings.
11:14 – People act like Patrick Ewing Jr grew up in the worst home of all time. Keep in mind, he could never work again and still be a millionaire.
11:18 – Ante Tomic just got drafted. I suddenly want to go to Atomic Cafe. Coincedence? I think not.
11:19 – And the Spurs take a foreign guy! Civilization is back to normal and gas prices just rose again (Okay, that joke was probably a little high-brow for our audience).
11:21 – If you saw the video of Ante Tomic… yeah. Chances are he’ll be in Europe… forever.
11:22 – Madison reminds me the Sonics are drafting again; apparently they’ll be fielding a JV squad this year (thanks TGC).
11:23 – Jay Bilas talks and I can’t type fast enough to make all the jokes. Here’s what I know: BYU had a guy drafted who is white. I am not real surprised. Also, he’s not very athletic.
11:26 – I make bad decisions, so I have to go. Hope you enjoyed!